Four of Seven Things Mrs. G. Did Over the Last Six Weeks

1) Mrs. G. retired from blogging...again. She wishes she could give you a highbrow explanation for her exasperating habit of faltering and prematurely reacting to seemingly earth-shaking, life-determining ruminations but the best she can do is admit that, as a blogger and writer and human being, some days she feels talented and confident and then, BAM!, she is unexplainably hammered by fear, terrified she is a self-involved, know it all. Who can't write. Blogging wise, though, she thinks she has come up with a solution. In the future, when irrational fear strikes, rather than write another "goodbye forever" letter, she will post the following signs and you'll know, for whatever reason, she is going Chernobyl. The signs can act as a sort of like a cyber batshit signal.

So, if you see...



Just wait it out. It will pass. 



Neuter Day: Cone of Shame

(Chewie, four hours after unwittingly taking a "nap" and waking up without his nads)

Mrs. G. has been training her puppy, Chewie, all while falling further passionately in love with his brown eyes and Wookie paws. He is a quick study. He sits, lies down, stays and speaks on long as no one else is in the room to distract him.

As if that weren't impressive enough, he also craps beside the cats' food and water bowls without prompting.

Chewie loves long walks and running wild at the local dog park. So far, he hasn't met a dog he doesn't like. He's an affable mutt.

A word of caution to fellow Washington puppy owners who are also passionately in love with their dogs. Do not Google "Washington puppy owners who are passionately in love with their dogs" if you are seeking human/canine fellowship.

Just stick with the dog park.



49 boos nose

(Photo by Sharon Brogan)

Mrs. G. has been playing social worker to her cats, Darcy and Tonks. They don't fear Chewie; they hate him. There's no sugarcoating it. Tonks rubs her face against Chewie's crate and then hisses and claws at him when he scooches over to her in earnest, good faith. Darcy, more of a masochistic pacifist, has stopped grooming herself in protest.

Late, late one night, Mrs. G. is pretty sure she heard Darcy on the phone hiring a hit man.

But Darcy is an amateur. She hired an independent contractor off Craig's List, so Chewie is in no danger, sitting pretty with the knowledge that the hit man will never show.



After two decades of renting, Mr. and Mrs. G. made an offer on a house and it was accepted. Mrs. G. is arm and arm with joy and anxiety. But she is focusing on the joy...the joy of planting a perennial or a curly willow tree and knowing she will live to see it grow spring after spring. The joy of never having to move on someone else's whim.

It is a 1957 rambler, around 2,000 square feet. Behind that Japanese Maple is a freestanding arbor covered in wisteria.


Here is the kitchen. If the deal goes through (and inspection was completed today), Mr. G. said he would let Mrs. G. have free reign over the entire house as long as he is in charge of organizing the kitchen. This is the sort of tyranny to which Mrs. G. happily submits.

The day their eager offer was accepted, Mr. G. grabbed Mrs. G. by the shoulders and said, "You know what this means don't you?"

"What?" she asked.

"We can never afford to get divorced."

Even after 21 years, the man still knows how to sweep Mrs. G. off her feet.

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Reader Comments (78)

Congratulations to you n' yours on your new home! The kitchen, the wisteria, the gardening, and everything-about-it sounds (and looks) marvelous! New beginnings ... Nuthin' better! Also, your "keep calm and carry on" attitude... You're the tops! Thanks so much for the surprise return gift of your writing. Looking forward to more and more and more ...

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim Forester



Did I mention HAPPY?

Holy F*&@ - I'm glad you're back.

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkate in Michigan

Congratulations on the house! And the iron chains that now bind you to Mr. G.

And I knew you just couldn't quit us...

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Paul

That house is beautiful Mrs G, enjoy! And welcome back, I always held onto hope...

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHay

Oh, goodness, it is good to read your voice again!

And ramblers - swoon! I love ramblers. I am in a two-story house now and long for my flat or a rambler. And, that kitchen? Fab!


April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter~g

Oh, I have missed you! Welcome back! And such great news to share-the house is beautiful!

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermarty

I am so glad that you are back! And the house looks great. Congratulations.

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBetsy

It's not just a home; it's an indenture.

Good luck with your new home! :).

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTC

i'm pretty sure i just heard angels singing as i read this marvelous post. derfy angels, but angels, i say!! i'm so happy. welcome back, mrs. g. you are always my favorite read! yay!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercaryn

WOW Mrs. G, congratulations! I know the real reason you've started blogging again: Moving house is said to be THE most stressful thing ever. So we can hold your hand through all of the sudden house-moving disasters and discoveries. Good luck!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNan

Buying a house AND puppy training? No wonder you were heading Chernobyl!

Mr. G. is a man at one with the whole kitchen design thing? Is he available for international consultation? I mean the plane journey is horrendous and all but I can fairly safely promise him no snow will fall from our UK leaden skies. Reasonable day rates can be accommodated. I'm just sayin' ...

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertrash

you know I walk back in with trepidation and I will tread lightly while you are finding ground.
But I swear if you break up with me again I won't be back...
Les had to let me know you were back in house and here I come dragging my luggage to see what is up.
And you had me at kitchen........
I am such a sucker.
Let me grab a cup of tea and we'll chat.
I think we can work this out....

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermeredith@whynot

Thank you, That's all I can say.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

As I sit here with a huge smile on my face all I can say is Congratulations!!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjean

Welcome back! I stopped by - nearly every day - and as I noticed the little tweaks in the banner or background, I hoped you'd be back ... Congratulations on the new house and thank you, thank you!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterannie

Congrats! Looks beautiful! I know what you mean about needing a blogging break. Sometimes I feel the internet is junior high all over again, and naturally, once again, I am painfully unpopular... Must retreat to safety of couch and cookie jar.

Love the look of the new digs. Is there a spot just crying out for a cat painting?

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter*m*

Well thank God/Buddha/SkyDaddy is all I can say! Gorgeous house! Hopefully Darcy and Tonks will come to at least tolerate Chewie. Good luck with that part.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

I am in love with your new house! Welcome back, Mrs. G. You write when you want to. We'll always be here to read you.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterunmitigated me

Congratulations on your new house! It really suits you. I'm not sure how old Chewie is but I offer a little comfort: after our puppy stopped being quite such a PUPPY, the cats settled down. It's not a love fest, but detente has been declared.


PS: You are a wonderful writer with a distinctive, accessible, wry, intelligent voice. I think it's pretty clear we'll read whatever you want to write whenever you put it out there.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarb Cooper

What a lovely house! How exciting for you!

Now regarding those signs. I'm just glad to once again be reminded that I am not the only one who does this. I haven't threatened to quit completely, but I've fallen off the blogosphere several times and contemplated deleting the whole thing. I just can't bring myself to do it, though, so I agonize over leaving it hanging without any updates. I've noticed lately that there are a LOT of bloggers who do this from time to time. Some of them (like yourself) are talented, insightful writers whose posts I miss and whose return to blogging is cause for celebration. It's good to have you back.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenni in KS

Nice house, hey 1957 was a great year, honest, you'll have nothing but good luck I'm sure of it! Ours is the same style, although here in Colorado we call them "ranch" style houses instead of "ramblers." Although at my age, rambling sounds a lot more manageable than ranching...

Laughing about the foibles of Darcy and Tonks over here. While you were away, we adopted a second mutt from the humane society. Her name is Daisy. Our tenured dog, Tonka, still has his muzzle bent out of joint. I might question him about the Craigslist thingy. My guess is he's thought of the same approach to ridding the world of this particular interloper.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

Contgratulations on the house! It's beautiful. And welcome back! (We knew you'd come back.) ♥

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteralison

Mrs. G., I have missed you! Congratulations on the house--the kitchen is beautiful. Give Chewie a few extra kisses for me, poor little guy.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa L.

Congratulations on the new cyber digs, and congratulations on the new house! Wowza! They're both gorgeous.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKeetha

Wow, I missed you! Will you need help unpacking?

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Welcome back! I'm glad to see that Chewie survived his surgery, that the cats are cats, and that you've found a forever home and an excuse to stay together. Whew!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Holy shit it's nice to read this today! The house is incredible! -So charming and the kitchen is beautiful!!! I always want to bake in everybody else's kitchen. My cat HATES my dog too even though she also wants to snuggle in earnest also. That cat is such a bitch! I should make her wear a pizza hat. ANYWAY, It's just so nice to hear from you!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen H

Sweet! Like the house and the return to blogging. Kudos, Mrs. G.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter1Les

Beautiful, all of it!! House, kitchen, and especially finding you back online again!! You KNOW we missed you, Mrs. G, along with the gift you have of creating the BEST warts-and-all girlfriend space on the interwebs! Hello again to all the derfwads, too!

P.S. I love that kitchen!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBriget

I'm glad you are back and can totally relate to just wanting to quit sometimes and other times feeling like I have the most wonderful things to share! Love the house, congratulations!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

I have two friends who do this too, so I'm used to it and I just wait it out :-) Glad you're back, and the new home looks beautiful! Hugs!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

A kiss on both your cheeks....

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteremily

I'm swooning over your glassed-in family room. And I think #2 is going to make me swear off Google forever. Really? Are you serious?

I'm so glad you're back. I missed you!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent

Wowza! Huge congrats on the house! A very attractive home it is, too. Nice landscaping. I love the kitchen - the wood floor and cabinets are beautiful. Cabinets look like cherry?

So glad you are back to blogging. Never doubt your writing ability, please. Come see me if you do. I'll help whip your confidence back into shape.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphd in yogurtry

M, I am strongly urging Mr. G. to finally get rid of some of his hundreds of book--many which have an actual fifty-cent price tag printed on the cover and boxes of college papers--so the cat is going to be a bone of contention.

The kitchen is pretty amazing. The nices one we've ever lived with. It's not as big as the photo makes it look (actually, realtors are great at making rooms look bigger in photos) but it is the perfect size for us. We've never had a gas stove.

April 11, 2011 | Registered CommenterMrs. G.

Love the sun room/ family room just off the kitchen!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrisin NY

Does this mean that Aunt Snow can't host FAD Friday anymore?

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCurious

FAD Friday is officially my beloved Aunt Snow's dealio ( It's going great guns over there. I know someone else is doing a mancake Monday and I think that's great. There is always enough to go around.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

My husband always said we could never divorce because I wouldn't be able to hook up the TV stuff.

Nice house!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSmalltown Mom

A house! What joy! It's LOVELY! Even as is it's a pretty place--I can imagine what it will look like after you get hold of it.

I joke to people that D cannot divorce me and afford child support for 3 plus alimony. Ha!

The dog--oh dear. There's nothing more to say--except if Darcy is a good mouser, I'd be glad to have her!
Seeing you back here was the best news of my week--hooray!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreen Girl in Wisconsin

Congratulations! And, WELCOME BACK!!! I knew you would come back!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarms37

It is a GREAT day for me when I see that you have returned to the world of blogging!

I had faith, and did not ever take you off my favorites list, but periodically checked in to see if you had finally succumbed to your "inner blogger."

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNancy G.

I've been trying to do Mancake over at my blog, and I have to tell you, it's hard! My own taste in men is admittedly eccentric (Mickey Rourke, anyone?), so my postings are few and far between.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

The phrase "cyber batshit signal" made me laugh my ass off. Very glad you're back, Mrs. G. Love the pictures of your new house. Oooh! That looks like a Viking Stove in the kitchen. I'll be right over! (not in any weird stalking way...just have serious stove envy.)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

beautiful house! and my cat HATES my dog, too. Maggie (the cat) totally teases poor sweet Lizzy when she's in her kennel. And Lizzy always takes the bate. Just the way things go. I am thrilled that you are writing again. Please stop leaving us, We love you:)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkara

And do we get to know the other 3 things you did over the last 6 weeks or is that just too damn nosey?

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

<3 <3 <3

a vodka and oj in celebration of the return is being had right here!!

Cheers, so glad your, your back, right??

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIts Lisa!

YEA YOU!!! A house! That kitchen looks amazing!!! Chewie.....what a sweet, sad face! Poor puppy!!

PS...I'm glad you're back!!! I've missed you!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermissy

Hey you are back! (I know - Miz Obvious here!) I'm so glad to see you! The house is Faboo! Especially the kitchen. Can't wait to hear all the fun that ensues with your upcoming move.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen L

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