Full Confessional Friday! 5/2/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.  

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Some days I don't think I'm the right person for the job.

You ever feel like the one percent is pulling the puppet strings of your life? I myself live an awesome life in every way, and my ovaries are in excellent health (oops, I have none! But best wishes Mrs G, I DID read that post down there), but the wife was laid off from her position because funding went POOF! Gone. Life at a non-profit that...get this...trained women for jobs. The upside is: there are worse things than drawing unemployment in the summer ;)

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGary Edward Rith

Gary, sorry to hear about your wife losing her job. Hopefully she gets to enjoy the summer!

Going out on a date with the Husband tonight. We're going to one of the local dives to see a friend's band play. I'm trying to stay positive, but I have a feeling that it will end up being him talking with his buddies all night while I sit at the table alone. A worse option would be I'm sitting at the table with one of his friend's drunken hot mess wife. *sigh*

I hate my job. Hate, hate, hate. My supervisor is a nice person, but as a supervisor, she sucks. She's a control freak who wants to micromanage everything, right down to proof-reading emails before we send them out. We have to update her twice a day on the status of our daily work. It's made me realize that I would probably work much better independently in a position where I didn't have someone breathing down my neck every second. Wonder where that job is?

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Three weeks ago I lost my lifelong girlfriend to cancer. Two weeks ago today was her funeral, which I went to, spoke at and don't remember at all. I have absolutely no memory of that day. I went to sleep on Thursday night and woke up Saturday thinking it was Friday. I guess I had stress induced amnesia (according to the Dr. At the emergency room). My freaked out DH took me to the emergency room thinking I was having a stroke after I asked him where I was, what year it was , and wether my parents were dead too. Good news, no stroke. Bad news for this control freak: I lost the day, lost control, didn't get to say goodbye to my friend. I have decided to think that my friend needed me by her side that day and that is were I was, with her, holding her hand on her last journey. The two of us together making the best of a bad situation, just as we always did. I love her so much, it is so hard to let her go, my sister-of-the-heart.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

Oh heart is breaking for you. Know that your Derf's love you dearly.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiane Carol

Albug, sorry you've had such a powerful loss. May your adjustment treat you more kindly; I'm relieved you have a partner who reacts thoughtfully.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

Oh Albug! I'm so sorry. Maybe your body is/was protecting you from such a terrible day. Still, very scary. And Gary, knowing what little I know about your wife, I'm sure some smart employer will snatch her up quickly. Still, unemployment (especially the unexpected kind) sucks.

May I whine just a wee bit? I have an ear infection and a return of bronchitis. Again. This is at least the third time through this since January. Today I saw a different doctor (my regular doctor who I generally love was away at a conference) who basically told me that the medications that I had been prescribed to treat allergies and asthma are probably causing my ear infections and bronchitis. Great. Awesome. He even showed me the fine print on the prescriptions where it says, "may cause ear infections, bronchial distress, blah, blah, blah." Long story short, I feel the need to stop taking all my meds and go heavy on fruits and veggies. I've never been one to take medications long term and this just proves my point. In the meantime, what does this same doctor then do? Prescribe me a whole new set of medications. Arrrgh! I give up. But I'd also like my ear to stop killing me so I guess I give in for the short term to get well.

Hugs to all. Light and love to you and yours. Hope you're feeling better, Mrs. G.

Struggling with a relationship that seems to be slipping away. I feel clingy and needy and don't like that feeling at all. But I just don't know what else to do.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Albug - I'm so sorry for your loss. I love that your mind immediately went to the thought that you were with your friend.

Gary - Hang in there. Change is hard but sometimes it lands us in a really good spot.

Claudia - Hope you feel better soon.

Kelley - Hoping for a good night for you and your husband. Or at the very least someone interesting to chat with.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Albug, that is powerful stuff. I know after my brother died suddenly my Mother lost parts of days for a while. I am sure that was frightening for you and your fella.

Wednesday night I had too much wine. And got into a big emotional brouhaha with my husband. It all came out in a blubbering crying pissed off drunk stream of angry.

I meant all the things I said, and I got my husband to admit to some of things he has been doing (trying to passive aggressively make me his 50's housewife). However, this was emotionally draining and bruising. And I did it in front of friends! I am mortally embarrassed. But the worst is this constant pressure that maybe he can't be the kind of domestic partner I expect, that he is really limited in his ability to grow or do anything different than what he already knows. I start questioning if we can live together well and peacefully, that loving someone a whole lot isn't always enough. And it breaks me up into little pieces.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

Albug, I am so sorry to hear about your dear friend.

Gary, maybe The Wife will bounce back in to something much better.

Hang tight, Molly. You'll get through this one way or another.

To all others, Hydrocodone hugs and kisses. I'll be back in a bit.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Albug, I'm so sorry. Sisters (biological or otherwise) fill a place in our hearts that no one else can. An acquaintance from high school who's since become a treasured Facebook friend just went into hospice care for triple-negative breast cancer. I'm surprised by how much it's affected me. I'm just so sad for her and her family. But she fought it with grace and great good humor, and seems to have decided to succumb to it the same way. I admire her greatly but I will also greatly miss her sense of humor and her zest for life.

Husband is away on a work trip and I am relishing having a weekend to do exactly what I please. I think I deserve it!

Hope you're feeling better, Mrs. G.

And to all of you, hold tight to who/what you love. Life is fragile and finite.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNacCrackHouse

God, Albug, that's awful. I can't even imagine. So sorry.

Remember how I was pondering going to medical school? So here's the thing. I think I might do it. I've gone and made appointments with academic counselors both at the college of osteopathy and the local comm. college (where I'd do prerequisites). AND I've set an appointment with a local family doc/osteopath to pick his brain and see about shadowing him.

I realized that nobody else in my life is ever going to hold my hand and fully support my big huge ideas, and that's got to be ok. They don't need to. I have to, myself.

I spent the first 20 years of my life figuring out who I was, and the next 25 years being what I expected myself to do -- being a good musician, mom, wife, sister/daughter.
NOW? For the next 25? I think I'm going to do something that will be inconvenient to a lot of people, and probably perplexing and aggravating. But oh, it will be exciting.

So first, all these meetings. Then I figure out if I can teach enough credit hours at that comm. college so I can get my prereq's for free. And then? Onward.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Albug, I am heartbroken at your loss. I have a BFF of 35 years and can't imagine how unbearable it would be to lose her. She is coming to visit next week - I will hug her extra tight in honor of your dear one.

Molly, your little pieces can take refuge in my guest room any time you want (with the exception of next Wednesday through Sunday). We can drink wine and whiskey, watch bad tv, and talk about how stupid boys are. (Fine, fine - girls are stupid, too.) Big hugs to you, sweet friend.

Himself called me last Friday. I asked him why he called, if anything had changed. He said no, so I told him that I will not start this cycle again. I love him but we don't want the same thing - I want a romantic partnership, he wants a long-distance friendship. I told him not to call me ever again unless he has decided he wants to date me, which is highly unlikely to happen if we aren't in contact at all. So I expect never to speak with or see him again. It's the right choice for me but it's going to hurt for a long, long time.

Next week: happy news

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterViolet

Albug, I am so very sorry about your friend, and I'm sorry you feel your grief-stricken reaction distanced you from her passing. In actual truth, she knew how much you loved her and she doesn't mind that you forgot that day. I'm so glad that your DH is there to support you.

Kelley, I know just how you feel. It's too strong a word to say I hate my job, because in my case what I am experiencing is just crushing boredom, but in my previous job I had the same kind of relationship with my supervisor.

I am embarking on a second writing course at the UCLA Extension Writers Program, and by god, I am going to follow through with this project I'm working on. It will be really challenging, and the things I want to do involve a lot of research, so I can't fuck off about it. But I'm going to do it, dammit.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Thank you all for your kind words. Derfs are the best!

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

Oh Albug, my heart breaks for you. I hope you are finding love, light and healing. Sending good vibes your way.

My daughter is the best. Knock on wood, life is really good right now.

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

About a week ago we were here discussing Imaginary Rats and I made a comment about a relative that I have barely spoken to in 8 years, I said I didn't hate her but I didn't really care what happened to her.

Wellllll....Thursday she had a stroke. I find myself deep into helping to find a nursing home, trying to find all the necessary paperwork to get Medicare to cover it and visiting her in the hospital.

I did some deep thinking about why I'm doing this. I realized I don't care much what happens in the next 90 days and I'm doing this to support her children. I care about them much more than I care about her and I can help them make some difficult, stressful decisions.

To those who are struggling with worse problems this weekend, sending good thoughts. Hang in there.

Alburg - I'm so sorry about your loss (of your friend and time). Grief is a hard thing.

Gary - I hope your wife finds something soon.

Molly - Hugs to you.

Mrs. G - I hope you are on the mend!

My sister came to live with us for at least a while. She had another episode of mental health issues and her husband and in-laws made her leave. I know that she won't hurt herself in my house because of the kids, but I am having to be her mother too. Yesterday I took off work to take her to her therapy appointment and see if there was a way to get her some inpatient diagnostic work - but apparently all the times we kept her out of the hospital with talking her down did not help trying to get more services. Her therapist says that she needs to move to the next level of therapy, so we have to find that (she gave us a name, but they don't take her insurance, so they are seeing if someone would be willing to take her on a sliding scale).

I had to tell my boss the cliff notes version of what is going on so I can work from home about once a week to get her to therapy. We go tomorrow so she can see the clinical nurse to get her meds back on track. She had stopped taking the mood stabilizers that were prescribed for the Bipolar 2 diagnosis because she didn't like how they made her feel and I told the therapist yesterday. The therapist told her that if the medical professionals told her that is what she needed to take she had to take it, but if she was having issues with how it made her feel to call so they can look at options, you don't just stop.

I'm so tired...did I say that we only have 3 bedrooms? She's sleeping on the couch - I think I have to get the attic at least somewhat livable so we can put the air mattress up there and she has a more private space.

Why do I have to be her mother? The consequences of my mother's poor choices have reared their ugly head again.

Jessie a different one, can I come cook you dinner?

I would if I could.

May 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

What is it about spring that makes the space between what we'd like to have in our life and what we DO have harder to bear?

My thing is that is that it is spring and I'm STILL not well. I had a prolonged bout of bronchitis then a mystery plumbing infection, and two days ago I tipped over backwards on the kneeling/sitting gardening thing I use, breaking it, and wrenching my knee as I struggled to my feet.

Of course I have trees and shrubs to plant still from Mothers Day and will be dependent on my family mostly my husband to plant them, if I can make up my mind where to plant them!

Oh well.

I guess there is some humor in it.

My heart goes out to everyone who struggling with harder and less humorous stuff.
I hope that things get better and that spring stays beautiful.


May 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSpringhill

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