Friday
Jan242014

Full Confessional Friday! 1/24/2014

Mrs. G. is putting the Confessional up a couple of days early because she's going to put her laptop in her desk drawer and unplug for a few days. See you sometime next week -- with the boll weevil story.


Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.   

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Reader Comments (47)

This once , I need words of encouragement. My husband is a disabled vet. He is in the hospital with a serious kidney infection. He has had 27 surgeries and hates to go to the doctor so he let this go on too long, I finally had to cuss and yell at him(I never do either) to get him to the ER. I have to admit that I am just sitting here crying and I don't know what to do next.

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Other Kay

Most awesome pic ever!

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiane. Carol

Kay...pls know that when i posted...your post wasn't here, or i wouldn't have been so callous. Just know that you have a sister, sitting here in Michigan and giving you a big virtual hug. We are all here....so sorry that you are both going through this...pls take care...and my heart is with you both.

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiane. Carol

Kay -- I'm so sorry. I am thinking of you and sending healing vibes to your husband. Best wishes for you both.
HUGS, ilyanna

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterilyanna

Oh, Kay! Darn men! But after 27 surgeries I can see his point. Either way, I'm sorry he's so sick and you're so sad. Imagine us all each carrying a little bit of your load and making it just a little easier to bear. Because we are!

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Explains It All

Oh no, 27 surgeries? I am so sorry Kay, what sadness and stress.
Yesterday our thermometer said about 20 below. One neighbor's said 17 below, another 21 below. Then you add the wind and...! Maybe the coldest we have seen ourselves in Ithaca. But the sun was out and it was lovely and this morning it is only 2 below. January! Blegh. This is why every evening April to September we are out side with martinis, worshipping the warmth :) Have an awesome weekend all!

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentergary Rith

Oh Kay, wouldn't it be nice to just punch a wall or something? I am sorry you are having to deal with that crap. I wish I could swoop in and hug you. And maybe kick your man for being so stubborn (now is a good time while he is drugged up on pain meds).

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Healing and warm thoughts going your way.
There are times that life really hits a low point.
I will be thinking of you.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Kay:
It's times like this when it might help to mutter to yourself "F*@k a DUCK!" It won't solve anything, but it might relieve a bit of the darkness.
I'm so sorry.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Kay, I hope things are looking better today and you and your DH get some relief.

To add some silly to the Confessional: I got caught in a youtube wormhole yesterday and ended up watching several One Direction videos. Those little boys are so darn cute! lol They have goofy hair but other than that they are little cuties. I'm old enough to be their mother, and not even as a precocious teen, and should probably be on an offender registry somewhere. That little Louis (goodness help me, I even know their names) is so, so pretty. I could watch the pretty all day.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranon

Big hugs for Kay! I can only imagine how tired he is of all the medical intervention. A wish to relieve the weight from you both.

My only bitch - my email was hacked by some random in Russia. Shit.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

My email got hacked too, and I had to change my passwords. I suspect I'll never be able to send an email again because I'm a hell of a creature of habit, and I suck at remembering passwords.

ALSO,
I'm about to lose my shit. SO many little things (and medium things) have broken or gone wrong in the last 3 weeks.
Furnace broke. BOTH cars broke (battery for one, bumper for another, and the horn -- the damned HORN, on the battery-problem car). Accompanist fell through for 3 students for a contest in 3 weeks and now I'm going to have to try to fix that. My phone stopped having GPS (and OMG I need gps), then it stopped getting phone/internet service. Finally replaced it. Flute still needs repad.

I am sick of it, and I'm depressed because just when I get one thing fixed, another thing breaks. Or somebody gets sick. Or one of my kids tells me that there's a MOUSE in the HAMSTER CAGE. WITH THE HAMSTER. I'm pretty sure the hamster is going to give birth to mice-sters in 24 days or something.
Our TOILET has been getting plugged.

My dog's been whining.
I got scolded at work for moving something and not putting it back.

AND finally??? At the chiropractor where I work, there are a whole bunch of plants in the basement where I work (the massage rooms are in rooms down there), and we all hate the things. So I've been trying to kill them by watering them with the hot water from the hot stone massages. The water is full of lotion and skin cells and junk, and it's hot. GUESS WHAT? The stupid plants LIKE IT. They're happy. It's like fricking Miracle Gro.

I give up. Hand me wine.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Oh, dear. Kay, I hope your husband recovers quickly. Kidney infections are not something to mess with. It's great your cussing and yelling got him to get medical care, you should be proud that you did!

Kate, your day! I'd buy you a glass of wine if I could.

Gary, I am remembering the one Ithaca winter I endured, now 26 years ago, but I never had to experience it below Zero! It must be gorgeous, though!

I am having all kinds of aggravating First World problems, so I'm trying not to whine.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Kay - sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

I'm having a much, much better week than I have had in a while. Nothing significant has changed. Except maybe my outlook. And I'll take it.

Very much trying to look past -12 degrees to spring. But . . . . the fireplace is very warm and cozy and I'm looking forward to a few good books during the thaw.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

Kay, I'm with Kate in MI...at least once an hour, exhale f#ck a duck! I to am thinking of you and sending you warm and healing thoughts from my part of the world.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Kate in MI I am sorry to be laughing but I read parts of your post out to the 15 yo and she was in fits. Thanks for the giggles.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentertrash

Today is a good day!
1. I got a call from my sister-of-the-heart who is dying of cancer. We talked for about 45 minutes and pretended that she wasn't dying. I hadn't heard her voice since December 30th.
2. I cleaned my oven which helped to heat my house in the -3 degree Midwest winter. Winner/Winner.
3. I made Potato soup for "Linner" (Lunch/Dinner)
4. I laughed with my DH.
Yes, today.... A GOOD day

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

I think that's me on the far left in Mrs G's new header.
.....and I'm about to kick the guy grabbing my ankle.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah J

Kay, sending hugs and prayers your way for your hubby. Men don't understand how upset we women get when they are sick - my husband is my rock and when he is sick it just makes me feel lost and at sea.

Kate, hope you have a good weekend and can forget all the bad/frustrating things going on right now.

I am heading into my fourth knee replacement surgery (for the same knee) next Tuesday and would like some good thoughts and prayers coming my way please. I got an MRSA from the first surgery; they tried to salvage it with the second by removing only a small part of the mechanics but that didn't work and they had to do a third surgery to totally remove the replacement and put in medicated concrete spacers which I've had in since mid October. I show no signs of infection and am hoping that this next surgery to redo the replacement is the fix. This will be the 6th major surgery in 18 months for me. I went in to have pre admit tests done for a June 2012 knee replacement and had a bad EKG and ended up with a triple bypass instead. Thank goodnss they found that without me having a heart attack. Anyway, I'm hoping this is the surgery that does the trick for this knee and that I can get back to 'normal' whatever that now is. Thanks for allowing me to vent and post.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBamaCarol

OMG, I've been taken over by an alien or some damn thing. I'm hornier then a 16 year old. My DH has been waiting 49+ years for this. I sure don't know what has changed but I will take it and so will he. Although he thinks I'm trying to kill him. :~) No complaints here just shaking my head and enjoying the ride. I just had to share with someone!!!

Other Kay, I hope things are going a little better tonight.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie M

BamaCarol, good luck with the knee replacement surgery! Mr. G. had one a few years back and he loves having a pain-free knee again. Take it easy and be sure and stretch those muscles like they tell you to. xoxo

Kay, will you keep us posted? Still thinking of your DH.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Julie M, well enjoy yourself woman! But don't tell Mike Huckabee:

https://www.facebook.com/PlannedParenthoodAction

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Thank you all for the hugs. He is still in ICU, but they think that he is doing better. After all these surgeries I can understand why he does not want to go to the doctor, but if he had it could have been fixed with meds. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, so why don't we?

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Other Kay

Kay - sending prayers and good mojo your way!!! Hoping for a speedy recovery that doesn't require anymore invasive surgeries!

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

So I just saw Kay's response to my confession about the frustration I shared last week - so sorry for not catching it sooner - I often am reading on my phone and miss all the good stuff because scrolling is a pain on that thing.

I'm not exactly sure why it costs so much - I just know what some portions are going to be. The adoption is considered an Independent Domestic Adoption.

The Home-study is $6,800 - that includes background check, reference check, educational classes that I have to take, program fee, paperwork, home visit and the post placement visit)

The Birth Parent Counseling is $2,600 - I'm responsible for paying this so that the birth parents (only the birth mom is in the picture as the birth dad isn't adjudicated.) I think this basically covers that their rights are going to be terminated and that they are no longer going to have rights to the child (I'm sort of confused on that part.)

Lawyer Fees are unknown at this point. I will have 2 lawyers - my own and a lawyer for the Bean (they will be her guardian ad litem and act in her best interest since she can't speak for herself.) I have my first meeting with my attorney tomorrow - they come highly recommend by a co-worker who adopted and I believe that she said her lawyer fees were somewhere around $10,000.

Which increases my initial estimate by about 5 grand. So basically it's going to cost about 2/3 of my annual gross salary to adopt the kid that has only ever known me as her Mom.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

Tonya, that is insane. But I know your Bean is worth every penny.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Also taking a 15th month old outside and trying to keep their face covered when it is 25 BELOW(!!!) is effing hard!

And switching Daycare providers is as a pain as well - I know that it is for the best (they have had multiple outbreaks of things that are a hard to overlook like pink eye and scabies) in the few months that she has been there and she hasn't been kept in a consistent room or with a consistent teacher. I'm hoping that she transitions easily to the new place and that she thrives there.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

I hope so too, Tonya. I love seeing all her FB photos. She's a darling!

January 23, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

I confess I was supposed to put my computer in a drawer today and unplug, but last night in bed I kept thinking about things I wanted to do to tweak the blog. And then I looked on FB and then...

Maybe tomorrow.

Xoxoxo to all!

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

I went to the hairdresser today and told her to cut my hair SHORT!!

It looks great! Hope it looks just as great after I wash it tomorrow!

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Life is hard right now as my big brother is terminally ill, with weeks to a few months to live. (He still calls me his little sister, so I still get to call him my big brother) So many mixed feelings. Of course I don't want him to continue a life of pain, but he is my BIG BROTHER!!!. He has already beat the devil by a good two years. At some point I will do more posts on my blog; right now I want to spend time thinking and caring.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersmartcat

Sending HUGE virtual hugs to all who are having such tough/sad/difficult - Kay, Albug, Kate in MI, Tonya, smartcat - Life just hands us pure shit sometimes, doesn't it? Just know you've got an amazing group of derfs sending love your way - and a glass of whatever makes you feel a bit better!

No complaints here except for being sick of this freaking Winter. OK, OK, we get it. It's WINTER. Stop trying to prove it and dripping Arctic Snot all over the lower 48 OK?? Sheesh.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBriget

Tonya - this may not help right away, but I believe some of your adoption expenses are tax deductible. Ours were and it was a HUGE savings. Also, some companies help offset adoption expenses as part of their benefits packages. My husband's company gave us $5K. The bigger the company, the more likely they are to do this, so it may be worth looking into.

Also, if you belong to a church, I have known some worship communities to sponsor fundraisers to help offset adoption expenses. I'm sure people would be willing to help.

Kay, please keep us posted. Thinking of you.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

Thank you Briget for your kind words. My heart goes out to all Derfs who are hurting and or grieving. I come here often because it is so uplifting the way we all care for one another.
Tonya-the fundraiser is a good idea, really. I went to a garage sale last year and bought a few things. When I went to pay my $1.00 there was a canister that said, Help us Help Amanda. I asked what that was about and the woman explained that her neighbor was struggling with the cost of their adoption and the whole neighborhood was donating their sale proceeds to them. I thought what a great idea, donated and moved on. So good luck with it all. Bean deserves the best and that is you.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlbug

Thoughts and prayers for all hurting and in need.

I'm a little excited and could use some good thoughts of my own. I've been unemployed for 18 months. I found a job yesterday that suits my skill level, is interesting, and is right by my boys' schools. I applied and now am praying for the phone to ring to schedule an interview. I really need this!

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBella Luna

Bella Luna, I hope you get a call RIGHT NOW!!

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

Huddling in the loft (yes, I know, I live in New Orleans but it's sleeting and the houses are built to release heat). Talked with my friend whose mom died last week and she's doing quite well. I dreamed she was last night so it was nice having it confirmed. In fact, I dreamed of a chaotic party, with all sorts of people there - friends, my quasi-kids, gangsters, animal couples in fancy outfits (the long-haired terriers were particularly fetching), corrupt politicians - and I talked with bunches and changed some minds and was confused by and confused others; overall a fun party. It was hard waking up.

Other Kay, it may not be the mindset of independence. It may be denial that once more something is wrong. I've had twelve surgeries and right now, my tonsils seem to be acting up with this flu (yeah, I'm 56 with tonsils). Lou thinks it may be causing some sleep apnea and definitely snoring. I just don't want to deal with it, minor as it is. I don't want to go to the dermatologist and be checked for skin cancer. I don't want the chest x-rays I supposed to have every two years for the rest of my life. I don't want to go to the prosthetic maker and get new gel socks, despite the pain (I can handle it, really) and redness. I just want to be normal or pretend I am a bit longer. I'll get to it, maybe in a couple of weeks. Of course, none of us are normal and by this age most of us have something we're dealing with. So, gird up and deal. Then find delight - it's there, it's there, find it.

Tonya, your Bean will grow with you. I'm sorry you're getting hit hard financially, but I must say I'm impressed at the steps taken to be sure all is right. We know you're a good mom but man, it seems your state definitely is covering everything. I'd heard it was harder to adopt an animal than a child - I don't believe that anymore.

BamaCarol, you'll be dancing and skipping and jumping. Sounds like you've had to deal with a lot of medical in a short period, but soon you'll be ready and healthy for the next phase.

May all have a peaceful, WARM, weekend, with a great week following.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

Derfs! I'm sending a big ole hug to all of you.

Tonya- If you set up a crowd-sourcing option, I'll contribute. I'm sure plenty of people would. Bean belongs at home with you.

Derfs- I have a big job interview on Wednesday! Can you send good thoughts into the would for me?

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRegina

Regina and Bella Luna, I have a little dance (witnessed only by my children) I do when someone is up for a job. I just did it for you both. Good luck! Keep us posted please.

January 24, 2014 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Naomi d, your voice sounds like his. He never complains unless it is something that would bring others to their knees. I've been blessed with good health and sometimes he says that it is not fair, he has given so much for our family and our country just to have such a terrible time over the last few years. I think your point of just wanting to be normal for a while is very valid. But darn, just because you both can handle the pain does not mean that you should. If he would have gone to the doctor when it first started hurting he would not be in ICU. I do appreciate your comments it has given me another way to think. I'm sending hugs,love and laughter your way. Thank you all for being here for me.

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Other Kay

I just wrote a really long response to everyone and of course my phone deleted it.

Basically it was a great big thank you to this amazingly supportive community! I found out that work will reimburse up to $10,000 once the adoption is completed and I may qualify for a grant from the State of Wisconsin that would reimburse up to $2000 after the adoption is completed if it is determined that Beans would be in an unsafe environment had she not been adopted.

I'm going to look into the crowd sourcing sites this weekend since they aren't anything that I've had experience with before and will let y'all know once I know more. I also told my family to save all their thrift store donations so that once Spring comes I can have a thrift sale to help raise funds as well.

And the meeting with the lawyer went well - as long as the birth mom cooperates he thinks that things will go through fairly easily (even with the mounds of paperwork.) He also thinks even if the birth mother isn't cooperative and we have to go to a jury trial that they would find in my favor because Beans does not have a connection with the birth mom.

So after a long and exhausting week I'm unwinding by sipping on my diet root beer and watching random movies on Netflix while my girl is snuggled in her bed. Thank you once again Derfs - you are an amazing community of women and I'm sending good juju to all of you!

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTonya

Sending all of you Derfs the comfort you need, the hand to hold, the peace and respite for a moment's breathing room and your favorite frosty or hot beverage of choice this evening...

January 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie in AZ

Tonya, I'm so damned happy for you. Hurrah!

January 25, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Tonya, hug that girl.

January 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Other Kay, I'm glad my words helped.

Tonya - HURRAY!

January 26, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternaomi d

Yay!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisse

Tonya that is wonderful news about being reimbursed! Hope the process goes smoothly for you and you officially have the Bean soon!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBamaCarol

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