Friday
Jun082012
Full Confessional Friday!
Friday, June 8, 2012 at 12:32PM Mrs. G. 
Photo by Beverly and Pack
Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.
tagged Full Confessional Friday
Full Confessional Friday
Reader Comments (60)
Mrs. G, I don't know where you're finding your photos, but those cats are awesome dipped in chocolate. The one on right? He's wearing glasses. Does it get any better? I didn't think so!
Thanks, Kristy! I find them on the Flickr Commons.
I'm having a dinner party tonight. Chicken enchiladas served with rice and a mexican layered salad. For dessert we have coconut egg custard pie and a blueberry cheesecake...with cream. Casual decorations, flowers on the table, ....and all preparations done.
The problem is it will all be awkward heaped with uncomfortable, with a side order of weird.
One of our friends has remarried and is bringing his new partner. I'm sure she's very nice and we're happy to get to know her.
...but for 30 years it was a different wife he brought to our house for dinner. An old friend who is not coping well.
We're being honest about trying to keep both friendships, but frankly it's much harder than I thought...and it's doing my head in.
Kristy, I took a full minute looking all over the cats for chocolate! It's late at night--I need to go to bed!
HO BOY have I got something to confess! HA! The wife goes out of town at noon, I come home, and as I do every year in June when she flies off to see her aunt, I CLEANED THE GARAGE. You may think that this is VIRTUOUS but it is not. It is sneaky as hell. Because all that sh!t she has been hoarding all year? HA! Half to the dump, half on the curb with a free sign on it! (gone right away, too) The wife is not a hoarder. But she is a little tender hearted about junk :)
DH has been laid off a month. He is doing everything in his power NOT to work on the honey do list I started for him. He was laid off about three years ago for the whole summer...he had a wonderful time. I was totally angry because not only does he not do housework, he doesn't cook (BTW, he's a trained chef)....dinner would be....sweet potatoes, nothing else. Just before the lay off, I told him how I felt last time and my expectations. He is doing better about the household chores, but no cooking still. I'm not so upset about the cooking, we've been on a weight management program (sounds so technical, doesn't it)..but he really needs to organize and purge his workroom (Gary, I wish you'd go to my house and do your garage blitz there) and he is avoiding it like the plague. I leave that room alone, but it's betting near explosion stage and I've been asking him to do that room for months. I don't know if he truly doesn't see it as a problem or if it's his way of a pissing contest with me.....leaning toward pissing contest.
I laid down the law (I know, good luck with that) and said that next week, it has to happen.....we shall see if there will be blood.
This is where being a step parent (and not even legally by marriage but by commitment ceremony) sucks. My step grandson is graduating next week and he can only invite 4 people. He invited his Mom (his Dad is not in the picture at all), his Grandfather (my SO), his uncle and his blood grandmother (and I understand that, I do, but it hurts nonetheless). It would hurt less if he was close to her, but she really doesn't have much to do with her kids or her grandkids (except for her granddaughter) and he's always saying how much more I've done with him and for him in the 3 years he's known me....oh well. Such is life, right?
Gary - please come to my house and storage unit and do that for me? I'll let you play with Wolfie and make you vegan treats!
The wife just called and...I confessed. There was some silence. Then she admits 'well, it is better to have space'. This is the one aspect of my marriage where I sneak around: getting rid of JUNK! HA! Then, of course, I confessed that nobody had made the bed this morning. What is up with that? Then its sort of like 'oh, SHE makes the bed'. But now I can't. I mean, the dog and cat are sound asleep in there, so, pfft, if they are comfortable....
Deborah J,
Boy, your comment hit home! "One of our friends has remarried and is bringing his new partner. I'm sure she's very nice and we're happy to get to know her....but for 30 years it was a different wife he brought to our house for dinner. An old friend who is not coping well." I understand how you feel, but you need to move forward.
I lost my husband after 24 years. Four years later, I met my partner. To say my friends were not very welcoming is putting it mildly. One even had the audacity to say, "But he's not Chris!" (My late husband) My friends, who had been SO supportive during the long years of Chris' illness basically bailed on me because THEY couldn't cope with me meeting and moving on with someone different. It caused a big rift in some long time friendships. We've recovered, but I don't think we'll ever get back to where we were. If my partner's friends had treated me like my friends treated him, I would have been devastated. Thank goodness, his friends openly embraced me and welcomed me into their group. I've always felt comfortable with them.
I don't think it really matters what the reason is for bringing the new person around, put yourself in the new partner's shoes. My partner walked into a situation where everyone, including people in the community, knew and loved my late husband. Can you imagine what it would be like if that happened to you...if the situation was reversed? Would we hold up well under that kind of scrutiny? I am so grateful he was able to do this...but I know it wasn't/isn't easy.
I don't mean to rant here, but just to add some perspective. Try to think of it from the new wife's side and imagine how it must feel to try and enter a group that has a 30 year relationship/history together. No one likes to think about it, but at some point in our lives we may all experience being the "new" person.
Deborah J, try to think of the new person as someone new to get to know. Don't think of her as X's new partner or the replacement for the old partner. Do your best not to compare and try to steer conversations away from remember when and little inside jokes for now. She's probably freaked out too, might have a chip on her shoulder too, wow her with charm. If you treat her with kindness as you would any guest in your home, the rest of the group will take your cue.
Gary, love your confession. Don't make the bed but clean the garage Ha.
Trudy...I feel your pain. Have you ever seen Mr. Mom ( a movie about this same thing). There is a line in there about pride. The wife says she didn't keep the house clean and cook and all that because she loved it, but because it was her job and she took pride in doing that job. It really is true isn't it? No one likes to do the slug work, but we need to take some satisfaction and pride in it when we do. Also, don't set the bar too high for him, he might not do things exactly like you, but praise for doing them is what he needs. Finally, don't do the work at all because as long as you pick up the slack he won't see it as necessary. Hang in there.
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so preachy.
Gary, I'd like to unleash you on my son's bedroom. It looks like a tornado hit a toy store in there.
I have been on vacation this week. I've been sleeping late and doing exactly what I want to do, and avoiding what I don't want to do. So my craft projects are done, the metal glider I'm restoring is almost ready to paint and the house is a hot mess! Oh well, I've still got the weekend. It's supposed to be hot and humid, so I'll stay indoors and give the casa a good cleaning.
Happy weekend, Derfs!
My confession this week is that in the past seven days I've consumed more alcohol than I would usually take on board in three months. It was my brother's wedding and family I haven't seen in years are visiting. So, I've been living on alcohol and max 5 hours of sleep per night. Yesterday I went to work and was not doing well, then I went out again last night, drank too much, and got too little sleep. I'm a wreck at work today. Thankfully, I pulled off the 10am contract negotiation without mishap, but right now I am so tired I can feel my own heart beating, and I can barely stand up.
I apologise to my own body for making it feel this way. At 34 years old, the two-day hangover is well and truly upon me. I need to acknowledge I can't continue like I'm in my early 20s forever. And that makes me really, really sad. I'm trying to see the truth in what a friend said, which amounted to every age having its own delights. But all I can feel at the moment is pain that my younger days are behind me.
We swam in my cousin's pool yesterday for four hours. Today I am sunburnt all to hell. I cancelled two previous engagements and have decided to take my kiddo to Madagascar 3 today. Yes there have been blow-ups and I'm learning what patience really is, but all in all, staying home this summer the kid is the best decision I could have made. I'm kind of tempted to just never go back and homeschool her. Ladies you REALLY had an impact on me at the beginning of this summer and helped me open myself up to the fun I could have. We are having a BLAST!
@Gary--Oh boy, I hope the silence wasn't too long? That was SNEAKY.
@Deborah J--On a different note: what is this chocolate egg custard pie? And how do I get some?
Friday already? Yikes.
Today, noon, begins my kids' summer vacation.
I am... sighing a lot. I know what little $hits they can be. And how adorable. But maybe there is a kid-kennel out htere somewhere? Sigh. Again.
And a friend of mine is going home to Indonesia (w/her two kids) for the summer. Where she will be coddled by her mom, the cooking handled by their cookS, the housecleaning handled by the maids, and the kids will be cared for by a plethora of cousins, aunts and uncles, AND nannies! Day and night. I am jealous. And??? She gets to eat all kinds of amazing Indonesian food for 2.5 months. ACK!
That IS a most awesome cat photo! It has certainly been a week here. A little stressful but for no good reason. I'm working on making an audition tape/cd so I guess dissecting one's flute playing at this stage in life/career is a little frustrating. As Stephen Sondheim wrote, "everything you do, you still audition." At least with the help of my good friends Ben & Jerry I was able to get through the week without punching anyone. On to the weekend!
Some week I want to come here and share some good news. This will not be the week.
Long story short: lousy trip back from the in laws, including a late start, rain and gusts of wind up to 50 mph, a mild case of food poisoning upon returning home (with all the delights that entails), our sick cat who had been doing markedly better took a sudden turn for the worse and we had to let her go, and that night we had hellacious hailstorms resulting in an indoor shower in the front hall, and now the start of negotiations with our insurance company about the roof - it "might"(!) be damaged enough to replace.
I told a friend of mine about everything that's been going on. He paused a moment and said "So when did you change your name to Job?"
I laughed like I haven't for ages. Which was a nice change.
I feel like a worn out, slightly mildewed washrag today but I have a list of stuff that has to get done. Off to Starbucks for caffeine infusion.
Sending good thoughts to everyone. Have a good weekend!
Since, I leave in 9 days, posting will be light next week--mainly attempts to make sure city stops are organized and everyone is up to speed.
I can't wait to start writing about the journey.
I confess to all the gods that I am about to sin in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I will fail to do. I ask blessed Mrs G, all my fellow derfs and you here present to pray for me to all the gods. This weekend is the wedding of Ck's nephew's wedding and we not going. I know we said we would and I have even bought new clothing for it but quite frankly we are both knackered and just don't fancy the two hour trek there and back.
I have been asking CK for weeks to contact his brother to discuss things but let's be honest I am not his mother so if we get to the night before and he STILL hadn't? Ce n'est pas mon problème, ca va?
I am hurt and angry.
My mother and I hosted a bridal party for my son's fiance; to meet her mother, aunt and gramma. It was lovely and went very, very well. (We were all so nervous!).
While there, the bride was commenting - in a rueful, laughing, loving way - about how my daughter Sarah (one of her bridesmaids) had the audacity to go on an exercise/diet, lose 30 pounds and about 10 dress sizes (from a 14 to a 4) (she's 6'1") and look freaking fantastic! Better than the bride!
I joined in with the latest story which is that a events organizer at Holt Renfrew stopped her in the street and offered her a modelling job!
All very nice, everyone was pleased for Sarah, I am proud of my girl, she's had a tough ride. (Sexually assaulted at three, drugs and dropped out of high school, lived on the street, in an abusive relationship for 7 years. Finally decided that she was "better than all that", had him charged, got a great job, built a good, solid, productive life. Now 29 years old, she's going back to school in Sept. for her CGA. Has a nice boyfriend.)
Then I hear that my other daughter Faustina went home and cried all night because I had praised Sarah and not her.
Jeez. Can't I say anything? Can't I ever let my guard down and just say something without someone taking offense?
I know I'm a social klutz, I know I have difficulty with social interactions, and I really, really work so hard in social situations outside the immediate family that I'm exhausted by the end of the day. I'm so tired of getting it wrong all the time, I'm hurt and angry that I don't get any slack from those who are supposed to give exactly that.
I haven't spoken to my daughter yet, but I did send an apology to the bride today in case I had hurt her feelings too. Sheez.
And I can't tell my husband how badly this hurts because he'll either chastize my daughter or tell me that I'm exaggerating and being too sensitive, neither of which I can deal with right now.
So I'm telling you all.
Trash, done.
Catherine, you don't have to be a social klutz to irritate your kids with innocent comments. I believe this is universal to motherhood, right Derf Moms? Let it go and cut yourself some slack.
Oh, what have I done?! I just accepted a second job at a place where a good chunk of their income derives from the printing of political campaign stuff. All of it Republican. Granted, this particular area of my state is very much a Republican enclave, but I get the feeling these people would actually turn down doing stuff for a Democrat out of principal. Maybe I'm wrong about that. After all, money is money. Which is why I took the job. After over a year of underemployment and possibly eminent total unempoyment at my main job, I feel like I don't really have much choice. Plus, on another totally selfish level, it is a great opportunity to learn some new skills that might be useful in the future, so... But I am grappling with what I've done.
Annie, look at it as a temporary opportunity to buy groceries and pay bills until something better comes along. I would have taken the job t00.
I am too scared to tell my husband that the doctor is ordering tests to rule out ovarian cancer, I am afraid he wont be the rock I will need if it is cancer.
Oh D, I know your fear. I had to have an ovary removed because of a cyst and wait for several days for the biopsy to come back. I will place you firmly in my thoughts. You're husband might surprise you--they're good at that, so try not to worry about his reaction just yet. Do you have other rocks in your life. If not, depending where you are, I bet we can find you one.
Promise me you'll let us know how this turns out. Remember the statistics are on your side! xoxo
Today, I'm just tired of it all. Sick Mothers, pain in the ass ex-husbands, wretched step daughters, job with too much work for one person, and the inability to sleep. I just want a few days without it. All of it. Then I wil come back and happily do what I need to do. With patience and a smile.
Dear D, count me in! Whether or not your husband can provide you the support you need, count me as a friend and support. I've had Ovarian Cancer for close to six years. First of all, think positively that it is not cancer. If it turns out it is, just do what the doctor says. You'll be good. And eat healthy and get enough sleep. I'll be thinking of you! Good luck.
I write flippant and funny sh!t because a) it is true and b) I like to throw in some comic relief. The comment here from D about ovarian cancer and her husband not being a rock, good golly, how horrible. I myself always fear being weak in the face of my wife's need, and I truly hope, D, that things are OK.. c) I hope things work out for all of you commenting today, sheesh! and finally d) Mrs G, that cat painting of yours? See, if I was Mr G, and I am not, I might hide it from you and then when you were doing your summer 2013 Derfwad tour in the free chevy volt chauferred by a young Alan Alda, sorta, you know, set it on the curb with a free sign on it....
Gary, there is junk and there is priceless, folk art and when I am there, I will school you on the difference.
When I'm on the Antiques Roadshow and they tell me how much that baby is worth, you will hang your head in shame.
Besides, Mr. G. knows if he ditched my cat painting, some of his t-shirts I'm less fond of would POOF vanish.
D: IF heathen vibes are anything at all, you should be feeling some right about now. Ovaries, schmovaries. I hope/pray/meditate that your soul is quiet this weekend, regardless of how worried you //could// feel.
HEY! I have good news!
My hubs just submitted his entire TENURE FILE to the university's office that accepts such things. He is happy, and *knock on wood, please, everybody* rather confident that in Spring of 2013, we'll be hearing the solid CHA-CHUNK of the "tenure granted" stamp on his file.
And then? He was sitting there, talking about all the stuff he was going to buy for himself as a reward for tenure (*knock on wood, again*), like buying new graduation regalia (the cap, the gown, etc.), a new trombone, etc., and I finally ventured a comment. I said that I kind of feel like _I helped him get tenure_ by supporting him mentally and practically for all these years. And that I would like a reward too.
He sat there for a moment, and then said, "Yeah. You know, you're right. You deserve something too. Maybe you and your sister could go on a vacation together? Or you could get that kayak you've wanted? Think about it and come up with something nice."
Well. How 'bout that?
GARY! Take that back! I know you wouldn't dream of putting Mrs. G's cat art out by the curb. My husband certainly would (tp his peril) but not you!!!
D - consider us a colony of rocks.
Hang in there everyone! Onward and upward.
TOUCHE Mrs G, that is one serious threat: YOU DO NOT MESS with a man's tee shirt collection. I will proudly show you my overflowing drawers and...overflowing drawers of tee shirts, I mean, specifically, and you will see the difference between my favorite tee from 1990 and your cat painting ;)
kate in Mich, that is so damn cool. Tell your husband you are taking a down payment on said KNOCK ON WOOD tenure and driving to Ithaca for my HUGE Mrs G ithaca party July 13....its only...mmm....12 hour drive?
Good thoughts to you, D. I hope it all turns out well, but in the mean time...peace for you!
Insignificant confession after reading D's post. Hugs being sent your way, D. We are here for you.
I need a real day off. I have been working a lot, a lot lot. And I need a total day off without any work, my first in I don't even know how long. But I work for myself, and I have some fun stuff planned for later in the summer, so I must get it done now!
The are really only two downsides for working for yourself. One, if business is slow, you get no dough. Two, If you take time off, no one fills in for you. All productivity screeches to a halt.
So I am trying to reserve tomorrow all for me. Just me.
To all you Derfs struggling, sighing, needing a boost, I feel ya and tip my wine glass to you.
It's been weeks...of crisis and pain but I'm holding strong. My confession...I'm not sharing Derf-dom with anyone, not even my dearest and closest friends. Not even when I know they would jump on board with gusto, delight, and appreciation. Derfwad Manor is my own fun, amazing, guilty pleasure. Meak
Annie -- think of it as the rare opportunity to have the republicans pay for your healthcare, child rearing, groceries, what have you. I'd call that stickin' it to the man!
Gary -- ha! you offered to show Mrs G your drawers. Hee, hee.
KateInMichigan -- I have a whole set of school-like tasks I can and will offer to my children (and any hangers on) if they say they're bored or they start fighting. Amazing how running through times tables or having to write a three paragraph book report changes their attitudes. Then, when they're nice, we can have fun.
My confession: an old boyfriend (the best sex I've ever had) is in town visiting a mutual friend, and we're going out to dinner tonight. I'm glad our friend will be with us, because with my marriage in the doldrums I'd sure love to revisit the excitement I felt with him. He always made me feel beautiful and sexy and desirable . . .
Strength and peace to us all this weekend.
D...the Not knowing is very difficult,I know. Give your DH a chance. I was very surprised how my husband was a rock 15 years ago, I too was afraid to tell him. He came through, I bet your DH will too. If not, this site, and we Derfs are a soft place to land, even though we are rock solid. You are not alone.
D - I'm thinking of you too. I'm hoping that's not what's causing your symptoms. I was worried about oc as well, but an ultrasound ruled it out. Please let us know how things go.
D: people often rise to the occasion, far higher than we ever imagined they could. Here's hoping the tests are all negative and it's something else.
I followed an amazing professional opportunity 2 1/2 years ago to own a business with immensely talented colleagues. The personal toll is substantial - a 40 mile commute to a city I really don't want to move to/live in is just the start. My clients with business experience told me that I could expect to be fairly miserable with management/growing pains/etc for at least the first 2 years. We just had our 2 year anniversary and are faced with the realization that the individual we hired to manage this business is not up to par, my personal time in keeping her at all on track/reined in is far more than ideal, and by the way we have 8 partners who largely desire personal autonomy in this supposedly joint venture. Those who bring in the most money (and benefit personally accordingly) of course feel that NOTHING they do is subject to any central management.
Current plan is to find a way to hire an administrator *over* the manager who currently believes she still has a shot at growing into that position (I am SO looking forward to breaking that news), and sending a note to my partners that essentially says "the more behavior I see which I interpret as entirely selfish and not putting the business first makes me want to protect myself more, and perhaps we should consider splitting into separate entities so I am no longer supporting your services but can pay myself, and my staff, whatever I feel like and you can figure out how to support your own needs".
I feel taken for granted for the time I devote to management, the sacrifices in my personal life I have made, while others who earn more are acting like jerks most of the time. I am not 100% given over to this business, but if I were diagnosed with a brain tumor tomorrow I would have some serious regrets about my priorities in the past few years. Time to cut the crap and see where people stand.
Aw, Gary. I am glad your wife doesn't mind your sneaking and purging. If that had happened at my house there would have been a much longer period of silence.
I am sorry (and slightly pissed) that I will not be able to make the Derf meet-up in NC. I just received a summons for jury duty...and I am to appear July 2! Fuck a duck!
Big hugs to all with the bigger problems and thanks for listening to my piddling stuff.
It's only 11:00 am here but I've already had "A DAY."
I think I'm going back to bed for a little while and start over...
Me too, Annie. I have already screwed up the first 2 hours so much that the next 12 are not going to be any better.
Sarah, good luck cutting the crap.
Fluffy, fuck a duck indeed! Now you'll have to come to Seattle.
D. see, we've got your back. There are derfs everywhere.
Con: My son lied when we asked him if he had been playing with the power screwdriver.
Pro: he eventually found it for us
Con: my husband was having a hissy fit about it and got mad at MEthat I didn't get all worked up
Pro: I didn't get all worked up.
Con: Son deserved punishment
Pro: Put him to work all day to atone, and he has filled 3 yard bags with tree prunings, weeds, and stuff, has washed out the big trash can (first time in 4 years,I might add. yeuchhhh), picked up dog poop, and cleaned the living room.
I think he might just reconsider lying next time.
Went through some papers at mom's house over the past few days... learned more about what was going on in her head when she was wanting to separate from my dad. It helps with understanding and even compassion but also brings anger and sorrow. I wish she had actually shared real information & true feelings with us when we were adults. Now it is one year too late and there are some huge hurts, esp. for my brothers. I ache for them. My husband had a lovely childhood, still has both parents married and loving, and his extended family is close, so he simply doesn't understand. My extended family has huge chasms between us.
Now my husband thinks it is not good or useful to delve into what is past, and to just live today and move on with life. While there are definitely good things about that, what happened makes me who I am, and some if it I want to change.
So I am going on my 5th night in a row of poor sleep, a husband who wants me to just buck up and stop thinking about it all, me dragging from a long drive home yesterday and a bunch of his extended family in town this weekend for the nephew's graduation. I'm exhausted.
Kate in MI - good job!!
D - we are your Derf rocks ♥
~annie - I like the idea of the new employers paying for your necessities. You don't have to love the job, just give it your effort like you would for any job and have no guilt.
Mrs. G. - Thank You.
To all dealing with family hurts and confusion, dropped balls, pre-wedding stuff, etc. -- I hear you.
Derfrocks - I like it!
I am now in the hour or two lull before a huge barbecue at our house. It's too early to start cooking, I should be tidying up; my husband is taking a nap - I don't begrudge it him, he was up at 7 am putting two eight-pound pork shoulders in the smoker.
It's a party for his office, his staff and department heads, and while some are true friends, others are "colleagues" and there have been some tension between them and his office. Nonetheless, everyone of a certain level in the hierarchy has been invited - fair is fair.
We're providing main course and drinks. In addition to the pork, he's smoking two chickens, and I made a vegetarian lasagne. I'm making bread and also trying out something a little daring - salt-baked whole fish.
But I'm appreciating the lull - the house is full of good stuff; we've cleaned. Everything is ready to go. Folks will start arriving in two and a half hours.