Sunday
Jan042009

Bigger Love, Episode 55: The New Year

Last February, Mrs. G. watched a marathon session of HBO's Big Love and wondered if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wondered if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...

 

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Bigger Love. So she wrote a pilot and the response was overwhelming. Episode 41 was enthusiastically received as well.

 

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The world seemed ready for a show about Mrs. G and the three hot husbands who serve her every need...

 

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and the rakish manny she hires to rub her feet take care of Brad's children from a previous relationship. And while most women with families and jobs and appropriate levels of maturity would have moved on from this good and silly apparition, Mrs. G. just can't let it go. She thinks about it all the time. HBO, call her.

 

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In this episode, Mrs. G. is sitting by the fire writing out her New Year's resolutions when the manny comes in and resigns to move on to a more lucrative gig. Mrs. G. weeps as he strokes her hair and her back and her calf and assures her that he has notified the manny agency of his departure; a replacement should arrive soon.

Hold up! A replacement? Mrs. G. eagerly returns to her resolutions and underlines three times the most important one: live a healthier, more active life.

 

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Her husbands are determined to help her reach her goals. The truth is they do all the household chores, including Mrs. G's laundry. They've seen the Twizzler wrappers in her pockets, the telltale granny panties. Even though they absolutely think she is perfect they want to help her be her best self. Really, she is their whole life. Seriously, they are nothing without her.

 

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They pay for a private consultation with women's health expert Christiane Northrup who suggests Mrs. G. go on the South Beach diet and exercise at least five times a week. They all share an affectionate laugh as they marvel at Mrs. G's undeniable magnetism and allure. "You are lucky, lucky men," Northup tells them. "Oh, believe us, we know," they say," hells bells, we know."

 

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They call in back up and stage an intervention. Whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, lots of water, they tell her. She agrees.

And exercise, they continue. Mrs. G. is ambivalent and flails on the couch in a very attractive way.

 

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The next day George takes her for a swim.

 

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He shows her his grade school picture to make her feel less loserly as she drops her towel and reveals her basic, heavy duty black one piece bathing suit with an industrial bra inset.

 

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George strolls around the pool in a tux to encourage Mrs. G. to swim one more lap. And then one more lap. The truth is Mrs. G. loves George more is more inspired by George.

 

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And this frustrates and disheartens Brad who tries unsuccessfully to teach Mrs. G. to bike and...

 

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do aerobics.

 

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He cracks under the pressure and has to go to the hospital for 72 hours.

 

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When he returns, he and George join forces in cheering Mrs. G. on.

 

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Matt does his part.

 

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And slowly Mrs. G. begins to truly embrace her healthier lifestyle and live her very best life.

 

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Which includes an afternoon cup of tea...

 

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served by the new British manny. His charm and manscruff are welcome additions to the household.

greenheart

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Reader Comments (123)

Wow, that was epic. And very enjoyable.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

Love the new manny; there's nothing better than Britscruff with one's tea! And where did you find that sequined number for Brad? Hawt!

Hilarious as always, Mrs. G.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

Brava!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheri @ Blog This Mom!

If my secret boyfriend (Adrien Brody) were to hang out by my swimming pool, you bet I'd be inspired to do a few extra laps.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSUEB0B

Will this show allow guest spots, say from an overworked teacher?

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterms-teacher

Lovely story. Really.
Just one problem.
You are not allowed Matt Damon and Colin Firth.
They are mine.
Seriously.
Oh, and Hugh Jackman also.
http://inthemeantime.typepad.com/in_the_meantime/2008/12/dream-analysis-please.html

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Awesome!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZenmomma

That's the best show I've ever read. I think you should call Oprah, stat (that's doctor language, you know, like "ER" doctor-type talk.) Plus, I would so pay you $7.50 to watch it as a movie, too. And probably about $8.95 at Costco for the book. I see "revenue stream" in your future, Mrs. G.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjuliejulie

You're definitely in my Season Pass.

I am NEVER disapointed when I saunter to your blog.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCherryTreeLane

Oh my gosh! Your new manny is my dreamboat! However did you steal him from me??? I never noticed he was missing from the bedroom until just now. The handcuffs were supposed to be tamper-proof. You must have very good help. I want my Colin back! - femminismo (I'm not kidding!)

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfemminismo

Thank you very very much. I love the new manny of course; but I especially love how George and Matt team up to work with Brad on his 'do.
And that George! What a cut up... referring of course to the Jumping Jack Flash/beach buff photo.
Happy New Bigger Love Year, Mrs. G.
Candace

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

Dude, I LOVE you. I laughed so hard at this. Oh, and can I borrow your manny for a week?

A day?

How about 10 minutes?

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Red Rover, Red Rover send Hugh Jackman right over!
Mrs. G you are so funny!
I am so glad to have discovered through my dear friend Kizz... you and your wit!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGertrude Jane McCartney

Oh, sweet baby Jebus! Colin Firth! I think I love him best of all!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterapathy lounge

Oh, sweet baby Jebus! Colin Firth! I think I love him best of all!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterapathy lounge

I noticed that Matt didn't help you much there. That's because he was absolutely exhausted from cheering me on as I resolutely climbed back on my recumbent exercise bike. And then he had to massage all the cramps in my leg muscles afterwards. Poor man, he was just done in...

Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent

wow! i don't know what else to say. except that's some manny!! woo hoo!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermonica

I want your manny agency's phone number.

Still chuckling...

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFairlie

I'm a 1/2" from the screen, trying to feel me some man-cake through my monitor, but damnit, I can't get them out!! How come this crap only works on the Upside Down show!?! Bravo Mrs G... Bravo. You succeeded in bringing me to the man-cake edge!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaDue & Crew

I love you sooo much.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCoastal Nest.

I do like Colin Firth. Much. Mucher much. But, the chest on that other Manny...the Australian one. Well, it's distracting.

Happy New Year, Mrs. G!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJCK

Mrs G deserves a place in Hollywood!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHelena

Love it! But you had better hold on tight to that cutie patootie Matt Damon or I will steal him away while you are busy swimming laps...

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJean

Mother of Mercy, I actually wet my pants laughing at this.

Mrs. G you absolutely KILL me!!

GREAT post! I love your show. And your boyfriends. And your Mannys.

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI'm Julie

I like it except where you have to exercise a lot. What's that about?

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeverly

Hillarious! One husband is about all can handle - but, the manny sounds really good!

January 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterParul

Hurrah for yet another rousing good yarn, Mrs. G!! With support, encouragement and rakish good looks like that, it'll be a breeze for you to keep your resolutions! Just send them over to my place when you get a moment as I'm in dire need of inspiration!!

Happy New Year!!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMoxy Jane

Sounds like a great show...can I play Mrs. G?????

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersusan

"How far do you think she can jog?"
"God help her, not long."

Bwahahahaahaa!!!!! I love it!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarymurtz

I would watch every week. Twice.

At least.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterK.

Oh gawd, I love you.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercarrie

Is there no way of enticing the Aussie back?

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Mountains Mary

I live in Utah. How I wish things worked that way.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin Alberty

What? Whoops that was embarrassing. I was busy licking your manny on the screen and suddenly here I was in the comments.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary Alice

I'm not sure which is better: Brad in sequins (humor category), the many views of George (the man keeps getting better with each passing day), or your new manny (drool).

I have already pre-purchased every episode available. Thanks for more, more, MORE!!!

*good luck with the healthy eating*

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkcinnova

Mrs. G, you are one damn funny woman. Sign me up for that show! Can I be your next door neighbor ala Gladys Kravitz? I'd put up with Mr. Kravitz to be able to watch your husbands all day. I mean you! You!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

You really need to write for tv. I think it's your calling.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBadness Jones

Wow, what are the odds? Your BIG LOVE life is EXACTLY like mine...parallet universes or clone/pod men? Who cares, really?

One thing,though--I would NEVER have let the first manny go. Never. Not ever. Never.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMama Ava

When is the pilot??

I didn't think this could get any better...and then Colin Firth! Amazing!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterK and/or K

ah, the life of the mind.. the places you go and the people you can play with.. I do so love a good story.. you dream on Miz G

ah, the life of the mind.. the places you go and the people you can play with.. I do so love a good story.. you dream on Miz G

Brilliant!!! This is just the pick-me-up I needed on this dreary upstate NY morning! I love the new manny!! And Brad in a DRESS! Priceless. Thanks Mrs. G!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeck

all I am thinking is I need southbeach- I am there with you. I have a wedding in may and need to take some of the unwanted off my lower body- and let's not even think sleeveless!
So many men are great-but I am ready to move with you. Because they only keep me on the couch!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercookingwithgas

You are just one hot mess!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergigi

I love a story with a happy ending!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Other Laura

he he he. You cougar.

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteri am very mary

Ohhh.... that new manny was the perfect end! I didn't see that coming (not feeling very bright today). Thanks Mrs. G! I love Bigger Love!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlog Princess G

Will your husbands and manny be at the Women's Colony? Because I think they should be the only men allowed...

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

Wow, love the eye candy!

January 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

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