Friday
Jul132012
Full Confessional Friday
Friday, July 13, 2012 at 8:17PM Mrs. G.
Missus Tastycakes, Ezra Cornell, Gary and Kitty Gigantica on the Cornell Campus
Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.
tagged Full Confessional Friday
Full Confessional Friday
Reader Comments (44)
What a great picture. That Gary is a character, isn't he? Looks like a gorgeous day in Ithica. Enjoy your visit.
No confessions. Going to see the mother-person for an early 83rd b'day celebration...or is it 84th? Time flies, eh? Happy weekend, Derfs.
I love that picture. I've had a shit week but seeing that picture made me smile. That's the best Kitty Gigantica picture yet. This is true confessions, right? This was our worst week since...ever... Tragic loss of a young family member and me holding his little brother in the middle of that horrible night. I did write about it, and how my own beautiful Boy got on a plane a few days later. Life is so short, so sweet. I thank all the beautiful derfs for their support.
Mrs. g, right now your trip seems like a darning thread. You are weaving your way through the country, mending, drawing us closer together...the Derf network, ever more tightly woven.
Thank you.
Oh Smalltown Me, I am so sorry for your loss. I jumped over and read your post. What a beautiful tribute to that very loved young man. I can't describe how my heart feels right now just thinking of you and the parents. Major hugs being sent your way.
My only confession tonight is that I just don't think there's enough wine in this house tonight!!
This is why I treasure being a Derfwad. We laugh together and we cry together. We care about each other.
Love Gary & Kitty Gigantica. Love all the Derf tour posts.
Do not love developing panic attacks and the fallout.
On the upside, I'm in my favorite place with people I love.
Two years and one month ago, I took son#2 to the dentist for a check-up. Dentist said to make an appointment with the surgeon for wisdom teeth removal. Summer schedule was complicated (isn't it always?) and it never got done. Fast forward to this past Monday morning: new town, new dentist, same recommendation -- except now 3 out of 4 teeth have erupted and the x-rays clearly show it is important to make the appointment to get said teeth removed! It is now Friday morning and I have not yet jumped through hoops to get this little assignment completed. There's always an excuse and a reason -- scheduling troubles, dealing with insurance and preferred network providers -- but it NEEDS to be done. I feel like a bad mom. And I'll probably forget it again tomorrow. *sigh*
I dreamed I was with you all- I guess this is one of those I wanted to be along. Enjoy! Enjoy! They look so excited to have you there- Party on girl, party on.
I love my cat Spike
But his morning edition is
Most stinkiferous.
My adorable
Beagle Penny puked on the
Floor at 4 a m.
So I came down and
Got the gas mask, and hazmat
Suit....and big shovel....
Aside from that, Mrs G's
Visit is quite perfect and
Septic tank still works :)
It's hard to follow one of Gary's haiku masterpieces, isn't it? Glad to read Mrs G's visit is the expected ton o'fun. Great photo.
Smalltown me, I am so very sorry for the loss of such a dear person. My heart goes out to his family.
Karen, I have been procrastinating on a kid-related chore, too. My youngest got her driver's licence a week ago. Despite her nagging I haven't insured her yet, but the paperwork is in front of me and I will write the cheque this morning. She's going to want to take one of the cars every damned day and there will be arguments and an atmosphere. And worrying each time she goes off behind the wheel, because I am the sort who could bring home gold, silver AND bronze if worrying were an Olympic event.
Karen, I know how you feel. It's money, and paperwork, and worry and stress...and sometimes we just want to put all that off for a while.
My 17 year old mentioned she had a sore shoulder a week ago, and then 4 days ago she rolled over in the night and cried with the pain and had to take painkillers. I said let's see...give it a day or two...have a heat pack on it.
Delay, delay
Hope it goes away.
She had spinal surgery last year for scoliosis. Severe case, 4 surgeries over 5 months, permanent rods and detached muscles.
It had been going so well, I thought we might be clear.
No.
Just emailed her Case Manager for an appointment at the Spinal Clinic next week
Sigh.
Karen, I just made the wisdom teeth appointment for my son. He is having all four of them out on Monday.
Make that call and we can commiserate together!
Karen, my older son had FIVE wisdom teeth!!!!! Gary's first haiku describes my Homer. thank you all for your kind thoughts.
This has been a week of little hurts and disappointments. And worrying about money and our upcoming vacation plans. And being tired of being hot all the damn time.
The lawn and flowers are parched. But the fracking weeds are doing awesome. It's been so hot that I don't want to clean them out. The kids have been cooped up in the house and the house looks like it. We need to work on our Putting Away skillz. My attempts at Getting Things Organized have not been going well.
I am taking a deep breath and reminding myself to keep working on my positive attitude. It would be so easy to be Grumpy Mom but then nobody is happy. This is definitely one of those Fake It 'Til You Make It times.
I'm so sorry, Smalltown Me...how hard it is when something so tragic happens. My thoughts are with you and the family.
Oh Smalltown Me, I'm so sorry. I'll be keeping you and his whole family in my thoughts.
Smalltownme, my heart aches for you and your town. What a tragic loss.
Parents of kids who need their wisdom teeth out: what are you waiting for?! http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/07/22/andy-after-wisdom-teeth-watch-out-david-after-dentist/. You are almost guaranteed to get some of the funniest video footage of your child you will ever see. My mother and fiancee carted me out of the office whilst singing Big Balls by AC/DC (my mom and my's song. Yes, it's a fucked up relationship) past ALL THE OPEN DOORS. I will never live it down.
My confession: we have 35 days until we move and I'm starting to get impatient. Even though I know once we get up there I'm going to be missing Kansas City a whole bunch, not to mention my large extended family here. I'm just SO EXCITED.
@c - make your daughter write the car insurance check. They tend to drive a little more carefully that way.
Oh, to be in Ithaca! Such a pretty, pretty place...
Smalltownme -- so, so sorry for everyone who lost a beloved child. Hugs Galore to your whole town.
Karen -- no harm done in waiting. You'll do it now and your son is older and probably better able to handle the aftermath.
My confession: now that I have decided a course of action, I can no longer ABIDE my husband. He's gross and rude and selfish and I can't believe I put up with him as long as I did. But the current plan is to keep going for a couple more YEARS while I get financially secure. it SUCKS. And I feel bad because he knows something is up and he is hurting, but i just can't bring myself to comfort him. Which is worse -- keeping on without love, or leaving? It's the old "how to remove a band-aid" argument, I guess.
I hope everyone has some peace and even some joy this weekend. I get to celebrate a wonderful couple getting married, am and really excited.
So sorry Heidi. What a terrible loss of a promising, wonderful young man. Such a tragedy.
Confessing nothing - just travel exhaustion. I am so happy to have been able to see my son again, visiting first in Paris and now in London. I'm worried I don't have the stamina I used to have for travel.
Oooh, oooh, mrs. g - ask Gary to show you the house we lived in, down by the creek in downtown Ithaca!! Take a picture and show me!
I'm in a slump and don't really want to get out, but my KIDS need me to get out of it. I must must MUST get them out to a beach or a forest or something TO.DAY. Was supposed to do it this morning, but didn't happen. Maybe after lunch? Gah. Immobile.
But? TOMORROW. TOMORROW I MEET MRS G!!!! YAAAY! (I think that was all-caps worthy, don't you?)
I just wish I could take my doggie Teddy with me. He's such a lovebeest. But I'm guessing the restaurant wouldn't smile on that.
Ilyanna: aren't you concerned that your husband will find your blog? I would be a little concerned, and you're pretty upfront about the whole "I"m going to leave his sorry ass" on it. You might be disguising yourself better than I know, though.
I feel for you and hope this is much easier than you think it will be.
I get to see Mrs. G and Gary today!!!!! That is all.
Much love to all you struggling Derfs this weekend, I'm sending good vibes your way!
Aunt Snow ... You and Gary lived together!? Ha!
I am spending the weekend with my life long friend. The one who has gone through treatment for Pancreatic Cancer. The journey has been long and difficult. It has taken its toll. Two months ago she finished treatment, a month ago her scans were clear, yesterday and today we laughed together, but she also said she is tired of climbing up the hill of recovery. She isn't herself and she is extremely tired. Praying that each day will get better for her and she will soon be happy and healthy. Thanks to all Derfs who have helped me through the last year, being able to rant in this safe place made it easy to be positive for her. She told me yesterday I was an inspiration because of my cancer history and recovery. I was touched, I hope she can get to a good place soon.
Again, thanks Mrs.G for this awesome site, it is much appreciated.
Smalltown, I'm so sorry about your loss--I don't even know what to say other than that.
It is wonderful being in Ithaca with the Rith crew. Just wonderful.
To all you procrastinators, been there, done that.
Yes, Ilyanna, you might consider another confessional name only because when you do divorce, you don't want anything to be discovered and held against you. I know this sounds paranoid, but having seen some pretty bitter divorces in my time, being careful is just good sense. Frankly, for your sake, I wish you could leave sooner.
Aunt Snow ... You and Gary lived together!? Ha!
Oh, goodness, no!!! You make me blush. No, my husband and I lived in Ithaca in 1988 while he was on a visiting professorship to Cornell, and I was pregnant with my son, and I emailed Gary about the house we lived in, which is a really cool historic house by the creek.
We had walking mudskipper fishes going up the creek in the spring and I was hoping Gary could send me a good photo of them. But apparently, they are not a regular seasonal thing, but an unusual thing!!
Hey, all. I got my sorry a$$ out of my slump and took my kids to a local forest and we mucked about in a stream, climbed some trees, followed some deer trails (and surprised one adorable deer out of its sleep), and tried to identify a bunch of animal prints in the mud/sand. I feel better now.
(smiley emoticon)
Smalltown Me - My heart is heavy for your loss. You described Mrs. G's odyssey just the way I think about it - tying us all together, connecting love from derf to derf.
Ilyanna - I understand wanting to be financially secure but your life is happening TODAY, not in a couple of years. If you have decided the marriage is over, take action now and save both of you from unnecessary pain. I have been watching someone I love very, very much self-destruct because he acted foolishly two years ago and has been "doing the right thing" since then. He has changed so much that I'm not sure he will ever find the decent, loving, thoughtful, considerate person he used to be.
As for me, the aforementioned someone said hurtful, insulting, over-the-line things to me last week. Yesterday I asked him for an apology. It was a bit awkward (I suppose it always is) but he surprised me with his sincerity. I am satisfied with the outcome of this situation but still so sad about the whole thing. I fear that someday, probably sooner than later, I will need to say goodbye to him for my own emotional wellbeing.
My heart goes out to those who are hurting. There is too much hurt in the world and I hope joy finds its way to you soon.
There's finally some rays of sunshine coming through the clouds:
- We got the second insurance settlement, the second adjuster did indeed notice a lot more damage than the first, so we have enough to get our new roof! The roofer's applied for the permit, we've got the forms in with the HOA (our HOA covers like 90,000 people, so they rubber stamp a lot, they just want to know, and I'm ok with that), and as soon as the paperwork is all signed, we can have a watertight roof again.
- I got almost everything on this week's "to do" list checked off.
- The flavor of the month at Baskin Robbins is Chocolate Oreo Cookie. This is THE best, THE most chocolatiest ice cream they have ever made. It's not just cookies and cream with chocolate ice cream, but it also has chocolate flakes in it. It's been *four years* since they've had it. Yes, it really is that good. I feel like the universe has finally thrown me a cookie - in ice cream, no less.
And thanks for the picture of Ezra (and those other folks ;)!). I hadn't seen him in about 26 years :).
Smalltownme, so sorry for your loss. tragic loss.
We had our share of sadness this week as well. Our yellow lab was struck by a car and we lost him yesterday. He had the wanderlust that we just couldn't contain when he was down at our cabin. may he wander at peace now.
Attending a memorial today for our good friend who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. I have 2 other friends with this particular cursed cancer. seems like an epidemic to me.
DH's 40th reunion tomorrow. Hopefully the bright spot we need this week.
Awesome photo up there-----such a grand expedition.
(hugs) to all those derfs having a rough week.
For me, I'm coming off an up and down week. Meeting Mrs. G was amazing! Dealing with derecho leftovers, not so amazing. Still not caught up on laundry or vacuuming; playing phone tag with contractors; catching up on online business. But some trips to the pool, happy kids, reasonably limited video time. And have a fun weekend with the two oldest planned; cheap movie theater tonight (haven't been to a real movie in about 6-9 months), and outdoor symphony concert with fireworks Saturday using our garage sale money.
Out of rum, though, and looking at all the fresh mint on my porch is making me lust for a mojito.
I'm a new derf...that's is my confession.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Just got done with a week long visit to my old home town. I moved two years ago, and for much of the time I have pined away for my old home. Strange thing is, once I arrived, it no longer felt like home. It felt like a place I used to live. Familiar, but the hold it once had is gone.
An unexpected change, but a welcome one. I have so needed to make my new home, just my home. No reservations, no constantly talking about the other place or making comparisons. Blooming where I am planted kind of deal. And now I am all let go of the old place and ready to really sink the new place into my identity. So I finally came home, and with a new sense of purpose and place.
I hope all you derfs in the wide Derfland of America are ready for a spectacular weekend, and for those with tough stuff on your agenda or mind, a big hug to you all.
Sending my thoughts to Smalltown and others who are hurting or just need a bit of a break.
I have had a great lesson in sticking to your hopes and dreams this week. A couple of years ago a good friend and fellow musician said that she wanted to start a summer opera company in Minneapolis. While most people would still be talking about getting started (by any measure, a huge undertaking), Karen went out and hired people and started raising money...lots of money. The opera opened last night and it is spectacular in every way. I'm incredibly proud of her and thrilled that I can be a part of it.
And since I'm in MN instead of Florida, I get to meet Mrs. G. Next week! Whoooohooo!
Our house and yard were
FILLED with Derfs tonight and it
Was better than socks ;)
Just today, just for now, I hate where we have settled.
Just for today, just for now, I am sick of my job
Just for today, just for now, I want to go back to Sicily, to my life 4 years ago.
Tomorrow will be better. It's just today that I am sick to death of everything..
Violet, I'm glad you got a sincere apology. You deserved one.
TC, you've inspired me to hit my local Baskin & Robbins!
AngAk, I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved pup.
Molly, I'm glad you came home to be fully home.
Vivianne, it was so nice to have coffee with you and your beautiful eyes. Thanks for making the effort.
Claudie, Alison (at the Gary gathering tonight) said she had made many of your recipes and LOVES your blog.
Navhelowife, I hope tomorrow is better.
Mary Alice, welcome!
Derfs, hugs to those who are also struggling through the pain of family loss and disengagement. I am so very disappointed that I had to choose between meeting all the Boston Derfs and making another 140 mile roundtrip visit to my so very mentally ill daughter at the hospital. For the first time in almost six years, I want to 'quit'...walk away and let her live or not live on her own terms. To cave to the 'system'. To not feel this much pain and sense of frustration. I KNOW why some parents quietly drift away (or dramatically divorce) their severely mentally ill children...the pain is unrelenting, the outcome rarely positive. Death, as feared as it is and should be, at least supposedly has an distinct conclusion...conversely, the pscychotic rollercoaster is just one jarring curve after another screaming loop-de-loop. I admit it, my ass is kicked. In less than a week, with less than seven weeks until my wedding...I have to decide if I want to attempt to become her legal guardian. Hmm, dear Groom...I know you said you were saying I Do, to We Do...but neither of us had considered she would deteriorate to this degree, this soon. How does the financial, legal, and emotional weight of one totally angry. psychotic, and scared twenty something sound? We go to court Wednesday, to see if they will commit her to one of two long term care options...if not, and that is the likely outcome in our area, then I have to make a decision to seek custodyguardianship "and all that entails) OR let the madness continue and band-aid as much as possible OR walk way and start the grieving process because the daughter I know is slowly disappearing and the personality that is consuming her is very hard to consider family. This large part of my life sucks...but all the rest of my 'parts', almost balance it out. I truly enjoy my work, I love my guy, I'm getting healthier every day, my son is doing well in the military, my family is close and supportive. I do have much to be happy about, and I try hard to keep things in perspective....but I miss my little girl so damn much. meak
MEAK, My heart goes out to you in dealing with your daughter and her mental illness. So very difficult and painful for you and for her. Sending a virtual hug and wisdom and supportive thoughts your way...
Debbie in AZ
MEAK, I'm so sorry you have to go through this at what should be such a joyous time for you and your groom. I'll say a special little prayer for you and your daughter today. I hope you're able to find a decent outcome at least for this.
May I offer a bright spot? Nan and I are holding the Dorset leg of the Derfapalooza/I Am A Derfwad 2012 here in my little town next week.
Trash, that is awesome! Will you be able to Skype with Mrs. G?
MEAK, my heart goes out to you.
TC, you have now armed with with very dangerous information. I just figured out where the local B&R is located. It's only a few blocks away from my temp job these next few weeks. Coincidence?
*waving hello to Mary Alice*
MEAK, I'm thinking of you. I lost one of my best friends to fucked up mental health issues just two years ago. It is so hard to watch someone go down that path, and I hurt thinking about the place you're in. Please remember that your health and your strength and your life matter, too. I hope you are able to find some peace.
Derfriends....thank you for all the supportive comments. They do help. Other than my dearest friends and my parents, few know many details of what we are going through. It's not something most folks at work or casual acquaintences are comfortable with hearing about and telling too much can be more painful because then that is all anyone wants to talk about. Please keep me in your thoughts on Wednesday...for a judge with open mind and compassion. For wisdom on my part...to not run entirely on emotion. Mostly, send positive thoughts out for a young woman with a very tough battle ahead of her. She is not Alice in Wonderland nor is she the Velveteen Rabbit...she must remember that sanity means living in the present and with support. We are not her enemies...we want her long term success. I know, here, I am not the only one with major burdens and larger dreams. Derfdom is both a sanity check and fantasy enabler...we can be real here but also be allowed to talk about who we want to be, who we used to be, and how we desire our lives to be. My door is always open if someone is traveling through southern Maine.
I'll keep you in my thoughts all week Mainly Alaskan. I'll let a candle burn on wednesday.
Mainely Alaskan, I hope you get the assistance you want on Wednesday and your daughter gets the help she needs. When I was growing up my family lived through this. I wish you all find peace and are able to move forward.