Dear Boston, You Are Loved...Day One
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 at 10:06AM Mrs. G. All aboard.
Mrs. G's trip across across the country began on a train heading to Vancouver, Washington to meet up with her mom so they could catch a their flight the following morning to Boston. Mrs. G. settled into her seat and took at least three minutes to put on her telepathy cap (due to the size of her head, it is a metaphorical cap). Mrs. G's telepathy cap (also known in some circles as her hallucinatory, nonexistent "Second Sight") allows her to communicate (also known in the psychiatric profession some circles as fruitcakification telepathic transmission) with the Amtrak conductor that she would like to arrive at her destination alive. To augment her Karma and and doctor up any chance she has in admission to Heaven, she also uses her "Second Sight" to guarantee (as much as she can in this fantasy control system world she has constructed) the safety of all her fellow passengers. Then she opened up her laptop to cruise the internet.
30 minutes into the ride, the conductor announced the train was stopping because some foreign backpacks were located in a tunnel a few miles up the track. While Mrs. G. tried to stay calm, imagining the foreign backpacks simply to be Italian or Moroccan backpacks just backpacking together off the beaten path, her blood pressure started climbing when the conductor asked everyone to stay calm (not a good sign in even one life situation she can think of, so can we all just stop saying it now?) and patient because LAW ENFORCEMENT and THE BOMB SQUAD were on the way. Now Mrs. G. realized the conductor meant those kind of foreign backpacks and she did the only thing she could: put her head in her hands and start breathing heavily enough that passengers around her pretended not to stare.
So Mrs. G. began praying to God that, trust her God, no really God, all those questions and doubts that have plagued her since first grade were simply a kind of lifetime research project, fueled by earnest curiosity, an angelic, chaste thirst for knowledge that sought, forgive her God, concrete proof of nearly everything. Mrs. G. doesn't even trust the weatherman and all of his state-of-the-art meteorological equipment. She'll know the weather when she wakes up and damn well sees it and not one second before. And then there's the whole she and her hair don't do well in heat thing.
Mrs. G. couldn't help notice that while she was steady bargaining for her afterlife, the people around her looked annoyed, the woman next to her was on the phone complaining to someone that now her dinner reservations were screwed. These people, the very ones she had used her "Second Sight" to protect and serve, weren't scared. They were pissed. Mrs. G's ankles were sweating and they were texting.
In an effort to avoid being the one being thrown to the front of the train car to absorb the worst of the impending explosion, Mrs. G. tried to pull herself together and turned to her laptop for comfort. She went on Facebook and posted the following:
30 minutes into the trip the train I'm on headed to my mom's house has been stopped due to some foreign backpacks in a tunnel up ahead. Law enforcement is on the way. Why? I hadn't planned on drinking during this three hour trip but...Not freaking out, not freaking out, not freaking out. Religious people, pray. Heathens, do whatever. I know everything will be fine, but I love you all.
Within seconds, friends started "liking" her Facebook message, Mrs. G. started wondering if she had spent years cultivating friends who wanted her dead and she, no lie, started to tear up and pray harder. The "likes" continued to roll in and Mrs. G. just took the bull by the horns and asked her friends in the comments section, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, whether they had lost their minds (this she could understand) and to quit liking her status because with each "like" they were jinxing her already unlikely survival. One kind soul assured Mrs. G. that by "liking" her status, they were letting her know she had been heard, they were with her and this calmed her down, but it wasn't until later when she talked to Mr. G. that she gave up the notion of killing her Facebook account and starting her social life over from scratch, which wouldn't be easy because Mrs. G. has to work like hell to assure her current friends, psychopaths or not, will even put up with her ass, which should give you some idea of just how alone felt on the train waiting to blow up. Mr. G. told her during their evening phone call that she was overreacting and misconstruing due to mental duress and lack of common sense. "In your last moments, don't resort to Facebook," he sighed, "just write shit down on paper and roll with it."
Mrs. G. thinks it's safe to assume that, God love him, the man is going straight to hell.
Most of you know by now that Mrs. G. did not die a fiery death, but she can't leave this subject alone without informing her fellow blogging friends that it is not good blog fodder if you die on a train. You are dead, rendered incapable of typing.
OK, we all lived. Let's just leave it at that.
Mrs. G. is 856 words in and only on the second photo. She'll try to speed things along here. Mrs. G. and her mom had a great flight. Mrs. G's mom had a Vanity Fair magazine and Mrs. G. had half a Xanax. They arrived in Boston without incident.
They dropped their bags and headed to meet up with this chickadee. She was in the middle of a test, so Mrs. G. and her mom strolled down to the BU bookstore.
The BU bookstore is a Barnes & Noble. Mrs. G. and her mom were suitably impressed. Mrs. G's mom hit the store running to find some good BU gear and Mrs. G. sat down in the cafe by a window, drank a chocolate/banana smoothie and...
began a photo project she called Mancake of Boston. She began it with you harlots in mind, but she promised Miss G. she would abandon it because, yes, it is creepy to just take strange men's photos when you aren't skilled in being covert, particularly with the flash on.
Once Miss G. arrived at the book store, there was a lot of hugging and kissing and more hugging and more kissing and then the three of them went to dinner at Legal Seafood. It was amazing, a great way to kick off the trip and Mrs. G. and her daughter's high-five-sealed aspiration to try as many different cocktails as they could in six days. Mrs. G's mother stays away from all the fru fru martinis but she did introduce Mrs. G. and her daughter to a little minx called the Dark 'N' Stormy.
Mrs. G's mom also introduced to them to a profiterole. The minute this photo was taken, two extra spoons dive bombed this dessert. Mrs. G's mom is all about adventure and the finer things in life. She ordered the dessert at every restaurant during the trip and without fail, picked what had to be the best one available.
After dinner, they strolled around Harvard Square. Mrs. G. did not take this picture because her levitation skills are rusty. She stole it off the Harvard website. They can try to sue her but she wonders if the university has a class in how you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. Mrs. G. could teach that class, so bring it Harvard.
These two are a-okay strollers.
OK, Mrs. G. lied about abandoning the Mancake of Boston project. Don't tell her daughter.
Well fed and exhausted, Miss G. returned to her apartment and Mrs. G. and her mom returned to their hotel, the nicest hotel Mrs. G. has ever stayed in.
Wait up, is this more Mancake of Boston? Shhhhhh....
Mrs. G. and her mom hit the sack and woke up to one of the most beautiful Mondays in the world and a city filled with 30,000 marathoners and all the people who love them.
To be continued...
Reader Comments (34)
Glad you made to Boston in one piece. Loving the mancake and I have to say your mom has great taste in dessets and cocktails!
You must remember, Mrs. G, that Facebook does not have a "Really?! Holy Shit!" button so we are limited to "Like".
Totally with you on the train...I bargain with God all the time and can only hope that He gives credit for intent because my intent is always right on.
I love that you were three generations strong in Boston...how cool...I roll over for Moms and Daughters and Grands...
Love hearing about your trip!
I would have had no problem on the train (let's face it, the bomb wasn't ON the train); my anxiety attack would have started in the hotel. I can't even see a picture of a hotel room without thinking, "Bedbugs. Are there bedbugs?"
Good thing I can't afford hotels, right?
Mancake of Boston! YAY!
Can't wait for the rest of the story
how in the holy hell did you find a legal seafoods that wasn't crowded???
Janet, we ate pretty early at the one in Cambridge. By the time we left, it was crowded.
I hate that we didn't connect but I'll see you in July.
OMG, Mancake Boston! You can start them in every major city!
I am going to be keeping my eyes wide open when I'm in town tomorrow night to see if I see any of them. Love the hottie in the first photo!
Glad you made it home safely.
I always worry when I go somewhere without the rest of the family that I will die (or if they are the ones gone, they will die). For some reason, I don't worry about it if we are all together. So I think I understand the panic on the train. Now do I get brownie points for NOT clicking that "like" button? :)
So glad you made it, had a fabulous hotel, good mancake (you know how to make me happy on a Tuesday) and HOORAY for a picture of your mom! I obviously need to travel with other people (rather than my own family) because the 3 of you were having some wonderful-looking and -sounding goodies.
Mancake of Boston.... mmmmmm....
Damn, I don't know if I liked that status update or not, but if I did, I swear it's because I was letting you know that I was sending good vibes your way and not because I want a way out of the the big shindig at my place in July. If anything, I'm going to be working extra harder in my happy thoughts to get you here safely and in one piece.
I do love me some Mancake. Hopefully it will be a regular feature as you travel around this summer. I adore Miss G but she needs to shush it. This is medicinal Mancake for some of us.
I hope you were able to continue the Mancake Project while Miss G was in class or otherwise occupied. There are so many tourists in Boston that you probably blended right in with all the other folks snapping away. First day sounded wonderful and I can't wait for the rest of the saga!
I've been hoping you would write about your trip. So glad you survived it! And how DO you take those mancake shots? I feel like such a weirdo trying to covertly take photos of strangers in public...
Mancake on the sly....I like it. A LOT!
where is that dam* like button-LIKE! I was one of the ones who told you it meant we had your back. I have been there only on a plane while the couple next to me prayed and swore to never, ever,no never get on a plane again.
Me 1/2 of a nice chill pill will do the trick.
glad you went, I love Boston, and glad you had a geat time rocking with your bad a** Mom and your kid.
I am waiting for more.
Boston is a blast...glad you had a great 1st day! Can't wait to hear 'the rest of the story'...and the photoshoots. yipee!
Great stuff...esp. the undercover mancake. Looking forward to the next installment!
Mmmm, and you had superb weather, yes? BONUS :)
Lawdy, lawdy and that was just Day One!!! Glad impending doom was not your destiny , don't think I would have "liked" that!!! Your Mom has figured it out: Indulge, enjoy and have few regrets! On to Day Two....
Oh! That first guy...definitely!!!
I hope everyone knows that the whole "like" issue was not an indictment but a description of my own cuckoo reaction to anxiety.
I think we all 'liked' it because we knew that you would be just fine, and your adventure would result in some really great story telling. And then you threw in ninja mancake as a bonus!
I am lovin' traveling vicariously through you. Journey on!
Looking forward to more, more more of Boston!
I love Boston so much. What a great trip!
Such fun! Excited to hear about Day 2 now. And I also hope the mancake continues. Goodness.
Can't wait to hear more!
I was once on a very rough flight and was terrified---even though there was a nun sitting across the aisle and I was pretty sure God wouldn't kill a nun---would he? she?
And your mother is a better grandmother for a college visit than mine was: she went to see my sister (Linda) at her college, and when she saw her across the reception area, she yelled out, "Lindy-lou, how are you?" My sister was mortified, being all grown up and sophisticated and all.
What a magnificent room!
Looks like despite the delays in travel, you were welcomed well and enjoyed the arrival!
Ms. G appears to thrive in Boston.
My daughter fascinates me...she is a true wordsmith...and my diva granddaughter is an accomplished photographer..I am still basking in the glow of Boston and my bag is not unpacked...the apt below MrsG's daughter is for rent and I strongly urged MrsG to just the two of us to rent it (it is a true Mary Tyler Moore'ish apt on a tree lined street) and that she could write a sitcom while I would seek gainful employment in any of the fine establishments w/ signs in their windows..I own stock in Starbucks and spent 4 miserable weeks in their employment in another life..I was hired as a manager but failed in humanity and Barrista skills..I will not frequent another one but will continue to buy their coffee (ground type) at Costco..but in Boston, they and many other "fine" well know establishments have no public bathrooms...shame on them...but I could live and die in Cambridge, Brighton and/or the fine hotel we stayed in...MrsG was the perfect travel companion - we like our space & I got to sleep (my choice) on the couch bohemian style w/ the tv droning and the lights on...yep those girls were drinking "Sassy Co-Worker", "Dirty Shirley", Lemondrop, Cosmos of every persuasion...as a mature adult I learned that martini's have a way of loosening my tongue and not in a good way - so I am a sipper of all things good...fav's B&B, Calvados, Dark & Stormy and when I am frisky a Dirty Martini..oops I forgot Lemoncello (always in my freezer) and Patron tequila....
once in another life while greeting business guests after more than a plenty B&B's (think I mainlined them), I made a very inappropriate greeting to a co-workers wife...the word "parakeet on your shoulder" just slipped right out and my wonderful boss gently escorted me to a table for a bit of food...I am going to nab some of these pictures as I had my stupid phone clicking away...a shout out to Deb and Erica...both class acts...it was a pleasure to meet you....to MrsG..you are simply the best..xxoo
I cannot wait for the rest. Laughed so hard I had tears running down my face.
Favorite ....Mrs. G. and her mom had a great flight. Mrs. G's mom had a Vanity Fair magazine and Mrs. G. had half a Xanax. They arrived in Boston without incident.
Bring on the mancake. First picture. I'd like him to go please.
Ooooooh, you sneaky, sneaky thang! Love the covert ops mission to keep Mancake going.
Miss G looks awesome! This makes me so happy; reading about your mama-daughter trip. I love it. I hope I will have this much fun with my own mother & daughter someday. If I am visiting my daughter while she's getting her master's at BU I will be able to die a proud and happy woman :)
i have become quite good at taking the "shoot from the hip" style of pictures....mancake...old people...little kids...random tattoos on various body parts....i sort of rock at this. your shots? damn good. i suggest you keep up the good work!!!
and your mom? priceless!!
you know...if she were to accompany you on, even a short leg or two of your 'big adventure' this summer, you'd have fodder to be able to blog for many, many posts, me thinks!!
I promise to only "HOLY SHIT, I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY" all your posts from now on. Zuckerberg should really get on that.
I have never covertly snapped men around town, since I get to see them ALL THE TIME, but yes. We have some fine mens. And I love that picture of your Mom.