It...without the clown and the sewer*
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 7:31PM Mrs. G. 
Photo by Pink Sherbert Photography
You know it's harder than Mrs. G. thought to sustain a blog without relying on the daily business of motherhood, because of course her children, like yours, are the most interesting, humorous, sparkling individuals to walk the planet. When she appraises the value of her life, they are pure profit, undoubtedly her greatest investment. Period.
And this next sentence does not start with but...
There are moments, like now, when Mrs. G. struggles to find subjects revolving around her that seem of interest, worthy of being written, which isn't altogether a bad thing because she is not extraordinarily scintillating, no more than you...trust her on this. Plus she falls down a lot...not mentally or spiritually, like on the ground. And it's crucial to know that what she's describing isn't tinged with self-deprecation or sadness or, really, anything beyond the reality of realizing she needs to be it. She's not sure this is going to make a lick of sense, because being it has stingy, greedy undertones. Mrs. G. hopes you get her it because it is about giving, to yourself and everyone around you. She is going to lie awake tonight worrying this will be read as narcissistic, vanilla, vapid pabulum but she'll roll the dice because, tonight, she is a gambling woman.
Her goal is to be one every day. That's it.
*Thanks for the better title, Small Town Me
Reader Comments (39)
Mrs. G - you are SO it! I find you endlessly entertaining.
I appreciate your perspective on this - I am someone who is much more comfortable listening to others than talking about me. I manifest this in my daily life - I rarely get a word in edgewise! Thank you for sharing your own struggle, I need the inspiration.
xo
Bonnie
I am SO glad you are IT, because you set a great example for so many others (myself included).
Your readers know YOU. We know you are not narcissistic. We know you are not greedy. You are definitely IT!
Go for IT. I can't imagine coming up with blog posts on a regular basis and I applaud your efforts. I get to just sit back, click and enjoy. You do all the work. You narcissistic? No way.
When I first joined Facebook, I tried hard to come up with things to put in my status box that weren't about my children. There's more to me than that! Well, actually, with three boys 9, 5, and 3, there's not much more right now. So that's what goes in my status. I try not to look totally obsessed by posting relatively infrequently.
The thing about this internet-thingy is that people can get your blog in feed readers or by e-mail or on Facebook or however. So I'm not dropping by the Manor every day looking for a post - I get immediately notified (through more than one channel!). So whatever schedule works for you works for me. And I love posts about falling. ;)
Honestly, not fishing for compliments. Stop.
See? I like this post because it shows ... how confusing and multi-leveled all our writing and navel-gazing gets to be. It's like peering into your mind while you are processing something. It's kind of (very) soothing to realize that I'm not the only one with odd and obscure trains of thought.
*pondering deeply now*
xo
Stephanie O, your kids are young. My kids are 21 and 17, big difference. I just never realized how much of my thought and conversation was about them until I started analyzing my own life for material.
I'm going to stop commenting now because sometimes I try to control (after the fact) how a post is interpreted. I think gambling more would make me more it. Risk often petrifies me.
Stopping now.
Mrs. G, my kids are 21 and almost 16 so I am in the same boat. And I don't work at the school anymore so I don't have those stories to fall back on. I am just going to have to rely on myself for blog fodder. I wonder what my it is?
On a side note, when I saw the title IT I thought of Stephen King. I expected a picture of a clown in a sewer.
I'm not sure I got it, but it sounds to me like you're stepping out and doing some of that vulnerable stuff on a different level. Though I think you post on a wide range of topics, reveal yourself in many ways, so I may have missed the point afterall.
The post you did on Diane Schuler opened my mind in a way that I never even knew needed opening. Let yourself be known...even just typing that makes my chest tighten up a bit. I think of it often. Thank you.
It is hard to come up with ideas once the kid(s) are out of the house. But just like piano players have to practice everyday, so too should writers. I applaud your dedication! you're an inspiration to us all!
I connected to your it in a way that wasn't about complimenting you, but about hearing you. I am in exactly the same boat, with children who are older than yours but the parallel is complicated by disability. My best friend and I talk often about this transition from full time mothering to the next stage where we are the center of our drama. I need a manual.
Yep, we have to find "it" or face the prospect that motherhood is our best of times. I refuse to do that. Gamble on!
Totally get it. You worry too much about what people think.
Winyan, you know how to spell pabulum. That's seriously impressive.
Mrs. G., you are IT. And I am looking forward to reading more about you and your IT.
I appreciate this, Mrs. G, because I am trying to be more IT in my own life, before my kids are grown, so that I know me and how to relate to people around me when I don't have them to cluck over anymore.
I find myself struggling with feeling selfish for wanting to take care of me first and then the other extreme of feeling like a martyr because I take care of everyone else and not myself.
Also, I feel you. I don't fall down a lot, but I run into things and trip over air.
Gamble on.
Okay, this is interesting. The thing is, women do tend to define themselves in their relationship to others. Is that intrinsically a bad thing, or not? Isn't life all about our relationship with others?
It's hard to be brilliant all the time! And I mean this in the best way! You are an amazing writer, you're allowed to have a life that doesn't evolve around others. Whatever your post, I always look forward to them and would do just about anything to be able to write as well as you do.
I think of this post as I think about homeschooling. Sometimes I would go through periods (months even) when I didn't feel like my children weren't learning anything. Then, six months later, I could look back and realize they actually learned a ton during that period. It just wasn't visible in the way I was expecting.
My children are 40 and 38, I'm a grandmother with 5 grandchildren who all live hours away and I am retired. I struggle each day to think of someone other than myself and my crazy thoughts, I think I am too much IT. It's strange, when my children were little I tried not to be defined by them, but I was, when I was involved in my job I was defined by that, I am now defined only by me. Being It is hard, a fine line between interesting and boring. I always find you interesting, no matter what you post about, however.
Not only to be IT.......I'm striving to be ENOUGH.
Heather, do you have any idea how much we love you??? I love everything you write, most of the time I agree with you and sometimes I don't. However, thats what makes this blog so wonderful, it is a safe place to agree to disagree!!
I to struggle with my most of the time mundane life. I am retired, my children are grown, my grandchildren are teenagers and thank goodness my really wonderful husband is still working!! I must make myself get out and do things. I am perfectly happy just puttering around the house all day long. Currently I am taking the Master Gardener classes at my county extension office. It is more challenging than I thought it would be!! I also take many of the classes the extension office offers, anything from gardening to sewing to cooking! I retired with no hobbies, so I am struggling to learn as many new things as I can. And let me tell you, it is hard on a 60 year old brain!
Keep up the good work, even though you might think what you are writing is uninteresting, I promise we don't!!
And if you want to let us know how your children are doing, that would be great also! Life is about the little everyday things with a few exciting moments thrown in! I love hearing about both. Thanks!
IT might be interesting to me, but what if others don't like IT? I think this is part of the reason I stopped blogging; I am so wrapped up in writing/saying the wrong thing, something that will upset someone, that I don't write anything at all. I would love to let IT out more, but I worry that if I write about my extreme liberalism, atheism, feminism and any other isms that I will lose friends. I applaud you and your IT, Mrs. G. because you're fearless. Where can I get some of THAT?
Mrs. G, here's the thing. Your writing is fantastic because of the way you put yourself out there. When I write on my own (highly neglected) blog I find that I am very careful not to reveal too much of me. I self edit to the degree that what I do eventually have when I hit the publish button is not very interesting. Not only are you interesting but you share some of the most interesting stuff about you, warts and all. I love that honesty. You are one of very few folks blogging (who I read) who really puts herself out there. I admire that and I appreciate you letting us see the warts, the falls, the insecurities and the successes. That's life. That's what you write. Life. Unedited. It's marvelous and I sincerely hope you keep it up.
I, too, consider my children as my greatest achievement. But...even when my children were small, I tried to talk about topics other than my kids. I quit one of my books clubs because the book discussion always disintegrated into complaints about carpools and the cost of ballet lessons for toddlers. Ugh. I think it's so important to have interests in addition to your children. Otherwise, when they are gone, what are you going to do?
Anyway, I guess my point is that I'm looking forward to hearing more about "it." Maybe because we're at basically the same point in life, with you just a year or two ahead of me. I'm hoping to learn from you!
I'm still happily mining the kids for blog fodder, because it's a blog about our post-divorce family, and what we do/how we do it. Sometimes I write about me, and sometimes about them, and mostly about us. I don't have to be the IT. But I see the day coming when I will be the IT that I want to write about.
Being IT is a scary gamble for me, too. You give me confidence in sharing because of your writing.
I am reminded of the game of tag where one person is 'it" and the others hide... except in this version, when the IT person tags me, I get to join her and be a part of what she is doing. And what is she doing? Creating community in our fractured world.
I think we give so much of ourselves over to motherhood that when it is time look up and to see past those days, we don't know where to look, we don't remember what we really like to do, or what makes us happy because those things have just been background noise for so long... (I am going through a mini-version of this as I look ahead to Max going to jr. high next year.)
You are it. In this space, you are the glue that makes The Manor hang together. It is just you, exactly the way you are, not fancy or scintillating, just smart and funny even when you're falling down.*
I so get this. I am in a similar position and feel guilt about not posting but then post a bunch of political rants and feel bad about that. I made a decision when I started blogging that I would not blog about my husband and rarely do ( I comment about him though.) With the kids out of the house it is the two of us and while there is blog fodder there, I am sticking with my decision.
So, the IT. I guess I need to find an area and enter - as Brene Brown would say. Doing the same old little or nothing is not getting me anywhere in this new phase of life.
I think YOU are endlessly interesting! Who else has a perspective of the world like yours?
A favorite quote comes to mind..."The thing is not to write what no one else could have written, but to write what only you could have written." -Nam Lee
Do you want to refrain from writing about motherhood because of privacy reasons for your kids? Shoot, cause I find that stuff interesting. But I think you've got plenty material from your own pre-child life to write several novels.
To answer a couple of questions:
I don't think the idea of being "it" (which, again, for me personally means learning to put myself solidly in the center of ME (not the world) isn't in conflict with treasuring and investing in others. In fact, I think it enriches authentic relationships.
In my mind this concept (which I haven't explained well because I'm sorting it out personally) isn't in conflict with the notion of service to others. It is not about self-centeredness, it's not even about putting yourself first (though there is certainly nothing wrong with that in many situations).
I want to refrain from writing about my kids because one is an adult and the other has one foot out the door--they've created their own lives that I know longer feel is my business to discuss. Plus, shouldn't I be focusing (personally) on the interesting life I am creating for myself. Arggh, I don't know.
I know this is weird post...it's not well written if you have to explain it. I think part of the problem is I'm still working it out in my own head. I guess "it" is what you make of "it"...(weak smiley emoticon).
Be glad they are out the door or almost, and they are not on their way back in the door for one reason or another. It is more common now days due to the sizzling/fizzling economy. If you can raise them and have them be self sustaining. . .yea!
And yes, being on the other side of that does take some adjusting in all areas of your life. This is not a bad place to work it out. Go for it!
It's so common for me to have a whole thought and only get half of it into a comment before posting...
And now I'm not sure what I was trying to say anyway. Only that I'm glad you write here, and I think it's natural that you'd go through "seasons" on your blog just like in life. With kids becoming young adults, surely your blog will transition, too. I think I may have found you in the first place because of your posts on homeschooling, but I've kept reading for so much more!
You may not be sure of it, but I know you're "enough." And I'm sure you'll figure out a posting schedule that works for all of us. (hint - we're here whenever you are!)
You derfs are awesome. I am halfway thru my first year of empty nest. Burying myself in work so I don't have to deal with the fact that I don't know who I am. Here you all are making me feel so much less alone.
Mrs G, we get it, you'll find the path in time. We are grateful to be along on the journey. I'm too much of a coward to blog. Thanks for sharing.
You know it's not just about blog fodder...it's about life fodder.
'caus I don't have a blog and I'm feeling it.
I am about to empty nest...at the moment the nest is just temporary resting place during the busy social/study/independant life of the last teen at home. Next year who knows?
...and I have to fight not to talk about her life all the time...it's amusing, it's interesting.....but I really need another topic of conversation. Talking last weekend with a group of friends I realised that she's my go to...for entertainment and relating.
What she did, who she saw, what she's planning.
My husband and I are taking this seriously. He feels it too.
He realised he was coming in every night...and looking for the girls, who are making their own lives.
We've forgotten how to be us....and I don't mean that in the married couple sense (we're good)...I mean it in the I have value as an individual sense.
I am interesting, I am funny, I have plans and a future sense.
It's been 30 years since we started parenting...but that's not all we are.
We lived for them for a while, as you do, but we don't intend to live through them.
We're getting a life!
I get exactly what you mean.
Outside of the IT factor, which you have, which draws us all here and makes this place such a cozy nook to visit and partake of, you referenced the creepiest/coolest villain ever and that is huge huge bonus points....whether from you, small town me or both. :)
Again, I'm behind this week. However, as a fellow faller downer (maybe we should start a club) Mrs. G. I have to tell you that when I need some comfort/humor in my life I turn to you. Right now, the dogs are asleep, the kid and the Professor are asleep (not so sure about the kid) and I could be reading but here I am trying to catch up.
I am struggling with the idea of who I am without my kids. I've never NOT had someone to take care of. I was a kid having a kid right out of HS and now have my last one 2 yrs from being graduated. I've often wished I could blog but feel there are two things required that I don't have... something interesting to say and the stick-to-itness that it would require. I even have trouble not editing myself when posting on here. Mrs. G I love your posts no matter the subject, (even when I don't completely agree with your views, being the fence rider that I am on many issues) for their honesty and the humor that you have. Thank you for letting us join you as we all struggle to become our own IT.