Saturday
May262012
Full Confessional Friday!
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 8:18AM Mrs. G. 
Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.
Photo: Woman models tennis fashions at Burdine's: Miami, Florida, 1929. Photographer: Fishbaugh, W. A. (William A.), b. ca. 1873. No copyright.
tagged Full Confessional Friday
Full Confessional Friday
Reader Comments (38)
My flash turned into a flashalini. I'm sorry for the extended absence. I had things that needed to be taken care of so I unplugged to attend to them. I'm back in business now. I hope everyone had a good week!
I'm getting my new boobie (made from belly fat) on or about July 23! Yay! I am so eager to put breast cancer behind me.
Welcome back!
Patricia, I don't blame you. It's like you are getting a fresh start on the rest of your life and how exciting is that? If you need any extra belly fat, I'm willing to share! I'm happy for you, Patricia. Go you!
Thanks, Susan! It's good to be back in the saddle.
Patricia, if you need some extra belly fat for your new boobage, I'll be more than happy to donate!
It's going to be very hot and muggy here today and tomorrow, so I'm hiding out indoors! I've got plenty of tasks to keep me busy.
All KC area Derfs and those who plan on coming to KC, please email me at mommy2kaiatyahoodotcom. I want to figure out a place for our meet up and if I have a better idea of how many may be attending, I can get on it!
Have a fun and relaxing holiday, Derfs!
Happy weekend, y'all.
Full confession, after some real effort and some real counseling, I am doing better at controlling my obsessive anger towards my husband's ex-wife. Not that she doesn't deserve the anger, it just isn't helping me any. Anyhow, doing better, feeling better. Although the urge to drive a nail into her tire or spray paint "drunk driver" on her car is still very strong....
Soaking up as much time with my little girl as I can before she leaves for the summer to be with her dad. Working on better coping mechanisms to deal with the separation. Planning to go visit her and skype a lot.
You folks are great.
Patricia, congrats! One more milestone to chalk off the list. What amazed me was how thoroughly the cancer takes over your life. If you're not planning your day/week/life around treatments, you're dealing with the side effects of treatments or the worries about what you will do if the treatments don't work. IT just never seems to end. So I celebrate your making it through to recovery and am jealous that you got to get rid of some belly fat without having to sweat!
No real confessions. Just trying to figure out how to manage everything while working 50 hours a week. Four pieces of property (it's not what you're thinking - 2 old houses, one lake cabin and our small farm/ranch), children and grandchildren who always seem to need assistance, our own health issues, worries about my youngest deploying in August to Afghanistan (although he says he will be safe in his support role), and concern about my Dad who's 83 and losing a little more ground every day.
BUT...I just passed the one-year cancer-free mark! I didn't have near the traumatic experience a lot of other people have had, but it still took precedence over everything else in my life and I'm glad to be able to stop worrying about it as much as I have been. I kept waiting for another phone call telling me something didn't look right. But another bonus has been that I demand a little less of myself and more of others.
Nac, I'm happy to hear this wonderful news! I wish you countless cancer free years. I'm also glad you are demanding a little less of yourself because you plate is fuller than most. xoxo MG
Patricia - That is great news! I also am more than willing to donate some of my extra belly fat to the cause - even if they harvest and don't use it I won't mind. Ha!
My confessional - I'm moving in with my cousin this weekend into a house that his parents own. (His parents are like my second set of parents as I lived with them for a awhile in high school and we are really close.) It's the most stressful move that I have ever had (and I've moved a lot over the years!)
I spent the entire week at the new house cleaning (their son has been living there for the past year and a half and to put it nicely cleaning is not his forte) so I haven't had time to pack up my current place (which is two rooms in the basement of a friend's house.) because of that and working full time and an internship. After spending the week justifying to my parents why I needed today to pack rather than be ready to move today they finally agreed to help me move tomorrow (Sunday.)
So today I'm packing up my current place (moving all of the boxes from the basement into the garage that my friends are graciously letting me use so that my moving help tomorrow doesn't have to do so many stairs) plus organizing my storage unit so that it is easy to load tomorrow so that we can get it done in the shortest amount of time possible because my parents would like it done in one day. However my cousin that owns the house thinks it's a waste of my time to be organizing the storage unit because it doesn't have to be emptied til the 17th - but my parents want my move to be done in 1 day because they don't want it to take up multiple weekends of their summer. (Which I totally understand - heck I don't want it to take up my whole summer either)
So now I'm over stressed from fighting with my parents all week and this argument from my cousin (who is like a second mother to me) that as I pack all I want to do is just get a dumpster and throw it all away - which is completely irrational. I'm 28 I really don't need the added stress with school, work and an internship on my plate... GAH!
GAH is right. Keep breathing and hang tough, Tonya. I don't even know what to say because moving is so stressful. MG
Congrats on the new boobs, Patricia! I can't believe I just typed that. :) But you know what I mean. I'm glad you've reached that stage of the game.
Tonya Lynn - That sounds like a lot of work. I've moved a lot in my life and I really hate doing the physical packing, moving, and unpacking. I feel for you. I hope it goes quickly and as smoothly as possible.
My confession? Well I submitted a blog post to Blog Out Loud Ottawa, an evening where 21 bloggers get together at a bar to meet each other and take turns reading their favourite post from the last year out loud. My submission was accepted, and I'm reading at the event. I'm not too bad speaking in front of people, nervous-wise, but there will be probably more than 70 people there. Yipes. And I've been reading the short bios that the organizers have been putting up on the BOLO blog, and the other bloggers seem to be so much more serious and inspirational -- there are speakers who are living with breast cancer and rhumatiod arthritis -- and I'm worried that my blog post will seem shallow and out of place, since I blog about things like my cat, and stuff my daughter says, and Daniel Craig. I'm trying hard not to psych myself out.
Yo Alison! Great news!
Happy long weekend, Derfs! I could use some help/encouragement in finding a counselor. Just feeling so much stress lately and carrying it all inside is tearing me apart. I've done counseling before with very mixed results, so I'm wary of starting the whole process again. It's a lot of work to find someone compatible and convenient, and I'm not really clear on what I want to accomplish but it feels like I need to try something.
Asking for helpful advice and encouragement -- anybody?
Britta--what hasn't worked for you in the past with your counselors? I know for me I need a counselor who is willing to explore my past, but also to send me home with homework that will enhance my future. Think about what you really want from counseling and make a list of questions to ask them on the phone. Do NOT be afraid to ask questions. If they don't want to answer them it's not the right person (though in reality, most appreciate you asking about their working style). And yes, they should answer the questions you have about how they work for FREE on the phone.
Patricia--congrats on the boobies! I'm happy to offer my bellyfat as well (or hell, take part of my boobs. I have TOO much).
Nac--Congratulations to you as well!!
My confession--I'm really enjoying this summer now! We found a place that takes dogs, that's a big load-off. But it's truly that I decided to open my heart to summer. The kiddo and I have made many wonderful memories already, and my husband I are working through a marriage book. Things are better than ever! I can't believe how much of a difference positive thinking makes in a few short weeks.
Congrats on the new boob, Patricia. I think shopping for new bras (pretty ones that help put your struggle behind you) will be in order.
And Alison, congrats on your acceptance for BOLO. That takes some courage - and I, for one, am just happy to listen to good writing. And if I got a laugh out of it, so much the better. Every event needs balance between inspiration and humour and I suspect you will provide that.
My confession? I feel that I am not giving to our third the same time and attention that his siblings got. I feel out of gas and the need to pursue my interests instead. But he is left on his own a fair bit more as a result. He rarely complains, but I am left with tinge of guilt every time he is on his own and I am off on my own. Is this normal?
Nac, congratulations to you too! A new lease on life. I'm thrilled for you!
Alison, how very cool! Seventy people--you can do it! I hope you get to mention Daniel Craig at least once!
Britta, I will ask a couple of my friends who are counselors. There may be some organization that can help you find someone who specializes in the area you need to work on. I'll get back to you on Monday.
Molly, I'm glad you are feeling relief.
More later.
I had a wonderful girls weekend last week and ever since I've come home I've been pissed with my husband. He sneezes and it annoys me. There really is no major thing just the minutia of 48 years together I guess. I lost the first of my cousins, a younger one at that, to a massive heart attack this week and a good friend will have surgery for uterine cancer next month and even those events aren't giving me the "I need to be nice cuz life is too short" boost I need. this to will pass but right now I'm not liking myself (or him) very much.
Momwhoknits that sounds pretty normal to me, I think my third enjoyed being on his own more. I was never sure though if it was because he was a boy or if I was just tired....
If more belly fat is needed I have plenty to share... Good luck in your new journey.
It sounds like derfdom could help create many healthy, perky boobs! Julie, I know that feeling where the sneeze is too much. Peaks and valleys, girl.
I have a friend with a problem. For the past few months I have been helping her find her way out of an abusive relationship. He lives in another state and so far as I know, is no longer part of her life. Since her last trip to visit him, which did not go well, she has had to deal with other complex issues that I won't get into here. I've tried to help her cope with her feelings and to be as supportive as I know how, but her mood has continued to deteriorate.
Then I received an email from her yesterday that set me on my ear.
She told me she was heading out of state (not the same place where he lives) for family graduation celebrations this weekend. In her email she mentioned how she would "have a chance to see a lot of my extended family one last time" and "get some closure on a few things I have been trying to work out in my head lately."
Given how depressed she has been, this set off huge red flags for me. I told her I was concerned about the tone of her email and asked her outright if she was thinking about ending her life. She admitted that yes, she was, but that she didn't want to discuss it right now and anyway she didn't think I would understand.
I've suggested counseling multiple times in the past but she does not want to go. I don't know what else to do. I've never had to deal with a situation like this and although I am a good listener and empathetic, I'm not a professional.
I told her that she is not alone in this, that she has a friend who cares very much about what happens to her, and that she might not believe it but she won't always feel the way she does right now. I suggested she reach out to someone, anyone, even if it's not me. Then I told her we would talk about it all when she gets back to town. God I hope she comes back.
Can you get in touch with any family or friends (who can get in touch with family)? It sounds like you need to. Good luck, Deborah. How scary. Good thoughts sent your way.
Deborah, do you have any contact info for her family? If so, contact them right away. Call the police, the suicide hotline...anything. If your friend outright admitted to having a plan to commit suicide, she is more likely to carry out her plan. Seriously, call someone, give them her information and let them help you. Your friend may get mad at you, but it sounds like there is more at stake here.
Momwhoknits, I think each child gets a different parent. It's not better or worse, just different.
There is 13 years between my 2 girls. The older one got the mother who went down the slippery slide with her.
The younger one got the mother who pointed at the slippery slide and said, "Off you go, have a good time."
...but they both got a turn on the slide.
Patricia will be well-endowed indeed with all the donations (and I'd gladly donate some too if it would help! ;))
@Britta: it takes a lot of courage to try again when it hasn't worked for you in the past. Give yourself an extra pat on the back.
My confession: I'm finally out of steam. The stresses of dealing with my family, my father's health and other issues, travel, the cat's health issues, etc., ad nauseam have finally caught up with me. I'm tired all the time and not sleeping well (don't you just hate when that happens?), and no energy. And every time I try to do something nice for myself it turns to sh*t.
The upside is I'm too tired to worry or fret when things don't go right. They are what they are. And this too shall pass.
TC, I hope it passes soon. I call that tired/no sleep feeling twired. It sucks.
Just a reminder to all readers this is a humor blog with a heaping side of community. Mrs. G's only experience with any kind of therapy is paying for it. Never take her advice. These comments aren't regularly monitored. If you are in a bad way and need some help, please get it:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE) http://www.hopeline.com/
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
Suicide Hotline Listing by State: http://www.suicidehotlines.com/
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE /800-799-7233 and 800-787-3224 (TTY)
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Helpline and Treatment: 800-234-0420
To Patricia: Congrats on the new boob and for seeing the end of your Cancer journey.
To Nac: one year down and 99 to go. Celebrate each year.
To Both of You: you "made it through the rain and found yourself respected by the others who have made it through". ( Barry Manillo)
I have a rant today, but I will make it short. My Brother-in-law the alcholholic had a heart attack this week after coughing up blood for two weeks. His Hemoglobin was so low it caused stress on his heart and it caused the attack. He is lucky to be alive. His older brother, my dear sweet Handyman, took it hard mainly because he thought BIL was sober for the last three years! I am so angry at BIL because of what my husband is dealing with. Tomorrow we are going over to the house BIL rents from us and gut his bedroom, clean and paint it. Today we spent the day cleaning other rooms in the house. BIL would never let us do any painting or anything in the house, now we know why, he was hiding his secret. Anyway, my confession is I have no sympathy for drunks! I am angry at BIL and can hardly be civil to him. I love my Handyman so much and it breaks my heart to see him so disappointed. I feel a little better now. Thanks for this space Mrs. G and thanks to all the Derfs.
Tonya Lynn, we've moved a lot....it's rough. So many decisions and changes are enough to make anyone a little cookoo. Hang in there and just keep plugging along. Things will get better.
My confession really has to do with the confession of a good friend of mine that has rocked me to my core. This gal is active duty military and works with my husband. And she's single. The other day she told me that for several years she's been having an on again, off-again affair with another active duty (MARRIED!) guy. She said they didn't plan on it, but they work so closely together that they because close friends, one thing let to another, and...you know the rest of it. They've been on 3 deployments together and every time they deploy things heat up again.
I'm having a hard time processing this because just confirms is every military wife's worst nightmare. (well, second worst nightmare.) How sad is it that when we send our guys off, our top two fears are that he'll either be killed or he'll have an affair. My friend did express a lot of guilt and remorse about it....she knows he'll never leave his wife...but they were both just lonely being so far away from home. I can understand this, but it still freaks me out that this kind of thing is so common.
On Thursday night, I carried load after load of stuff for the weekend into the RV. I did the shopping, stocked the fridge, checked everything off my list. I've been running hard (hell...who isn't?)....and was looking SO forward to sitting on the 120 acres of forest, with our campfire and comfy bed, great food, cocktails and our dogs. Just the two of us. Had the dogs loaded up, the last of everything ready - and hubs went to start the RV....dead battery. That we had just replaced. JUST - 2 months ago. Seems there's a little "drain" "somewhere" (I cannot even begin to want to TRY to figure out this part of RV'ing). So...of we go to replace the battery....dogs back in the house....job done....ready to go again. Something felt "off" (you know?....when you just know?)....anyway 30 minutes or so north....big noise....we found a safe place to pull off the two lane....hub's looked and "something" had happened...fluid everywhere.
Then the call for a wrecker (for a 35 ft RV) on a holiday weekend. We were at an intersection....and I'll admit to popping off the multitudes of happy campers with a certain digit (from inside the RV....and quietly). We were told 2 hours before the mechanic could be there. Hubs decided we should call our neighbor and have him come pick me and the dogs up...that even if he could fix it, the weekend was not going to happen. Thankfully, I had cold wine in the fridge....so I poured myself a glass while I waited for my ride. I had a (very) mini pity party about my "lost" weekend (which really WAS compounded by the sight of camper after camper heading out for their wonderful weekend).....and then, I snapped out of it and decided this was not the end of the world. I told hubs that the universe was trying to tell us to NOT go camping (obviously!!)....and that we probably would have been murdered in the woods or some horrible thing. I thought I was being all funny....he looked at me like I had grown a 2nd head.
Anyway - our dear neighbor picked me and the dogs up (along with all the food from the fridge, etc....because we still didn't know if it would have to be towed)....and headed back into town. My husband made it back with the RV about 8:00 PM. I made our dear neighbors dinner, we had a nice meal and laughed. And I've done a whole bunch of NOTHING this weekend (except clean closets and drawers). NOT what I had anticipated, but I'm sticking with my theory that we avoided an untimely death.....
Do you think I'm as crazy as my hubs thinks? I think it is very rational!!! :-) (at least it is better than pouting??? right?)...anway I'm thankful that we are safe, home, and no horrible "thing" happened other than just waylayed plans. In lieu of the challenges that so many people face, I just had a dissapointment....I think that it is more than ok.....
Wishing you all good thoughts - and remembering all of our Veterans and their families this weekend. You are all in my heart. And - most importantly: I thank you!
@Diane Carol -- I don't think you are nuts!
@Patricia - another offer here for free belly fat (although, I could use the repurposing myself)
My dh and I made the 5-1/2 hour drive to my mom's house on Wednesday evening. We spent the next 3 days scrubbing, cleaning, weeding, and painting (and painting and painting -- and that was just the deck railings). Mom died last June and the house STILL isn't empty, still isn't ready to go "on the market." But we're getting closer...
I hate to lose the free and spacious lodging when we go there, but I hate even more to keep dragging this out. And not just because there is no internet there.
Mrs. G., I missed you!
Diane - The Universe was definitely saving you from a close encounter with axe-wielding bears out there in the woods.
Patricia and Nac Crack House - love that you have whupped this evil force. Go Team Derf I say.
Life is looking busy for the first time in ages for us which I am loving. Am going to London next weekend for the Inaugural Fat Quarterly Sewing Retreat. It will be a bit like Derfwad Manor I think because there are going to be 100+ women and John(QuiltDad).
Four day weekend next week here in the UK Derfs. Long Live The Queen.
Deborah, I am praying for you. I was at a grief meeting this week for a friend who killed herself last month. You did the right thing by calling her out and not dancing around the topic. I'm with Jessie: call someone who can help you. Suicide is a sneaky bastard who needs to be beaten down.
Hugs to the rest of the derfs, especially Diane Carol who didn't get eaten by zombies in the woods!
Oh littlemama I hadn't thought about that as a 'partner of active service person' stress and for the record it never 'just happens'. No way did either of them 'just happen' to fall on top of/into the other one's sex organs; it is always a choice. I reckon your man would have far too much integrity to do something like that.
Diane Carol--I really hope to meet you in person some day; your outlook on life is just so damn positive. I love it! I hope the rest of your weekend was as lovely as your evening.
cardinal: Thanks so much. I remembered seeing in the comments here someone had lost a friend to suicide but could not recall who it was. And Jessie, I know your suggestions were right on. But I'm ashamed to admit that I did not have any contact info for her friends or family.
We haven't known each other long and she kept so much of her life closed off from others, including me. She confided in me about her relationship problems and we discussed that issue quite a bit. I knew very little about her family except that they have a very common name in a great big town, and "mom" and "dad" didn't give me much to go on. She has never told me any other friends' names.
Since she would not answer the phone, the best I could think to do was to send positive and supportive emails and texts her way, telling her how much I wanted to see her again and that I was looking forward to talking with her when she returned. After an agonizing two days, I finally heard back from her today. She is coming home and I feel much relief. But I realize the work is far from over.
Thanks for listening and being supportive.
momwhoknits:
I was the 4th of 4 kids, and when my mom did her own thing, I didn't feel the least bit neglected. I had older siblings to play with, and had a good imagination. I never gave it a thought. Later, she told me she felt like I got ignored because my next-oldest sibling had health issues. I never felt that way at ALL. I felt special because I could help him (the sib) and help her and make her days happier when she was sad or busy. So try see it from the kid's perspective. It's fine!
DianeCarol: Hey. I think the Universe tells us stuff ALL THE TIME, but most idiots ignore it. Good job paying attention!!
My confession:
Went to a lake this weekend, and overate and overdrank. I had been down 22 pounds, and am back up by about 7. GAH. BUT, it was fun. Sailed, walked, swam, watched the kiddos, did a little arguing with the hubs (he does not really agree that we should let the kids go feral, leeches and all, so there was that), and hung out. And DUDE am I sunburned. Not all over. Just in the places I forgot to cover (like the insides of my knees, because I sat cross-legged on the sailboat.) Whoops.
OhOHOH! And the Ohio Derfgathering just got me out of a gig I REALLY was dreading. And it paid for crap. So, "sorry, I have another obligation in Ohio" is the best thing to happen to my summer.
Deborah, I am so relieved that you have heard from her! Yes, do whatever you can, but of course it is ultimately your friend herself who must choose to life through this. I hope very much that she does choose to live.
@littlemama - I was speechless when I first read your posting. I honestly don't know what to say. As a former military wife (my dh retired last summer) I stand with you.
Deborah, I'm glad you heard from your friend! I understand not being in touch with her family. As scary as it may seem, if I were you I might still call the suicide hotline, or at least go to their website to see what they recommend people in your position do. I'm sending good vibes your way, and I hope things get better soon!
Oh Deborah....I'm so darn thankful that you got the news you did....I've been thinking, praying and keeping your both in my thoughts!
All you other broads? Thanks for the comments...they helped put spit on the wound and made it mucho (MUCHO!!!!) better. Knew I could count on you all. You gave me a great smile tonight. Hope to hell/heck/whatever the eff....that I can meet some of you strumpets soon! (is strumpet a word? or have I had one too many glasses of wine?).....
At any rate - I read each and every post, and am horrible at remembering names...but my thoughts are with each and every Derf and I'm here (as we all are) for any challenges you may face. The thunder is rumbling outside....work comes early....so I'm heading off to bed....love you all.
Jessie - I too hope we can meet someday!!!! I'm just like you....one foot in front of the other! Thank you for always being there....I can't tell you how wonderful it is when Derf's say "hey"....and when they make each others day. I read it, and know I always fall short (because I can't seem to remember names to associate with the stories...but that does NOT mean I don't get the stories...just too "stupid" to be able to respond properly....). Anyway...thank you for the kind comments....I love all you hussies.
Ok...Mrs. G...can I respectfully request a "I call bullshit" tab where we can come any day of the freaking week and just let out a "bitch" or a rant????? I need so badly to just scream right now!!! The wife of my dear co-worker just died. A freak accident. I'm pissed! I want to rant. I want to scream out loud....I don't know where to go!!! I came here first...but I hope you'll consider a spot for a moment and a place for those moments......or something, I don't know. I just know this is the first place I came....and I didn't know where to go to reach out to my Derfs.....that's all. I'm going to bed with a very heavy heart...not because of you..just because Kay died....and it completely sucks. Damn it all......
Oh Diane. I am so sorry for your sudden loss. Death is shitty and grief is painful. You can always ping me a ranty email - trashalou(at)googlemail(dot)com
Thanks Trash.....you are a doll.....and this is truly shitty.....
Diane Carol, my thoughts are with you today. What an awful thing to happen.
My condolences Diane.
Makes my weekend look like a picnic.