A Mrs. G. -- Wigging Out In Real Time -- Social Inquiry
Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 1:33PM Mrs. G. When the washing machine repair man shows up and you lead him to your tiny laundry room and see a small pool of cat pee on the linoleum (no doubt Darcy's because this has been an ongoing investigation and she just walks around the house looking guiltless in a smug-ass way like that obvious perp on all the Law & Orders), do you:
1) Say Oh my lord, I am so sorry! Just give me a second to clean this up. Honestly, this never happens! My middle name is Pristine! while you grab the paper towels and the Nature's Miracle Pet Cleaner for a quick clean up?
or
2) Grab a pile of clean clothes off the top of the dryer and throw it on the pee before the guy notices it and then talk to him nonstop about his six years in the repair biz, silently praying the clothes will valiently absorb all evidence since he has chosen to move the pile in front of the washing machine to kneel on while he fixes it.
It's obvious. #2, right?
Please say right.
Reader Comments (57)
Totally #2. Totally.
Oh no you didn't! You're killing me.
I know, Jean, I'm headed straight to hell. I freaked. He left none the wiser but still. Darcy is just stretched out on the couch like she had nothing to do with this.
Not to mention, Mr. G. is going to read this and come home demanding to know if his clothes were involved.
Honey, they weren't. I swear.
I would have done a quick risk/benefit assessment and decided that cleaning the cat pee + embarrassment was really less work than re-washing the pile of clothes. I'm willing to be embarrassed if it means less work in the long run.
I think I would've done something in between. Mostly because of how cat pee smells. Today one of my students smelled like it and I was trying to figure out which one it was. My cat had an assholey fit when my 2nd child was born. She pissed all over everything including the $200 pack 'n play. Like like my husband and children, I believe they do these things to slowly make me lose my mind.
From experience, you can't hide cat pee.
Don't ask me how I know this.
On the plus side, you just made me laugh hard enough to cough.
Jen H, don't ask me how I know this but it didn't smell awful, like cat pee. It could have been Chewie but I don't blame him for anything. Honestly, I am horrified, horrified at myself. This is a new low. Next up: Hoarders Lite, The Woman Who Cleans Her House With Clean Clothes...that are not her husband's.
Without doubt #2. And then offer to make him coffee to further highlight your admirable housekeeping capabilities. Or is that just my experience with the builders over the last six months?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Karen, I just hope he has many visits after mine so he can't narrow it down. There were no spots on him when he left...LISTEN TO ME. It's like I'm in front of a jury knowing I'm about to be handed down a life sentence.
I guess I don't embarrass nearly as easily - I would be more worried about our clothes smelling like cat pee.
I would have compromised with "that damn cat, not again!" and cleaned it up quickly. I'm not doing MORE laundry, that's for sure. Nor am I taking blame for the cat. (And I have three cats I love dearly. But I don't pretend they aren't jerks at times.)
I figure repairmen are like doctors. They've seen it all and nothing surprises them any more.
I have to quit reading these comments. I've shared a side of myself that should not have been shared--Donna Reed Not freak-out syndrome. Either that or all you ethical, more mentally healthy people quit responding!
Option #2 is likely how I'd respond. I might dump some Nature's Miracle in with that load of clothes though. You crack me up, Mrs. G.
My husband blames the cat for everything. Everything. "Darn cat!"
The kids think it is funny.
Where'd my comment full of laughing go? I failed the spam test, apparently, and was told it was going before the editorial review board. Did it fail that too?
Or you could have left the pee and then said: "You know what? I suspect Darcy the cat also broke the washing machine."
I'm glad you posted, Mrs. G.
I now have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing.
Considering I feel like crap today... er, cat pee.. that is a high compliment to your humor writing... oversharing... whatever you want to call it!
In your defense, I'd like to say that we never know what spontaneous embarrassment is going to make us do!
@Deborah: Brilliant!
Mr. G., it wasn't your clothes.
It was towels. They are going through their third hot wash cycle but I'm heading out to buy four new ones so Jesus and anyone who questions my decision making skills will forgive me.
But they weren't Mr. G's towels. Let's be clear on that.
Does your son read this blog? If not, they were his clothes. Theoretically speaking.
Towels are replaceable. The old ones can be donated to the animal shelter, where animals pee on them all the time.
Or, I can use them to stuff under the bathroom sink where we have a puddle every time someone runs water to brush teeth. we go through a lot of towels these days.
This is laugh out loud funny! Thanks for making my afternoon. My friend's cat has been at my house for a MONTH. He will be home on Friday. Did I mention the dog is there too? The dog is adorable, the cat not so much.
Agree the repair man has seen it all.
If it makes you feel a little bit better, my freako cat, whom we got from a shelter, has a nice, clean litter box that she uses at night when she's locked in, but during the day, poops all over my yard. I tell myself that while she was a stray, she just really learned to love pooping outdoors. And when I'm out working in my yard, trying to make it look all pretty and flowered, I pretend like I don't see my damn cat pooping everywhere, because it's embarrassing and weird! And there are all these dog-walking people going by and I'm just doing my pretending. It's what I do.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
If it makes you feel beter, I allow our old dog to poo and pee in the guest bath shower where I put down a mat for her. She refuses to go out unless the conditions are perfect and this has saved the one last remaining area rug in the house.
Is there something wrong with me? #2 seems to be the natural solution. Although this whole anecdote has strengthened my resolve not to get a cat.
I probably would have just told him and then spot cleaned and disinfected said spot so he could do an "informed repair". Remember he's a man and therefore used to seeing pee on certain floors (his own, heh!)
I choose door #2. I don't blame you at all.
Hey, so, couldn't be more off-topic... Are we, is anyone, getting together this summer? Convening? Hanging out in a Derf manner/manor? I just told my best guyfriend that I was potentially getting together this summer with people whom I only know online, so I'm expecting him to freak out and stage an intervention any moment now.
You crack me up, Mrs. G. Better the cat's pee than the repairman's pee! We had a roofer ask to use the bathroom and after he left I discovered pee on the floor. Eew. I guess he thought he was home. I'd rather clean up cat pee or hide it with Mr. G's clean clothes. lol
Towels? Seriously? Isn't that what towels are for?
@Jen H I am a public librarian, and learned when I moved to an area with a meth problem that the smell of cooking meth is EXACTLY THE SAME as cat pee. So I am hoping your student doesn't actually smell like meth instead of cat pee...
If it were dog urine, I'd take number 2. I have a lot of experience washing stuff with dog urine all over it, thanks to senior dogs. The stench of cat urine and poop is one of the reasons I don't own a cat. I would be too afraid that smell would never come out to deliberately use clothes to absorb it. My neighbors' cat peed in a wool clog of mine probably 5 or 6 years ago, and I still haven't forgiven the cat for ruining those shoes.
Voice of experience: using Bi-O-Kleen's Bac-Out product in the laundry certainly helps eliminate dog urine smell from dog beds, etc.
I wouldn't have considered option 1 for a second...
I'm late on this one and I just quickly scrolled through but dude, you so can't hide cat pee. I would have chosen "this f&*cking cat, sorry about that!" and grab the nature's miracle approach.
I've chosen to pretend I hid it and yet I can't hide from the guilt. That guy's wife is probably sniffing him going "What the hell?"
All of you do gooders just shut the hell up. I'll never try to disguise cat pee again.
Debbie, I swear you will have a new, fresh, clean towel when you get here. I'll even leave the price tag on until you get here.
Yeah, I would have picked #2 as well. I'd run the laundry though a couple of cycles with some extra detergent and some bleach if possible and had a glass of wine. Problem solved.
absolutely #2..... especially since they were towels. I'd have had many options, clean and dirty to toss on it in my laundry room..
Two. But I bet he's see it all after 6 years.
Without (honestly) reading a single post....I'd say...oh shit...sorry....and move to the paper towels/whatever...and move on! They've seen it ALL. Now I will go back and read the posts, knowing that I'm probably an idiot.
Diane, you are not an idiot. You are civilized. I went native in my moment of horror.
So right now you have 44 women talking about cat pee, do you doublt we want to get together and talk about some other stuff?
oh my gosh, that sounded really rude. It was not meant that way!
It doesn't sound rude. I think the whole cat pee component makes it impossible to be so.
This is a great example of why I love you so much, Mrs. G!
P.S. in case my comment wasn't obvious, I love you so much because I, too, would choose #2 in the
moment of panic and I love that I am not alone. I have two friends who actually VACUUM THEIR WALLS. I know my housekeeping choices horrify them. I know you'd just come in to my house, kick the cat off the chair, and just absentmindedly pick at the sticky guck left on my table from (last week's) breakfast while we had a rollicking conversation. At least, that's what you're like in my head. :)