Wednesday, February 22, 2012 at 9:32PM Mrs. G. 
Saturday's episode will center around home improvement and its attending tragedy...
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture Monday, July 4, 2011 at 11:58PM Mrs. G. 
The title tells you everything you need to know! Heed the warning if you are offended by swearing and/or sexual innuendo.
Arts & Letters, Ficciones, Video, Womankind Tuesday, May 31, 2011 at 7:42PM Mrs. G. 
Mrs. G. is only five days away from the move to the new house and only two days from hopping into her Ford Focus and driving to Fiji...alone.
If insomnia should strike her, she will attempt to at least post the story about buying a couch and two chairs from Mr. G's favorite place to fight store, Ikea.
Thanks to the many readers who emailed Mrs. G. suggesting if she didn't want to drag her full name across the internet, she might not want to post a screen shot of her personal Facebook page on this blog containing her first, maiden and married name. Most excellent point. She would be lost without this fully functioning, female brain trust.
So, let's review. Jobs Mrs. G. might not be qualified for:
1) Zoo Keeper
4) U.S. Military--any capacity or branch
5) Traffic Cop
6) Therapist
7) Any Cop
5) Hair School
AND
6) Espionage--any capacity (PSYCH! She is not going to post that link agin)
Back in a flash.
Oh wait...
8) Fed Ex Customer Service Agent and Hollywood Agent
Again, back in a flash.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 7:42PM Mrs. G. Three Februarys ago, Mrs. G. watched a marathon session of HBO's Big Love and wondered if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wondered if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...
Bigger Love. So she wrote a pilot and the response was overwhelming. Episodes 41 and 55 were warmly embraced as well.
The world seemed ready for a show about Mrs. G and the three hot husbands who serve her every need. HBO, call her.
When last we met, Mrs. G's husbands helped her set and achieve healthy goals for 2009. She had hired a British manny to help with the children and bring her a midafternoon hot...spot o' tea.
In this episode, we find Mrs. G. struggling to keep up with her bills during an economic downturn. Despite working harder than ever, she is crushed under the weight of a mortgage, car payments, utilities and groceries. She wonders how much longer she can remain in the middle class.
She wonders how much longer there will be a middle class.
No shrinking political violet, Mrs. G. writes her president a letter and asks him why he is capitulating to the Right and just when he plans to become the change she wants to see. She sends him her favorite political policy book.
When the president doesn't respond, she send him another letter because she can. Oh yes she can.
Mrs. G. doesn't know where to turn. The pressures are mounting. She applies for a bank loan but is denied. It turns out those eight figure bankers' bonuses have cleaned out the coffers. Despite a tax payer bailout, banks are, doggonit, just plain tapped. Those banksters. They really are brazen motherfockers something else.
Her husbands meet with a financial advisor to brainstorm how to cut costs.
Much to Mrs. G's dismay, the British manny suffers the first budget cut. It's a real shame. He has grown to love the children.
Among others.
Brad takes on the lion's share of the childcare.
Matt cultivates a thriving Victory Garden in the backyard to cut food costs.
George runs weekend basketball camps in the neighborhood for extra dough. His complete lack of hoop skills doesn't affect the success of his camps' enrollment. There are always waiting lists. Most of the boys' moms park it on the sidelines all weekend to watch George sweat coach their children. They fight to give him juice boxes when he drives it to the basket.
The whole family enthusiastically pitches in to save pennies and keep the house running like a carefully balanced wash load. Except for Mrs. G, who doesn't do any domestic chores at all. She works outside the home. She slaves away at the office. Plus, she babysits the kids on the weekends.
Life rolls merrily along until Mrs. G. discovers Brad is spending an increasing amount of time in internet chat rooms.
The family stages an intervention, but Brad is lost to them.
A few weeks later, he abandons the family for television vampira, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. They move to another continent.
Mrs. G. is devastated but her remaining two husbands compete to dry her tears. George dabs one eye while Matt dabs the other. Teamwork. They work double time to cheer her up.
George buys her a puppy with some of the proceeds of his basketball camps.
Matt dusts and vacuums in his rugby shorts.
Mrs. G. is a lucky, lucky woman.
But with Brad gone, there is the issue of childcare. Mrs. G. dips into her decimated 401k and allots a chunk of funds to hire a new manny.
She begins the arduous interview process.
The first candidate is a washed up politician with four children. Wait! Five children. He forgot one. He spends most of the interview blathering on about his character, integrity and values. Zzzzzz.
Negatory. Mrs. G. doesn't like him or his hair.
The next candidate is a scruffy Spaniard with a smoky accent. He has zero experience with children. His nickname is El Pícaro, The Scoundrel.
Mrs. G. hires him on the spot.
By hook or by crook (and a second job at Starbucks), Mrs. G. keeps the financial ship sailing and her family afloat. There's food on the table, clean sheets on the beds and a roof over everyone's head.
Life is good times three.
But then...then an unexpected postcard arrives in the mail from a salty, Parisian pirate—a much needed stimulus package.
Ka-ching.
To be continued...
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture, Womankind Sunday, January 4, 2009 at 6:56PM Mrs. G. Last February, Mrs. G. watched a marathon session of HBO's Big Love and wondered if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wondered if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...
Bigger Love. So she wrote a pilot and the response was overwhelming. Episode 41 was enthusiastically received as well.
The world seemed ready for a show about Mrs. G and the three hot husbands who serve her every need...
and the rakish manny she hires to rub her feet take care of Brad's children from a previous relationship. And while most women with families and jobs and appropriate levels of maturity would have moved on from this good and silly apparition, Mrs. G. just can't let it go. She thinks about it all the time. HBO, call her.
In this episode, Mrs. G. is sitting by the fire writing out her New Year's resolutions when the manny comes in and resigns to move on to a more lucrative gig. Mrs. G. weeps as he strokes her hair and her back and her calf and assures her that he has notified the manny agency of his departure; a replacement should arrive soon.
Hold up! A replacement? Mrs. G. eagerly returns to her resolutions and underlines three times the most important one: live a healthier, more active life.
Her husbands are determined to help her reach her goals. The truth is they do all the household chores, including Mrs. G's laundry. They've seen the Twizzler wrappers in her pockets, the telltale granny panties. Even though they absolutely think she is perfect they want to help her be her best self. Really, she is their whole life. Seriously, they are nothing without her.
They pay for a private consultation with women's health expert Christiane Northrup who suggests Mrs. G. go on the South Beach diet and exercise at least five times a week. They all share an affectionate laugh as they marvel at Mrs. G's undeniable magnetism and allure. "You are lucky, lucky men," Northup tells them. "Oh, believe us, we know," they say," hells bells, we know."
They call in back up and stage an intervention. Whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, lots of water, they tell her. She agrees.
And exercise, they continue. Mrs. G. is ambivalent and flails on the couch in a very attractive way.
The next day George takes her for a swim.
He shows her his grade school picture to make her feel less loserly as she drops her towel and reveals her basic, heavy duty black one piece bathing suit with an industrial bra inset.
George strolls around the pool in a tux to encourage Mrs. G. to swim one more lap. And then one more lap. The truth is Mrs. G. loves George more is more inspired by George.
And this frustrates and disheartens Brad who tries unsuccessfully to teach Mrs. G. to bike and...
do aerobics.
He cracks under the pressure and has to go to the hospital for 72 hours.
When he returns, he and George join forces in cheering Mrs. G. on.
Matt does his part.
And slowly Mrs. G. begins to truly embrace her healthier lifestyle and live her very best life.
Which includes an afternoon cup of tea...
served by the new British manny. His charm and manscruff are welcome additions to the household.
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture Saturday, November 8, 2008 at 11:25AM Mrs. G. Last February, Mrs. G. watched a marathon session of HBO's Big Love and wondered if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wondered if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...
Bigger Love. So she wrote a pilot and the response was overwhelming.
The world seemed ready for a show about Mrs. G, the three hot husbands who serve her every need...
and the sexy stranger she picks up meets at the DMV. And while most women with families and jobs and appropriate levels of maturity would have moved on from this good and silly apparition, Mrs. G. just can't let it go. She thinks about it all the time. HBO, call her.
Like last week when she went in for her Well Woman Checkup. After a routine exam, Mrs. G. brought up a few health issues that have been bothering her: fatigue, irregular cycles, cruel and heartless PMS, night sweats, satanic mood swings. Her doctor asked her many questions, drew some blood and told Mrs. G. she was likely dealing with the symptoms of perimenopause, symptoms that could last anywhere from a few months to ten years. Really, nothing to worry about.
Mrs. G. acted cool and collected and unruffled by this news. Huh, Mrs. G. said, I'll be darned. Thanks for that information...all the while thinking: I will see you and your white coated ass in the parking lot where I will run over you for, say, a few months to ten years.
Reader, the irritability is fierce.
But Mrs. G. remained calm and left her doctor's office with some vitamins and herbal supplements to try. She sat in her car for a while and reassured herself that change is good, change is natural, change is nourishing. And when that didn't help, she turned to what usually gets her through anxiety and tension: manful hallucinations.
She dug her little red moleskin notebook out of her purse and starting writing notes for an episode of Bigger Love dealing with life transitions and hormonal shifts which she entitled Life Transitions and Hormonal Shifts.
In this episode, George , Matt and Brad try to talk Mrs. G. down from the ledge of a Victoria's Secret fourteenth floor window. She has had it up to here with the store's cock-and-bull lies, its flagrant, unblushing misrepresentation of the term XL. Her husbands remind her of all she has to live for and how they can't live without her, but she refuses to budge until they swear allegiance to her hormonally imbalanced ass. In song. While wearing hotpants. They do.
George eagerly declares himself captain of Mrs. G's Wellness Team.
Things are tense around the house. Mrs. G. stays in bed all day watching the Lifetime Channel.
The guys spare no effort in bringing serenity and repose to Mrs. G's troubled waters. They take turns rubbing Mrs. G's feet and reading Christin Northrup's Wisdom of Menopause out loud to her.
They struggle to keep Mrs. G. out of the craft stores.
Brad, George and Matt all support her efforts in exploring meaningful hobbies like rug hooking and welding.
Johnny does his part with the emotive stares and late night, soulful conversations. He assures Mrs. G. that the hot flashes only make her hotter. That she is so full of woman that a little less estrogen and progesterone won't take any whack off her smack.
But Mrs. G's melancholy ultimately wears him down and he moves to Paris.
George, Matt and Brad hit the bricks and try to figure out how to ease the blow of Johnny's departure. They weren't crazy about the bedraggled interloper, but he amused and distracted Mrs. G. and helped take care of the nine children Brad brought into the marriage. The husbands put their heads together and decide there was only one solution:
Hire a manny! They find a nice Australian wag with excellent references.
He's good with kids...
and such.
The unexpected infusion of virile Aussie testosterone sets off a hormonal convergence of her eastern, western and central nervous system, and Mrs. G. emerges as steady as a hot rock.
And they all live happily ever after for the new few months to ten years.
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 11:00PM Mrs. G. Mrs. G. has spent the last few weeks working her way through two seasons of the HBO television series, Big Love.
For those readers who haven't seen it, Big Love is a show about a nice, All American, polygamist family. Bill, the head of the family, has three wives: Barbara, Nicolette and Margene. Bill lives with his family in three neighboring houses in Sandy, Utah, a suburb of Salt Lake City. Each wife runs her own home, and Bill rotates nights between them. After a long day of running his hardware store, Bill comes home to his wives just in time to eat dinner and sleep with them. Barbara, Nicolette and Margene raise his seven children and, generally, take care of his every need.
After every episode of Big Love, Mrs. G. spends a few minutes wondering if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wonders if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...
Bigger Love, starring Mrs. G. as the one wife and George Clooney, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt as her three husbands. Of course, this program idea is really only in its rough stages, because Mrs. G. hasn't given it a lot of thought. She has more important things to do than spend weeks hours planning a hypothetical television show, but if she had given it a lot of thought, Bigger Love's first season would play out kind of exactly like this.
Pilot: The Wedding--Mrs. G. stands at the altar watching her three husbands walk down the aisle. Their future as polygamists is bright. Their love is strong. Mrs. G. loves George more them all equally. They buy three homes in a suburb of Seattle, and Mrs. G. sits on her ass oversees the move while George, Matt and Brad take care of unloading the moving van, unpacking the boxes and putting everything away. She utters encouraging phrases like you are amazing and I don't know how you do it as she leaves for the office to read blogs and make personal phone calls bring home the bacon.
Episode Three: Brad recreates an unfortunate chapter of Mrs. G's Life in Hair, also known as the 1984 Flock of Seagulls experiment. He spends most of the episode encouraging Mrs. G. to forgive herself for this misguided hair decision. Ultimately, she can't.
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 7:51PM Mrs. G. 
Tomorrow night-Wednesday, July 16th at 9:00pm on the Bravo network-is the season premiere of one of Mrs. G's all time favorite shows, and, really, the only reason to pay extra for cable: Project Runway. Season five, baby. For those who aren't familiar with this program, Project Runway is a Peabody Award-winning reality TV series which focuses on fashion design. The gay guys and three token females contestants compete with each other to create the best clothes and are usually restricted in time, materials, and theme. Their designs are judged and one or more designers are eliminated each week. In Project Runway speak, they are Auf'd.
Mrs. G. isn't sure why she loves this show so much, particularly when she is such an unwavering fan of stretchy pants and clogs. But while Mrs. G. fancies the sequin spangled drama of Project Runway, she often thinks she could be the star of...
a little show like this. Mrs. G. thinks she could carry a design show where women with hardy asses work their sweatpants and rock their khakis.
Mrs. G. hasn't always been a fashion don't. There was a time when she bought clothes that weren't on sale and actually showed some flesh.
She took her hair and wardrobe seriously.
Granted, it was a frighteningly brief period of time.
Mrs. G. isn't sure what Tim Gunn would make of her eighties collection of appliqued denim jumpers...with matching scrunchies.
Mrs. G. remembers feeling really pretty this day. It could be because she is wearing the smart outfit Mr. G. bought her for her birthday, or because she and Mr. G. were on vacation in Washington D.C. and left their children at home. Either way, she felt like a million bucks. Less frumpified.
Once upon a time, Mr. G. had pretty good taste in clothes. And then he married Mrs. G. and discovered the fashion trend of ready-to-wear long underwear and flannel. They have been known to share shirts. But only in winter.
Heidi Klum wouldn't approve.
This is Mrs. G. is 1994. Oh, shut the hell up.
This is Mrs. G. in 1994. It was a rough year, and Mrs. G. frequently tried to pass off her pajamas as legitimate clothing. Shoes were optional; antidepressants were not.
Nina Garcia is such bitch bore.
Yes, it's this bad, people. Mr. and Mrs. G. are slaves to Goodwill comfort.
On a good day, Mrs. G. can hide her frump under an overcoat and the sophisticated scarf her mother bought her in Paris that was made in India.
Michael Kors is a love bug.
In the same vein as her proposed HBO series Bigger Love, Mrs. G. thinks Project Frump Way has real possibility. She thinks reality TV could use a dose of reality. Stretchy pants and all.Ficciones, Pop Culture 
