Monday
Apr282014

Paging Doctor Doug Ross...Code Blue at Derfwad Manor

It was all over the news yesterday that Mrs. G's Secret Boyfriend #9 is engaged to whoever. Mrs. G. is flagging at half-mast today. Please bow your heads and hearts for...

And then...

 

 

Let's hope the happy couple's engagement _________(fill in the blank)

 

Previously published October, 2007

MRS. G's SECRET BOYFRIEND #9

Disclaimer: Mrs. G. has been married for almost eighteen years to the same man, Mr G. He is handsome, kind, loyal, and doesn't do household chores of any kind is a wonderful father. Many, many people (some of whom do not reside at Derfwad Manor) believe he makes the best pasta sauce in the world. Period. He uses a secret ingredient, and he will not share it with anyone, because Mr. G. is Sicilian and that's just the way they are.

Mrs. G's hearts a poundin' as she introduces George Timothy Clooney as her Secret Boyfriend #9. She says secret boyfriend because while her love and esteem for George is as dramatic and exciting as a trip to the ER, he has no idea that Mrs. G. exists. Ahh...Mrs. G. thinks unrequited love is healthy in a long term marriage she wants to last.

It all began in 1979 when Mrs. G. loved watching a TV show called The Facts of Life. The show was set in a dormitory of an all-girls school, EastlandAcademy. Mrs. G. was fond of all the girls on the show, but she really  liked Jo the best. Jo was a tomboy and she didn't take any crap and she had beautiful eyes. Mrs. G. liked Jo so much that she put a poster of her up on her wall, causing her mother to light candles and pray the rosary because of Mrs. G's enthusiastic affection. Six seasons later, a handy man named George Burnett showed up (see above) at Eastland Academy. Mrs. G. forgot all about Jo and turned all of her attention toward George. Mrs. G's mother breathed a sigh of relief and resumed her dream of future grandchildren. When reminiscing about his Facts of Life days, George said, "If I surved a mullet, I can survive anything."
He survived all right. Mrs. G. went on to college while George wrapped things up with the Eastland Girls. They reconnected when George played the cocky boss Booker Brooks on the Roseanne show. Booker had a little something something going on with Roseanne's sister, Jackie. Mrs. G. wanted to run her fingers through Booker's floppy hair. Above, George is standing next to Max, his beloved pot bellied pig who unfortunately died in 2006.

Things really started heating up in 1994, when George starred in a little show called ER.  He played Dr. Doug Ross and he was the original  Mcdreamy, he laid the foundation for all future and less worthy, McdreamiesER was hugely popular, and it was at this point that Mrs. G. had to start fighting other women off, mainly a slut nurse named Carol Hathaway who went on to molest Dr. Doug Ross for six seasons until she trapped him by getting pregnant with twins. They both left the show after season six to move to Seattle and raise their twin daughters. Not many people know this, but Doug and Carol divorced bitterly in 2000, the year Mrs. G. and her family moved back to Washington. Hmmmm....coincidence?
OK, Reader, just look at this handsome bastard. Doesn't he scream old school like Cary Grant? Suave and debonair, George can work a tuxedo like nobody's business. Look at those come hither eyes and that naughty smile. When nobody is watching, just lean over and kiss the screen. Mrs. G. won't tell.
Could George's Danny Ocean and his modern day Rat Pack have been any cooler than in this movie? George is one of only two men to be featured on the cover of Vogue and People magazine voted him Sexiest Man Alive in 1997 and 2006. Women want him and men want to be him. Mrs. G. just wants to hug him. A lot.

Lest, Reader, you think George is just all about handsome, he donated one million dollars to the Hurricane Relief Fund for victims of Katrina. In April of 2006, he spent 10 days in Chad and Sudan with his father to make a film aboutDarfur's refugees. This year, he founded Not on our Watch , along with his fellow Ocean's Eleven actors Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle and JerryWeintraub , to provide humanitarian relief to the people of Dafur.
George says he will never marry (edited: liar) and spends much of his time at his home in the Italian village of Laglio. He recently told an interveiwer, "I bought a piano once because I had the dream of playing As Time Goes By  as some girl's leaning on it drinking a martini. Great image. But none of it worked out. I can't even play Chopsticks." Mrs. G. loves martinis and Chopstix. Is it any wonder George Clooney is her Secret Boyfriend #9?

Ciao Baby!

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Reader Comments (26)

Well, there goes my theory that he's gay.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

I had considered SC's theory as well but decided that he was commitment-shy.
Just remember: he hasn't said "I do" yet!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been down this road before and he's always bailed out. I think he's holding out for the Women's Colony gig.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNacCrackHouse

I hope you're right, NacCrackHouse!

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermrs.g.

My only consolation was that this woman is smart, politically "correct" (human rights legal work and was NOT a 21 yr old bimbo!

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbramble

See, Bramble, that's what inspires my mourning. I think she is the real deal. All jokes aside, love is good.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermrs.g.

LOVE this! And yes, the first thing I thought was that at least she isn't 21.
The original McDreamy, indeed.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterknittergran

I was an ER fan, but he never really did much for me until, oddly, The Perfect Storm came out. After that I was kicking myself a little for having totally avoided the movies sets when they were here. Locals say he's a really nice guy in person, too.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

I'm still in denial.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterauntjone

I have to admit when I read about this my initial reaction was "Bwaahhaaha, getting married!" Then I read about WHO he was marrying, I went "Ohhhhhh Nice ! He's marrying up!" BTW I still remember way back in the days when I first started following you and I almost declared war with you over your "supposed boyfriend" #4,#5,#6 and #7 Johnny , who was always MY #1 THEN you went too far and claimed good ole' George as #9 and I was devastated, I knew we would forever be rivals...you and that VodkaCranberryClooney.com chick.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKim

married or not, he should always be a boyfriend, always....

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterI can't tell you who

I used to LOVE The Facts of Life! I have no memory of George Clooney's character though.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPatience

Yes, it would appear he is "marrying up", but most men do. Snort.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEllie

I loved him as Booker on Roseanne. Never could figure out why he and Jackie couldn't make a go of it.

He will still be your boyfriend Mrs. G. and you can be there to pick up the pieces when this one dumps him.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

It's a ruse. George and I are trying to keep our relationship a secret from the media.

I thought of you immediately when this news broke, Mrs. G. I missed his turn in "Facts of Life," but I fell for George when he was in "Sisters." (Anyone else remember "Sisters"?)

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter*m*

Condolences, Mrs. G. Actually, from the sound of it, condolences to us all. I sincerely wish them both a lifetime of happiness--just not together.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith

Meredith, I bent over and shoved my face in the couch I laughed so loud at your comment.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermrs.g.

Claudia, whatever you're doing, it's working.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngAK

All I can do is sigh.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne F.

I knew he was going to marry her--he's also lucky to find someone who is both hot and brainy!

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenn @ Juggling Life

My heart, she is sad.

And Meredith's comment made me wake the dog with a bark of laughter. I'll send the therapy bills to you.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

There is much gnashing of teeth in my neighborhood.

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

We'll see if it actually happens....

April 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie in AZ

Oh, I hope it does, Debbie. I do wish him happiness!

April 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

I saw the news and my first thought was actually "Oh, God, poor Mrs. G. At least Johnny Depp's still *fingers crossed* on the market."

April 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShe Curmudgeon

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