it's december 1st and about damn time for an update, right?

Courtesy of the Flickr Commons

Dear Derfs,

Mrs. G. aplogizes for being away from the computer so long. She hopes you will pardon her absence and start heading back over here again now that she feels that she has something to write, that she actually can write. She's been reading through all the comments tonight and she has missed gathering here and rattling the branches as much as you have. And just so you know, you can hang out on Mrs. G's porch anytime whether she's home or not. In fact, feel free to use the key under the mat. There's a bottle of tequilla behind the crockpot in the left corner cabinet beside the dishwasher.

The supposedly short break began when Mrs. G. unplugged from the internet for two weeks in order to meet a writing deadline. She did but just barely.

Historically, the end of Daylight Saving Time trifles with Mrs. G's brain. It can take up to a week for her to feel right, for the insomnia to hit the road. This year, the insomnia was dogged. It seemed bound and determined to drag Mrs. G's ass down and it did--down, down all the way to nutter town. For a couple of weeks Mrs. G. had trouble getting out of bed, and when she did, she usually got as far as the living room chair where she sat mentally chanting the depressive's mantra: you suck, no one likes you, nice gargantuan age spot on your left cheek, you're a fraud, you need to put on deodorant the next 3-5 days time you change your sweatshirt, you're worthless, your earlobes are growing...anyone whose been in this spot knows the drill.

Thanks to several visits to her narcissistic psychopharmacologist who helped adjust meds, several visits to her therapist, several Law & Order SVU marathons (Abilify me, Stabler and Benson, Abilify me!!) several novels to keep her company when she couldn't sleep and several hugs, kisses, take-out dinners and phone calls from Mr. G. and her kids, Mrs. G. is on the mend. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being tip top shape), she's a solid 6.

6 is mighty fine.

Prepare yourself. because Mrs. G. is about to do something she can barely tolerate just to prove her love and appreciation for all the kind emails, texts, phone calls and comments you left for her one way or the other. 

Here is one of her favorite emails:

I assume from your radio silence you must be writing up a storm and NOT LYING DEAD IN A DITCH. I am going to kill you if you ARE LYING DEAD IN A DITCH.

You can't buy love like this. Mrs. G's sorry she didn't answer but when Mrs. G's in a legitimate funk, she isolates herself so no one has to deal with her. It's not a pretty sight. OK, ready for this true Mrs. G. first?

:)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)  :)

More tomorrow. We have a lot to talk about. If you're really nice to her she'll show you some photos of when she quit brushing her hair for so long the part changed on it's own accord. No, she won't.


Heather Mrs. G. 

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Reader Comments (106)

Welcome back. Missed you!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

I feel your pain. I've been living in my pj's for weeks. Let's shake things up. Maybe work our way up to sweat pants and a t-shirt? But not a bra, I'm not ready for that just yet.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjean

Sounds good, Jean! I'll aim to wear the bra on Monday when I have to join the world again.

December 2, 2012 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

No bras, please! You can't imagine how happy I was to find you here tonight. Welcome back!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSmalltown Me

oh honey... I would like to embrace you in a warm soft hug and tuck you in with a blanket. I'm glad you've found your way back here. I've missed your words...

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbonjour

Sometimes you have to change yourself before you can change the world; sometimes changing the world is easier.

Welcome back.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternorm

So glad you're back!! I've missed you terribly!!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky in Upstate NY

I have missed you and this place more than I can share. It was as if I had gone cold turkey, how could I need you all that much. My soul hurt.
Thanks for coming back we need you.
PS- been there on the earlobe thing....

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Well! I was beginning to wonder if you were going to be one of those "I'll be gone for two weeks" and then we never hear from you again. I'm so glad this is not the case.
I find the switches to and from Daylight Savings distinctly not fun!......particularly in the spring when we start getting early light and then plunge back into darkness because the Powers-that-Be want an extra hour of light in the evening to play golf or something....and yes I did hear this given as a justification for the earlier switch we now have!
Golly it's nice to have you back!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersmartcat

I'm so happy to hear from you. I'm glad you're on the mend, my friend. Also, no pressure with the bra. Let 'em swing.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen H

You're adorable when you're not-dead-in-a-ditch. :D

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLala

So glad to know you are okay...if it helps knowing that there was a vast community missing you, I can assure you, it was true. I also have difficulty switching with Daylight Savings Time. I basically want to crawl in bed at 6:00 pm and have the day be over. But I tell myself, we are fast approaching the shortest day of the year, and somehow, just knowing we are about to turn it around, helps.

Very excited about the writing thing...

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

Heather! It is always always always good to hear your voice.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Other Laura

She's back AND with emoticons! Can I get a whoohooo? Perhaps a few !!!! Glad you're feeling better!

Delurking(probably not a word) just this one time just to tell you how happy I am that you are back.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPat

That time change can be wrenching. The "Spring Forward" gets me worse than the "Fall Back," however. Glad to see you back. I'll see you your age spot and raise you a pair of lopsided eyebrows.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

I'm so glad to "see" you back! And sending you a hug to moving up to 7. I can certainly understand those feelings, been feeling a few of them myself lately but keep trying to slog along and figure it out. I did an internet search for you while you were gone, just to make sure nothing really bad happened. You really are an inspiration, looking forward to Monday!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennie

I am so glad you aren't dead in a ditch. I am sorry that you fell into that familiar dark hole. I am happy you were able to claw your way to the top. I'm sorry that we could not help you, but you must know that we were all rooting for you to find your way to the light. Been there, done that.
I hate, hate, hate daylight savings. I live in Indiana, we went to daylight savings a few years ago ( don't really know why). In the summer it doesn't get dark until 10 o'clock and this time of the year it doesn't get light until 8 am. This messes with my bio clock something awful. The only good thing...I don't have to go to a job anymore so I no longer beat myself up about my crappy sleep patterns and the desire to stay in my comfy robe all day.
Take care,Mrs G, we will always be here for you. This is The Manor after all, the place where Derfs gather and wait for fellow Derfs, where else would we go?

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterALBUG

Mrs. G!! I am so glad you're not lying dead in a ditch. So, so happy to have you back. :)

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel from Maiine

Mrs. G. , you've definitely been missed. In fact, I checked the site last night and thought perhaps you went the password route, only I didn't get an invite! Your absence is well understood, but glad you're on the mend. Would it make you feel better if I called you a slut-whore-bitch??? Consider it done! :)

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArli

Yea! You're back! Hoping you continue to progress toward that 10...

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternavhelowife

So good to have you back! I also have trouble with the time switches. I wish they would just leave it alone! I've got enough to deal with having simultaneous hot flashes and PMS.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter~annie

So glad to see you back. I think we've all been in that same spot, and we feel your relief at escaping. love you

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarb Cooper

I've also been doing the going to bed early gig. So nice to have you back.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersusan

Hey, nice to see you! It's time for my pajamas-for-days, working-from-bed holiday redux. This too shall pass.

Odiferously yours,

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

I just love you back. That's all.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

So, so glad you're feeling better. Nothing sucks more than a funk. Being on the higher side of a 5 is huge! Hoping for a 7 1/2 by Christmas! You'll feel so good you won't know what to do with yourself. People living on a 10 must feel like they're in heaven. Praying for you and again so happy to see you Mrs. G!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlizzie

Welcome back, Mrs. G! I'm glad you made it through.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

The time change always does a number on my wonky-brained people. I'm so glad you're back. Missed you!


December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterErin

"Abilify me!" That made me LOL. I am glad you are back, and at a solid 6. :)

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPatience

welcome home, you funky whore! take your time getting back in the saddle, we'll wait. yo' worth it.
love y!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterilyanna

Thanks for the update; glad to know you're pushing out of that funk, and looking forward to reading more of your words. You need help, let me know, honey.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternaomi

Jesus Christ Mrs. G, you were gone for so long. YOU COULDN'T HAVE CALLED?

I kid. Really, we're all so glad to see you back. Depression is a wily bastard, I'm sorry you've been wrangling with him. Welcome back, we left some tequlia for you.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

It's so glad to hear from you again. This time change does me in as well and I have been having the same struggle against being sucked down into the vortex. Looking forward to climbing out together.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJudy from Northern Canada

Welcome back. Just know that you were missed. Big time.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVivianne

Emoticons? This is big. B-I-G. :0) back at you.

I was pretty sure that you weren't lying dead in a ditch, but I was starting to get a little stalker-ish and checking out Depp fan news sites to see if you had run away to France and failed to tell us (or invite us) and I might catch a glimpse.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristy Lee

Oh Yay. You can see how you've been missed. So glad you took the time to take care of yourself. xo

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermartha.30004

Yup, I kinda figured that's what was going on and Lmost contacted you directly . Glad you're back and hope you get to at least 9 really soon! xoxog

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGail

So glad you are back. I can relate to the sudden Seasonal Affect Disorder that autumn and ending daylights savings inflicts on us. It has been dreary here!

But you bring back some sunshine to us, so shine it on in! So happy you're back!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Snow

I'm delighted that you're back, and I did think the reasons for your absence were pretty much what you said they were. It's all good Mrs. G, although I think this tweet probably says it better than I can...

Native Am Proverbs ‏@NativAmProverbs
The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears. ~ Native American Proverb, Tribe Unknown [18736] #proverbs #sayings #quotes
Collapse Reply Retweet Favorite

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersycam

Glad to have you back!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLizP

I am so sorry this happened to you, and so grateful that you are feeling better. Much love to you <3

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Yay! I know a few people up here who will be glad to see you're back. Missed you.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralison

I privately guessed it was the time change, it messes with just about anybody with depression, and even more so with people with seasonal affect disorder.

I used to load up on Vitamin d supplements and go to a tanning booth for a big ole light fix. It helps, it really does. Not enough to make you all crazy orange, but to just bathe in light during a time of year when all is grey helps the brain.

Glad you are back, missed everyone.
I think in the future if Mrs. G. needs a hiatus one of us should sponsor a Friday Confessional in the Derf Assist List. I didn't think of it till to late, but will next time.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

heather, I'm glad you took care of you AND that you are back to feeling more your spunky self. Your honesty is admirable. And thank goodness you aren't lying dead in a ditch!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Oh, thank goodness! You have been missed so much, Mrs. G! I was considering blowing this month's rent money on a ticket to Seattle to see if you were ok. And to get away from my nutty family. Mostly to see if you were ok. Glad you're back ! :)

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Your last few weeks sound like my January/February. I dread it, knowing how the grey days make me feel. I'm glad you're back!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTina

Well, HI!!!! I am solidly on the So Glad You're Back list! I also checked every day and admit to worrying about whether you were OK. Being up past 5 is excellent - hopefully this trend will continue. In the meantime - Pie. Plenty of pie.

P.S. I loathe Daylight Savings. Even though the time change is tough to adjust to, I'm glad we're back on "real time" (whatever that is). I actually like it when it gets dark earlier and I have an excuse to light a fire and spend more time reading. BUT. As we go into Winter, I'm sharing with fellow Derfs my favorite mood-adjuster after too much cold and dark - I go to the plant nursery (or even better, to our city's Conservatory) Walking around seeing and smelling Green and soaking up the extra-oxygenated air seems to put me right again.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBriget

You made me smile, nod mmhm on the pit (right there in a neighboring one) and then snort out loud woman ... :) !!! Love it. Glad to have you back, missed you something fierce. Daylight savings be damned. xo.

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbethany

I can't add much to the chorus, but I agree with everyone -it's wonderful to see you back. I am perhaps the only person on the planet that has no issues with Circadian rhythms and time changes? I had no clue whatsoever. (I do have brain issues though. I just had to look up "rhythm"!) I'm so very sorry to hear about your difficult time. That must be hard for Mr. G. and Teenage G. too. Welcome back, in all ways, and here's to some joy in your future!

December 2, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn

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