Friday
Apr132012
Full Confessional Friday!
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 10:21PM Mrs. G. 
MCCALL'S MAGAZINE, STYLE & BEAUTY COVER, "FORTUNE TELLER"
Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister.
tagged Full Confessional Friday
Full Confessional Friday
Reader Comments (75)
I feel all alone in a life filled with family and friends. I'm running out of energy to carry on. It doesn't seem what seems so easy for others should be so hard for me. I'm tired and I'm not sure my absence would be felt longer than 30 days, seriously. Why shouldn't I decide the fate of my life? I've been living it for nearly fifty years.
You sound depressed and keep in mind depression is a skillful liar. Email me! And we can talk. No judgement.
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE) http://www.hopeline.com/
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
Suicide Hotline Listing by State: http://www.suicidehotlines.com/
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE /800-799-7233 and 800-787-3224 (TTY)
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Helpline and Treatment: 800-234-0420
I'm not depressed I'm tired. There is a difference. I do appreciate your kindness in providing resources. You're a good woman, Mrs. G. I'm just not sure they're for me.
Heather, my name is Heather too and I have felt, I think, the kind of tired you describe. I don't know if you are being serious but please don't fuck around with me because I have barely slept this week. You can call the depression/suicide line if you want to be anonymous or call me at -------- I will talk to you as long as you want or need. I'm a good listener and I will keep my phone right beside my pillow, so call anytime.
I'm taking you at you word. I'm calling in five minutes. Thank you.
Best wishes Heather, there is no question that the world is a better place with you in it!
That is also true of you Mrs G, and despite the anxieties of your week and what you deal with here, I would suggest that full confessional Friday is quite valuable and awesome and please consider keeping it.
I haven't done dishes in a week. As of now, every time any one of us needs a dish, it needs to be washed individually, then used. Instead, I've been reading a good book, running, working, watching TV, surfing the web. I also haven't cooked a real dinner once this week. My husband has eaten Ramen at least twice, my son prefers crackers and fruit and cheese for dinner anyway, and I've eaten popcorn.
@Heather I hope you find what you need sooner rather than later
@Mrs. G., I think people really need FCF and I hope one person doesn't ruin it for the rest of us. Please know that you have so many women (and Gary) that will back you up if ever you need it.
@Gary I wish I were closer to Ithaca because I'd like to meet you and see your studio and meet your lovely missus and compare art projects.
My confession is I'm getting tired of dealing with the stupid fuckwits of the world, both at my job and even online. Most of the time I can deal with the idiots of the world, but the past couple of weeks have been trying, to say the least. I'm going to go overtime this weekend making voodoo dolls, I can just tell.
Had a wonderful trip. Spent Sunday with the family and it was great, until said stepchild showed up unannounced and I could feel the tension growing in the air. DH went to say hi to her; she rolled her eyes and wouldn't acknowledge him. Wow. That hurt. A super duper backhand followed by a punch in the gut kind of hurt. I hope he finally realizes that she is a lousy person, nothing like him and maybe someday if everyone hopes enough for her because you know how everyone grows up and becomes nice suddenly (snort!) she will turn her life around and see what a bitch she was for the past 5 years. Highly unlikely.
I can't tell you how often the expression 'voodoo doll' trotted across my mind this week. Relieved the immediate pressure more than once, though.
Hoping both the Heathers are okay today.
C and kelley-- the voodoo doll theory sure beats going to prison because you gave the f!ckwits what they so richly deserve ;)
Lisa L thank you, we are here and not going anywhere soon, therefore perhaps one day :)
Mrs. G, hope you are okay, and Heather is too. She is not alone. And yes, depression is a clever liar.
Mrs. G, your strength and courage never cease to amaze me, I can't believe you put your phone number on here.
Lisa L., I once went on "strike" for a month. It took family that long to get my passive aggressive message that I wanted help! It started as one lazy day reading and doing nothing and ended with Handyman asking me why I hadn't cleaned our one bathroom in a month LOL. It worked, but it might have been easier if I'd just ...um... Asked for help. I'm not judging you, I'm showing empathy :).
I'm with you about Gary, I would love to visit his place in Ithiaca, but too far for me too Enjoy your book.
Spent the week cleaning out my inlaws' house. They had been married for 64 years. MIL died suddenly 1 1/2 half years ago, and we became instant caregivers of FIL who had Alzhemer's disease and a host of other issues. He was a saver of things, and add Alzheimer's to the mix and you have an episode of Hoarders. It's been quite a trip.
AND I am on this side of the daisies! So all is well. Onward!!
@Heather: I hope you have called Mrs. G or have called for some kind of help. I lost two of my four siblings at the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011. It still hurts. A lot. Every holiday, birthday, anniversary is just another reminder that they're not coming back. If you can't hang in there for you hang in there for family and friends. Believe me you will be missed. If you have children please know that this is not the example you want to set for them. Call. Get help. Let us know how you are. We care.
@Heather...Hope you called Mrs. G. - depression is a tricky bastard who tells you lies then chews you up and spits you out. Please let us know how you are doing this morning.
@Mrs. G...we don't want the details but we would love to know if you connected with @Heather...here is hoping you are both gabbing away over the phone or sleeping in because you talked so late into the night.
As for my confession...gosh I really do care that some stranger who posted on someone's blog is somewhere in this world ok this morning. What a small and strange world we live in connected by airwaves and acronyms.
@Heather: I hope you called Mrs. G or one of those numbers or maybe even your family Dr. for an appointment! There's tired and then there's TIRED and sometimes the only way to figure that out is to see a professional. So, even if you are convinced you are not depressed, why not go find out what IS making you so tired? Iron deficiency? Sleep apnea? Thyroid issue? Or maybe something else that's entirely physical and treatable? You'll never know unless you go check it out! And maybe you are absolutely healthy and just need a vacation? In any event - first check it out with a professional! Please!
The other Heather is in good hands now...she's talking to the right people. She's a really nice person too.
So happy to hear that, Mrs. G. I hope that things work out well for the other Heather. It broke my heart reading her post.
Sorry, that last post was me.
And so are you, Mrs G. Thanks for letting us know.
Debra, you have my sympathies. Last year we filled seven dumpsters full of hoarded crap from my late in-laws' house.
Mrs. G, you're awesome. seriously.
Last night I spoke on the phone with an old friend who is dying of a particularly horrible form of cancer. This fills me with such sorrow and at the same time guilt and inadequacy. What do you say? How do you comfort? Her husband messaged me on Facebook, but it took weeks for us to connect - partly his fault, partly mine - and now I feel guilty. but of course none of that matters to my friend. She is surrounded by family and friends who love her and what's one tardy connection from the past to her?
I will be going to see her, and I could use some good advice about what to say, how to be, how to feel. I know it should be about her not me, but sometimes I think my tendency not to want to intrude keeps me from being able to connect or extend love and comfort.
Mrs. G and other Derfs - your compassion and caring for Heather just floors me.
@Mrs. G - great news - and wonderful that you and this blog were there for her...you are an amazing woman and I hope @Heather finds her "amazing" because of this.
Good news, sort of. This is an update from last week's (or the one before) confession. We had a webcast from the Deputy Minister on Tuesday to all department employees announcing the numbers for the cuts. (Cuts to the public service due to the new Federal government budget, the first since the Conservatives won a majority government.) Out of 250 jobs in the Branch, 25 will be cut. Email letters were sent out Tuesday.
I did not get an letter. I am relieved, but not happy.
A lot of close friends received the letters. My friend, Evelyn, who also did not receive a letter, put it best when she said that she feels like the Israelites in Egypt who were passed over by the angel of death because of the lamb blood on the door. We're relieved that our jobs are OK, but we are sad and angry for our friends, and feeling a little survivor guilt. Our workplace is not a happy place right now.
@Aunt Snow...my mom is a five year stage four breast cancer survivor and I can tell you of all the things that were done for her and for us during her surgeries, treatments, recovery was the kind act of one of her friends...that friend simply came and held her hand, if she could not hold her hand then she held mine. When we cried she just held on. When we were mad she just held on. She never really said anything or did anything but she was always there.
Don't worry about the words, don't worry about the things just go and be with her and the rightness of whatever will come to you.
As far as how to feel...well, it sucks big time to be the one watching, the one on the sidelines and however you feel is ok, it really is. It's ok to be confused, it's ok to be angry, it's ok to feel sad. And, it's ok to do and feel all things even though you have not kept in close contact. Sometimes for us looking in it's the lessons we learn. So, take a breath and just be and do with your friend and don't worry about right or wrong.
Send warm thoughts your way...
So glad that Heather reached out to you Mrs. G. and you were able to help. Hope she gets feeling better very soon. Dreading this weekend as it is my sons junior prom and the weather looks terrible, and not looking forward at all to having to stay up all night to help with the after prom party. I'm sure it will be fun and maybe the sun will pop out at least for a while for pictures. Also dreading finishing and filing our taxes. I put all our information in two months ago because my son needed me to complete the FAFSA for the year, but just putting off going back through and making sure no mistakes and hitting that "file" button. Oh yeah and the fact that I have to mail a check in again pisses me off. I want a refund dammit! Okay done venting. I don't usually do that on here but thanks Derfs. Hope everyone has a good weekend!
All you fine folks lift my spirits, yes you do.
Confession....I took on a business partnership with an elderly new friend. Seemed like a great deal, she had lots of experience, great contacts but low energy and not the strength or stamina for traveling, I needed expereience and contacts and have the energy.
Now after working a big job with her I am finding that she is not as mentally capable as I thought, does not have as much experience as I thought, very scattered in her efforts and unable to focus at all. I have to do all the driving, organizing, writing, and record keeping. She is not up to date on methodology or legal restrictions, hence I am having to find out most things on my own to cover us both.
In short, she is a great person, and good company, but I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I sure hope the flow of work, contacts, and exposure is worth it, because the job is now revealed to include a lot of elder care that I was not counting on. Yesterday it took nearly five minutes and two reminders of my name to get her to write me a check for my half of our payment. Yikes.
I really enjoy her company, and want to help, but right now in my life I could use someone who doesn't need a caretaker.
Aunt Snow...I have done some Hospice work. I asked my clients "what do YOU want". One woman said "all I want is that if I open my eyes, someone is there". She mostly slept but I held her hand and read a book while she slept.
When my grandmother was dying, all she wanted to do was hold my hand. We couldn't have a conversation because of her stroke damage. Sometimes you don't need to say anything. If she wants you to talk, tell her how much she meant to you. Talk about times with her that you will always remember. Don't be afraid to cry.
Sometimes you can be a godsend for the family. If they have been sitting vigil by the bedside or not sleeping you can give them a break to take a nap, a walk or a shower.
As Daisy said, don't worry about the words. Your presence is more important. My dad died 17 years ago. I still remember the people who were there to hug us and who (for whatever personal reason) didn't show up.
When my children were little, they came up with something they said before each meal: "We are thankful for love and care and food to eat." In this little community, we provide love and care, and all kinds of food: food for the spirit and the heart, too.
@c, we have hauled out 3.7 tons of stuff from my FIL's house. We need another dumpster.
My 1st trip to Confessional Friday -
1st to @Heather - expend the energy to get some help - depression is/can/will be like an elephant on your chest - MrsG and I are old hands at propping one another up thru dialogue & I hope talking with her gave you the same sense of "I can do this because I am needed in this world" - be nice to yourself and most of all remember you are so important to one and all who you come across...I find that losing sleep is so hard on my tired psyche and sunshine (I am "basking" in my sunbox lite as we speak)
Any sins I committed this week were to myself and the man I live with and adore most of the time...I was impatient, and had to focus on what mattered vrs what was happening which wasnt a hell of a lot..today I see some semi-blue skies, am gonna get a manicure (Hussy Red is my color) and just be glad that Friday - altho it is the 13th - because in less than 48 hrs me and Mrs G will be bound for Beantown...
The "interwave" is a powerful tool for forging friendships and finding people who want to express themselves - being much older than the majority of you, I always say/think "it could be worse" vrs "it's going to get better"..Irish as Paddys pig who resides under my bed but along w/ the pig goes the lucky part..hope you all find a four leaf clover & kiss the ones you love & remember TGIF
@Heather, when I popped on here in the middle of the night, I saw your exchange with Mrs. G. and immediately started praying. You DO matter!
Mrs. G., you truly are the Salt of the Earth kind of person. The community you have created here is a reflection of your heart: big, kind, loving, caring. Many of us haven't met face-to-face but we share deeply and care deeply.
I was reading blogs last night when I couldn't sleep and read these two recent posts on "An Inch of Gray" http://aninchofgray.blogspot.com/2012/04/exquisite-pain.html
and
http://aninchofgray.blogspot.com/2012/03/what-you-can-do-to-help-grieving-family.html
These were the kick in the pants I needed to write some cards to friends who have recently lost a loved one. And the thing is, I KNOW how touching it is to receive a card with a personal note... and I had difficulty reaching out and inserting myself into someone else's pain.
Aunt Snow, Daisy hit the nail on the head. Ask what you can do and then follow your friend's lead. I had a friend who suffered an unimaginable loss of 3 very close family members due to a psychotic break and inadequately managed schizophrenia of one of those family members. When I emailed her (because she was on the other side of the country and I couldn't just drive over) and said, "What can I do for you?" she was very thankful. We have been fast and true friends since. I think it was my reaching out and just saying, I'm sorry this happened how can I help that ended up being the bond that tied us together. It's been over 10 years and we are still friends. I'm proud that I'm the one she can pick up the phone and call when it's been 10 years and say, "I thought at the 10 year anniversary I would be o.k. but that day is today and I still miss them like it was yesterday." And I hold the phone and make sympathetic sounds and she cries. But I am there for her because we are friends.
I'm sure you can be that friend. The one who says, "What can I do for you?" and then get out of the way and let her lead. As Daisy said you may need to do nothing more than hold her hand and be there.
Mrs G - you are ace.
@Heather - you are so brave to have posted and followed up the offer of help.
Mrs G's Mom - I love that your nail polish choice is 'Hussy Red'.
@ Heather, I'm so glad you reached out. I think almost everyone has felt that feeling of being alone, despite having friends and family. Believe me, you would be missed far more than you can ever begin to imagine.
Mrs. G., and Momma of Mrs. G, I hope you all have a great trip to Boston!
It's rainy here today, and it's affecting my mood. I need to cheer myself up at lunch, I believe.
oh, and for the rest of you going through sticky/crappy situations, may you all have a little sunshine today. i'll send some your way if you've got rain today...we're chock full of sun and dry weather.
What a wonderful supportive community of derfs we have here.
Heather, I wasn't able to respond earlier, but I've been sending good vibes your way since this morning. I am glad you reached out for help. You are important.
Mrs. G, you are also important and awesome.
I love this place, no matter where I am in the world I know I can find a home here. Thanks ladies for being so lovely.
I turned 50 this week and I didn't like it one bit.
Brava Mrs.G. for timing your insomnia with Heather's call for help. I am moved to tears at the power of connection through your blog. I'm sending you thoughts of uninterrupted sleep. Heather, look how many lives you touched... and we don't even know you! Warm hugs to you.
Aunt Snow, the advice has already come but I'm chiming in for "just be there." Grave illness is another dimension. Feel free to leave the world, with its chitchat and uplifting platitudes, at the door and walk in to present time. Just fully be there. We will hold your hand while you hold your friend's.
Love and courage to all the Derfs.
Alison, I'm glad you and Ev didn't get the letter! I'm considering what you two could smear outside your door to ward off bad news--I hear Gary is an expert on Voodooo dolls.
Happy Birthday Not One Bit, Nancy G.
Aunt Snow, you 'll know what to do when you get here.
Mrs G and Heather, so glad you connected. Heather, you do make a difference! You can do it and we are all here to help. Praying for you today.
Aunt Snow...four years ago today my BFF died of cancer, I was there every step of the way with her and her family, and had many good cries with all of them (and one this morning too) Just be there, talk to her about anything, about her kids, your kids, your lives together, let the family there see where she came from and what she means to you. If you are comfortable being alone with her, give them a break, read to her, take some pictures with you of the two of you together. Be thankful for what is and not for what is lost. Bring water and toilet paper, there's probably plenty of food being dropped off but these basics are great. Hold her hand, rub her feet, paint her nails, bring her new jammies.
Missing that BFF today, she's missed so many great things in her kid's lives and would be so proud of them. At the same time struggling with who my BFF is, not only lost her but two good friends have also passed since she did, another one moved, and one is sleeping with a married man and lying about so many things I cannot even stand the smoke and mirrors, it's a house of cards she is living in. So at 53 and single I find myself floundering a bit, I have friends but it's just not the same.
Wishing sunshine and happiness to all Derfs today.
Jumping in again to say, way to go Mrs. G, you are awesome. And way to go Heather for making the call, first steps are the hardest.
@Aunt Snow. I feel for you as my very best friend has been fighting cancer for the last six months, so I feel your pain. You have been given good advice. Don't worry about the right way to do it, just do it and be there for her and her family. 15 years ago I had Colon Cancer and a year's worth of Chemo after surgery. I lost friends through my journey because they couldn't deal with my "drama". I wasn't always pleasant, I wasn't always as grateful as I should have been, but the people who let me talk, and let me whine, and let me fall asleep in the middle of their conversations are the people I will never forget. If your long distance, send her a card everyday that says you are thinking about her. If you are closer, come do the shopping for her husband, clean the house, put polish on her nails, share your time, she will appreciate it. I will be thinking of you and your friend every day.
I only have a sec, haven't read what others have posted yet & may not until next week, so I hope you're all doing well. I'm in Wichita, KS (my hometown) for my brother's wedding. Money is stressing me out to no end, I'm going to need a vacation after my vacation, but otherwise life is trucking along. Though I don't think I'll ever want to live here again, it feels reallly, really good to visit.
I have a pain in my back. Years ago, I was reaching out to put my brand new baby (at the time) into his crib. I was all twisted to one side, then I SNEEZED. Couldn't drop the baby. Couldn't straighten out. HURT a spot right under my right shoulder blade.
OY is it cramping and hurting. What should I do? Ben Gay-type stuff doesn't do much. Hot showers only help a little. There's nothing wrong with my spine (I had it x-rayed). Massage? Exercise? Stab myself in the back? (hm. how to do that?)
And if massage, what kind? Sports? ummmm... I don't know anything about types of massage.
And my husband is gone for the week/weekend, so I'm on my own w/two kids and 2 dogs. Pizza 2 nights in a row : yes or no?
Also, I bought the MOST BEAUTIFUL ring for myself today at a local art gallery. It is a silver-wrapped crimson Swarovski crystal in an unusual shape (kind of Marquis cut, but wonky). And it's a BIG crystal -- like bigger than a dime. Almost nickel.
I like sparklies.
Pizza - vegetable, dairy, protein and starch (aka tomato sauce, cheese, ham/pepperoni and bread dough). Twice in a weekend? No worries.
Kate in Michigan....yes. Pizza all w/e. With wine. And chocolate.
I had pain in my shoulder, bad, recently. At times it was hard to pick up a cup of coffee despite hauling 25 lb. bags of clay around a studio. The physical therapist gave me one exercise to do 3 times daily, repeating ten times. Pull your arms and elbows to your side, your forearms bent at the elbows at 90º in front of you, parallel to the floor. Squeeze your shoulder blades together, then while holding the squeeze, rotate your arms out to about 45º from the elbow only; keep your arms against your sides, forearms still parallel. Hold for 10 seconds and release. You'll actually get a bit of ache from this but it feels good too. I can pick up more weight than a lot of men (no longer 400 lbs. however), but that pain scared me. I had more exercises but that's a good one.
Good advice on asking the friend what she wants. Remember too, she may not have an answer immediately, so tell her you'll ask her again later. (Been on both sides.) the other naomi
Reeling from the news that someone I knew killed herself this morning. It is a tragedy beyond words. Thank you for being there last night, Mrs. G., because this devastation is unthinkable.
I was going to write a post about the pain in the ass past few days I have had courtesy of Flickr. But after reading these posts, I just want to say what a wonderful bunch of people we have assembled here. Thanks all to the gracious and generous Mrs. G., this really is a good place and it makes the other, less pleasant aspects of the internet seem small.
If I can tell a little story as a follow up to the post and video about Oliver Sacks....my best friend Jenny's 90+ year old Grandpa had a major stroke recently. He's been in the hospital and was recently moved to a nursing home, basically neglected, and deemed unworthy of any further rehab or treatment. He had become depressed (Jen thought) and fairly unresponsive to most people. She is a musician and last Friday (before she saw this video...which makes this even cooler), she took her clarinet and played some music for her Grandpa. He immediately sat up in his chair, smiled, and SAID "Oh, thank you, that was so beautiful!"
He hadn't spoken to anyone in weeks! The even better news is that the speech therapist was there in the room to witness it and immediately apologized for thinking that Jenny's grandpa was not worth the effort of rehab.
How's that for a nice Friday story. EVERYONE is worth a little effort! Everyone.
Love and Peace to all you wonderful Derfs. Happy weekend.