Full Confessional Friday! 3/7/2014

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.  

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My husband and I both forgot our wedding anniversary on Wednesday. We remembered around 4 pm and looked sheepishly at one another. Then we were relieved to find out that neither person expected anything special to happen. Apparently this is what 26 years looks like!

Oh Karen, sheesh! Kinda funny story! Our anniversary is Christmas and unforgettable :)
My confessions are twofold: a ) I don't love crunchy peanut butter anymore, what a thick nuisance! Stirring the natural stuff around in the jar, GAH! Creamy is convenient!
b) I don't get along well with my parents but, well, they have the health problems and all the rest, but worst is how bitter my mom has become because of it. A ghost of who she was. I may see them this morning, bring over a bag of books and some flowers....
Have a great weekend all!

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGary Edward Rith

Great photo! I love "Call the Midwife." Confession: I am cranky because it snowed again last night. Bleepity, bleep, bleep! Enough already! On the other hand, it's a good excuse for staying at home and puttering around the house today. Or watching a movie before daylight comes.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter~annie

My daughter and grand daughter will be moving back home this month. She's been out of the house two years and our relationship has become great since she left. She is very messy, her momma (me) is almost OCD about tidyness. Her version of her moving out was it was time, she wanted to prove her adultness. My version was that I encouraged it due to her being a slob. We are both in a better place, and her moving back was my suggestion and choice. It makes sense monetarily and emotionally for my grand daughter (and us).

My hope is that I can stick to my guns about her packing and moving. We made the decision over a month ago and I've watched the baby so she can pack, but it seems that that packing doesn't necessarily get done......momma is not planning on helping her pack. She knew a move was coming months ago and could have been much more proactive in getting things organized. I must let my little bird fly and not swoop in to save her, which is my nature.....hope I can do it, she is a master at guilting me and I play right along.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrudy

I'm binge reading a series right now and there was a brief moment last night when I wondered about whether or not I really needed to make dinner for the kids. I also bought the next book via ebook because I didn't want to wait for it to appear on hold at the library (as in today). There are only fifteen books to go until I've caught up and I'm averaging a book a day while also getting everything else done, but mornings are not my friend. Heh.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermamaraby

Oh bloody Nora! Yet *again* I am facing off with my girl's headteacher about this stupid fecking Textiles course. Six months we have been fighting to get the teacher to actually teach and to actually relate her course to the structure laid out by the exam board. The headteacher says the students will not be disadvantaged come the exam but my girl only has four and half terms left in this GCSE (Yrs 10&11) course and she has to cram six terms worth of work in. So beyond pissed off with the whole thing.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash A lou

I have finally decided to go to therapy. I had the kind of childhood that has elements so bad I can't really talk about it with other people without scaring them off or burdening them. And my adulthood has had a lot of death, disability of family, and general trials.
Through my own effort, cussedness, and perseverance I have kept afloat and basically happy so far. But lately the general sense of fear and mistrust, that i can't rely on anyone has really dominated my thought patterns and affected how I react to others.
So then I go to this movie screening, and in the movie the main character is tortured by the deaths of his brother by a driver on the highway (happened, although my brother killed himself driving drunk) and the father who dies of exposure as a homeless alcoholic(also happened). And I nearly broke down in the theater. And then I realized how probable it would be for these two things alone to unhinge a person, and that for me those two events are the TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

So I says to myself (but not in a crazy talking to myself way), "Molly, maybe it is time to cowboy up and get a little help. Find a way to make sure this history doesn't dominate your future." But then I think, then I will have to say all those terrible things out loud, to a person, and then they will know. But then I think, maybe that is the point, maybe you say all those things out loud and realize that those events and words aren't nearly as powerful as you thought, that you don't release something threatening if you talk about it. That you don't get demoted as a person for talking about it, that hopefully you can drain some of the power away and neutralize those events.
So here's hoping.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

Wow, Molly! We could have been living parallel lives. The father and the alcoholism being only the tip of the iceberg. I've experienced talking about my past in both a negative and positive way. Talking about it does make it real all over again. No glossing that one up. And after I'd done it, I felt very vulnerable and exposed for a couple of days. But, those feelings do pass. I had to adjust to the fact that they weren't secrets anymore. Also, I told a guy I was seeing about some of my past. He finally told me one day that he didn't know if he could continue on with me, that all of those things made him feel cold and sick inside and that he just couldn't deal with it. I hated him for that initially, but now I'm glad. He wasn't strong, his life was so 50's sitcom, idyllic and stable. I realized that some people, lots of people, just can't do it. It was not his experience and he just couldn't relate to it. And I hadn't invested a lot emotionally at that point. It could have ended a lot worse later on. Talking to a therapist about it will also help you figure out who you can talk to about it and who you can't and who just isn't worthy of knowing. Good for you for doing this for yourself.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLanna

Molly it does help to say things out loud. Doesn't change but it does give the potential for a different perspective. Good on you for listening to yourself. Our mental and emotional health is as important as our physical one so big thumbs up for taking care of yourself.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash A lou

Thank you Lanna and trash! It helps to hear how this helped or gave perspective to you.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

Karen, sometime between our tenth and our twentieth, we took our usual weekend phone call from my mom and she said "Congratulations!" We both said, "What for?"

"It's your anniversary!"

"It is?"

Your story brought that back.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Mamaraby - I am in the market for a new series that I can get sucked into. Are you willing to share what it is? Haven't gotten fully swept in quite a while.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Ennui. I just can't get my mojo going. . . . I'm supposed to be writing a play for a local theater and haven't done one thing. I'm doing as LITTLE as humanly possible at work while still (shockingly) getting rave reviews and glowing student evaluations (teach at a community college). For the past six months, my primary focus has been on being a really, really good mom and household manager. Period. But I find that a little flat -- it leaves me itching for something else. I started blogging again as a way to renew some creativity in my life so that's good. But mostly, I feel a little like a good foot soldier trudging though the fields. Head up, ready for duty, following orders but not really forging any new trails. . . .

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinnesota Matron

I turned 50 this week. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.

Not that there's anything to be done about it, but still.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTC

May I just say DOGDAMMIT?
I'm in SUCH a mood. I'm mad at my husband, mad at the world, mad at myself.
Remember the whole "Gonna be a doctor' thing? Yeah. I'm feeling terrified now. HOW in the hell am I thinking of being able to begin paying for that? And where will I get the time? HOW?
I want to
1: Make some damn money finally at some point.
2: lose some damned weight -- preferably while still being able to eat nachos and drink wine
3: make my husband either shape the hell up or ship the hell out

Is that so damned much to ask of life?? IS IT?

So, in short, I''m not suitable company for man or beast. Nah. I'm great with beasts -- my dogs love me no matter what.

I need to be kidnapped and put into a room full of beds, books, wine, and nachos, for the good of humanity.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

I wrote an article!!!

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpatricia

A woman who volunteers with my DD's choir recently revealed that her family is moving in with her parents. I peeked at Zillow later and, suspicion confirmed, her house was foreclosed on and is scheduled to be sold at auction. I'm so sad for them! Her family is lovely and she is always helping out with a positive attitude. I'm sure this must be a difficult time for them, but there's really nothing I can do or say since she hasn't said anything directly and clearly wants to keep that private.

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercariba

My SIL posted some things on FB that made me think things were falling apart in their life. Things that he should not have been putting out for the whole world to see. I text my daughter but didn't get an answer until 5 hours later when she asked me to come get her, sigh.... He told her to come here until she could talk calmly etc. etc. We went out for dinner, she didn't want to go, and when we got home an hour later she'd gone back. I'm so pissed! He is such a jerk and I don't know how she's been putting up with him for over 27 years but I think it's time she cut the ties. Maybe he'd realize that he's not such hot stuff when he's having to do it all on his own.

I got a message from my niece wondering if I had seen what he'd said and she evidently sent a text to my other DD so she called to find out whats going on. I just don't know what to say. I'd love to see her start over again, but I don't see it happening.

Now the jerk is back on FB again trying to get people feel sorry for him....he did also say they were talking. UGH!!!!

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie M

Patricia, LOVE your article. I'm off to build a love alter. What a great way to live, with or without cancer!

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

I want to thank you all for your book/movie recommendations the other day. Whenever I am need of something new or different, I can always count on my fellow Derfs!

March 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSewSew

Our manager recently told me that my major skill among my business partners is the ability to foresee potential problems and prevent them during implementation of a project - that detail stuff that the others simply assume will just magically work out, yet which create chaos and conflict constantly if there aren't clear guidelines.

SO, we've had about 6 weeks to prepare for a fairly significant transition, and early on I gave him a list of specific issues that would need to be defined in advance. I checked in 3 weeks ago and he had lost track of the list; last week he had about 50% answered. Ultimately this week, the staff started freaking out because they don't know what will change next week, and s0 I've spent about 5 hours last night and this morning putting structure in place.

I'm increasingly concerned that this manager is not going to cut it - we have consistent feedback from the staff that they feel communication from the top is poor, and I see no initiative from him to change it. I guess what I've learned from this is that the next time I'm worried about some new program launch, I need to butt in earlier. Which is depressing. I was hoping to not have to butt in at all.....

March 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

@molly, it sounds like now is the right time for those demons aka childhood trauma to be faced since you are thinking of asking for help. Somatic therapy is a big up and coming thing for trauma survivors, might worth looking into? At any rate, good vibes coming your way girlfriend.

@kate, when you first posted the thing about being doctor I wondered if maybe you were using that as a way to escape some of the unhappy things in your life. Like maybe once massage therapy didn't solve all the unhappiness you started looking for something else? It's just my two cents, but it seems we live parallel lives and this is a problem I have. Accomplishments/career/general life success doesn't make one happy. For me at least it took (and still takes) some major work on being mindful, in the moment and at home in my body. As well as getting rid of elements that were causing unhappiness. Feel free to disregard this if it isn't the case though because I could be TOTALLY wrong.

I love, love, love my job but I see myself falling in to the pattern of my mother's side of the family--to overwork myself so I don't have to put so much effort into my home life. It's a pattern that's come through generations of women who are afraid to love too much. I see it in myself and am making an effort to be more present with my daughter, and to allow my whole heart to love her. But it's hard and very scary.

March 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

What is it about trying to keep one millionaire from getting in a yelling match with another millionaire in front of the employees of a third millionaire that is so exhausting?

Oh, wait, I know this one. It's because I bring home $5.16 an hour.

March 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous Today

Patricia, that is a sweet article you wrote! You will go far by sharing all your love, and you will accomplish great things. And you will be all the better for it, too! Love and best wishes to you.

March 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

EVERYBODY: go read Patricia's article. It made me feel much much better, and humble and stuff. And I was in a REALLY crappy mood.

March 9, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Karen, I had a good chuckle over your post. made me smile and think you 2 have something solid.

Can I confess that I'm one of those 50's family sitcom people. Led a rather sheltered life, never been around drugs----at all. and I'm married to a wonderful man, for just 3 years after being widowed. He is a recovering addict, 26 years clean, successful and very dedicated to NA meetings and keeping clean 1 day at a time. I used to go to meetings with him, but the stories SO overwhelmed me, that I have chosen to stay away from all but event meetings. That doesn't make me a bad person or unsupporting----I have had to work through this. It's just so foreign from my world that I crumble when I hear some of the stories, and these from some of our best friends. I had no clue. I have no clue. I can't understand most of it, or the terminology. But I love him and my friends and I find my ways to be supportive. I guess I got tired of being the odd person. of thinking I had to make excuses or apologize for my "normalness". I don't need to know all the horror stories---just enough to know when we might be in crisis. they know the many ways that I can be there for them, and I know that they need each other for the specifics of their ongoing recoveries---no matter how many years clean. I have learned that much, that it's never "cured", just for today only.

March 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngAk

Hey TC! Happy Birthday.

March 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash A lou

@ trash A lou: Thank you very much! <3. It was actually a very nice day.

March 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTC

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