Thursday
Dec062012

Full Confessional Friday!

Scratched Old Alphabet Slate Wallpaper Background

Photo by Pink Sherbert Photography

Be it Venial or Mortal (there's no escaping Original), we've all got secrets -- light, dark, funny, sad -- worth bringing to light. The act of confession can be liberating, mollifying and entertaining. Contrition? Repentance? A shot of Tequila? That's your call, sister

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Reader Comments (63)

Can I rant about the medical system?
A relative was hemorrhaging. She had a D&C. It didn't stop the bleeding. She is 54 and just wants to have a hystectomy. But that's not "the protocol". She is having an ablation and there is still a 25% chance she'll need a hysterectomy. It's not cancer, Thank God.

Why can't she just request a hysterectomy? Is it because the insurance company would rather pay for a cheaper procedure, rather than make her go through a possible 3 procedures within 2 weeks.They might have to pay for one anyway. Grrrrrrr. She's miserable, she is too sick to go to work and has lost 10 pounds that she can't afford to lose on her small frame.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Miss Sunshine State

Off to Tucson tomorrow to run my second marathon of the year. What sort of commentary on my life is it when I say I am looking forward to the marathon just so I can have a weekend to myself, away from my family? On another note - congrats, Heather on Bigger Love - we will need to organize an "Official Derf Screening" when the time comes.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermomwhoknits

I'm slipping from my "eat well, avoid junk, lay off the booze" thing. And I'm re-gaining some weight. That pisses me off, and yet I still do it. Augh.

On the flipside, other stuff is good: school, kids, house, marriage, all pretty ok (knocking firmly on wood).

I'm worried that one of my siblings is in some trouble -- not answering phone calls, not fb-ing. And this sibling is rarely ever out of contact. Hmmm.

Finally, Heather: I am just busting with pride for you! xoxoox

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkate in MI

Miss Sunshine, I'm sorry to hear about your relative. I hope she gets some relief really soon. Don't even get me started on insurance companies and the hoops you have to jump through to get the care you need (and deserve).

Good luck on your marathon, Mom Who Knits! Treat yourself to a fancy protein packed dinner. Safe travels.

Kate, thanks! I hear you and hear you on the weight. If anyone comes home with more candy I'm doomed. Email me if you need the buddy system.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermrs. g.

Kate, one day at a time, my friend. I'm struggling with this, too. Maybe we need a thread in the Derf Assist List?

LMSS, I'm so sorry. I struggled with this 13 years ago, too (although I had plenty to lose from my frame). It's so darn hard to be proactive when you don't have the energy to fight, but this is definitely a time for persevering, getting another doc's opinion, and more. If it helps to know, in the end I went in for ablation and came out with the hysterectomy. (Unplanned is better than not at all!)

Momwhoknits, Huzzah! You will be so proud of yourself AND you get a weekend away. Win/win :)

I'm trying to go without pain meds now (foot surgery was 8 days ago) but I'm in that no-man's-land of nausea with Percocet / pain without Percocet. But I'm tired of being not-all-there with my brain and I really, really need to get things done (making Christmas gifts). I am letting go of things like perfection in decorating for Christmas and instead letting my husband and sons do much of it themselves (which is stressful but healthy... right?).

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren (formerly kcinnova)

The situation with my father has taken several unexpected turns for the worse, and a great deal of the work we've done with researching his options is going to have to be thrown out and started over. Between that and the red tape of trying to assert my Power of Attorney (who knew that it's nowhere near enough anymore?) from a distance, we're all pretty much worn out. Unfortunately, the changes are underscoring the need to do this all and do it sooner rather than later.

I feel like I'm under a permanent black cloud because the news is never good, and it's nothing we can control. My confession is that I'm so tired of it and it's not over yet. I don't know where the energy to see this situation through is going to come from - it's already taking a toll on the rest of my life.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTC

the pitfalls seem big for many of us.
I missed being able to just get it off my chest.
One of mime and his sweet wife have been trying for 2 years to get pregnant.
They have jumped through all the hoops and when they stepped out to just go with fertilizing and implanting the insurance co would not pay.
They both have good jobs and dipped into a saving account to pay out of pocket.
Good lord I hope this works for them.
It has and is taking a toll on my bright and shinning DIL as she watches their friends have one and now two kids.
Good wishes for her as they implant soon and the results are in right after Christmas.
We are doing what we can to support but she has begun to shut down about it.
The sadness in her is heartbreaking and I worry about their marriage.
My son loves her to the end and back again I know he will support and love her no matter.
He is one of the good ones.
I am at a loss on how to help and when to step in and when to step away. I let her know we are here and that we love her like our own.
Is there more I can do?
Then we have the bum of a BIL who is going to lose it all since he can not manage to pay the bills.

On the other hand, we are good and the grandchild is wonderful and full of giggles.
Yin/Yan
What a roller-coaster ride.
H- I dreamed I called you to tell you how happy I am for you forgetting that we are hours apart. You feel asleep as we were talking...then I realized it was 3 am in your time! Crazy!
XXOO! you are going to rock this! M

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Hugs and prayers to all that need them. Cheers and Joy to all who want them!

My confession is that I really *want* to get Christmas/Advent stuff done. I just don't seem to be managing my time well, and those around me are not helping much.

Plus I have to work on Saturday. I really, really, hate working on Saturdays. Thankful I have a good job, but working Friday and then Saturday just makes the weekend go *poof*.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternavhelowife

Oh, and I almost forgot - We are so happy for our oldest. He got accepted to his first choice of colleges. Now, granted it was not an ivy league kind of admission, but we are excited for him all the same. He'll do well at this school, and it was what he really wanted.
Plus, we can afford it!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternavhelowife

I confess that it is time to consider who plays the LONE GUY (ME) in the movie about Mrs G (other than Mr G, little Mr G and Chewie the dog). I am thinking that perhaps I SHOULD PLAY MYSELF. If I am not available, probably Christian Bale could do it, and he can use his native born Welsh accent ;)
And Mrs G, the golden doodle puppy across the street from me says he can play Chewie, if the price is right...
I don't have any other horsesh!t to share. I love Christmas. I work like mad, sell things, then you get to the 24th and have a real break.
PLUS the wife and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary on Christmas :)

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary Rith

My husband has made me into the kind of heathen who reheats coffee in the microwave. My favorite food this week is heavily buttered toast that has sat around for an hour or so, then is dipped into said reheated coffee. I am addicted to two ridiculous games on my phone. Sometimes I tune out my children, in favor of listening to podcasts. Woo! Those are the things I was too embarrassed to confess on my own blog this week! Happy confessing and happy Friday, everyone!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSandra Kohlmann

Hugs to all the hurting derfs. TC, I've been wondering how you're doing. Sorry to hear your father has taken a turn for the worse. I wish I knew more about your area so I could help you find services to help!

Kate, don't you hate that? I find becoming a student on top of all our others duties (aren't you still running a music business on the side?) is A LOT. It's temporary, tell yourself that!

This week has had its ups and downs, but this last part has been a solid. I found out the kiddo and I can fly into KC EARLY so we'll be there for 3 whole weeks, I got a work-study job next semester that will bring in some much-needed cash, my professor of my hardest class cancelled our final and I got an A in the class! AND I heard back from a program I wanted to apply to, but didn't have a mentor for (it's a research program) and they still want me to apply. If I get in, it's FULLY FUNDED. And soon-to-be-ex-husband is moving out while we're gone, so I really have a week left of living together. The point? It's a good f******* week!!!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

I forgot to say Gary, I think Clive Owen would be a better representation of your character in the movie--no? Maybe just personal bias!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Moving my elderly parents from huge old home to small condo, hour and 1/2 apart. They'll only be 2 miles from my house which is great! But, God help us that this doesn't kill them! It's been so much stress for everyone and I'm so concerned for their health. This time next week they should be totally moved in... just got to get through this.

The best thing to happen this week was Derfwad Manor's Lifetime movie news! So excited!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie

Ouch! I had a tooth (top molar) pulled monday. It had to be done as it was falling apart and getting infected but OMG I did not expect that I would still need painkillers today, or be swollen....or...I'll stop now or I'll become a Pity Party. Besides, being able to vent that some forms of dentistry are still positively medieval helps a lot. The trouble with heavy duty pain meds is that they turn me into zombie woman....and I don't even like zombies!

And Mrs. G.....THE MOVIE! What a present!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersmartcat

I ate a whole pack of Skittles in five minutes at my desk yesterday afternoon.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Ha ha Gary! Go ahead and suggest Christian Bale all you want, you know Michael Keaton is playing you in the movie. Clearly Sandra Bullock should play me. Still so happy for you, Mrs. G!

I'm finally recovering from the bronchitis/asthma combo. It's been a long slog. I have one more week of work (no Nutcracker this year...boo! Bad ballet!) before my family comes to visit for a pre-Christmas Christmas! It will be nice to have everyone together and hopefully not too stressful on my aging parents.

Happy weekend everyone. Sending lots of love to all Derfs.

PS. Karen, ask for some different meds. Try vicodin. Percocet made me a total lunatic.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

Aunt Snow, I've just finished the dark chocolate chips out of the pantry. You are not alone.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

Aunt Snow, victorious over Skittles! No shame, no regrets. Simply mastery over sugar. Huzzah!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

Long time lurker and sometimes anonymous commenter here:
1) Congratulations Mrs. G on the movie deal! How exciting! I've found a lot of great writing, useful links and just plain fun on this blog, so long may you wave!
2) This has been a hell of a week - I'm finally starting therapy for my carpal tunnel problem, I had to get a crown instead of a replacement filling this week, and due to a major screw up at work, I exposed my employer to a potential lawsuit. Higher ups have my back, but I still feel guilty. It's definitely my fault, and at the moment, resolution is out of my hands. Waiting for the other guy to make up his mind.
3) My 23 year old daughter announced this week that she doesn't want to come home for Christmas because she can't be herself and breathe around us and her room is too small and she doesn't want to talk about stuff she doesn't want to talk about
and we put her in a box and ignore all the growth she's accomplished at school. Nothing makes you feel more successful as a parent than having your child tell you she wants to spend Christmas all alone in another city because spending it with you is so awful! I've been crying for the last three days.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I kicked my husband out the Sat before Thanksgiving. He's been engaging in extracurricular activity (for a year it seems) and I found evidence of it when I cleaned my bedroom. I'm over the shock (thanks to my mom who rushed here to be with me) but very sad and facing a life that is not anything I ever imagined. I'm getting through by concentrating on my son and making it all OK for him.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

Meredith, you are doing all you can do. The heartache of childlessness is...well, I'm 47 and have been feeling it for 20 years and I don't have a good way to describe it. It's kind of like mourning the death of a loved one - sometimes it is acute, sometimes you think you've accepted it, sometimes you almost forget, but the hurt never really goes away. Just keep showing her you love her. Knowing we are loved and cared for makes any painful situation easier to bear.

LMSS, maybe it's the doctor and not the insurance company. If it's not a done deal, perhaps you could suggest that she get a second opinion. I had a similar problem several years ago and, after we tried a number of minor things, I asked for a hysterectomy. My gynecologist agreed that it was a reasonable step at that point so there was no argument. Your relative knows her body and what it needs better than her doctor does. I wish her the best and peace for both of you.

As for me, I am really struggling with this holiday season. I have been divorced for 9 years now and each "single" Christmas seems to get harder, not easier. I want to be contentedly single but I'm not. Without a husband/partner or children, I don't have anyone to give that special love to, and there is no one to give it to me. I haven't had a hug since Thanksgiving and the lack of physical touch hurts sometimes. There will be no lights, no tree or other decorations, no gifts in my house yet again this year...yet I am oddly drawn to all of the schmaltzy movies on the Hallmark channel.

On the plus side, one more semester of school is over! I will be a college senior next semester and have 3 full semesters left. I am done, done, DONE with economics (only earned a C this semester but I'll take it) and that alone is cause for rejoicing. Looks like I've earned A's in my other classes and I am proud of myself. I interviewed for a spring internship this week and I am on pins and needles today, waiting to hear if I got the job.

Sweet mother of pearl, I'm a mess!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterViolet

Violet: a big hug to you. I am thanking the universe for my son because I would be a mess if I didn't need to do Christmas for him. Can I suggest going out to volunteer somewhere to help create some Christmas spirit for yourself?

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

It's tummy bug week here, and I have learned that you must never use your super powerful vacuum cleaner (with bagless cylinder technology!) to suck up the cornstarch/baking soda/puke mixture from the carpet until it has dried properly. You are welcome.

Sending love to struggling Derfs. I am so lucky, with family and friends to give me support when a crisis arises. Feeling very thankful, despite the week of vomit and life's downers.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNan

@Becca.... I am sorry that you had to find out that way. I found out about my DH's extracurricular activities the day after Thanksgiving 2010. We are working on repairing our relationship, but either road you take out of infidelity pretty much sucks. The community over at survivinginfidelity.com is very supportive of whatever path you choose. Good luck to you.

My confession is that I find the Christmas season a lot less magical now that I am the grown up making all the magic. I love making cookies, but the pressure to decorate and buy the right gifts.....ugh.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercariba

Oh Becca, I feel your pain and fully understand what you are going through, and I am so very sorry. I found out about my partner's infidelity this summer. The betrayal, lies and deceit are so painful to bear. You will probably have so many questions. I know I did, and I chose to ask them, no matter how hurtful the answers would be. After he got himself into therapy, he did answer them. It wasn't easy, but at least I wasn't left wondering why and when, etc., and for me, that helped me heal. You will have to deal with him for a long while...either by divorcing or reconcilliating, and therefore the hurt stays fresh, but "keep busy" really is good advice and does help. That and the support of good friends and family. Their love and understanding is what got me through the initial shock and the weeks thereafter. So reach out and share with the people who will support you. But be mindful that some people might be judgmental of your decisions either way. DON"T feel like you have to answer to or please them. It's YOUR life and your future. It can be what you want it to be. You have a great son, a loving mother and are part of a Derf community that loves and supports you. If I can be of help to you in any way or you just want to talk about it with someone who's been there, you can contact me at nycpetite at aol dot com. Best of luck to you along with a gigantic hug.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArli

I hear you Aunt Snow! I consumed a bag-not a box, a bag- of red licorice in 2 days. I'm back on the veggies now but I even impressed myself with that performance.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterk

@Jessie - Thank you. It means the world to me that you've thought of me. I truly wish there was better news for all of us, I'd like to have something good to tell people. Part of the problem is that my Dad lives in one state, I live in another, and the financial institution I'm currently wrangling with is in a third, and is governed by the laws of that state.

I'm truly glad that there are so many positive things coming into your life, given the changes that are underway. I wish you the best and I'm looking forward to hearing more about your successes (which I'm sure are coming!). If that research program passes you up, they're fools.

@Becca: I'm so sorry something like that was going on, but I admire your strength for handing him his walking papers and spending your energy dealing with your own future and your son.

@navhelowife: Congratulations to your son!

I'm not sure this is a confession, but I'm currently thumbing my nose at the universe by painting my fingernails with a dark red glitter polish. It's like Rudolph's nose. It's great.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTC

Karen, feel better, friend. Have you thought about asking your doctor for a pain medication that doesn't make you sick to your stomach?

TC, man, you've been through it in the care taking department this last year. I hope you move toward some sort of solution and peace soon.

Meredith, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter-in-law's struggle. Considering how we all feel about our children, I can't imagine wanting one so desperately and having to work so hard (and spend so much money) trying to make come true. I hope all the best things happen. xoxo

Navhelowife, no Christmas decorations up here either. It's hard to get motivated, I find, without little kids jumping around the place. Good luck with that. Congrats to your college bound kid and here's to affording tuition!!!!

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Gary, congrats to you and the missus on 20! That is so cool and such an accomplishment. Hug your woman for me--and Penny and Spike!

Sandra, it doesn't really sound like you have anything to feel guilty about--podcast on! Happy Weekend to you too!

Jessie, I was so excited for you when I saw your KC news on FB. Have a wonderful Christmas, girl!`

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Lizzie, I hope your parents get settle in pronto!

Smartcat, ouch! I hope the painkillers do the job. Take it easy this weekend.

Also thanks for all the support and kind words regarding the movie.

Aunt Snow, that is actually quite impressive!

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Claudia, I'm glad you're feeling better, you sweet redhead! Michael Keaton is a good call for G.

Anon, I'm so sorry about your daughter. Could it be she's just in a heady, no one UNDERSTANDS me, me, me phase? I wish I could give you a bear hug.

Oh, Becca, No! This is the shittiest of news. I'm glad your mom rushed in to help you. I don't even know what to say other than I know you can get through this and what a f*ckwad he is (forgive me).

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Violet, having met you, it is clear how much warmth and love you have to give the people in your life. I hope someone fills that spot in your heart soon. I miss you and wish we lived closer, V. I know this is none of my business but have you considered adoption or fostering? You would be such a good mom (listen to me; I sound like Oprah). xoxo

Feel better, Nan!

Cariba, here is my confession: I hate Christmas and all its excess. I like spending the time with my family but I stay away from malls and all the poinsettia hoopla. It's hard to escape in my area.

Arli, good words.

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

k, red vines are one of my weaknesses, just barely behind green apple Jolly Ranchers.

December 7, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

I'd just like to go to one meeting where I don't have to work around everyone's scheduled colonoscopy and hear about the intimate details. The reason why is pretty obvious, but to be specific and vain for a moment it reminds me that 1) I'm old 2) I'm guilty (no, I haven't done the prerequisite exam once you hit the 50 mark) 3) and it's a story that doesn't improve with repetitive telling. My limited unscientific research shows that men 5 to 1 like to tell their tale over women, and it only confirms what sensitive creatures they all are and that they never grow out of bathroom humor.

I mean, what do you say when you are told, "I can't make it, I'm having a colonoscopy."

"Holy shit," doesn't seem quite appropriate. Nor "I hope everything comes out, OK." Any other suggested comebacks?

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Where's my LIKE button here? I might have to print my own stickers for real-life. Pow! Like! Right! On! You! Could be fun.

Pumpkin Pie Cream Liqueur is settling in after a crazy week of discovering that my second son is smart but learning disabled and that we get to do the IEP dance once more, now to different music. Feeling bone weary of the trials of loving these kids as fiercely as I can. Thankful for the Derfs, Mrs.G,and the real people who share their real lives right here.

Oh, and I turned 40. I'm thinking it's time to start practicing for the Fabulous Old Dame as of now.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGloriana Beausoleil

I just want to send out sincere support or hussy huzzahs' as appropriate to everyone...Christmas is a mixed blessing for most of us it seems. My daughter has been out of the hospital for almost a month and her supported living is going pretty well, taking longer to get a full plan in place but we've had a couple holidays and I know that eats up the process. We had a very nice 2 day visit over Thanksgiving and are going to try for a week at Christmas - which means I pretty much have to have everything done by the 20th and I'm organizing with that in mind. In the meantime, I received an unexpected inheritance and have been tremendously blessed to have paid off two of the heavy boulders I've been lugging around (both daughter related). Since I believe in karma, amongst other things, we set aside a chunk of the inheritance for donations and I'm having a great time with that. I've been able to provide support to Wounded Warriors, Operation Homefront, Toys for Tots, and the two local organizations that have provided the most support to my daughter over the past few years...it has been a huge blessing to be able to call the local charities and say...what can I do for you...what do you need most? Tomorrow we are off to buy a new stove for one of the group homes, which they desperately need. I truly hope MG is watching from a wonderful place and is happy with what we've been doing with his gift! I still have some health issues, still need to lose weight, the cats are still shedding like siberian dogs, still have work pressures, still have some family situations on both of our sides BUT, married life is sweet and I am feel more joy than any other emotion. <happy dance> meak

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMainely Alaskan

becca, so sorry! big hugs. TC, heavy duty heartache, may the tide turn soon? sounds incredibly emotionally draining. hope the red glitter helps a wee bit!
raising a mug of stale tea (and pretending it's a cosmo!) to Mrs G and the fab news!!!
been a dumpy week around here, and am barely holding my shit together but it's nothing earth shattering, just adjusting to a huge lifestyle change and going through a barrel-scraping week or two financially. we've always lived on the edge, but being out in the country and car-dependant for the first time in 9 years, I'm finding financial squeezings harder to take. no money, no gas, no go. we have friendly near-neighbors who loan chainsaws and such, but I have yet to find any friends in the area and I need to remedy that stat or go a bit psycho this winter. Homeschooling in a rural area is a bit different than in NYC! this too shall pass, I know, but I have to wade thru it in the meantime. There are huge pluses to the rural bit, and I'm loving watching bald eagles play above the river, all kinds of wildlife, and delightful quiet. I just need to find a class or something to get over the social void.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbethany

Tomorrow is day#10, so I need to be weaning off the pain meds. It doesn't hurt that much anymore (at least not compared to a week ago) so my body reacts by becoming nauseous from the meds. When I really need the Percocet, I don't have any nausea. It must be nature's way of keeping me on the straight and narrow. Mostly, I hurt when I spend too much time on my feet... but that's nothing new, I've lived like this for the past 8+ years. I still know how to use ibuprofen.
Mrs. G., there are a lot of us who don't have decorations up yet. (But so far, I haven't tripped over the baritone case in the living room!)
Bethany, you know we are always here to listen. I "discovered" blogging during a lonely winter -- my first in a semi-rural area. It helped me out of a hole of loneliness and depression.
Meak, I'm so glad to hear that things are working out so well and that you have JOY!
Kelly, I suppose you could say, "Enjoy that thick, nasty gallon-sized cocktail!"
Or if you just want to say something nice, "Hope everything is just fine."

Gloriana, I hear you. It takes a huge amount of energy, and we do it for love of our kids.
Becca, what a nightmare. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, so glad that you have your mom and your son. Arli had some wonderful advice, hard-earned though it was for her.
Aunt Snow, was it a big bag or one of those smallish bags at the grocery store check-out line? ;) Been there, done both (but I prefer M&Ms).
Jessie, I'm happy for you that things are now looking up. Enjoy your 3 weeks off!
Navhelowife, congratulations to both you and your son! I know how hard the parents have to work to get through this process. It feels great to have this hurdle jumped, doesn't it?
TC, I wish it wasn't so complicated for you and your family.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren (formerly kcinnova)

Kelly, it is true, we men are TOTALLY children and never outgrow sharing our belches etc, the louder the better! I sure don't want to talk about colonoscopies though, GOOD GOD. My doctor, an awesome woman who my wife and I chose from a list of providers because she has an unusual and very pretty name, likes to warn me each time she sees me that I am one year closer to 50 and that procedure and I am always "HUH. I don't think so!". Not so much the procedure but knowing what the prep is the day before, ugh!
Speaking of all that and my esteemed and awesome doctor and sharing my intimate details: she has tricked me cleverly twice into the, um, you know, men's exam involving the greased and gloved finger. This doctor has boldly gone places on me and my wife that we have not gone on each other. Anyway, back to the greased glove and me in my wee cloth johnny: last summer I am there for the usual physical and she comes in with a medical student. My doctor is a pretty woman. This 25 year old medical student is utterly beautiful (and my wife the perfect ten is in the next room with the nurse for her physical). Anyway, I don't like being touched and GOOD GOD here I am nearly naked in front of 2 pretty women.....I just said it to the doctor "MY PROSTRATE IS UTTERLY FINE, thanks, you DO NOT need to be checking it this time".
There. I am a man who has shared his bathroom humor.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary Rith

Add me to the list of those struggling to find the Christmas magic. Because I have to make the magic, and really, I just don't have time. My son won the 'most awesome kid EVER' award when he told me that we should just put up the small tree and keep it simple this year. So that's what we'll do; I even told him we would put all of his Star Wars and super hero ornaments on it. I love baking and card making, but all the other hoopla I could do without.

Becca, I'm so sorry that you found this out right before the holidays. Sending good thoughts to you and to TC and her father, and to every other Derf here who's struggling. A new year is only a few weeks away, let's wipe the slate clean, start off fresh, and live the best lives we can. We only get one chance at this!

Jessie, hit me up when you're in KC! Would love to see you!

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

My two confessions- My son's finger was slammed in the door by my daughter for the second time in his life. The first was almost 3yrs ago when they were 2 and almost 4. The first time it partially amputated the top of his pinky finger and they were able to reattach. This time it amputated everything from the bottom of the nail up. Same damn finger, different door. Both times were accidents and both times I was nearby and they were being appropriately monitored but I feel like a totally shit parent.

And-
My husband has been working insanely long hours and after missing him for the vast majority of the past couple of weeks we're now kind of regretting having him home. He spends all week so stressed out that when he's finally home he has to decompress and since he doesn't do that with hard physical exercise or meditation or fishing (this time of year the rivers and creeks are too high around here), he does it by throwing tantrums about the state of the house and various other things. And then he finally calms down and we have a lovely weekend. But it's been like this for months and it's getting old.

I'm finding that I'm loving Yule/Christmas since having children. We don't buy gifts other than a few stocking stuffers for the kids and each other, everything else is made by us. We haven't been in a mall in over three years. We do a tree every year and the kids and I have been or will be making paper snowflakes, paper chains, dough ornaments (some for us and some as gifts), and a couple of clove oranges which smell divine. We cut our tree tomorrow. Still haven't found carols I enjoy other than some beautiful choral versions.

Bethany- I so understand where you're coming from. We moved from a mid-sized town to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. We can't go grocery shopping without driving at least 30min. And we live paycheck to paycheck. And I homeschool. We're lucky to have a homeschooling community here and a decent library system but I often feel cut-off from the "outside" world when I can't afford to drive anywhere. If we can swing it I try to budget enough gas to do one bigger outing a month. Often that just means going to the beach or the river for the day with a picnic or going to see some friends an hour away but it can be huge in terms of sanity and often "only" costs the gas we use to get there and back. Also, if you have a camera for you computer it can be a great way to communicate with friends and relatives. My brother moved to Seattle this year and we have a standing monthly date to talk via g chat with video. It's so nice to be able to see each other's facial expressions. I find that it definitely helps with the isolate feeling to see familiar faces.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather in Oregon

Well, just posting to let you all know that the boss I always write here to complain about is retiring. Her last day is December 29.

Now I know I complain about her as a boss a lot, but as a person, she is really a good one. It is rather marvelous to see her go through the process of letting go of her control issues about the job. She has gotten very sentimental at times, and really opened up emotionally.

All of us who report to her are realizing how well she protected our little place, and how she meant well even while driving us nuts. We're also wondering about the "Lord of the Flies" scenario to come in the next six months, because with her gone...no one up there cares about us. We will cease to exist as a department on June 30.

The one thing I am saddened by is how my boss's superiors have disrespected her. I suppose it happens everywhere, but as soon as she announced she was retiring, it was like they kicked her to the curb. They stopped sharing info with her, they dismissed her input, they dismissed her concerns. And this after some 30 years of service to the agency.

She has been invited to lunches and dinners by colleagues in other departments, and we are giving her a little party plus a girls-night-out happy hour, but her own boss and her boss's boss? Nothing. They aren't doing anything for her. It's disheartening, and truly diminishes them in my eyes.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

Becca - been there and feeling it for you. It sucks - but it does get better! The best thing about divorcing my ex-husband was being able to just hang up the phone if I didn't want to hear him rant. Such Freedom! Hugs to you and your mother.

Kelly - how about "Wow, bummer but I hear the drugs are awesome!"

: )

I too am struggling with the holiday spirit but can feel it turning a bit with the gratitude I am practicing - (and anticipating a NYC trip with my 13-year old to see the NYCB Nutcracker - yay!)

The reason I'm practicing gratitude is so awful I hate to share it here - but here goes. My brother's girlfriend's 17-year old son committed suicide last week. Everyone is devastated and in shock and there is not much more to say than that. My brother is being super supportive and I know that in a few weeks he is going to need a ton of support himself when it finally hits him. I am sure there are some gifts here - but they are hard to see right now.
The day after it happened, I told a co-worker about my fear (for my own children) and my anguish for the mother and she actually helped me by reminding me what Dr. Laura would say: " That is their path - not yours". I'm not a big Dr. Laura fan - but there is definitely some truth in the idea that we can often choose our response to tragedy and not take on other people's fear and suffering and make it our own.
I can choose happiness and gratitude and still be available to support my brother and his girlfriend.

So - I am reaching out and inviting the mother and her other son to our family Christmas Eve celebration. Of Course! That is a no-brainer - but there is a part of me that is reluctant because of the sheer sadness and scariness (and stigma??) of their situation. I am ashamed to admit that. I worry it will somehow negatively affect my children to be so close to such tragedy.

However - we are a strong family and we have a ton of love and compassion to share. Tears and grieving are welcome in our home and we can celebrate Christmas (LOVE) by being loving. Yes?

Anyway - thanks for being here Heather and all you Derfs. I wish you all the peace and joy of the season!

xoxo

Bonnie

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

I had my eleventeenth in a little more than a year (no I really don't want to count anymore) surgical procedure last Wednesday, It was supposed to be a biopsy (yes, a new lump on the cancer side, the reconstructed side), but it ended up being a lumpectomy. It kicked my butt for three days. I couldn't even remember my phone number until today. I don't want any more procedures, I don't want any more treatment, I don't want any more drugs.

The surgeon said it looked like nothing, nothing, noting. I find out for sure on the 17th. Yay me.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpatricia

I confess that I feel no guilt for potentially overpaying somebody to come in and cover for me while I'm gone from work next week - it's my first full week off in 18 months. My service is just too busy to have somebody in house cover the "easy" stuff anymore (and when we do it that way, I need to leave a list of specific instructions for each of those cases and also be available by phone all the time). I'll still have to answer calls now and then but it's a VERY good first step toward better quality of life. And if the practice overpays a thousand or two (in relation to a % of the money she generates), in the scheme of things, well worth it.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Anonymous, I hope, like Mrs. G said, that your daughter is going through a no one understands me, me, me phase and that it's temporary.

I've struggled since I read your comment about how much I want to share and whether it would be helpful or not. I've tried to write several times and not been able to finish. So I've decided that the best I can do is suggest is that you let her know that you love her, no matter what her decision, that you'll always be her mother and that you will be there for her when she needs to return. I know the pain of a child deciding he no longer wants me in his life and I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one here who has experienced this.

Hugs, cheers, congrats and tears to whoever needs them.

PS ... and to lighten it up a bit ... Gary, you should play yourself in the Mrs. G saga, but if you aren't available, I think Colin Firth is a better fit than Christian Bale.

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMartha Mc

Hey all you fabulous Derfs.
Big hugs to Becca, and Anon, Patricia, Karen, TC, and everyone else needing a cyber hug, here it is.

Jessie, congrats!

I have no confession, except that sometimes I eat lunch too early (10:30 AM) just because I work at home and I know I have awesome leftovers in the fridge.

I have had a long series of really good work news. FINALLY!! I am scheduled out for 6 months!!
Love you all, hang in there, Molly

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermolly

Martha Mc, thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately, she is not going through a "no one understands me" phase, although that's in the mix too. I got an extended call from her therapist at school who got my daughter's permission to call. She is in crisis and we are going to get her tomorrow. Since she's legally an adult, our hands are tied on many issues, but I suspect at the very least she needs a leave of absence. The therapist has raised the possibility of forced hospitalization and I think that may be what we wind up doing, but the very idea gives me the cold chills. We've been down that route before, and I never wanted to walk that path again. But more than anything, I want her stable and healthy and if this helps us achieve that goal, I guess I'll find the nerve to do it somehow. Where do other people find the strength?

December 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anonymous, I hope your daughter receives and responds to the help she needs and that you find the strength to see her through to becoming stable and healthy. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

December 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMartha Mc

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