I Am A Derfwad 2012 Summer Update II
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 11:39PM Mrs. G. Please take a look at the most current list of derfs who are interested in getting together this July. Mr. and Mrs. G. are going to sit down next week and start mapping out the most efficient route. This may seem like early planning, but many of you have shared dates that won't work for you or a willingness to travel outside your state, so Mrs. G. thinks sooner is better than later in regards to planning such an enormous trip. Sixteen weeks really isn't that long when you are criss-crossing the United States, largely depending on the kindness of others. If you are not on the list and want to be, please leave a comment and Mrs. G. will happily add you.
Mrs. G. has plenty of places to spend the night thanks to so many generous offers, so there's that. No more volunteers needed in that department.
Mrs. G. estimates she needs $2800ish for a rental car and gas.
Current contributions (after only one week): $1,440 (plus she has two bids on her fancy espresso maker)...this is going to happen. Thank you to all who have contributed, particularly those of you who are in other countries and can't even attend. Mrs. G. promises to blog daily on the road and give those who aren't there in person a wicked good time through photos and words. There will also be t-shirts and assorted swag available when Mrs. G. figures out how to do what you need to do to do that. So many do(s).
Road trip whaaaa. Strangers where? Confused? Here's the original post.
One question that has come up in emails and comments.
1) Does contributing money get you to my area?
No, it doesn't. Numbers determine stops. The more people who can gather in a particular area, the more likely Mrs. G. is headed there. Also, please, please don't not add yourself to the list because you can't contribute money. There is no connection between the two. Contribute yourself. In fact, this is the last time Mrs. G. is mentioning money. She trusts everything will work itself out. Also, please don't not add yourself to the list because you assume Mrs. G. knows you'll be showing up. Good numbers are crucial to finding spots to gather and Mrs. G's memory ain't what it used to be.
See you in June or July!
I Am A Derfwad/Summer 2012, Update
Reader Comments (70)
get on down, get on down the road! It will be a blast!
Mrs. G, just to clarify the planning -- I'm actually in Berkeley - I just often say SF Bay Area online (sorry for the confusion). I'm so looking forward to meeting you. Meanwhile I see Aphrodite in in my neighborhood.
Darla
"do do do do ... is all I have to say to you."
Looking forward to travelling vicariously Mrs G.
I noticed I'm the only Derf in Vermont. I'm happy to travel to Boston if that makes it easier for you!
Mrs. G., can you email me an approximate date of when you might be thinking of being in the Boston area? Thanks!
Hi Mrs. G,
I noticed that there are several central NJ people and depending on where those are I would be willing to travel to NJ - my dad lives in Easton, PA which is on the Jersey border, so I can always crash there if need be.
I don't seem to be showing up, so please add me as well. Nancy G. - Gig Harbor, WA
Sounds like Boston is good for quite a few of us...especially for those who are in northern New England (VT, NH, ME, MA)...a mini road trip for some of us. meak
I am so excited that this is really happening! By the way, if my location does not work for everyone, I will gladly travel anywhere on the west coast.
Mrs. G, we will be moving in August! So I am more than happy to drive you around the KC area (to save you money on gas), let you use our washer/dryer, make you coffee and cookies, and let you stay in our guest bed if you like. It will likely just be the kiddo and I (who is turning 3 in July!), so just let me know if you're good to go in KC or if you need somewhere to stay.
I'll be at the Houston meet-up! I can't wait!!!
I had put myself in the "close enough to drive to Atlanta" category, but I will be in the Boston area for a couple of weeks in May. That would cut my drive from 6 hours to 1 hour!
I can totally drive to Madison from St. Paul if that would be easier:) I admire your courage!
This is totally exciting! I have the first week of June off, but don't know if you're coming thru then or not. Right now it doesn't look like I can move days to July, but you are still welcome to crash at my place if you like. I can't wait to see this happen! A Derfstock traveling road show, how awesome!!
I'm sorry I didn't email you over the weekend like I said I would but I was having a mini-meltdown. I can definitely come to the Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN area since that's the closest 'larger' area near me.
Mrs. G by Central Virginia I do mean Charlottesville so there are at least 4 of us in the vicinity (Ruckersville is just a stone's throw up Route 29N). If need be I think I can talk Mere in Whynot to put me up...or put up with me depending on how you look at it. Looking forward to seeing you somewhere on the East Coast.
Ok, ok....I've purposely avoided this because it made me so sad that I wouldn't be able to attend (so I thought!) but it turns out we'll be in the states from mid-June to mid-July. I, too, will be making a road trip of sorts to make sure enough of the relatives get a chance to see the little ones. So, if during your road trip you'll be anywhere near the North Florida/South Georgia/Virginia/Chicago area I just might be able to stop by. Once you figure our your schedule I may be able to veer my crew in that direction at coincidentally the same time.
I live in Northern Kentucky, just across the Ohio River from Cincinnati. So if the timing is right I would like to meet up with you!
Looking forward to finding out when you will be in the area.
Alesia, you are welcome to stay with me in Lowell if we meet in Boston...I'm a half hour north.
All I can figure out is that you posted this when my mother was visiting and I was suffering from some sort of calcium deficiency, because I missed the whole thing where you were fundraising. And setting the itinerary. I'd like to come to anywhere you are nearby or otherwise and to offer my house on Long Island (Northport, New York) to you. The only weekend I can't do it is July 7th when another group of my friends is coming to my house. I'll donate after the 1st (I had a bit of a spendy month --sigh.)
Dearest Mrs. G,
A group of your readers and myself have been discussing this road trip and we have some concerns. I'm sorry to post anonymously but I know if I use my name other readers will crucify me. Of the group discussing your road trip I drew the short straw to right this comment. Please carefully consider these points brought up by people who really like your blog.
a. It seems tacky and presumptuous for you to ask readers to help fund your trip. You can only put in $400 but you need $2800 so you are asking readers to fund the majority of your trip for the pleasure of your company. Get off your butt and get some sponsors. Get a job. Don't take a trip you don't have the money to pay for. Thats how it works for the rest of us.
b. You have mentioned before that you have mental issues. You seem *off* to me right now because of the fact you are planning on travelling across the country alone and staying in the homes of virtual strangers. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about this and see what he or she thinks. I also question people who are so eager to have someone with mental issues into their home. Maybe it's because they have mental issues. This whole scenario seems unsafe in so many, many, many ways.
c. The internet is full of crap. Everone tells you they love you and you are the best and they want to meet you but they tell *everybody* this. It's one big smoke up your ass festival. I think you are buying into this crap when it would be best to just stay behind the screen and do what you do best which is to write and make people laugh. What if you get to wherever and your host doesn't answer the phone or the door? Have you calculated that into the budget you are asking others to subsidize. Also your budget is ridiculously low. Have you priced a car and gas, what if you are stranded or your car breaks down and you need a motel, are you planning on eating? Have you answered these questions, Mrs. G?
d. You joke, but women travelling alone are vulnerable. I'm surprised Mr. G. is supportive of this at all. It doesn't sound like him which again makes me question wether you need to have your meds adjusted.
I know this comment is going to make you mad but I have to put all this out there because I'm not the only one of us who shares these thoughts and if this is truly a community shouldn't we tell each other the truth even if it might sting? I think yes.
I love your blog. It is my favorite. You make me laugh all the time and I am grateful for that. Just think about this before you react.
spelling error in the post above: should be whether, rather than wether (a neutered male goat)
And I am in NE Ohio, should you head this way :-)
Thank you for your courage to speak up May. Some common sense needed to be added to this scenario.
Me! I'm behind on blog reading! 30 min north of Cincinnati Ohio here. Now to go catch up! I will donate as soon as I figure out my paypal. Been a while since I used it!
So. Excited.
Ignore the naysayers. Please.
I have met "strangers" in cities all over this country through blogging and they are exactly who they purport to be. As for driving by yourself, as long as you're armed with a cell phone and a Triple A card you'll be fine.
Something about those comments strikes me as quite bizarre.
I agree with Jenn @JL ... ignore the naysayers.
I'm still "clapping."
I
hopeplan to see you and the other Derfs in Kansas City."May," please. That's just wrong.
May and other concerned Derfs,
I'm sure Mrs. G has thoughtfully and carefully considered all of the pros and cons of this summer adventure for months before commiting her time and energy to trying to make it happen with our help. She's a big girl. If you don't want to participate, that's okay. No need to rain on the parade.
Another friend of mine in her 50s died this week from cancer. I am reminded yet again that life is short and risky just by being alive. Better to take a carefully considered risk than to lament "I might have, I wish I had" for the rest of one's life. I"ll be a middle-aged woman traveling alone for several hundred miles to visit people I have never met or even talked to when I drive to California to meet Mrs. G on one of her road trip stops. Call me crazy, irresponsible, needing my meds adjusted and foolish too. But I'll be there anyway with the other Derfs with an open mind and an open heart to new experiences and adventures. (And my cell phone, Triple A card, backup plans and resources if something falls through or goes awry as Jen above has suggested.)
A carefully adventurous Derf,
Debbie in AZ
Good God, with loving readers like May and friends, who needs a blog? What a bunch of passive aggressive tripe. You're so funny and awesome Mrs. G (wait for it) for a jobless mental case without the sense of a brown paper bag. Your comment was so offensive it's funny. I do not believe you and your fellow readers are derfs. I think you are douches.
Disregard, Heather. Do not let this deter you from your goal.
I'm in the get a job like the rest of us camp.
Oh, internet trolls...tsk tsk. And there isn't even a bridge in this post for you to crawl back under.
Give 'em hell, Mrs. G...this trip is going to be brilliant.
Hiya, Darla! Exciting to have a Derf in the hood! We'll have to chat about how to paint the town red when Heather's in town!
Heather, if it works out and you'd like the company, I'll take public transport and do the drive with you from Sacto through Berkeley/SF to San Jose, or wherever your path is in this area. I'm a 4th degree black belt and can protect you, you vulnerable woman, you. And if we don't run into any dangerous people that I have to fight off with my bare hands, we can talk and laugh and have a grand ol' time in the car.
From what I know if you get stranded with a rental car, the company will provide another one.
Since when is it unsafe for woman to travel, do we need chaperones yet?
Strangers ARE nice.
Mrs.G is probably smart enough to smell danger.
Mrs.G, if you get stranded and scared and need to check in a hotel to save your butt, use your credit card and then contact me. I will take care of the bill. I am so upset about this stupid comment,
THE WORLD OUT THERE IS SAFE LADIES!
Have a great trip and greetings to all the nice people out there getting their couches and guest rooms ready.
I think the point of Derfdom is kind of summed up in May's post, in the responses to it and, in fact, to Mrs G's whole Derfapalooza trip - everyone has the right to have a say, strangers are mostly just friends in disguise and most importantly - feel the fear and do it anyway. You go Mrs G. (flag waving wildly in the UK)
Mrs G has certainly weighed the options here and still wants to do it. If something bad happens, I personally will open up a lemonade stand to make a few bucks to have Mrs G's dismembered remains shipped back to Mr G :)
And BTW, that whole GET A JOB thing always feels like a BIG FAT MIDDLE FINGER, so May, why don't we celebrate Mrs G's innovative effort to fund this thing?
I love you Gary. Love. I know Mrs. G. will take solace that you will take responsibility for her dismembered remains. LOL. May, I'm curious where you earned your medical degree. I am appalled that you feel comfortable discussing Mrs. G's mental issues and med adjustments. Wow.
I seriously doubt that 'May' is an actual, long time reader. She and several other readers have been discussing this, really? And of course, 'May' won't use her 'real' name because other readers will crucify her. Of course. I'm sure Mrs. G will take care of 'May', but I will say this- I think it is wildly presumptuous to post the kind of crap you did, 'May', and hide behind a fake name because you're too scared to own your comment. To question not only the blog owners mental state but that of many of her readers, well, I admit, that does take balls. But mostly when I read your comment, 'May', I feel sorry for you. Maybe you want to be a part of this, but you're too afraid to step out of your own box. Life is too short to be posting hateful shit on the internet. Adjust your own meds and get a job, 'May'. And don't let the goats attack you as you crawl back under your troll-bridge.
Gary? Can I have a lemonade please? Tis a bit warm in the UK for the time of year.
I read May's comment after posting here last night, and it has bugged me since. I am so glad to see all the derfs responses this morning! It pissed me off that she/he made reference to anyone's mental state. And the "get a job" thing. Grrrrr. "Concerned"? Not when you say things like that.
I've had internet visitors stay with me, and I've gone and stayed with someone I met on the internet. I still believe there are good people in this world and that Mrs. G has the instincts to choose the good ones to stay with!
Amy's comment cracked me up! "for a jobless mental case without the sense of a brown paper bag" LMAO!
May's comment bothered me too. Because:
a) It's peer pressure, in a bad way. "A group of us think..." Indicating that the majority is right.
b) money is involved, so someone thinks they have the right to judge. "Get a job..."
c) cruelty seems justified. "...have your meds adjusted." Really? this fucking pissed me off to no end.
d) fear is leveled, for your own good. "Women traveling alone are vulnerable...does your man approve?"
Expressing care and concern are good things. Using tools like the above to manipulate people and keep them down and hurt them...I could go on and on.
Taking a road trip and couch surfing are normal things, it doesn't sound extraordinarily dangerous.
Dear May, I think I need to dispel the "The internet is full of crap. Everone tells you they love you and you are the best and they want to meet you but they tell *everybody* this. It's one big smoke up your ass festival. " comment.
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a girl called Jennifer who lived in Virginia. She had a very funny blog called Jen on the Edge. There was also another girl called Josie who lived near Toronto, she had a very funny blog called No Internal Editor. One day, another girl called Alison (who had a blog called Party of 3 and lived in Ottawa) happened on Josie's blog. She liked it very much and started commenting. And she noticed very funny comments on Josie's blog written by Jen, and Alison started reading Jen's blog too. Soon it was a comment-fest all around. The girls decided that they liked each other very much online. One day, four years ago, Jenn wrote that her family was going to travel to Toronto for a vacation, and would Alison and Josie like to meet up? Alison and Josie said yes, and on a lovely August day, the three girls and their families met in the lobby of the Toronto Sheraton. They were all exactly as they had seemed online. They all had a lovely time in Toronto. And the next year, Alison had a lovely time staying with Jenn at her home in VA. And the year after that, all three had a lovely weekend in Quebec City together. And last year, Alison hosted a visit in her home and showed Jenn and family around Ottawa.
And they all became very good friends and blogged about their shared vacations and lived happily ever after and no one was murdered or dismembered or vastly different than they appeared to be online. The End.
Oh Alison. I do like a happy ending.
I can't get that post out of my mind, sorry..
" if this is truly a community shouldn't we tell each other the truth even if it might sting? I think yes."
I don't see why this has to be done anonymously. I can understand posting anonymously when other family members are concerned or some very personal issue is mentioned. But I don't see the need to hide in this case.
May's post bothered me too, for all the aforementioned reasons.
I got to thinking, if Mrs. G had told us all she couldn't afford the trip, sorry, but it will have to wait, what would we have all said to her? We'll Pay, we'll pay. We are a community here and those who post negative comments annonymously are Trolls, plain and simple. We Derfs can give constructive critism without being annonymous and be thanked for our honesty and take any and all comments in the spirit they were given. May missed the mark, nothing but Troll speak, s/he blew it, she forgot the love.
May – well bless your heart for being so concerned about someone that you have never met. Since you are such an advocate of the truth – here is some truth for you from me.
Derfwad 2012 is not just about mrs.g, she is the facilitator for group of women that live in different areas and would really like the opportunity to meet and exchange love, laughter and support in person. She is the connection that allowed such a diverse group of women to get to know each other.
Whenever the need has arisen, this community has supported each other through cancer, loss of a loved one, divorce and all of the horrible things that life can throw at us. We have offered advice when it was requested and prayers/good wishes when it was not. We are not judgmental; we can share confessions here where it is safe and know that we are not alone. If everyone took just a moment to offer assistance to another in need, just like the readers of Derfwad Manor, our world would be a much better place.
How dare you judge us? You do not speak for me; I know how I feel about mrs.g and the other women. For you to suggest that I mental issues because I want to share my home and an evening with women that have offered me support and laughter does not speak well of you. I am one of the “everone” (I would suggest that spell check would be a really good thing to familiarize yourself with) that you speak of, I do not blow smoke, and I mean what I say.
For you to think that posting anonymously would prevent us from defending ourselves, and mrs.g, makes me question your reasoning ability. In this community we do tell each other the truth and that has opened up some great discussions in which I have appreciated seeing an issue from another’s point of view. Posting anonymously is not being truthful, if you have the courage of your convictions why not use your usual name?
I think the 'concerned' comment from May is stupid....either that or May lives in a ridiculous state of fear. Must be one of those 6 offended commenter-friends who said they stopped reading last month...
You know what? I'm glad this community exists. I'm glad Mrs. G. is organizing a meetup. It can be so difficult to make and maintain friendships as adults—especially for those of us whose daily social interaction is 90 percent toddler-based, or whose coworkers/bosses drive them up the wall, or whose shyness and anxiety thwart their attempts at socializing. This site is a haven! I can't participate in the summer meet-up but I sure plan to contribute. Asking us (not forcing us!) to chip in doesn't seem tacky. A site full of ads and sneaky referral links and "courtesy of" reviews...that's tacky. Mrs. G, I like everything about the way you run your blog. It's refreshing. I sincerely appreciate what you do and hope that you won't be discouraged by naysayers.
I read "May's" post yesterday and thought, "hmmmm.....that's certainly a different take on this whole thing." However, her post wasn't nearly as disturbing as the comments afterward. Holy crap you guys...could you be any more vicious? I even re-read May's post to make sure I didn't miss anything. You guys are always going on and on about how great this blog is and how we can all share our deepest thoughts and opinions and everyone will be respectful and basically behave. All she did was make a few very valid points and give her opinion on this whole event. What is so wrong with that? But instead of letting Mrs. G handle it, you guys totally bash May, calling her stupid, ignorant, passive-agressive, a troll, etc.... And then you wonder why she didn't want to leave her "real" name? Go figure. Like someone up there said, Mrs. G is a big girl and she can address May's concerns on her own.
Maybe it wasn't said in the most diplomatic way, but May does have some legitimate points to make. There are crazy people out there. I'm sure most of us are normal, boring, non-ax murderers, and I'm so glad other Derfs out there have gathered with internet friends without incident. But who's to say one of us on here isn't a crazy nutjob? Maybe May just wants Mrs. G to be careful. The nerve of her!
About the mental thing....in the past Mrs. G has been so brave to share with us her different adventures with therapy/medication. I've been known to do some out-of-the-norm things when I'm feeling a bit unbalanced, and a cross-country road trip sure sounds out-of-the-norm to me. Could it be May just wanted to make sure Mrs. G is ok? What a bitch!
About the money....you know, to each his own....everyone has different opinions about money. I personally feel like a freeloader for enjoying this blog everyday and not being able to compensate Mrs. G for all the laughs, discussion, and commiserating that goes on here. So I sent in my pitiful contribution yesterday even though it's unlikely I'll make the gathering. (Although I realized I forget to put my Derf name on there Mrs. G....it's the aol.com email & payment--you wrote me a nice note back--thank you!) Maybe May is going through some hard financial times and doesn't feel like she can contribute anything? Maybe she has a business background and feels there's a better way to raise money? Who knows? We don't know the whole story.
I hope some of you think twice before posting your comments next time, or at least stop bragging about how friendly and respectful you all are. This comment thread was pretty disappointing and proved exactly the opposite. You were right, May....they did crucify for giving your opinion. That's horrible, and I'm sorry it happened. If you have been a long time reader you know that most of the time things aren't like this. They'll probably crucify me to backing you up, but that's ok....I'm used to it! ;) I've been known to go against the grain a couple of times!
Okay, Littlemama, you have a point. You stated it in a generous and kind way. You also did not post anonymously, so your concerns come across as that, concerns. My problems with May's post was that it had a vicious vein to it (IMO) and she chose to post it anonymously. I read it again and I still feel as I did before, but I appreciate your point and we probably should have let Mrs. G handle May.