Friday
Apr062012
Full Confessional Friday!
Friday, April 6, 2012 at 12:50AM Mrs. G. 
Photo courtesy of The Flickr Commons, no copright
Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.
tagged Back Talk, Full Confessional Friday
Back Talk, Full Confessional Friday
Reader Comments (58)
OK, can I admit to VOODOO of the most desperate and evil and murderous kind? In 2003 shady characters moved onto our street, and every day after school got out there would be a line of cars coming and going, like a drive thru for... ???? The new owners had the German shepherd, they screamed death threats at me, all the dirty nasty tricks of the new neighborhood drug dealer, in what had been a beautiful place in the woods. Weird sh!t happens in the woods. After BLOOD was thrown in our driveway as a threat, I made a voodoo doll...and we secretly put the house on the market....I designated who the voodoo doll was to supposed be and made silent pacts with dark spirits that they would take care of this vile drug dealer on our street....then I put it under a rock. We moved.
I found out last month that the dude died in 2009, a victim of his own reckless addictions.....and I remembered that voodoo doll this week and I was like !!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, Gary, who knew you were all up in the voodoo. Your friend for life, MG
Dang, Gary! That voodoo that you do is pretty powerful! I have a long list of people I'd like to sew up little dolls for.
I don't think I have much to confess at the moment. I haven't bought my son any Easter candy yet, and I don't have a good excuse, other than laziness. Plus, I know that when I go to shop for the candy, it's going to be a struggle of epic proportions for me to resist the urges of the Cadbury chocolate creme eggs and the caramel eggs.
We haven't bought Easter candy either, though my 17-year-old will be crushed if his basket is empty. MG
*Makes a mental note to never piss Gary off*
I swing wildly back and forth between loving my husband a great deal and thinking he is annoying as shit. I don't know why I do it. It just happens at the blink of an eye-and it lasts a hell of a lot longer than my hormones do. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's starting to get old. I actually DO love him. He's a great husband and father, so what is wrong with me?
Jessie, unless you're not sharing something significant, you are describing my marriage. I bet Mr. G. would say the same. MG
Hmmm.... Voodoo. My dentist would be my choice at the moment. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what happened there yesterday. Not only did she leave to take a phone call in the middle of my procedure, she then went on to drop something in my mouth, which of course slid down towards my throat. She immediately went to retrieve it - with her finger. o_O - GAG! I suppose I'm really lucky to have come out of there with only a cut lip and a bruised gum, but seriously WTF?! SO where do I learn how to make a voodoo doll?
I hope you got some painkillers out of the deal!
My confession? That I should have let my youngest stay and play with a certain kiddo, because his cousin wasn't exactly welcoming to him when we actually got there. He was after awhile, but grr!!!! Sometimes I want to just shake my brother/SIL by their shoulders and tell him to teach those children some manners, please. Computer games will be there. Your cousin is only there for a few hours.
Holy Week, the week before Easter, is usually one of the most meaningful weeks of the year for me. This year? Not happening. Just can't get there. Chalking a lot of it up to the fact that it was Good Friday when my mom died (although the date was different) and trying to just "be" and be gentle with myself.
I am proud of myself though - knitting a market bag on circular needles and doing a fairly good job so far. Only had to start over four times :) but I'm *doing* it, and you can even begin to see the pattern now. Yea me!
Yea You! MG
Annie, Google is your frienemy for searching thinks like voodoo doll instructions.
Jessie, I've been married for 17 years, and I feel the same way about my husband. I love him dearly, but there are times when I would like to make a voodoo doll of him and repeatedly stick it with pins to the head. My theory is that the people we love the most are the ones who make us the most nuts. I'm off to google...
Mrs. G's tribute to her Mom brought up many things for me but mainly this, I wish my Mother was still with me. I wish I had told her all the things about her that I admired while she was still here. I never did, I couldn't, I didn't stand up and talk at her funeral because I thought she was the cause of all the pain in my life. I was glad she was dead and I no longer had to deal with her. It wasn't until my first Grandchild was born (2 years after her death) that I began to understand her. I missed her then and I miss her now. There are days, 15 years after her death, that I wish I could call her. Why, because with all her faults and all the painful memories she was my Mom, the woman who knew me better than anyone. Last Mother's day I sent a poem about her out to my family so they would know everything I realized to late. I only wish I had done it while she was alive, I know it would have meant a lot to her. I'm sorry Mom, I loved you then and I love you now, I only hope you knew it.
I bet your mom knows, Albug. Even when my mom and I are at each other's throats (which is fairly often) , I'm pretty sure we know the love is in there somewhere. MG
I said something funny but in poor taste while announcing things to a roomful of people on Monday. Foot in mouth moment. And I'm enjoying the sympathy I'm getting from friends much too much, and letting my kids spend too much time being electronically entertained.
Indulge while it lasts!
Defeated in election. Pissed at the whole town, irrationally of course. Have not had time to drown my sorrows in a bottle of ale. About to leave town for weekend with family. A feat that requires SOMETHING stronger than coffee.
Your town's loss, GG! You need a flask.
Spent a few days w/my parents this week. (Spring break for my kiddos)
I emerged exhausted and frustrated. I really really love them. But holy SHIZNIT, they managed to make me nuts. And my kids responded to all of that by being bratty and entitled and pestery.
Then got home to a husband who, within the first 5 minutes, criticized me or told me what I SHOULD have done THREE DiFFERENT TIMES. (you should have left for home BEFORE noon! .... and ... why didn't you call me right before you got home? I wanted to know when to start the grill.... and so on). Ugh.
And all I wanted to do was to lie down and have my husband hold me a little and listen and empathize. And all he wanted to do was to basically say "I told you so."
Another voodoo doll, Gary?
Voodoo doll!!
A couple of small confessions first.
I bought fabric this week even though I have fabric. This is of course different fabric but still, I have fabric. I told my husband that I bought some but failed to disclose just how much.
Yesterday we were awakened by a SWAT team serving a search warrant to someone who lives across the street. It was scary and intense to be that close to. We live in a very small town and this isn't what you think of as happening in a place like this. And part of me, part of me was enjoying the drama of it. Enjoying recounting our "story" to friends and family. And now today feels mundane.
And a bigger confession.
I am so very angry with my best friend and I have been for a couple of months now. She has never wanted children and I have never thought was a problem. Nobody should HAVE to want children. But a couple of months ago she went off on me about choosing to have children. Told me that I was a horribly selfish bitch for having children that are biologically mine rather than adopting. She said that it was the most disappointing thing I had ever done. That I would choose to increase the world's population was the ultimate in egocentricity and that if I had stopped just once to think about what I was doing prior to getting pregnant, intelligent as I am I would have concluded that it was unconscionable to bring new life into the world. She said that I was obsessed with being a mother and that by choosing to homeschool I was locking myself into a life where I would being defining myself only by my role as a mother. That I was destroying the gains that feminists before us won so that we wouldn't have to live the life of drudgery that women before us did. (Interestingly she has no problem with me not having a "job". She thinks it would be totally valid for me to choose to be a stay at home wife, just not a stay at home mother). She told me that even worse than my having my own children was my decision to train to be a doula and midwife. That I was encouraging people to have more children. That is was revolting to be interested in the process of birth. That I was promoting the abuse of women by offering a birth that would by necessity (as it would be out of hospital) be without pain medication. She said that the never wanted to hear about my progress to becoming a midwife again and that if she ever heard me talking about a birth in front of her again, she would walk out and not return. She later apologized for this rant and said that she was under-slept and that anyone was going to be raising the next generation I was a great choice because I would raise children who thought carefully about their role and impact on the world but I cannot shake the feeling that those other feelings were her true feelings. I can barely bring myself to mention to her two of the most important aspects of my life and this is driving a huge wedge between us. Our other priorities are still quite in line with each other but as my family is my single most overwhelming priority, this hardly makes a bit of difference. I don't think I'm quite ready to talk to her about this but I also can't get rid of the anger.
And so today, even though they drive me totally crazy, I am grateful for my children. Children I thought very, very carefully about choosing to have. Children who have given me a whole other aspect of myself that didn't exist before they did.
If she's a friend you feel is worth keeping, duke it out and it will be worth it because your friendship will likely be stronger. If not, I don't know, voodoo doll? MG
Clearly I didn't proofread my post before hitting confirm. Anyway, enjoy the typos and missing words.
Dear Proud:
Whoa. That's gotta HURT. wow.
Is she a close enough friend that you could try to delve more deeply into her rant? There's GOT to be more going on than her 'disappointment' with you (etc.). Like maybe she had a trauma?
And is she worth all your anger? Your hurt? Is this situation one that you want to fix or just back away from?
I heard a wonderful man speaking the other day, related to Buddhist teaching and forgiveness: don't reach into the fire to pull out a hot coal to throw at your enemy, because you only end up burning your own hand. (Basically, don't store up hate and anger towards somebody because you end up hurting yourself).
Better to make a VOODOO doll and leave it somewhere special, and here is my (THERAPEUTIC!) recipe:
--Take scrap cloth and cut into humanish shape. Write on paper bits your complaints, problems, whatever about whomever. Sew the thing up while making pacts with powerful spirits.....to be a better and more giving person yourself. Bury that thing somewhere. Try to move on, whether you forgive or not, you are attempting to remove that vile sh!t out of yourself. Sounds like flaky devil worship, right? made me feel better :) And to paraphrase a Chinese proverb: sit by the river long enough and the dead bodies of your enemies will float past...
BWAHAHA! Ahem....
I forgot to add, stuff the paper bits into the doll before sewing it up :)
@ Today I'm Proud to be A Mother, I'm having a home birth myself and can I say wow, that bit your friend said about you "promoting the abuse of women" by assisting drug-free births really annoyed me. What the heck, it's like she's assuming that those of us who consciously choose the natural way are poor little wilting flowers unaware of our options and being set up for suffering. Talk about an anti-feminist view!
Anyway, her issues are her issues and I only hope you won't make them your own. For all you know her rant may be a reflection of self doubt on her own personal choices. Or maybe it isn't. It doesn't matter, if you're happy with your life this isn't your problem.
Enjoy midwife training! My life right now wouldn't be as happy and relaxed if women like you weren't around, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Caro, as always, speaks the truth. MG
Another WTF: Just got back from having some lab work done where the tech pointed and asked me to fill the cup to "here." Maybe a piece of cake for him, but awkward and challenging enough for me without being given a specific measure! Yeesh.
Proud, wow. Just wow. From your description, it almost sounds like she's a bit envious of you. Is she unable to have children for some reason? Maybe it's not that simple, and maybe there's more to it, but I think that sometimes when people lash out and say really hurtful things like this, it's out of their frustration with their own situation or pure jealousy. You *should* be proud to be a mom and proud of your work as a doula and midwife. If we can't share the things in our life that give us the most joy with our best friends, who can we share them with?
Yikes, Proud. So sorry - it must have been very painful to have someone you consider a friend say such hurtful things. I like kate in michigan's advice, though, try to reach out to her and find out what's going on with her, and forgive.
I am at the end of a very busy, very stressful week, and looking forward to some quiet time this weekend.
@jessie - It's called "marriage," honey - enjoy the ride!
@proud - These are her issues, and really, she just doesn't understand having kids. I can empathize, because - before I had kids (6 of them!) - I completely believed that having children was merely a self-indulgent, expensive hobby that people inexplicably chose over world travel or humanitarian missions. My advice is to love her anyway. This has nothing to do with you. Or, if you must say something, explain to her that having children has helped you to grow and become more caring and more interested in doing good things for our world. She might understand that.
@navhelowife - I know! We miss your smiley guy already.
My 86-year-old father is rapidly losing his marbles. While we're not very close, it still breaks my heart. Maybe we were all better off when people dropped dead at 65 of heart attacks? At least they were themselves until the end...
yesterday i dropped my dog on his shoulder on the street.
it was an accident, and it was while trying to get him out of the way of a car. we were on his Second! Ever! walk, and he decided to plop down in the middle of the street while we were crossing it. the car wasn't slowing down for anything, so in my panic i grabbed him. he squirmed and got out of my arms, and landed on his shoulder.
the scream he let out had me in tears, but the shaking afterward? good lord i felt awful. and the worst part? he only looked at me with adoration and licked my face.
he's fine today, but good god i feel horrible about it. thank goodness puppies are resilient.
Falnfenix, he's forgotten by now. I promise. MG
Proud - wow, I'm so sorry. I've gotten into some hurtful discussions over the last few years with my best friend as we continue to grow apart and have really different priorities these days. We used to be on the same page on so many things, and we leaned on each other through very hard times. I think each of us feels that we've left the other one behind, that we don't care as much, and because our priorities and views on life have changed so much - it can feel as though the other person is attacking when they're just expressing their life. I've been accused of attacking her and while I haven't made the same accusation, I've felt attacked or belittled - and neither of us even were addressing each other at the time. We were just talking about our lives. We have voluntarily offered to just kind of avoid those topics, but it IS really hard when those topics take up so much of your life. What is left to share? A lot of surface stuff, it seems, at times.
I wonder if your friend feels she's being left behind and is taking that out on the things she sees taking up your time now. I also agree with others that it sounds as though she may have suffered some difficult situation or trauma or remorse related to having children. Or maybe she is internalizing stuff that doesn't need to be internalized. It may feel like you are making a statement about her beliefs with the way you live your life - and that statement is, "You and your ideas suck!" Not that you would have children as a way to show her what you think about her beliefs, that's extreme. But that your having children is a tangible, physical, not-said-aloud-but-clearly-seen contradiction to her beliefs.
I really don't know if any of this is the case but I suspect some of these things come into play with my own struggling best friendship.
**
Today I'm thinking about the fact that today marks 40 days since Trayvon Martin was killed, and no arrest has been made. I'm thinking about Tuesday, when the grand jury will decide whether legal action like an arrest will take place. They may decide that there isn't reason to do anything further.
I'm thinking about how after only a couple weeks of outrage and conversation, most people I know have already stopped talking about this. I'm thinking about what it will be like for Tracy and Sybrina, Trayvon's parents, to face the grand jury and possibly be told to their face that their son's death doesn't warrant any further action, that it does not warrant an arrest. That his death was within the law and ACCEPTABLE.
I'm thinking of what will happen to their hearts if they're told that. I'm thinking of what will happen to communities across the U.S. if that happens. If it happens, it will be one more instance of those in power saying to those without power, "It doesn't matter how much public outcry there is, it doesn't matter that this same system sends people to jail for years over less. Deaths to you and your kind are acceptable to us. Live with it."
I just don't know how I will handle that. I don't know how I will comfort my children who will get the message that their death will also be acceptable to our system, to the rest of us who won't stand up and make things change. I've already had to have these talks with them. We've already begun teaching them they don't get the benefit of the doubt that some of their peers do. The looks on their faces when we explained this to them broke my heart. We have to keep having these talks as they get older because we can't take the chance that they will forget. Their lives could depend on how well they learn this lesson.
It feels like no one cares. If they did they would make it stop.
Ashely, I'm obsessed with the case and I CARE. Either Zimmerman will be arrested and tried or I will head to Florida with friends and protest. I don't think Trayvon is going to disappear from our consciousness. MG
My confession: I am happy that my mother-in-law will not be joining us for our Passover seder tonight. It feels like freedom.
As far as I know it is not a sin to relish your freedom! Enjoy! MG
Albug, your mother knew, and you could have told her over and over for a year before she died, and it would never have been enough, and it doesn't matter either, because she did know. And Proud, I'm wondering about the age of your friend; sounds like one of those youthful ideas. I wanted children, couldn't have them, one of those regrets we acquire by living. Congratulations on being fulfilled and enjoying your children - they're fortunate.
I may have lost a friend. She and her husband visited, and she is smart, creative, energetic, capable, beautiful and as bad as me when showing her vast knowledge (though she has greater vastness than mine). As she was going into another explanation of stuff I knew, I told her of my beau's sign to me when I talk to much - he gently puts his hand on my leg (plus it's a nice rush too, at least from him). She apologized, but my mouth kicked in, and my beau wasn't there to put his hand on my leg. I went on waaaay too long. They drove back home the next day, as planned, and I sent an apology, but I haven't heard from her since she left. Do I write again, do I wait longer, do I send her little trinkets, do I just let it go? Now, my beau is out of town - no hand, again - so I'm blabbing to whoever I encounter. Maybe writing it out here is enough. Thanks, ya'll. (I believe there's already a "Naomi" here; I'm another naomi.)
@ashley - hey, I'm still just trying to figure out why wearing a hoodie is threatening, but packing heat in a residential neighborhood isn't. I guess I'm just slow.
Proud: I'm inclined to say F*** your friend. Who speaks like that and thinks that of someone they love? I'm glad you have found something that fulfills you.
suburban: children of older adults all over the world wonder the same thing. There is a lot of literature out there on family caregivers. Even if you're not physically caring for him, worrying about him is a form of caregiving. I'd suggest A Bittersweet Season by Jane Gross.
Ashley: I care, but I don't know how to change it. How do I get rid of the sheer ignorance and racism that still exists in our country? I can't even fathom how much grief his parents must be feeling. I appreciate you continuing to talk about it. It is hard to talk about such a large issue.
Ladies, thanks for making me feel better. I thought I was doing something wrong in my marriage, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. We played badminton tonight and it was a great, shiny moment. Then I asked him to look over my linkedin profile and...well...it all went downhill from there. Oh well, I'm learning we live to love another day!
Albug - your post hit me hard. My Mom and Dad live with us, and today I was looking for a birthday card for Mom, as her birthday is coming up. It's easy-peasy with Dad to be loving....but somehow harder with Mom. I think I'm a little angry that she has gotten "old", is so needy, so wanting to re-write history (seriously...I don't recall things the way she wants to share them...in fact, there are times she has sugar coated them so far that the memory is beyond recognition!)....etc. And then, I feel this HUGE wave of guilt and feelings of frustration at myself!
One thing my Mom has mentioned (several times) over the past year or so...was how she treated/dealt with her Mom, my beloved Grandma. She said "I wish I knew then what I do now....I wouldn't have pushed her so hard to get up, get moving, do this, do that....I simply didn't understand". I immediately bristled, because I felt as if I was being chastised...(i.e. "I'M" not doing it right, understanding, etc.)....but I have come to understand (through the grace of God) that she just wants me to be OK with who she is now as an old woman. While I can't change my life and spend every moment with her, and I'm certain I let her down a lot and continually, I also realize that I love my Mom with every wart she has....and she gave me that gift in a convulted way.
Your post has helped me to put things further into perspective and I appreciate it. I know that no matter the challenges...I'm very lucky to have her...and that she is the most incredible lady....and she is my mom. And she is still here. I thank you for reminding me.
To Proud - if this is the first time your friend has pulled this shit....give her an opportunity to explain. If this is repeat behavior? BROOM her! There is a time and place for "sharing" with your Besties....but even so....that was quite harsh! I hope you can talk to her and find out where it was coming from.
Ok - sorry for the novel. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and get to spend it with those you love.
Oh....Naomi.....first of all...we all do it at one time or another. Be gentle with yourself. You've reached out. Give her a few days and then try again. The only thing we can ever do when we feel we've messed up is apologize...and you have. You're a good lady, and I'm sure your friend KNOWS that.
Confessional, eh. I'm not celebrating Easter. (but I do think about the meaning.) My best friend locally doesn't understand though, she hosts a big family get-together, big meal, big celebration and seems to feel I'm worthy of a certain pity because frankly, it's just the weekend here at our house. I sometimes feel like I'm missing an important 'family holiday' gene. Then again, could be one of the reasons I live +3000 miles from the rest of the family... hmmm. My children obviously have inherited it from me too, much to the rest of my family's chagrin. (I didn't plan on it, but my daughter will be home Sunday so we may have chinese food to celebrate her visit)
(okay, I did buy one package of peeps...that doesn't really count as celebrating Easter does it?)
Mainely, I think I miss the holiday gene, too. I don't even get all excited about birthdays - well, I mean I like them but I don't get all excited about celebrating on "the day." I think it's because of my background in show-biz, and that I often work on holidays, weekends, and celebrations - it's just a day.
Whooo, Derfs. I had the most up and down day.
At work, I discovered that my boss's boss failed to complete the critical step (a financial approval in our computerized purchasing system) of an annual budgetary deadline.
It was simple - she just had to go in and approve some transactions.
I have no idea why she didn't do it; she actually physically signed off on the paperwork - which has absolutely no meaning - but failed to log into the system and actually approve the transaction.
But because I got back from her the signed paperwork I thought she completed it.
So I am in the unhappy position of having to tell my boss's boss that she screwed up, and the whole deal is being delayed. As many of you can guess, this will not be a case of her being wrong, it will be all my fault.
So, I'm in for an ass-chewing. I spent the whole day trying to figure out how to cover my ass, and then I decided - fuck it. Chew out my ass. I don't care. Just approve the goddam transactions and let's get over it.
Oh - and the best part? This morning before I went to work, I had my first appointment with a "life coach." We talked about my awesome skills and great talents. And then I went in to work and found out I was going to get my ass chewed by the boss's boss because I discovered her fuck-up.
Sigh.
Sigh is right!
I am experiencing genuine, soul-killing, hate Hate HATE for a man I've never met named John Derbyshire, a writer for The National Review.
Well, of course, I'm going to have to go and read him now. MG
June 17th can not get here fast enough. I am ready to get on the road NOW. It looks like if I want to hit all destinations I am going to have to be on the road for six weeks...doesn't bother me one bit! After meeting all the women in Olympia last week, I am ready to roll!
Yay, Mrs. G!
Confession: very grateful for the amazing husband that I have, but seriously wishing that he would help out a little more with keeping the house clean. I work out of the house full time. He's the stay at home dad. But he does not see that the kitchen/dining room floor is filthy, etc. And then I had the brainiac idea to invite some people over for Easter dinner. I'm beginning to think I'm a glutton for punishment!
Trayvon's death is still an active topic at one of the main sites I visit, and I can't read another diary about it. Good on anyone who teaches their children, even if it leaves a little tear in the spirit. Only light casts shadows, as it's said. I will never forget, the feeling will never leave, I will never comprehend, what I went through at age eleven, at my sheltered elementary school. We were just all classmates; no one was special, different. The outside world did not perceive all the parents that way. The King and Abernathy children were in my school, and Marty King was in my class, and someone shot his dad. How could someone murder a dad? I still cry at that never old memory which shocked me into consciousness and brought the outside in. Sometimes I'd prefer to read fiction, forget all the bad, and then I find a place like this site, where people joke, and unload, light the load. Thanks, Mrs. G.
Naomi, don't be too hard on yourself! Give it a few days and re-approach her.
Diane Carol, I've been thinking about you. How is your husband? I didn't know you also had your parents living with you, goodness!
Sungmanitu, I looked it up. Oh how I regret it: http://takimag.com/article/the_talk_nonblack_version_john_derbyshire. Sweet mother of God, this guy is just...awful. Whatever you do DON'T read the comments.
Thank you ladies for helping me feel like my feelings re: my marriage are sounding pretty normal. For the most part. I have recently come to the conclusion that I need to find a therapist. I'm sick of being on the roller-coaster of marriage with the good, good, bad, bad, bad, good..And the fact that even after 21 years, I find it hard to communicate with the one person that I should be able to. Is it me? What can I do to not get sooo mad and hurt when I feel that most responses I get to just about anything I say are negative? And in this little town, finding a good therapist is going to be a challenge. And he's a good husband, helps around the house, puts up with me, and has a lot of other great qualities. When I look at the good, they usually outweigh the bad. But then with one look or word, I go to wishing for that voodoo doll!
And I must confess to obsessing over my face/aging lately and spent way too much money on products for my face and that if he'd have spent the money like I did, I would be so pissed off so I'm feeling a little (lot) guilty over buying them.
Thanks for the outlet Mrs. G. Hope everybody is enjoying their weekend.
Just found out my favorite uncle is in the hospital on a ventilator and not doing well. He was my mother's favorite brother, and she was his favorite sister. My Dad has been gone 20+ years, so he's been like a second dad to me.
And if the worst should happen, and he should die this weekend, I really don't know how I'll ever look at Holy Week/Easter the same way again. My mom died on last year's Good Friday.
Just needed to pour this out there.
navhelowife, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Sending healing vibes your uncle's way.
Naomi:
have you written a blog about this (Marty King, etc.)? You write so beautifully, and I think that could give an incredible new perspective on a well-known story.
Please? And then post a link for us?
We've begun a weekly discussion series where I work for students, staff, faculty, about Trayvon Martin. Our first session this week was heavily attended and everyone said the single hour over lunch wasn't enough. So we've planned a Monday lunchtime session for every week through April, then students/faculty leave for break in May, then we'll start again in June, until people stop wanting to talk about it. We're not just talking about Trayvon, but about all the problems related to racism. People are sharing their experiences, their struggles.
We've also begun a discussion series on Thursdays about White privilege. They've also been heavily attended (finally, after several years of attempts to get people to talk about it, with no success). The Thursday discussion sessions usually have a different topic each week and only 3-6 people attending, but since the White privilege topic began, we've had 20-30 people attending & each week the request is to extend the topic for another week. It looks as though we'll keep talking about this until we're ready to move on.
These things are encouraging to me. We've lined up faculty to facilitate the Trayvon discussions and we already know that we're going to have some weeks that focus on how to be an anti-racism "ally" - i.e. how those of us who benefit from racism can effectively combat it alongside our neighbors. I am really looking forward to this, because I know I'll learn more things to share with those I know, but also because I have to find a way to cope with my anger and frustration that everyone is not already doing this work. I'm not going to be effective if every time someone tells me they don't know how to make things better, or they didn't think things were still this bad, I go off on them. Which is what I want to do. I know it isn't fair because there are certainly things that need fixing in the world that I don't pay much attention to, haven't educated myself about, and I know I wouldn't like it if my friends who care about those things went nuts on me for not being "there" yet.
Anyway. Thank you to those who care, to those who want to do something. I will continue to talk about this on Twitter, Facebook, on my blog, so if anyone is ever interested to learn more please approach me and I will be happy to talk about it or point you toward resources. One place to start is this great blog entry about what it means to be an anti-racism ally. It gives a simple primer on what racism looks like today, how to educate yourself and what you can ruminate on so that you're better equipped to fight racism in your normal every day life, no matter what that life looks like. The comments also rock.
I hate Easter. Three years ago at Easter I was in the worst crisis of my life. My mentally ill son was hospitalized (for the first time), but the trick was he had been visiting his sister (my daughter) in Boston. That's a 6 hour drive from where I live. So I drove 6 hours and crashed at her apartment while I tried to figure out what to do for my son. The other trick was they both hated me for ruining their lives. Something about how I made them grow up in an evil city filled with evil people. (if it's hard for you to understand, *I* still don't understand it.) Well my daughter basically kicked me out of her apartment. And my son threw the easter candy I had bought him in the trash.Thank God a friend of a friend of a friend took me in, because my son ended up staying in the hospital for almost 6 weeks.
Things are better now with my kids, but I will never forget that easter, and I still have a hard time trusting them, and I still hate easter.
On this Easter Sunday I will take my mom to a restaurant for dinner and I will give her a box of chocolates. That's all the celebrating I can handle. I wouldn't even have to do that if she had gone to my brothers like she was supposed to. She didn't want to leave me alone (breast cancer and all that).
On a happy note, I'm done with radiation, which completes my treatments (surgery, chemo, and radiation). I go back to work after 6 months of sick days.
Patricia, I've been wondering how you were. Congratulations on navigating your treatments. By all means let Easter go, your soul has wrestled with enough. Those are very hurtful memories.
Jessie said, "I swing wildly back and forth between loving my husband a great deal and thinking he is annoying as shit. I don't know why I do it. It just happens at the blink of an eye-and it lasts a hell of a lot longer than my hormones do. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's starting to get old. I actually DO love him. He's a great husband and father, so what is wrong with me?"
Jessie's been peeking. There are times I want to stab my husband with my knitting needles, and I'm sure the feeling is entirely mutual. And of course it's a long weekend, we have no plans and there's no getting out of each other's hair.
I stashed some Lindor eggs in the yarn basket. Don't tell.
Proud, like some others I get the impression your friend is envious. I was done having babies before my best friend commenced her family. Within the first year she had the grace to apologize for some of her barbed comments.
Happy Easter, Happy Pesach, or simply a very good spring weekend to all.
I am frustrated by my job because I know it's not the right fit for me, but as with many of us, I can't afford to just up and quit. The larger problem is that the reason it's not a good fit is because it involves managing other people, and I have finally come to the realization that not only am I not good at it, it's not something I enjoy. It's actually soul-sucking, because I spend way more time stressing about it than I should.
I don't mind being the worker bee, the person pointed at a task and told to do it, and I will always go 150% more than needed because that's how I am. But I don't like having to delegate, I don't like relying on people I don't trust to come through for me when I need, and I don't like trying to come up with ways to get people to change their behaviors and performance when it's obviously an ingrained thing. Yet there is huge pressure to "woman up" and do the job because it's higher pay and "the next step" in a career path. I've felt guilty for my feelings for a long time, and tried to convince myself it's a fear of failure, etc. But I think I've come to the conclusion that it's just not meant for me; so here's hoping I can find something else fast that still pays my bills.
One of my daughters just got sick again tonight (twice) - second time in 4 weeks. I am so hoping that it does not decend on the rest of the house like the last time (it played out over 3 days with youngest, middle, oldest, and husband in succession). Crappy part is that we have 9.5 lb ham for the family - my mom, sister & her husband, and both my BILs were supposed to come over. We may just have a LOT of left over ham. I have a headache...PLEASE don't let me get it!!!
@patricia - my thoughts are with you...I hope that tomorrow is a good day for you and your mom.
Jessie - thanks for asking, but we're in a holding pattern. Without insurance there isn't much we can do. My husband made the determination that we would "wait". He will be 65 in February...2013. I do not agree...but there is nothing much I can do...other than supporting. As I have said...I will live in a box...I don't care...but life is a little more complicated than that.
I hate April. I fucking hate April. My Uncle died this morning, Easter Morning. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at April the same way again.
I'm so sorry, navhelowife.
I'm sorry, navhelowife. My thoughts are with you and your family.
navhelowife, I'm so sorry for your loss. My thought are with you and Patricia and anyone else hurting today.
Thank you to everyone for all the good informations shared here this week.