more aimless thoughts from mrs. g's head

Mrs. G. is continuing with her serious of driftless content while waiting for her storytelling groove to resurface.

Current deliberations swirling around her slap-happy brain:


1) Mrs. G. has never been one for fast food restaurants because growing up her mother said Taco Bell served cat meat and Long John Silvers prepared deep fried sewer carp. When Mrs. G's mother was deeply involved in Beanie Baby collection and sales, she surreptitiously took a job at McDonald's so she could have first dibs on the much sought after Special Edition Happy Meal Beanie Babies. The woman was one fry short of being a clandestine mole. She only worked there for two weeks, but the things she she told Mrs. G. about the food were horrifying enough that driving by the Golden Arches nearly always triggers Mrs. G's gag reflex. Thanks Mom, really and truly.


2) Mrs. G. has addressed this subject before but it never seems to go away -- kale, kale, kale. What is up with all the kale? In an effort to jump on this leafy miracle bandwagagon, Mrs. G. made a garlic tahini kale salad last week to serve alongside a roasted chicken. She and Mr. G. took one bite and agreed it tasted like lawn clippings with a hint of suck. The corner house on 11th street is done with kale. Done.


3) Christmas came early (or again?) this year because Lorrie Moore just released a new book of short stories, her first collection in sixteen years. Mrs. G. is a lover of the short story and Lorrie Moore is the Queen of the genre. The late Raymond Carver is the King. Mrs. G. is reading each story slowly and then taking long breaks between them because she never wants the book to end.


4) Mrs. G. is reluctant to even bring this up because her family and friends are so tired of hearing her bitch about it, but she hasn't told you and she can't let it go. Mrs. G. hates this "Immediate Urgent Care" clinic new to her neighborhood for two reasons.

First, it replaced her favorite gift shop where she bought unique presents and cards for many years. She is lost without this store.

Second, (and really the true crux of Mrs. G's hate) this "Immediate Urgent Care" clinic is only open from 9am to 8pm. If the idea of urgent care is to serve as a stopgap between you and the ER, why does it close at 8:00pm? Barnes & Noble stays open until 11pm! All respectable urgent illnesses and injuries occur well after 8pm. Everyody knows this.

An artistic representation of necessary URGENT CARE:



Mrs. G. thinks this place is a false advertising menace to the neighborhood. It needs to change its name to...


5) Oh Downton Abbey, Mrs. G. is so over the woe-is-me, suitors-are-fighting-for-me-in-pig-pens Lady Mary Crawley and her smug clavicle. More Edith please. And how about a Mrs. Patmore storyline? Mrs. G. loves her.

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Reader Comments (38)

when she cried out, should I call the pig man???!! Mark and I rolled with laughter. Good lord, really..... it is after all a "night time" soap, with some good lines now and again. I am starting to wonder if we could watch with no sound and make up our own dialog.
Kale, cooked on the side with vinegar like we southerners like to do. Kale chips, give me a break....or as a salad...no!
Fast food. After 10 days on the road I am read for my own kitchen and my own food.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

I worked at Taco Bell many, many years ago and will sheepishly admit that I thought the food was delicious. But back then (I'm clutching at excuses here) there was no filler in the meat that we cooked and we cooked the beans in a pressure cooker right in the store. Now everything arrives precooked. Blech.

I made kale chips once and my house smelled like farts for days. Kale is no longer welcome.

Is Lady Mary really like catnip to all eligible bachelors? She always looks like she's smelled some kale chips.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNot Beehive

Kale...NO...JUST NO...never had a taste for it. My daughter? The Queen of Kale. She makes kale chips and volunteers at an urban community garden primarily for the huge stash of kale they "reward" her with. Where did I go wrong?
One viewing of "Fast Food Nation" and I was done with Mickey D's. Done, I tell you. It's been about 7 years since I set foot in one of those. I have zero interest in increasing their stock value.
Thanks for the tip on Lorrie Moore. I love a good read. Short stories are perfect for my lack of attention.
Sorry, not a DA fan. Watched one episode and thought, "Good grief, it's just a soap opera with better costumes and accents. No thanks." Last late night soap I got into was Knot's Landing so it's been a few eons since I was into that sort of thing.
Don't even get me started on the urgent cares. In Texas and other states they've started free standing emergency rooms. Beware, beware, beware! They're mostly an insurance scam. Yes, you can get treated more quickly than in an ER (and consider whether or not you really NEED to be in an ER before going to one) but many are out of network and you will pay DEARLY with an arm, a leg and your firstborn for their services. True story: guy goes into one of these newfangled ER's for his sprained ankle or somesuch thinking he's going to end up owing a few hundred. $1,500 dollars later he is sent hobbling home with lots of handy tests and scans done and an ace wrap. Don't fall for it kids. Go to a real ER with a true hospital behind it with all the various and sundry services you may end up needing.
Off my soap box now. Have a good one Mrs. G.
Come ON warm weather. We're ready!

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter1Les

I make a mean massaged kale salad and I bet even you kale haters would love it. Kale is either massaged in a salad or quick boiled on the stove to take some of the bite out of it (thank you, Cynthia Lair).

With the exception of Downton Abbey I laughed at the rest. Love your random thought posts and accompanying illustrations. Downton Abbey, though? I don't get the appeal.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermamaraby

So, is there another kind of Urgent care? Doesn't the name kind of imply that it's not, "when you get around to it urgent care?" I don't know, just the name bugs me. Thanks for the laughs and I love the taco kitty picture.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I just have to stick up for Kale!! We grow our own here during the fall-winter-spring under tunnels, and if you have fresh young kale, well there is nothing like it. The older woody stuff at the store, not good. Mix it with some swiss chard, onion and garlic, saute and steam a bit. I can and almost do eat it every night. And baby kale mixed with grated broccoli, carrots, dried cranberries, nuts, etc with a good dressing. You have to come to my house Heather and you will like kale again!

You are right on with Unurgent Care! And I never saw Downton Abbey, so no comment, though I know several people that loved it.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

Our urgent care centers have equally inconvenient hours. Let's say you pour boiling water on your foot at 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday night (the same day your husband announces he wants a divorce, so you're probably not at your best and shouldn't be dealing with boiling anything), you can't get the urgent care by 8:30 when they close and pay your standard doctor visit copay of $20. Y ou have to go the ER and pay the scheduled fee and end up paying about $500. After you listen to a doctor behind your curtain bitching about how people come to the ER for every little thing and now this little twit has an "ouchie foot" but wants to be treated like she's having a heart attack. Uh no...that's not how that happened but whatever. I admit there was copious crying involved, but no one was expecting heart attack treatment. Secretly hoping the dude sitting in the chair next to the bed had a sudden heart attack...I admit to that. But no special treatment was being sought for the ouchie foot.

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, urgent care centers suck. That's all.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

Nutritionally, kale is not as "good for you" as spinach, so if you are eating it to be virtuous, you may stop right now and eat spinach instead and feel virtuous about that. I kind of like kale chips but they're a lot of work for not much reward.

Immediate Urgent Clinic, good grief. What bonehead thought that name up? Someone with no thesaurus, that's who. How about "Cash and Hustle Urgent Care" ?

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennyExplainsItAll

You kale lovers enjoy your kale but give up on trying to bring the Gattuccios around to your way of thinking.

DA is a soap opera and I think the last two seasons have been iffy at best but I have always had a girl crush on Elizabeth McGovern and the set design is luscious and the costumes are so fun to imagine wearing. I also love Mrs. Patmore!

March 4, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

We do love spinach so all is not lost around here.

March 4, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

I need to get my paws on that story collection.
Your clinic re-name is fabulous. What a bunch of morons--"urgent" sure doesn't abide by hours of operation in my world either.
I never got into kale, but you know us Midwesterners. We like to stick to the tried and true food groups of beef, pork, chicken, fried potatoes, jell-o and boiled potatoes.

As for Urgent Care...around here they don't seem to do much but urgently care what your insurance will pay. Regarding kale: finely chopped in soups and stews when added at the end. Lawn clippings is a good description! Downton Abbey I love for the costumes and mostly the "downstairs folk" but you have to give it to Maggie Smith; she is a delight to watch breaching the old and new kicking and screaming all the way in her very deliberate and commanding way. Lord Grantham is insufferable for soooooo many reasons!

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbramble

I will only eat Kale in Portuguese soup (chorizo, beans,mmm)
"Urgent Care" makes my blood pressure soar. They wanted $600, up front, to put stitches in my finger. They said for $200 they would clean it and bandage it, so I sat my uninsured ass in
their waiting room for 2 hours and skipped the stitches.

"..lawn clippings with a hint of suck" is quite possibly the best descriptive phrase ever penned. Thank you.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterauntjone

The cat meat at McDonald's reminds me that my mother told us that Dr. Pepper was made from leftover sodas on tables at restaurants throughout the country. The Dr. Pepper truck came and all sodas were sucked in and transported to the factory: orange, root beer, cola, sprite - all sitting half full on tables contributed to the Dr. Pepper mix. Turns out my mom just didn't like Dr. Pepper SO MUCH so that she didn't want her children to start ordering it. I was 17 when I figured this one out.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinnesota Matron

I'm told Collards are the new Kale. Same vitamins, magnitudes better taste. And as a Southern girl, you must know how to do Collards.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Paul

I like all kinds of greens, preferably cooked down with something porky until they're meltingly stewed and good. Kale salad? What am I, a horse?

I'm sick at home with a cold today. Bleah.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

This is the second time I have given up on Downton mid-season. I got hooked on True Detective and never looked back. I don't like Edith. In fact, the only really likable sister was the one who died. The servant stories are much better.

Taco Bell: even the ads want to make me barf. The only fast food I still like is Kentucky Fried Chicken, and only on rare occasions. Rumor has it they are building a KFC in the next town over. This is not good news.

I've only been to one Urgent Care center. It was in Themiddleofnowhere, NY. My son had broken his arm for the second time in a year (no calling CPS, that was nine years ago and nothing since). They could only stabilize the arm, not set it or cast it, but they were great.

No kale, but I do like spinach. For my part, I would like to like avocados, but I need a recipe that makes them taste like something other than grass lawn clippings.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

Minnesota Matron, that is one of funniest mother lies I have ever heard! We do what we have to do.

Oh Edith is not so bad. I feel for her living in Mary's egotistical shadow.

Feel better, Aunt Snow.

I am not going to massage anything before I eat it (smiley emoticon).

(LM) Sunshine State, that is unbelievable.

March 4, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

short stories: i was SO thrilled when Alice Munro won the Nobel (golly, have I spelled her name correctly?). I love Lorrie Moore too, but Alice has the ordinary-people-places thing DOWn, to the extent I am reading hers tories for the third time! I only read Robertson Davies twice so far ;)
KALE, ugh, forgetaboutit, YES. I mean, spinach is so lovely frozen, fresh for salad, sauted, in soup, etc, and so good for you, same thing with snow peas, and kale is like green shoe leather! PS--where do you stand on Matthew McCaun-ah-whatever his name is spelled?

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentergary Rith

No Mardi Gras participation today - cure the leg, avoid the 37ยบ weather, with nonstop rain which started at 8:37 - and I'm okay with that. Spent the day under covers with Louie, reading, the cat sitting on her heating pad. She would be a world class taco, though few could afford such luxury.
Kale, here ya go - http://www.rootsimple.com/2014/03/worlds-largest-kale/ . I like it, but I like spinach more. No, I love spinach. If I'm going green, give me what Popeye's having.
Forget Downton Abbey; tomorrow night, The Americans. Catch up on last season fast, then pant for the next.
(Thanks for that comment Aunt Snow, hope you feel better.)

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

I've sworn off kale ever since I traumatized my kids with it, almost 4 years ago. Never again!

I like Minnesota Matron's mother's lie about Dr. Pepper, also. Although I'm not so sure she wasn't right...

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

Random always works for me...

Fast food...M'eh

Kale...double M'eh. I put it in salads, I made chips....not talking to me.

Short stories...excellent.

Urgent Care... we have free 24 hour public hospitals with emergency departments. There may be a wait, but I think if you were gasping for air, or missing a foot you'd move to the front of the queue. On the other hand we don't have bookstores that open till 11pm. Really!!???? All stores except the 7/11 style convenience stores are shut by 6pm here.

Downton Abbey...done. After the first season it turned into a soap opera. I can't believe the stories any more.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah J

I love the driftless content! I'm wondering the same thing about Kale, too. When did it become so hip? I recently tried it in my smoothies and I can't say that I love it. I'll stick with my spinach, thanks.

I'm also done with Downton Abbey, or at least, it's not a bad thing if I miss an episode. It's still beautiful to watch but I'm finding that I'm not vested in the characters anymore, too silly at times.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermaggie

Massaged kale?! I'm with Mrs. G here --I don't have time to massage any deserving people. I certainly don't have time to add massage to food prep!

And Aunt Snow --that horse comment! LOL

Okay --urgent immediate care. We live a long way form our primary care woman. However, the last time we took the kid to an urgent care clinic (a Sat afternoon), we got two bills: the one from the doctor was $180, and the one from the clinic itself was $300. Our deductible went up and we haven't met it yet this year, so we're stuck with these. Is it possible that a visit to her primary for a strep test could have been more expensive?! Boy will we think long and hard about the next visit!

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCassi

I had a good kale salad once, but I'm not sure I would like it again. Brussels sprouts or spinach? Every.freaking.day.

Urgent Care - here in the Houston area, there's one on almost every corner and I've used them several times. We've moved a lot and I've been remiss about finding a primary care physician (not that you can get an appointment with one if you have a problem that needs addressing quickly), so they're useful. But I'm with you on the names - stick with one adjective, please.

Downton Abbey - I watched a couple of the second season episodes. My mom and sister have been faithful viewers but both agreed that this season was a let-down. I had to DVR it since my husband controls the clicker, and then I never got around to watching it. Besides, I'm more of a 'Game of Thrones' fan anyway.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNacCrackHouse

I call Mr. G. the Overlord of the clicker. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in not fighting that battle.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

I'm totally with you on the kale thing. It's just nasty. I tried, I did. I just don't get the appeal.

We have the same sort of urgent care set up right at the entry to our neighborhood. I will admit it has been convenient for me as the mom of an athletic teenaged boy, but my neighbor had an experience where they locked the (full glass, automatic) door, literally right in front of her, as she attempted to walk in with her hand wrapped in a bloody dishtowel (HUGE gash from a knife, resulted in surgery). It was 8:47, they closed at 9.

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMissy D

Mrs. G, I love reading your random thoughts (aka the laundry list). Maybe it should be a regular feature? Like a housewife from the 50's, laundry on Mondays...

March 4, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBritta

Oh, Mrs. G., you know how I feel about the loss of Common Folk and the ridiculous "urgent care" doc-in-a-box. I'd been looking forward to shopping in that store again. *sigh*
The only time I've watched D.A. was when my in-laws were visiting. Otherwise, my dh is another Overlord of the Clicker. (The Olympics were painful: nearly all biathlon and cross-country ski races -- his great love.)
Kale is edible only when my husband adds it to the soup pot and then blends the concoction before serving it.

We call the clicker...the doover.
We were young, and excited, and one of the first to have A Remote Control for our TV. It was 100 years ago, and yes it was the size of a brick.
We got sick of saying Remote Control so it became the thingy, the whatchamacallit, the whatsit...and eventually the doover.

When the oldest was about 14 she returned from a friends place.
"You people are so embarrassing!"
"I asked my friend to pass the doover and her whole family had hysterics.
You could have told me that's NOT what it's called! You are the most embarrassing parents in the whole universe."

We're so proud.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah J

I love Deborah J's story. Makes me wish we had more made-up names for things to embarrass our teens with...

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

Fast food: I usually avoid it, but sometimes the only thing that helps with my migraines is a bacon-cheeseburger or fried fish sandwich. Which is a lot cheaper and less aggravating than a visit to convenient/urgent care!

What bugs me most about our local convenient and urgent care clinics is that visits do not count toward my health insurance deductible. Unfortunately, they are sometimes the only sensible choice because primary care physicians around here don't have "walk-in" slots available. What good is an appointment a week from next Tuesday when I have a sprained ankle today?

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter~annie

Can't wait to read Bark.......

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSlow Panic

I love Downton Abbey, but have never, ever, been on the Mary bandwagon. I do like the Edith storyline this year and where it perhaps will bring her next season. Maybe a strong single working executive Mom. Woe to any new character with a name beginning with "E"---Edith, Ethel, Edna, Evelyn---all woe is me stories. I love me some Isobel Crawley----she's got spunk when she wants it.

Kale, not going to massage it. that's for sure.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngAk

I found out a few months ago that I apparently have a dairy allergy and thought I would have a difficult time finding or making yummy smoothies ever again. But we just found a juice/smoothie bar at a natural market that barely uses any dairy... While I am not a big fan of many kale preparations, this smoothie was awesome:

Frozen pineapple chunks (maybe 2 cups or so), 1/2 avocado, big handful spinach, just 2-3 kale leaves (without stems), a few drops of mint extract, and apple cider (not a ton - looked like 1/2 cup or so). Vitamix that. It was so yummy.

They do a lot of frozen fruit in place of yogurt as a thickener. Banana, pineapple, mango. I can't wait to try more. I really want to make one for my vegetarian friend who doesn't really like vegetables. See if I can make greens palatable.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

The theory of kale is good, but each time I prepare it, I feel like I'm slitting my own throat from the inside......I'm glad to hear spinach is as good. That will be my go to.

When my kids were little, my mom watched them. On Friday, when I paid her, she would take the kids to fast food for lunch.....she got in a huge fight at the Taco Bell drive through with the poor kid because according to her calculations, they were overcharging a penny on the tax.....and if they overcharged a penny on every transaction, they were making milli0ns in ill gotten gains....so @Minnesota Matron, your mom's Dr. Pepper conspiracy reminds me of my mom's.....lol

March 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTrudy

I have the same complaints with Urgent Care. They would be better named "For When Your Primary Care Dr Can't Fit You In" although I understand that would take up a lot of room on the sign.

March 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteredj

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