Tuesday
Jun032014

Full Confessional Tuesday!

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister. 

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Reader Comments (35)

Thank you to Mr and Mrs G for the "ragu" secret ingredient. I finally tried it and it was a big hit. Sicilian husband has not stopped raving about the best sauce ever.

Mr. G. will be glad to know it was a success! MG

June 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSBee

I left work early to pick up my granddaughter for a little snuggle time yesterday....and felt not ONE iota of guilt! She had been visiting in Seattle with her mommy and daddy and this gma hadn't seen her for 13 whole days! I'm now back on an even keel......(and I get to see her again tonight!)...happy....

Kiss that baby for me! MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiane Carol

Well, hello everyone. I have had an unusually busy May and many unusual experiences, too long to go into here. Suffice to say, I am once again myself and I think I've made it through the rain.
@Diane Carol...Enjoy that grand baby, spoil her, hug her, shower her with kisses, no need to appologize. GrKids grow faster than any kids on the face of the earth, before you know it they are teenagers, so enjoy that baby/toddler time.
Godbless all the Derfs, I've missed you all.

Glad you made it through rain, Albug! MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

I'm raging this week over grocery shopping. I have decided that it is the bain of my existence....don't mind shopping, but am working up a real hate of bringing in groceries. Today, DH sends a text asking where the hot chocolate is....of course, I turn on my uterus at work, locate where said item should be (an area he goes into often) and, alas, there is none. I am then told to add it to my list to get more................RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.

Now, when I bring home food or cook it, I am told that I am making everyone fat because they can't resist it......now being told to go fetch more for the hoard.

I'll get over it, but right now......so glad I do not have weapons available.

Good news, were are finally having lovely weather here in Michigan.....so wonderful.

Trudy, I hear you. I hate grocery shopping with a passion. I get tired of making all the decisions. I ask my family what they want for dinner and they usually say, "I don't care," which leaves it up to me. I try to pawn off the chore as much as possible. I also hate putting folded clothes away, so now I just leave them on the dining room table to be removed by the owner of said clothes. Hang in there! MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrudy

We put our five year old son on Adderall. He was out of control both at home and at daycare. No punishment worked, no threats deterred him, no amount of begging or pleading could get the child to Stop Jumping/Running/Talking/Yelling/Stomping For Just 5 Fucking Minutes PLEASE? so we chose to medicate. I have horrible guilt now because I realize I can't stand my child when he isn't medicated. It is extended release, taken only in the morning. He is much calmer and much more focused. I am thrilled that he will have a much better chance at succeeding in Kindergarten this fall but my heart breaks at the knowledge that this level of calm and focus is chemically induced.

A Facebook friend posted something about schools getting compensated for each ADD/ADHD afflicted child they register on some list (not sure which governing body owns this list) so the schools are supposedly pushing for all the diagnoses they can get. A friend of hers commented that children are getting diagnosed and subsequently medicated as a result of "lazy parenting" or something to the equivalent. I refrained from commenting because I don't need the drama, but I was pissed and hurt. I'd like to send my unmedicated boy to her house for a weekend and see what her obviously superior parenting skills can do for him.


Ditch the guilt, Woman, especially if you are seeing promising results. I don't know why so many people are so stupid about brain chemistry being as serious as any other physical imbalance but there is always someone who thinks they know better than the medical establishment. Ignore them. They're obnoxious. Hugs to your boy! MGM

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterauntjone

I am raging at my husband bc having tried to discuss the #allwomen concept/movement with him twice in the last week I am left at a loss as to how to progress. It isn't that he operates from a misogynystic standpoint rather it is that he so firmly believes in equality that he almost cannot grasp why women would put forward their view for something different. Now I don't claim him as some wonder creature but he really does believe in equality and doesn't see gender as an impediment to life within the cultural patriachy of our society. I tried to explain the concept of cultural privilege and that as a middle-class white man he has it in spades but he continues to hold a defensive position. Some of it is valid and I agree with - the Diet Coke ads that revolve around the sexual objectification of men, the many movies/tv shows/adverts that have men in roles that 30 yrs ago were played by women - the dope, the ditz, the eye candy BUT (and it is a HUGE but) this doesn't set aside the validity of the #yesallwomen concept. And of course the more we (increasingly heatedly) discussed it last night the more defensive he became. I ended up saying that I didn't want to discuss it with him anymore and tha these kinds of conversations always end up leaving me frustrated but I do. I do want to have these conversations.

I'm staying out of this one other than to say it is not uncommon for those with privilege (male, white, beauty, etc.) to be unaware of it. After all, it's been with them their entire life. I hear you. I mentioned it to Mr. G. and he was the one person on the planet who hadn't heard of #yesallwomen. Sigh. MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash

I’ve been writing a couple of posts about what I consider to be the next logical phase of feminism: examining our own thoughts/behaviors/speech patterns for ways that we, as women, contribute to the attitudes and norms that keep us from attaining equality. Certainly there is still ample work for men to accomplish, but we’ve had their speech and behavior under a microscope for long enough that they probably have a higher level of consciousness when they indulge in sexist practices than women do at this point. They may choose to indulge in those practices anyway, but I don’t think they are necessarily surprised by the suggestion that there is inherent sexism in those practices. I’m finding many women are not only surprised, but are deeply, deeply offended by the suggestion that their choices, even when they arise from the best of intentions, might be part of the problem. It leaves me wondering if we are ever going to be ready to have this conversation—and how much progress we can realistically expect to make until we do.

I find this so interesting and I completely agree with you, Kristy. I often think women imprison themselves by adhering to standards men desire. I always say that if women refused to comply to certain standards, men would adapt and fast. MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkristy

auntjone, PLEASE absolve yourself. No one really knows what it's like to try to mother a child with ADHD like another ADHD mom. Everyone else can go blow it out their ass. We waited till our son was in third grade to put him on a very low dose. He's highly impulsive, inattentive, and very active, but not hyperactive. When he was 6, he told me that it was like a lightning storm was in his head. And still we waited. And I screamed at home. And his teachers were patient, but I was not. I was a raving lunatic. Homework was a horrid nightmare from Day One. He was driving his siblings crazy. We placed him on a low, low dose of Vyvanse when he was 8. While he was still a little impulsive and still pretty active, the thunderstorm in his head calmed down. He likes himself better when he's on it. His siblings like being around him when he's on it. He's on a 20 mg Daytrana patch now, which has helped him to gain weight because the other meds really suppressed his appetite. When he's older maybe he won't need it anymore. But for now, he has peace in his head and in his home and so do the rest of us.

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy G. (no relation)

Hi everyone!
Nice to see you back Mrs. G.
Life has been up and down, much like everyone else probably.

Planning an overseas trip in August. Leaving sunny Australia for the land of my birth. It will be the first time I've been to England since 1975. I guess a lot will have changed :)

Have a fantastic trip, Deborah! MG

June 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah J

auntjone, please do NOT feel guilty! I've been in your shoes. We waited to put son#2 on medication until late in 2nd grade because I didn't want him labeled or medicated. He was ADD (no H) but in close quarters he drove me crazy. The whole family appreciates him so much more when he is medicated. In retrospect, he would have had a better chance at schooling had we started the meds sooner. Most importantly, the meds were described to us as a stimulant that helps his 8-cylinder brain actually fire on all 8 cylinders... without the meds, it was more like our old pickup truck that only fired on 6 or 7 cylinders. Life is much better for everyone now. He's now 21, still on meds (although it has been suggested if he were to become a major consumer of caffeine he could probably stop the pills) and successful in college. I hope this encourages you. ♥

Trudy--the grocery rage. GAH!! In my house, if I ask for suggestions when I'm about to leave for the store, it's "buy food that we LIKE, mom." So helpful. Then I cook nice dinners that nobody eats and then they complain about getting leftovers for dinner.

My "confession" is just that I'm in danger of being trapped in a rut. I *hate* my job, but on the other hand, there is a certain safety and security in staying at a job you hate. My options are: 1. Suck it up and stay at my current job, which is at least local and could be worse. 2.) Find a position at another company, doing the same job I'm doing now--risky because it could be worse. 3.) Start an entirely different career in another field. (And what would that be, exactly? I have no idea.) I have no idea what to do, and meanwhile, my current job is taking over my life and I stress about it all the time.

I'm sorry you hate your job, P. Do you have a dream job -- are you kicking around ideas. You are young and have many years to devote to a new career. Also, you might like your current job in a new surrounding, you never know. Ruts suck and you are strong enough to shake things up. xoxo MG

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPatience

I'm officially Lillian's momma!!! We had our adoption finalization hearing yesterday!!!

Also, her birth mom is pregnant again (due the end of July) with a boy - I've decided that if the state/county/hospital/etc. gets involved and decides that the birth mom is unable to parent this next child that I will petition of guardianship with the intent to lead towards adoption of him as well. I just can't see letting the siblings be split up as there isn't anyone else in my family that is willing/able to take on the task. So if y'all could send some good juju/thoughts/prayers (whichever you are inclined to do) mine and Lily's way as we navigate the next few months that would be great.

Tonya, you are amazing. Congrats on cementing your family...and perhaps growing it more! Much love to you and your DAUGHTER! MG

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

Tonya I am so pleased for you and your gorgeous (and officially your) baby girl. You are the best mama she could possibly ever hope for and I am crossing everything you get to be the best mama for that baby boy. With much love, this proud internet auntie.

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Congratulations Tonya!

Auntjone - I have one ADHD and one ADD (no H), For the first one, the transformation was overnight. And still I felt like I was giving up when I agreed to meds for the second one, who incidentally, has used the phrase "tornado in my head" to describe being overwhelmed and out of control.

Consider that the meds are helping him better filter the stimuli and allowing the real child to make himself known.

The next challenge for us is to help them become more aware of when the meds have worn off and therefore they might have to do more to maintain self-control. I think that only comes with maturity.

As to the school district being "compensated" for medicated kids -- while it differs by state, compensation is usually ONLY if the child is receiving additional services, like a classroom aide, or speech therapy. It is not based on diagnosis alone. It is more like a partial reimbursement for expenses incurred over and above regular ed. If you are really concerned about it, let me know what state you're in and I can try to figure out what the rules are. Our school district forbids teachers from steering parents toward medication.

P.S. Mothers always get the blame, no matter what it is.

"P.S. Mothers always get the blame, no matter what it is." Word. MG

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

Whoa, that is ME, derf blog of the week THANKS :) It was a weird few weeks in more ways than I can admit, but thanks SO MUCH for the support of Mrs G and the rest!
And Tonya, WOW :)

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGary Edward Rith

I thought about posting this anon, but screw it, I'm all about owning my ish these days. I do not like my husband. Not one bit. He's not the man I married, and while I know I'm not the woman he married, at least I can admit it. If I could have seen then the person he would be now, I would have never married him. It pains me to say this, because I have a son that I love dearly. But it is what it is. Right now, I don't know where I'm going with this. Leaving is an option, but financially would be a genuine struggle. He's not physically abusive, to either our son or to me. I just don't like him. I don't want to be intimate with him. I'm tired of the family drama, the health issues, the day-dreaming about this scheme or that, with nothing to ever show for it. Wow, it feels good to get this off my chest!

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement. He hasn't said anything about feeling better or different, but pre-medication he would say "I WANT to be good. I WANT to listen." When we started giving it to him we told him it would help him calm down and never, ever associated it with "being good". I'm hopeful that once he is older and sees what being calm feels like he can find ways to do it without meds.

Lisse - I didn't even read that fucking article. I was too mad just from reading the title! I don't think he'll need any extra help but we'll see what happens in the fall. I am in Indiana, btw. Thank you so much!

Amy G - I'm sure I'll have a "blow it out your ass" conversation sooner or later and I am ok with it. I have to be his advocate! I am concerned about weight loss. He wasn't a terrific eater before and I think he's already lost weight. We'll see what his doctor says because there are some other behaviors coming out and I'm not sure if the medicine is causing them or uncovering them.

Karen - THANK YOU. It is nice to hear from those who have been there. Gives me hope for the future. <3

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterauntjone

My confession is that I am so glad the Confessional is back and open!

The elderly relatives are driving me nuts. One of them has no money to spare but spends profligately on silly things. Another one has plenty of money and constantly calls me up, worried about how to invest it so she can get 1.0% interest in stead of 0.5% interest. Another one is crazy, and blames us for her constant pain and the fact that she keeps falling down. All of them are depressed. I can't escape the feeling that God will smite me when I am old (if I make it that long) for feeling annoyance rather than sympathy toward them.

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandwich Generation

Aunt Jone, lots of us are in your boat. I didn't have to get a prescription for my daughter for aspergers but our day in day out behavior therapy was similar in that it set us apart, helped her function better, and everyone blamed me. I was and am still open to the potential for medication to help, it is part of the ongoing conversation about a multi-pronged approach. Every damned parent needs to do what is best, and when you see your kid suffering you do what you need to do to help them. I had to learn restraining holds to prevent my beautiful girl from hurting me or herself. You can imagine the fun conversations in my head with myself during those moments. Go easy on yourself, be ready to adjust if necessary to more less, different meds. Or none. The best piece of advice I got from a behavioral therapist was to ignore the judging buzzing around me because no one knew my kid better than me.

Kelley - sending you a big long distance hug. No one can have advice for you, just compassion.

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

AuntJoan:
WHen my wonderful boy was having major problems in school (preschool through about 2nd grade), I would cry. I would agonize. I'd try parenting and doing MORE parenting classes and MORE new techniques. Nothing worked. He was a spectacularly sweet, smart kid, but ... yowza. Just always ALWAYS "on" and busy and crazy. Finally, our pediatrician talked me into letting him try meds for one month. I cried in her office because I was so very afraid of losing him -- of him changing into something not as wonderful. But she said that in time, I'd look back on that day as " the day I gave him back to himself." And so we tried. And literally the next day, he was himself, just not the tornado-version of himself. He was so sweet, and finally he could stand still long enough for me to hug him and hold him, and he loved it, and his teachers loved it, and he was so happy.
He's 10 now, and he's still wired differently, but that's just him. When he's medicated (and he sees a behavioral counselor with the goal of finding some of his own internal methods of dealing with ADHD), he is a wonderfully quirky, fun, smart, loving kiddo. NON-medicated, he's still all of those things, but he is just whizzing around too fast to really be able to enjoy himself, or for us to enjoy him.

June 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

I have to say these posts have been some of the most powerful words I have read in a long time. The struggle with your children, and how to help them, the pain and love expressed in these posts leaves. me speechless and in awe of all of you. I am lucky to have 2 sons and 5 grand kids with very few problems. I admire all of you for the strength you have to help your kids no matter what, I wonder what I might have done if I'd had to. You all deserve whatever makes you happy today. Love and hugs from me for sure.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

Impressed by how many of you are dealing with children who must take medication. I cannot imagine the difficulty of having a child, forget deciding how to treat one with a chemical imbalance. Good on you all, and I add, I have some envy that you have those children, no matter the issues. Next time someone gives bad advice, just ask them for their credentials and experience, saying you welcome input from any who truly understand.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

I never get a second date. Like never. It is a relatively trivial concern in the light of the cares of the world but it's actually fairly crushing, when you have a wide and varied circle of friends who by all accounts seem to love you and enjoy spending time with you.
Do i have raging bad breath? Nope, can't be that as my friends are all rude enough to say. Likewise raging b.o. Is ruled out. Therefore it must be that there's something deeply. Off about the actual me, which I more than consider and review. Or is it really that I'm just a bit too.

Too fat, too loud, too opinionated, too independent....

Hats off to all those struggling with giant family problems

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterForeverago

@ Sandwich Generation: I'm sorry to hear about your elderly relatives and I empathize, having just gone through hell and back and then back again with the in laws' move to way too close to us. Compassion and annoyance are not opposites; you can feel both at the same time, and from your post it sounds like you are. So give yourself credit for doing a good job, because you are.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTC

Foreverago-Do you like these men and want a second date? If so, talk to your friends. If they are good friends and are honest, they will tell you if there is something about you that is a dealbreaker. Be positive; don't talk about ex boyfriends or husbands on the first date. Ask questions. Smile. Have fun. And finally, IT IS NOT YOU. Relationships take 2 committed people. You really do have to kiss alot of toads to find a prince. Look at it this way, if they are not into you, at least they are not wasting your time and keeping you from finding someone worthy of your time and efforts.

To all the moms out there who have to make tough decisions about meds- Screw all the people who feel it is there job to put their 2 cents in about something they know nothing about. Whatever happened to mind your own business or keep your OPINION to yourself. Sheesh! It gets really tiring sometimes to hear from everyone that your best sucks.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterN and Em's mom

Kelley, that is a courageous comment. A wise woman gave me advice which I did not follow at the time but after my divorce I hewed to it tightly. She told me she divorced her first husband because too little time with him was enjoyable. I asked if she meant 50/50. Her immediate response was, "NO! Good time in a relationship should never balance. That would mean half my life was unhappy. The worst odd should be 70/30, but preferably 80% of the time should be good." We go through rough periods with our significant others but that's normal. If more than 30% of the time you're unhappy, figure out the escape plan. Otherwise, your children also learn to settle and everyone deserves a happy life: you, your husband, your children.

Hey, ya'll. That's all, just hey. (Feeling extra Southern today)

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

Feel like I've lost my son. He's 16 and is so wrapped up in gaming even though we've taken it away from him. When I ask him to be a part of our family things he just shuts himself in his room. I've failed him. I've failed my family. Feel like I'll never reach him. Don't know what to do.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Naomi, that is a pretty powerful message. I'm going to chew on that for a while, because right now, I can't even confidently say it's 50-50.

Missy, the gaming monster is a hard one to fight. Don't feel like you've failed as a parent. I battle my 13yr old son over gaming constantly. We take away the laptop, the gaming devices and it's still there. It's hard. I have no real advice because I'm dealing with it myself, but you're not alone.

AuntJoan, I meant to tell you earlier that you have to do what you feel is best for your son. There will always be someone who disagrees with your choice, but that's on them, not you. You are your child's mother and advocate, and nobody should have the right to judge what you do for your child.

Hang in there, Derf Moms!

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Hang tough, friends. Sending YOU good vibes right now.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermrs. g.

Confession: Lately, I've been washing my face just so I can cry and no one will know. Sometimes I wash it 3 or 4 times a day. Nothing major, just life. I know my life is fine, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. I hate to be the girl that quotes E-cards, but I think this one applies right now for me. " Saying someone shouldn't be sad because others have it worse. Is just like saying someone shouldn't be happy because others have it better." It may not seem like I have a right to cry, so I blame my red eyes on too much soap. It's a shame, there is such shame in feeling sad.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalty Mama

Confession: Lately, I've been washing my face just so I can cry and no one will know. Sometimes I wash it 3 or 4 times a day. Nothing major, just life. I know my life is fine, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. I hate to be the girl that quotes E-cards, but I think this one applies right now for me. " Saying someone shouldn't be sad because others have it worse. Is just like saying someone shouldn't be happy because others have it better." It may not seem like I have a right to cry, so I blame my red eyes on too much soap. It's a shame, there is such shame in feeling sad.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalty Mama

Confession: Lately, I've been washing my face just so I can cry and no one will know. Sometimes I wash it 3 or 4 times a day. Nothing major, just life. I know my life is fine, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. I hate to be the girl that quotes E-cards, but I think this one applies right now for me. " Saying someone shouldn't be sad because others have it worse. Is just like saying someone shouldn't be happy because others have it better." It may not seem like I have a right to cry, so I blame my red eyes on too much soap. It's a shame, there is such shame in feeling sad.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalty Mama

Confession: Lately, I've been washing my face just so I can cry and no one will know. Sometimes I wash it 3 or 4 times a day. Nothing major, just life. I know my life is fine, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. I hate to be the girl that quotes E-cards, but I think this one applies right now for me. " Saying someone shouldn't be sad because others have it worse. Is just like saying someone shouldn't be happy because others have it better." It may not seem like I have a right to cry, so I blame my red eyes on too much soap. It's a shame, there is such shame in feeling sad.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalty Mama

Oh my! Not sure why that came across in quadruplicate. I'm sad but not THAT sad! Hey, at least it made me smile.

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSalty Mama

Well, you did write you were washing your face three or four times a day - where's the fourth entry?

June 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

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