The Certainty of Uncertainty

Mrs. G. sat down six hours ago to write a long overdue update of her life in the margins. September was a trying, uphill month for a number of reasons she is incapable of explaining with any clarity. And should she? Of course she should, because who wants to miss a minute of her ongoing, continually unfolding Lifetime drama: Stout Middle-Aged Woman Searching for Meaning in the Walgreens Candy Aisle

That's right. Mrs. G. lives at the corner of happy and healthy. Just not in September.

It all started with Algebra, hours and hours of tackling it head on, day after day. Mrs. G. couldn't get it because she never got it. Her last required math class was in high school, taught by a man, Dan Hedgeman, who was counting the months until he was eligible for retirement, Mr. Hedgeman smelled like old coffee and anguish. He frequently referenced ships that didn't come in and warned his students to "Just wait, you'll see."

Mrs. G. finally saw...she needed a tutor. The battle continues. Mrs. G. is winning.

Algebra was followed by family visits and a stomach issue that required consistent vomiting for a couple of weeks. She'll spare you the details but Mrs. G. feels the need to share that her visit to a gastroenterologist further compromised her lifelong commitment to the sanctity of her ass. When she called Mr. G. to report the security breach, he told her Sanctity of My Ass should be the title of her first novel. She hung up on him. He called her back and asked her if she had just hung up on him. She assured him she hadn't, that he must not have heard her say goodbye. It's these kinds of games that keep their love alive.

In between throwing up and solving for x, Mrs. G. would sit down and try to write, but she kept coming up empty, so empty she started to question her ability to write, to even discern good writing. She felt like a fraud. She was embarrassed. Rather than pouring a glass of ginger ale and calling it a day, Mrs. G. shut her laptop and didn't open it up until yesterday when her daughter called and told Mrs. G. that someone had contacted her to see if everything was ok.

Everything is ok. Thank you for asking. Mrs. G. just needed to take a break...a long ass break. Her laptop sat on the dining room table, untouched, for nearly thirty days. This is odd to admit but Mrs. G. was wary of it. She would walk by and avoid looking at it. There was a peculiar stand off that Mrs. G. is unable to clearly explain. Like her, the whole deal was weird. Particularly since September is typically her favorite month of the year. October, though, is looking a-ok.

There you have it in 521 words. Mrs. G. intended to just quietly slide back in with no fanfare because she hates writing slushy accounts of her good, little, typical life. There are so many bigger fish to fry. Truly.

Fair is fair. How was your September?

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

References (1)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    Response: prices
    derfwadmanor - Derfwad Manor - The Certainty of Uncertainty

Reader Comments (55)

September was HOT here in Northern CA...so much so that the impending move to the other side of the planet aka Berkeley, was all I could think of...it's 20 degrees cooler over there on the other side of the tunnel (Caldecott) most days. What post-menopausal hot flashing mama wouldn't want that?

I am at year #1 of empty nest. I love it. I have never looked back with regret, or longing. Being an introvert/loner type anyway, I get my cake, I eat it, and when I break out in furnace type temps, I strip ALL of my clothes off and walk around neked! I have even been known to cook in only my undies...it's glorious!

A tip on the ginger ale--I've never particularly cared for that type soda, but for some reason, one day (I think I was researching cocktails or something) I found a brand called Fever Tree, and who boy they make the BEST damn soda I have ever tasted- spicy, not too sweet, organic! yay! I find it at Whole Foods..also "Q" soda. It's got all of the natural stuff Fever Tree has, but their cola has nutmeg, cardamom....not sweet, and spicy! The Q ginger ale has a touch of heat...try it!

October 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

It's great to be here and get caught up - I've missed it so ...

October 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne in GA

So happy to see this post and glad you are back. I really don't know how people do life and keep up a blog...it's okay to take breaks! My October is shaping up to be like your September..just hoping to make it through:)

October 15, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermaggie

Missed you, and glad that you're back. You have a unique voice and wonderful way of connecting to all of us. You've not only touched many of our lives, but have created a community. And, I for one, am grateful for that.

October 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

So glad you're back! September was crazy busy. October is crazy busy. November looks much the same. But the Royals, my beloved Kansas City Royals, are in the world series!!!!! so all is good. I hope you kick algebra's ass. (My high school math teacher had a metal hook for a hand...no pressure there.)

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>