Friday
Jun132014

Full Confessional Friday!

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 

Sunday
Jun082014

Let's Finish This Up And Then Start For Real  

 

It's time check in as to whether you achieved your goals and/or face your fear?  I, for instance, got my yearly physical and mammogram. I even had a teeth cleaning because I was on a roll. I've been feeling some fairly strong momentum.

So in order to keep this momentum going, I would like a solely focus on my heath for several months, and I need solidarity and accountability. Are any of you interested in getting onboard the health train if I fix up a private blog--we need the privacy so we can be vulnerable and honest and release some of the things that might be holding us back. We need to post pictures of our good and bad days. We can support each other, applaud each other, cry with each other and, most important, laugh with each other in a safe space.

We can all do our own program but use this spot to connect with a friend rather than a coconut cream pie

If you're interested, leave a comment and I will send you and an invitation to join. I will need your email address.  This doesn't effect Derfwad Manor, it will go on. But don't join if you don't have weight to lose or we'll have to eat you.

Wanna play?  I do. I need to lose sixty pounds. My current weight is 211. I need to take some steps to ease joint pain and keep diabetes at  bay.  Nobody else is going to do it for me.

Thursday
Jun052014

Objects of Affection

Mrs. G. received the following untraceable email from someonehadtosayit on Saturday night at 3:19am:

Dear Mrs. G,
 
I notice that you have referred to yourself as a feminist in many of your blog entries. You are not a feminist. You are a sexist! You objectify men in the same offensive way men objectify women. I'm sure I am the only person willing to tell you what many of your readers think. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am.

Make no mistake, reader, Mrs. G. takes her Derfwad Manor mail very seriously. So her first thought upon reading this was: very seriously, you are so not invited to join the Women's Colony.

Her second thought was that perhaps one of her four male readers might be chafed that as civilian men they would only be allowed on the Colony's property on Thursdays and Sundays, riled that they wouldn't be permitted to use the indoor bathrooms, indignant at the notion that they might need to ask for directions. 

Her third thought was wringing-wet with sadness that a regular reader might think that she was an objectifying sexist when she has spent so many months baring her soul, conscientiously cultivating her internet reputation as a middle aged perv with a theatrical vision. It's not as easy as it looks, someonehadtosayit, to do the physical and emotional legwork of fulfilling so many women's Secret Boyfriend needs. Mrs. G. is not paid for her Internet surfing social services. It's just something she offers up to the universe...sort of a female-friendly, grassroots version of the good kind of global warming.

So Mrs. G. asked Mr. G. if he thought she objectified men, and he said:

No, you do not objectify men; you only objectify parts of them.

And as Mrs. G. sighed with relief, he hugged her, kissed her on the head and asked her who he had to talk to about applying for the handyman's position at the Women's Colony.

She told him there would have to be a vote. An objective vote.

He didn't seem worried.

Tuesday
Jun032014

Full Confessional Tuesday!

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 

Tuesday
Jun032014

mrs. g. is experiencing writer's block, but she can always whip up a little Mancake. Back tomorrow with the stepfather who dressed as a boll weevil. Truly!

This is where you come when you want a slice of Mancake with your coffee...

Mrs. G. has always carried a wee torch for Don Cheadle. She says wee torch because in the past, she considered him dashing, snazzy...a cute guy you know would show you a good time and not reach for his wallet in vain. No, Don Cheadle would pay the check and not expect a thing in return. He might kiss your cheek if you turned it just the right way. How does Mrs. G. know all this. She doesn't, but this is what she does all day while the rest of you do something productive with your lives, earn a paycheck and all that.

 

And then Mrs. G. watched him last season in HBO's House of Lies and her wee torched blazed, radiated enough high holy hotness to scorch Siberia. Don Cheadle is dashing and snazzy but this became crystal clear to Mrs. G: the man is sexy as hay-ell. It doesn't hurt the show's popularity that Mrs. G. carries a wee torch for Kristen Bell. She reminds Mrs. G. of Meg Ryan before the syringe and scalpel. 

It also doesn't hurt the show's popularity that Cheadle drops trou and often.

Mom, if you're reading this, "drop trou" is a gardening term. No need to google it. Really.

 

The Hollywood Foreign Press agreed with Mrs. G. this year. They sent Don home with a Golden Globe for his performance as Marty Kaan in House of Lies. Look at his smile. Is it starting to come together for you?

Donald Frank Cheadle was born in Kansas City, MO in 1964. He ardently campaigns for the end of genocide in Darfur, Sudan and, along with George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon, co-founded Not On Our Watch, an organization focusing on preventing mass atrocities. Not to be glib, but how does one go about serving on that board.

 

Actor, humanitarian, philanthropist, Cheadle is also a serious poker player.

 

Cheadle's been with the same woman for over twenty years and we all know that only glitters up an already sparkly package. You know, that's it! Don Cheadle glows; he shines.

The man is bright.

Friday
May022014

Derfwad Book Giveaway!

Updated 5/5: The winner of Kicks Like a Girl is  Ilyanna. Congrats you! Send Mrs. G. you're address and she'll order it to be sent to you pronto. Thanks to all who threw their name in the hat. We hope it becomes a best seller, Melissa!


Our very own Melissa Westemeier (Green Girl in Wisconsin) has written her third book, Kicks Like a Girl. A former high school English teacher-turned SAHM, Melissa blogs about environmental issues (Eco Women: Protectors of the Planet), and her adventures raising 3 boys and a ton of fresh produce on her family’s 60-acre homestead in Northeastern Wisconsin. Her current projects include a trilogy about a river town in Wisconsin, earning her 3rd degree black belt in karate and figuring out what to make for dinner tonight. Mrs. G. met Melissa during the Derf Road Trip and she is a very cool woman, strong and fierce.

Gretchen Benton is the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding when she gets drunk, says exactly the wrong thing and feels alone in the midst of all the couples. She can't avoid weddings--she's a florist. She also can't avoid the thugs who break into her shop and assault her the following night. To combat her fear after her attack, Gretchen enrolls in karate classes at a local dojo. Soon she's caught between her handsome martial arts instructor and the cute cop assigned to her case. As she begins mastering the basics of karate (while sweating enough to make her mascara run), Gretchen learns that kicking like a girl doesn't imply weakness, it means striking hard and striking with style.

Mrs. G. loves the sparkle and humor in Kicks Like a Girl. She read it in two nights. The main character, Gretchen, is Mrs. G's kind of woman.

If you would like your own brand new copy of Kicks Like a Girl by Melissa Westemeier, just leave a comment and that's it. Comments close Sunday night, May 4th @ 12am EST. Mrs. G. will announce the winner on Monday and ship it out the same day. She is happy to ship international. Good luck and happy reading.

Friday
May022014

Full Confessional Friday! 5/2/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.  

Thursday
May012014

Gut Update

This is unsettling and heavy on "female" parts, so if you're squeamish, come back tonight for a funny post and a book giveaway.

On Monday, Mrs. G. started having stomach pain, but she just went on about her day with stomach pain. She's stoic like that.

We all know she's not, but let's just pretend to make her feel better about her overall being. Is that really too much to ask, people?

By Monday night, the pain was unbearable so Mr. G. drove her to the ER, where she spent the night while they tried to figure out what was wrong with her...beyond the obvious. On Tuesday, they discovered she has a cyst on her right ovary. Mrs. G. lost her left ovary to the same kind of cyst a few years ago. This time around, she's not freaked out about ovarian cancer, mainly because the last cyst was benign, so the chance that this same kind of cyst on her right ovary is malignant is very unlikely. What freaks her out is that if the pain doesn't stop in the next week or so, the chances are she will need to have this ovary removed and that will shoot her straight into menopause, the full meal deal. She fears this will lead to all kinds of trouble, mainly Mr. G. having to move out of the state house while her fake hormones are adjusted.

She jokes, but she is worried and would really like to hang on to her remaining ovary. 

She should have some solid answers in the next two weeks and for the most part, she feels pretty decent.

Good thoughts are welcome.

I'm sure Mr. G. would welcome some as well.