Entries in Blogging (132)

Thursday
Jun052014

Objects of Affection

Mrs. G. received the following untraceable email from someonehadtosayit on Saturday night at 3:19am:

Dear Mrs. G,
 
I notice that you have referred to yourself as a feminist in many of your blog entries. You are not a feminist. You are a sexist! You objectify men in the same offensive way men objectify women. I'm sure I am the only person willing to tell you what many of your readers think. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am.

Make no mistake, reader, Mrs. G. takes her Derfwad Manor mail very seriously. So her first thought upon reading this was: very seriously, you are so not invited to join the Women's Colony.

Her second thought was that perhaps one of her four male readers might be chafed that as civilian men they would only be allowed on the Colony's property on Thursdays and Sundays, riled that they wouldn't be permitted to use the indoor bathrooms, indignant at the notion that they might need to ask for directions. 

Her third thought was wringing-wet with sadness that a regular reader might think that she was an objectifying sexist when she has spent so many months baring her soul, conscientiously cultivating her internet reputation as a middle aged perv with a theatrical vision. It's not as easy as it looks, someonehadtosayit, to do the physical and emotional legwork of fulfilling so many women's Secret Boyfriend needs. Mrs. G. is not paid for her Internet surfing social services. It's just something she offers up to the universe...sort of a female-friendly, grassroots version of the good kind of global warming.

So Mrs. G. asked Mr. G. if he thought she objectified men, and he said:

No, you do not objectify men; you only objectify parts of them.

And as Mrs. G. sighed with relief, he hugged her, kissed her on the head and asked her who he had to talk to about applying for the handyman's position at the Women's Colony.

She told him there would have to be a vote. An objective vote.

He didn't seem worried.

Friday
May022014

Derfwad Book Giveaway!

Updated 5/5: The winner of Kicks Like a Girl is  Ilyanna. Congrats you! Send Mrs. G. you're address and she'll order it to be sent to you pronto. Thanks to all who threw their name in the hat. We hope it becomes a best seller, Melissa!


Our very own Melissa Westemeier (Green Girl in Wisconsin) has written her third book, Kicks Like a Girl. A former high school English teacher-turned SAHM, Melissa blogs about environmental issues (Eco Women: Protectors of the Planet), and her adventures raising 3 boys and a ton of fresh produce on her family’s 60-acre homestead in Northeastern Wisconsin. Her current projects include a trilogy about a river town in Wisconsin, earning her 3rd degree black belt in karate and figuring out what to make for dinner tonight. Mrs. G. met Melissa during the Derf Road Trip and she is a very cool woman, strong and fierce.

Gretchen Benton is the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding when she gets drunk, says exactly the wrong thing and feels alone in the midst of all the couples. She can't avoid weddings--she's a florist. She also can't avoid the thugs who break into her shop and assault her the following night. To combat her fear after her attack, Gretchen enrolls in karate classes at a local dojo. Soon she's caught between her handsome martial arts instructor and the cute cop assigned to her case. As she begins mastering the basics of karate (while sweating enough to make her mascara run), Gretchen learns that kicking like a girl doesn't imply weakness, it means striking hard and striking with style.

Mrs. G. loves the sparkle and humor in Kicks Like a Girl. She read it in two nights. The main character, Gretchen, is Mrs. G's kind of woman.

If you would like your own brand new copy of Kicks Like a Girl by Melissa Westemeier, just leave a comment and that's it. Comments close Sunday night, May 4th @ 12am EST. Mrs. G. will announce the winner on Monday and ship it out the same day. She is happy to ship international. Good luck and happy reading.

Thursday
Apr172014

I Just Can't Let You Miss This. I Love You Too Much

Not safe for work or shrinking violets or nuns. Mrs. G. promises she will wash her mouth out with soap tonight and get her ass back on the track of righteousness. Profanity and such.

Click to read more ...

Thursday
Mar202014

Spring

Photo by Pink Sherbert Photography

Mrs. G. apologizes for her absence the last couple of weeks. She went to visit family and decided to leave her laptop at home. While many of you have figured out how to write on your phones, Mrs. G. hasn't, not to mention her bear-like paws would produce text like the following:

nowr It thE tyMw furr yWq 3mat

Nobody wins in this situation.

Now, Mrs. G. has to apologizes for her absence in the future. The next few weeks, she has to focus on three important things...

1) Throwing herself passionately into a program that should help her reclaim general health and wellbeing.

2) Finding a job that pays money. A deadline looms.

3) Finishing a book of essays she was invited to submit. A deadline looms.

This blog is not closing and Mrs. G. plans to pop in with stories if she just can't help it. She will continue to put up the Confessional each and every Friday so we can continue to stay in touch on a regular basis. Please stick your head in to say hello even if you usually don't. The book club is still on. Speaking of book club, Mrs. G. was not able to log in to her own blog during the last one due to debit card issues (don't ask). If you are interested in discussing Five Days at Memorial next Sunday at 6:00 PST, Mrs. G. will be there. This book is too intense not to talk about.

Should you want to stay in touch with Mrs. G. through Facebook, feel free to friend her personally. Up above under "Mingle" you can find her personal page. All welcome.

See you in a few weeks, friends!

Thursday
Feb272014

just a laundry list to get the creative juices flowing

Trust Mrs. G. when she tells you she has continually sat down at this computer over the week and tried to generate something entertaining, suffering for her art, twirling her hair with one hand and swigging a Diet Dr. Pepper with the other. She shall suffer no more, Reader, because it occurred to her she could just tell you what she's been up to, with the faith that more interesting content will follow.

1) Mrs. G. has been running around her town looking for interesting women to photograph and talk to for her new pet project "Dames of the Pacific Northwest."  She has finally reached a point where she doesn't mouth breathe and sweat when she approaches a total stranger to ask personal questions. She loves connecting with fellow women and sees this delightfully rewarding project as one more opportunity to challenge her self-assigned mediocrity. It's exciting to be excited.

 

2) Mrs. G. has been obsessed with the new HBO show "True Detective." She has watched each episode twice attempting to tease out symbolism, innuendo and, of course, the identity of the Yellow King. She's not going to bore you with her carefully crafted manifesto but she's pretty sure she has the whole damn thing figured out. She'll wait until the conclusion to gloat because that's the good and right thing to do.

 

3) These bastards have been invading Mrs. G's dreams.

 

 

4) Mrs. G's "friend" Aaryn sent her this shirt in the mail. This offering follows on the heels of her I-Put-Your-Cat-Christmas-Card-In-The-Toilet Clash of 2013. Mrs. G. was simultaneously flattered and floored when she opened the package. Mrs. G. tried the shirt on and her shelf-like bosom only made the cat's eyes even more aberrant and narcotizing. Mr. G. was so alarmed and apprehensive about the cat's soul-sucking soulful glare and hallucinatory vibe, he made Mrs. G. put the shirt in the car before they went to sleep for the night.

Mrs. G. plans to wear it with a denim skirt to her next job interview and talk about her love of Sudoku puzzles along with her other job skills, like homeschooling, cutting her own hair and rug hooking.

 

Mrs. G. was so touched by Aaryn't thoughtfulness she has been doing some browsing of her own.

 

And then Mrs. G. discovered Aaryn's gift is a man's shirt that can go with Mrs. G's man shoes. Just when you didn't think it could get any worse, Mrs. G's mother. Thanksgiving, here we come.

 

5) Mrs. G. has been knee deep in the roller coaster ride that is Five Days at Memorial: Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital. If you haven't joined the Derf Book Club, it's not too late. You can find the books and info here.

 

6) Mrs. G. got her first pair of bifocals last week. Hey, they aren't so bad.

 

What's up on your spot of the planet?

 

Monday
Dec232013

A Festive Shout Out

Merry What Ever You Celebrate to all the people who stop by here. Mrs. G. appreciates you. She has two wishes for you this holiday season: enjoy your family and friends and eat a lot of mashed potatoes and gravy!

She'll see you next week!

Friday
Nov152013

A Quick Response and Full Confessional Friday

Every September since I started this blog six years ago, I unfortunately fall into hole, a pit that diminishes my joy of just about everything (like this blog and my laptop and ______ (you name it) and compels me to pull away from my regular life in order to spare those around me from being burdened with my downer mentality. My instinct is to keep it to myself and just knuckle through, knowing it will eventually end. This is not the first time I have taken a break and while I wish it was the last, I can't be assure you of this. Despite frustrating adjustments in medication and increased counseling, frankly, it is what it is. I also feel the need to point out that I am certainly not the only blogger who has done this. For what ever reason, it has always felt cheesy to post that I'm not going to post. Plus, this whole experience is embarrassing. For any of you who have experienced this emotional dip, I'm sure you can attest that everything regarding who you are and what you  normally accomplish feels like just too much. To those of you who have felt the need to bluntly share it in the comments section or personal email that you are "done" with this blog, I have tried to express myself in a much more eloquent and kind way, but I find it impossible to to do so. In other words: knock yourself out. If after years of sharing my scatterbrained life and hundreds of carefully crafted stories you feel the need to quit reading and let me know rather than naturally fade away, Godspeed. I have tried to regularly updated Full Confessional Friday so that this community can continue to thrive even when I'm unable to write anything of worth.

And with that, let's get to our regularly scheduled programming.

Crispy Leaves

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.  

Friday
Sep062013

Seven Years and Full Confessional Friday! 9/6/2013

Today marks Mrs. G's seventh year spilling virtual ink on this blog. Seven is her favorite number for two reasons: one, she was 7-years-old when she was allowed to go see Young Frankenstein and commence her lifelong love affair with laughter and Madeline Kahn, and two, when she writes the number 7, putting the slash through its torso makes her feel all Continental European.

Seven. A good run. We've had some tip-top times, haven't we?

stopsign

 

But, hey, it's Friday, so let's get to it.

Little Girl Jumping in Party Dress

Photo by Pink Sherbert Photography

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.