Future of the Colony
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 at 10:30AM Mrs. G. 
Swedish Londoner Helena of Helena Writes asks: When we all unite at the Womens Colony will Johnny Depp be a frequent visitor? Have you approached him regarding this yet? Does he know his retirement plan is to keep us all happy by his presence? What if he doesn't want to (as if..). What's Mrs G's plan to get Mr Depp involved?
Yes, Helena, Johnny will certainly be a frequent visitor to the Women's Colony, because Mrs. G, thanks to a tip from an observant reader, has uncovered some stimulating and stirring news essential to the Colony's future.
In 2005, Johnny, always the starry-eyed, quixotic idealist, purchased a 35 acre island in the Bahamas which he affectionately named...are you ready for this?
F*ck Off Island. For real. This is no joke. Not joking.
When Mrs. G. confirmed this information through one Google search extensive and laborious research, she began corresponding with her beloved. She sent letters and postcards and flowers and photos. 
His response was passionately brief...
but Mrs. G. knows Johnny well enought to intuit that he is open to the idea of 1,233 middle-aged women congregating on his island to create a utopian society founded on the feminine ideals of peace, lust love and no domestic chores of any kind.
And spotless bathrooms. Don't forget the spotless bathrooms.
So, in conclusion, Helena, the future looks bright for the Women's Colony.
By Mrs. G's calculations, we should be able to break ground in about 1, 805 days. But who's counting? Mrs. G. is.
In other words, Helena, start packing. Mrs. G. will see you in the Bahamas.
Ass update by dinner. One more movie before Miss G. takes the fancy camera and Mrs. G's heart to college next week.
photos courtesy of google images
Blogging, Women's Colony
Reader Comments (60)
I will volunteer to be one of the scouts to go a few years early just to make sure everything is o.k. Really, I don't mind. I'm a giver.
My not-yet-middle-aged ass will be there. And I'm bringing Colin Firth and Daniel Craig with me. I think the two of them should keep me pretty happy. But, just in case, I'll also bring a box of gourmet chocolate and a case of my favorite books.
That last picture of Depp with his child? THE most wonderful picture ever :-)
I love the long and sandy white beach you picked out for my white a$$.
Mrs. G., when Miss G. takes off for college, do call. I've been there, done that and I have plenty of gin. (I prefer vodka, so I will lovingly share my gin. Nothing fills a gaping chest wound like a martini.)
XOXOXO
I have been wondering and wondering about Miss G, and when she was off to the races. I can't wait to hear what that is like. I just can't even imagine it yet. I bet it's going to be sooo hard - and not just because you'll miss her filming capabilities! Oh well. I'm sure you'll tell us when the time comes. In the meantime, I'm gonna go back and look at that Viggo picture again.
We might need more recruits.
That's a whole lot of women.
If you need help, I'll bring a shovel and a pick-axe to get things going. I have experience with concrete, too.
Ohhhhh! I thought you were inviting Dr. Who to the Women's Colony.
He'd be more than welcome!
F*ck off island sounds like HEAVEN.
I'll bring my toothbrush!
Things are looking up!
Well, except for Miss G. leaving with the fancy camera.
How does this island fare during hurricane season?
Save me a spot - I've got 15 years to go...
I'm relieved that the arrangements are so fool proof. I have arranged for the presence of David Tennant myself (Dr Who) and he will have to speak in his real sexy Scottish accent whilst he is doing my chores and generally accomodating my every whim...
Mrs. G,
I am wondering whether you'd consider part-timers. I get a couple of weeks off in five years or so.
Do we dare tell her that her math calculations are off, on the short side? It'll crush her...
Off topic (mostly): After watching that video of your cute ass and bouncy hair and your giggling interaction with your daughter, I decided through tears that Miss G is taking my heart to college with her, too.
PS: I'm technologically challenged. That post up above was from me. Love. You.
I am just wondering if there is any plan in effect on how to share the men. I am afraid there might be mutiny if mass women tried to share favors with the same. And at the same time I would like to put in dubs for Viggo, but only as Aragon.
MMM...Johnny....Johnny....Johnny....
It should be illegal to be that flipping sexy.
Uummm, Mrs. G....
That should be 1825 days for you and then I need to wait another 1095 day until my parenting obligations are over.
I like that Viggo is welcoming us all directly to the best part of his chest.
Oh Mrs. G I'm so glad you have it all planned out. Because my desert island dream has always been a vague notion of cute boys and no chores and lots of wine, but see how you've just made it reality? With math, even. Love it.
Can Ewan McGregor please be one of the pool boys? Please? PLEASE?
That's some prime real estate. Can't wait.
I'm ordering the whiskey in bulk. I'll need it to assuage my poor heart as I wait...and wait to join the Colony due to children still in preschool.
Nice touch with Viggo, by the way...
Oh Goody!! A tropical island - this means of course that I can dive!!!
I'm not an instructor, but I hope to be by the time I retire, so anybody who wants to learn . . .
Since someone has to, I suppose I'll take on the task of bringing along Rachel Maddow, just for you, Mrs.G, because I care ;)
Gotta say that you had me at Daniel Craig, but the Viggo photo...
Maybe you should add a countdown clock to your blog?
Is that Jon Bonjovi in the last photo? Me Bags Are Packed...
Well, you guys work out the kinks and I'll be there in 17 years...longer if I squeeze out another one...
If my husband bought an island, he'd probably name it the same thing! :)
Mmmm, I CAN picture my white ass on that gorgeous beach. And Johnny Depp being there? Icing on the cake!
One more movie left? I'm sorry. I know my time will come in the blink of an eye.
Five years is nothing (when you consider the alternative...).
Make that 1,234 women ... I wanna come along too! I'll be leaving my ass under wraps, however.
awww our Johnny is such a luffly daddy X
Oh you and Johnny make we want to f*ck off right now. I too volunteer for recon. For the good of The Colony and all.
Pierce Brosnan and I are SOOOO there....I figure we need some more recruits...
There's a part of me that wants to call a travel agent and ask the air fare to Fuck Off Island...just to get a response.
Now the guy's going to have to rename it F*ck Off Middle Age Female Bloggers Island.
I am a little disturbed by the shot of Viggo...he looks a bit psychotic. Hmm...sorry can't seem to shake it.
I really need to be whisked off to the colony asap! *sigh* I'm faltering here Mrs. G!
Do we have a plan for dealing with Vanessa Paridis? Just in case she's not happy about the whole taking her man thing.
Yup, I thought the maths was a little off too.
(I'm sorry, that's the way my mind works!)
....then I decided that Mrs G had deducted 20 days for good behaviour.
Clean bathrooms and lots and lots of crushed ice. Ummmmmm. I'm sorry, I drifted off there for a minute thinking about the cabana boy.
Perfecto! You know I love the Bahamas! Yippee!
I know how true you are to Johnny and all, but I don't want us to rely on the mercy of a man - any man - for the future of the Woman's Colony. Is the island next to F*ck Off Island still for sale? Let's put in an offer.
There will be cupcakes, right? I mean, in addition to the Beefcakes.
I hope you have arranged for Reggie Love to be there?
oh yes huh, he does so want us. you, i mean. he wants you.
The count down is on the chalk board here! Then, my dear derfwad, my fine ass will be seated right beside your fine ass in that excellent sand. OOOh yes.
I'm glad to see the countdown has begun.
Unfortunately, I'm not ready to do the math on how long it will take me to get there. Perhaps I could time-share with someone?
How much sunscreen do you think I'm going to need?
Thanks, Mrs G! I'm packing, I'm packing. How many days did you say? :-)