Entries in Mr. G. (4)


The Spanish Class, Part Dos

Tonight's Fun Facts On The Unfolding Aventura

1) Mr. and Mrs. G. only arrived thirty-five minutes early for class.

1) Mr. and Mrs. G. managed to share one book, though in a moment of frustration, Mrs. G. defaced one page with a blue Sharpie.

3) At one point Mr. G. turned to Mrs. G. and said of the teacher, "It's like she's not even speaking English."

4) The teacher asked each student to take a minute and write a sentence describing something another student was wearing and Mr. G. asked Mrs. G, "What color is your brassiere?"

5) When they were leaving, Mrs. G. told the teacher, "Adios." Mr. G. followed up with "Buenas Nachos!" Mrs. G. told him in the car if he ever said "Buenas Nachos" again, heads were going to roll. He snorted.

In case you hadn't noticed, this is marriage.

Until next week, despedida. 


There Ain't No Pause Button in the Throes of Hankering, Part Two.


Mr. and Mrs. G. went on several dinner and movie dates before Mrs. G. invited him to her shabby studio apartment for a home cooked meal. Looking back, Mrs. G. realizes how crucial those initial nights on the town were for igniting and sustaining the spark necessary to start a five-alarm fire.

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There Ain't No Pause Button in the Throes of Hankering, Part One


When Mrs. G. met Mr. G, she was not looking to fall in love, marry and get pregnant in fifteen months...

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Mr. G. Speaks

Mrs. Blogoway asks: I want to hear more about Mr. G. What were you doing when you first saw him? How long before he made his red sauce for you? How did he ask you to marry him? Did you have any doubts?

How did you and Mrs. G. meet? I was tending bar at the Heathman Hotel in Portland, Oregon, and I served drinks at the table at which you sat. You were drinking kamikazes, but I remember noticing this striking, disinterested pose you struck in the midst of the rowdy group you were with. You were detached. You and your friend finally came and sat at the bar and after an hour or two of witty repartee, you mentioned that you were leaving to go dance and then meeting up with friends for a sunrise breakfast at a nearby joint. I showed up just for you.

Are you finally going to admit that you were initially hitting on Mrs. G's 5'11" blonde professional dancer friend who was charmingly flirty and known to leave men in her wake on a regular basis? No, I'm not going to admit this. Yes, she was the more overtly engaging, but it was you I was interested in. It's time to let this one go.

What was Mrs. G. wearing? I don't have a clue. Sorry dear.

What was Mrs. G's friend wearing? Stop it.

How old were you when we met? 38, and I had never been married. I didn't live with my mother and I was generally well adjusted and self reliant.

How old was Mrs. G. when we met? 22

How did you feel about robbing the cradle? I was shocked when we revealed our ages. My immediate reaction was damn-this won't work, but after a few dates, it faded into the background.

Were you reluctant to tell your family? Oh yes. I knew there would be talk.

What did you do in your life before you met Mrs. G? I bounced around colleges all over the country until I finally got my BA from Western Washington University. I moved to New York and got an MFA from Columbia University and then moved to Florence, Italy to work as an ESL teacher and handy man. I came back to the states and taught writing at Oregon State University. And then finally, in an attempt to make more money, I moved into restaurant/bar tending work.


When did you know that you couldn't live without Mrs. G? I don't remember there being any flashing a moment. It just evolved with time. But it didn't take long.

Tell readers how you romantically proposed to her? You suggested we get married one night, and then you went and got a calendar and we nailed down a date.

How did you feel about Mrs. G. getting pregnant three months after the wedding? I was surprised, and I wasn't ready for it. But I wasn't negative about it, and I got into the spirit all most immediately. I wasn't woeful.

How did you feel about our first year of marriage and parenthood? I was completely into being married and a parent. I was wholly engaged and enthusiastic. I don't remember one regret.

What are Mrs. G's most annoying habits? Not much annoys me about you anymore.

In other words, you're saying Mrs. G. is perfect? No that's not what I'm saying. I've just adapted to you in the same way you've adapted to me.

Why don't you clean house? I hate it, and I don't know how to do it. I am a little ashamed about it. Editor's note: Mrs. G. is going to call bullshit on you and your shame. She would be happy to teach you how to clean a tub.
Gandhi says be the change the change to see. So it's not too late to change your ways? I'll have to think about that for a year or two.

What are your hobbies when you aren't fawning over Mrs. G? I enjoy being involved in Little League as an umpire and teacher to the boys, making furniture, and riding my motorcycle.

What do you enjoy the most about being a father? The biggest surprise to me in the last twenty years is that I took to parenting and love it so much. I started late and was apprehensive. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

How did Mrs. G. convince you to have a child? You didn't. You might recall the unexpected pregnancy due to your inability to follow the rudimentary directions of the diaphragm. Editor's note: the gel was gooey.
How do you feel about homeschooling? I think it was the best choice we ever made for our kids and the quality of our family's life. Having primarily one income prohibited us from having a lot of "stuff" and "extras" but I credit homeschooling for giving our kids the freedom to be themselves and learn how to learn naturally and with passion. And to take responsibility for their own education.

What do you love the most about Mrs. G? You are as steady as a rock, a great mother, and loyal. We click.

You consider Mrs. G. steady despite her occasional mental instability? Absolutely.

Who are your Secret Girlfriends? In my youth, Shelley Fabares from the Donna Reed show.

Later on, Charlotte Rampling...

and Katherine Hepburn.

Some readers have damned Mrs. G. to hell for her stable of Secret Boyfriends. How do you feel about them? I have a blast reading the comments. I don't feel threatened. I could take 'em with one hand behind behind my back.

What did you think you were going to be when you grew up? A doctor

What do you do for real? I'm a programmer and technical writer for an Evil Empire in Redmond, Washington.

What is your favorite type of food? Authentic Italian, Indian and Mediterranean

What is the secret ingredient in your pasta sauce? Are you kidding me? In your dreams, woman. But I'll give you an hint: you can find it in Bologna, Italy.

How do you see our future when the kids have flown the nest? I'd live to retire to Sequim, Washington, so that I can golf and make furniture, and you can have a greenhouse and finally create the garden of your dreams.

What are your thoughts on Mrs. G's failure to maintain a clean underwear supply? I have absolutely no problem with you being underwear free.


What would you like to say to all the Derfwads in the world? They are responsible for "Mrs. G's" reemergence as a writer and I am grateful for that. I am amazed at the Internet's power to create communities. And Mrs. G doesn't exaggerate her dislike of the domestic arts. Call before you come over, so we can clear the laundry off the couch.