Prior to the Duck Dynasty brouhaha over its patriarch Phil Robertson's "theological" musings concerning homosexuality, and his romanticizing of the Jim Crow South and urging of men to marry underage girls who can cook and pluck a duck, Mr. and Mrs. G. had never seen the show, and they were astonished by the amount of press surrounding Roberton's insipid comments. The story was reported in possibly every news outlet, including NPR and the BBC. NPR!? THE BBC!? Phil Robertson seemed little more than another eccentric reality "star" regrettably enjoying his way more than fifteen minutes of fame...with no end in sight, his show sort of like a backwoods version of The Housewives of Frog Killers and Gator Wrestlers. Mrs. G. finally sat down and watched eight episodes of the show so, unlike Phil, she can discuss some facts with her feelings, and it didn't surprise her that Phil, an unapologetic, self-proclaimed Bible-thumper and fundamentalist Christian, does what several Bible-thumping fundamentalist Christian leaders do when they have the spotlight, clutch his bible tighter than a squirrel's neck (Yum lunch!) while paraphrasing sections from the Good Book out of context and then extrapolating what these sections mean based on his know-it-all, whistling Dixie, anemic convictions.
In a recent interview with GQ magazine, Phil preached the following:
"Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men…"
The old slippery slope of gay people losing interest in each other and shacking up with cats and marrying dogs and potbelly pigs. Fresh, Phil, fresh.
“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”
Keep it classy, Phil! Yeah we know a woman with a vagina has much more to offer in backwater Louisiana...sex -- scratch that -- procreation, cooking and cleaning, the holy wife trinity if you manage to avoid one of those "modern women" Phil warns his grandson about regularly.
And while you're at it, Godly, righteous men, Phil shares some of his "River Rat Counseling" and encourages you to marry a girl of 15 or 16 so you can train her up right.
“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field.... They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”
This quote leaves Mrs. G. practically speechless. No doubt these mentally and, still, physically enslaved African Americans were happy, happy, happy. Why would they not make known their disenchantment and misery to the doggone white people publicly -- maybe because they didn't want to get lynched or on better days, beaten bloody. No, they weren't happy before "pre-entitlement" and "pre-welfare" because they were stuck, trapped.
But it's only a reality show so what's the fuss.
And speaking of fuss. Mrs. G's FB feed blew up with articles about the violation of Phil's First Amendment Rights the day he was suspended from the show. Phil had every right to say what he wanted, but the First Amendment doesn't protect you from the consequences of your speech, particularly when you have signed an A&E contract that employs words like "Code of Conduct" and "Universe" and "Perpetuity."
So A&E didn't violate Phil's First Amendment Rights when they suspended him from the show --
"We are extremely disappointed to have read Phil Robertson's comments in GQ, which are based on his own personal beliefs and are not reflected in the series Duck Dynasty," A&E said in a statement. "His personal views in no way reflect those of A+E Networks, who have always been strong supporters and champions of the LGBT community. The network has placed Phil under hiatus from filming indefinitely."
-- suspended him for for nine long days until they unsuspended him from being suspended. A&E's "strong" support of the LGBT community (and African Americans and Women) wavered under the pressure of thousands and thousands of supporters calling and criticizing the network's decision and, undoubtedly, because Duck Dynasty is the most popular nonfiction (haaaa) show on cable. A&E is as shallow as a kiddie pool. In short: Ka-Ching.
If only these thousand and thousands of Duck Dynasty fans would get as worked up over the million+ people who lost their food stamps and long-term unemployment last Friday, food stamps which helped feed the 20 million (one in four) children living in hunger in the United States. But maybe now that these families are without entitlements and welfare, we can put then to work in cotton fields where they can joyfully sing the praises of a camouflaged millionaire who is as dumb as a fencepost.
But -- hey, hey, hey -- Mrs. G. is exercising her First Amendment Right Jack.
It is sad to Mrs. G. that the most popular nonfiction (haaaa) show on cable is a family headed by a man who manipulates and manufactures the words of Jesus, sentimentalizes a rigid, hostile, brutal segregated south and idealizes barefoot and pregnant girls who know how to cook a possum. It reeks of devolution, disparaging segments of the population who have struggled not to be marginalized or mocked.
But, hey, it's entertainment.
Mrs. G. will tell you this. If Brad Pitt made these comments in an interview, his career would be over. Over (see: Mel Gibson and Michael Richards). But since some wannabe yokel with an audience of millions chooses to spread hate, racial delusions and misogyny, hundreds of thousands of fans get in an uproar because Phil just tells it like it is.
Tells it like it is.
And who is so eager to listen?
Fuck a duck. This is disheartening at the dawn of 2014.