Habits and Peeves
Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 12:02AM Mrs. G. Mary Ann of A Very Mary Design asked Mrs. G. to reveal the biggest skeleton in her closet. The following is information that has been disclosed to no one on God's green earth, and Mrs. G. is acutely aware that she will be the subject of major mocking this evening at her own dinner table. When Mrs. G. was growing up in the seventies, she was consumed by a Saturday morning show called Land of the Lost. It was a children's show about a family-of-three marooned on an alien planet teeming with dinosaurs (one of whom was a pet brontosaurus named Dopey) and monkey-like cavemen called Pakuni. The family befriends a chimpanzee-like Pakuni boy named Cha-Ka, and Mrs. G. loved him. Not in a Secret Boyfriend kind of way but in a platonic interspecies kind of way. Yes, Mrs. G. loved Cha-Ka, so in her spare time, when she wasn't pretending to be the almighty Isis, Mrs. G. spent her free time developing an official Pakuni language so that she and Cha-Ka could communicate. So they could talk to one another. And how they talked to one another involved Mrs. G. standing in front of the bathroom mirror and speaking fluent Pakuni to herself Cha-Ka. Mrs. G. would appreciate it if we (and by we she means you) never spoke of this again.
Mary Ann also asked Mrs. G. for a list of her bad habits. So Mrs. G. asked her family to give her some suggestions. For the most part, they were happy to oblige.
*Mrs. G's daughter brought up Mrs. G's inability to hold it together in an emergency. Miss G. went so far as to suggest that if Mrs. G. ever ended up on a lifeboat, she would be the first one hurled overboard to silence the crazy that can often compromise survival.
*Miss G. also mentioned Mrs. G's delusion belief that she doesn't need any training or a professional license to cut other people's hair. 
*Miss G, who clearly had the most extensive list, also questioned Mrs. G's ambiguous morality in continuing to buy these chips at the grocery store despite her heartfelt but ultimately meaningless covenant to stop bringing them into the house. For real. Never again.
*Mrs. G's son pointed out Mrs. G's continual failure to successfully complete the transaction of receiving a secret. He says when he or his sister whisper something into her ear, Mrs. G. always loudly asks WHAT? or WHAT DID YOU SAY? Thus destroying the secrecy of said secret.
*Mr. G. refused to articulate even one of Mrs. G's bad habits. He said he believed it to be a trick question and that, frankly, the whole subject was making him nervous and to please quit looking at him.
Sweet Angie of KEEP BELIEVING asked about Mrs. G's pet peeves. Well, Angie, they are...
~Spandex biking pants worn by anyone who is not on a bike actively biking.
~How all the female district attorneys look exactly alike on the eight versions of Law & Order. There's the blonde haired one, the blonder haired one and the blondest haired one. They're interchangeable.
~The insurmountable difficulty of opening a new CD. First the cellephane and then the freakishly uncompromising NASA designed shiny adhesive sticker.
~People who use the word retarded as a synonym for stupid or moronic. Read Attila the Mom's excellent post on why it is offensive and insensitive and unkind.
~The complete and total apathy of every employee who has worked at every Michael's Craft Store Mrs. G. has ever entered.
~People who proudly declare that they have never watched Oprah. Mrs. G. doesn't believe them. And she suspects these same people don't read People magazine while not watching Oprah.
Please feel free, reader, to share your bad habits and pet peeves. If you dare.
Reader Comments (101)
Funny! I have also noticed this regarding the various female D.A.'s on the Law and Orders. And the CD packaging is absurd! You practically need a crowbar and/or a machete to get to the good stuff inside!
My top 3 pet peeves....
1. Rude servers in restaurants. I was a server for YEARS--there is no excuse. Conversely, and just as unfortunately, rude patrons. Wait staff are not lesser people just because they are waiting on you!
2. People who don't see the point in using turn-signals while driving.
3. Folks who don't flush when finished.
Oops! I meant "D.A.s."
I watch Oprah occassionally. I adore "Hello" magazine (an upmarket People). I love looking into other people's houses - right in at their windows. I will be the old bat twitching the net curtains one day.
My absolute number one pet peeve is when the boys wee on the toilet seat and I SIT on it.
It dements me. See - makes me so angry I have made up a phrase. You read it here first folks.
It also dements me when i cannot work out how to spell occasionally. Occassionally? No - occasionally.
Licence, ooops!
I really can't understand why my girls don't like me cutting their hair with the dog's sissors?
Mrs. G, my husband owns the box set of "Land of the Lost". If you want to borrow it, let me know.
My bigggest pet peeve?
Patients who come in the ER and lose all manners and social graces. I have had people cough in my face, let out huge ripping farts while I'm in the middle of a sentence, and try to hand me their urine specimen, with pee dripping down the sides of the cup, while I'm not wearing gloves. Eeeww! (sp?) Not to mention the several times a day when I am verbally abused by a patient or family member.
Oh my..Land of the Lost!! I was hot for the older brother!! I also thought having one of those cylons (sp?)would have been quite wonderful in our backyard!
Pet peeves...(of which I have many!!)
*Teeth sucking. And here in Japan, I think it's just a way of life!! aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!
**People who talk about my "zaftig" body as they are standing behind me. Helllooo...I may be a foreigner, but I can understand every freakin' word you are saying!!!
***Young men who walk around with their jeans down around their hip bones and one, two and possibly even three pairs of colorful boxers layered underneath neatly so we can see each layer!! Pull up the pants, tuck in the shirt...you are NOT a rap singer and really can't pull it off...so pull 'em up, Penguin Boys!!!
The beginning of this post about killed me. When swimming, I used to put on a pair of goggles and chase my younger brother around hissing like a Sleestak. Which scared the crap out of him and made my mom yell at me.
Teehee. If I could relive those days, I'd do it again in a second.
I will confine myself to one each:
bad habit: I can eat well all day until it is time to prepare dinner.. then I will eat anything including doorknobs
pet peeve: the state of packaging in America can any one open anything? CD's are the tip of the iceberg.. blister packs ... are impossible to open without a hack saw
Ooops I have never watched Oprah and never read that magazine.
Not sure what my peeves are - I am not often peeved. But I don't like people who don't know me calling me 'love' or "sugar' or "darling" or anything like that. And I really really hate it when I am being served in a shop and the person serving me spends the whole time talking to a colleague and takes no notice of me at all. Makes my blood boil.
I am getting the hang of this - only 9 comments before me this morning. I've cracked it!
My bad habit is I usually don't eat breakfast. I know I should but I am usually just not hungry in the morning.
Pet peeve; when I am in a store, standing(out of the way) in an isle trying to find something on a shelf and someone walks in front of me and does not say "excuse me".
Even worse is when they stand directly in front of me and block my view and they don't excuse themselves. A simple "excuse me" is all I need. I have a great dis like for shopping because of people with no manners.
Pet peeves:
- People who hog the armrests on the plane.
- My son's inability to turn the light off before he comes up from the basement.
- The fact that my husband can eat bar after bar of chocolate without gaining, while I put on a kilo just looking at *him eating*.
Bad habits:
- I worry about everything. My family, my job, Afghanistan. You name it, I'm worried about it.
Never saw Land of the Lost, so your secret's safe with me :)
Heidi
I started to list my pet peeves but the list was so long I began to think maybe I was just "peevish".
As for bad habits, lots of those too.
I think I'd better go have some coffee and start my morning over. Maybe that will instantly make me a better person. Think? NAH!
Darla
The almighty Isis! I loved her!
I really don't ever watch Oprah anymore. And I don't buy People magazine. I feel like I'm contributing to Britney's downward spiral if I read about her. (But you'd better get out of my way if I see the one with Matt Damon on the cover at the dentist office.)
Bad habits - too many to mention.
Pet peeves - where to begin.
That Cha-Ka infatuation - must be the only child thing, right? That's okay, I spent hours teaching my imaginary quadruplets to talk.
Mrs. G, I'm at work and have to hurry through my comment so that gets me off the hook for disclosing my bad habits, which could take all day. Just wanted to say LAND OF THE LOST makes me happy! YAY! Finding the photo on your post this morning conjured up pleasant memories and now I have the theme song stuck in my head.
Oh, Mrs. G. - where to start? As to the habits: cutting other people's hair. I did not initiate the hair-cutting, The Wiz did, because he was outraged at the price of haircuts and erroneously assumed that I could do a decent job. I don't. However, having tasted challenge - I continue to try. With dismal results. However, The Wiz being The Wiz, he doesn't care. Sadly, I do. Even more sadly, I continue to try. *sigh* Moving on: The Sweet Maui Onion Chips. Impossible NOT to bring home. There should be a special circle in Dante's Hell for the people who created these lovely morsels. As to your peeves: opening CD's. No human being on the planet would blame you for taking out a gun and shooting the person who invented this particular torture. I've almost reached the point where I want the people in the store where I BUY the CD to open it for me - if they can. Michael's employees? Oh, yes. Nation-wide apathy (well, to be truthful I can only attest to Los Angeles and Phoenix, but still, I think we can all sense the trend here). And husbands who look askance when we ask them for honest criticism? God bless them for sensing a trick question, because when push comes to shove, we don't really want to have to kill them...
Damnit, you're the second Blogger in the last few weeks who has brought up "Land of the Lost" which was one of my favorite kid shows. Now, I can't get the theme song out of my head. Here's some news-they're working on a movie version with my secret boyfried Will Ferrell as the dad!!!!
Oh-and I used to also pretend to be "Oh mighty Isis isis isis."
if you'll just amend that to: spandex bicycle pants on anyone, and end the sentence there, i'll agree!
(i had an editor who use to bike to work. he was chubby. he was 50. he wore those pants. i am traumatized for life. for life, i tell you.)
Pet peeves...too many to name.
But I LOVED Land of the Lost.
Ooh, dontcha just miss 70's TV sometimes?
Please share those chips with me and I'll let you cut my hair.
Pet peeves: too many to name, really, but I agree with you on the CDs and Michael's checkers.
I'll add in people who tailgate me because I am doing the speed limit in residential zones. Hello?!? Do they like ppl speeding in their neighborhoods?! So I'm nasty and slow down by another 5mph. Meh.
OMG!!! "Cha-ka no understand" I too watched that show!! The sleetacks (sp?) and you would have to hold the two rock together to make them go away!!
But, step aside, sister, for I am the MIGHTY ISIS!!!
Is that Greg Brady? If that show was on Saturday mornings in 1976, then I watched it. Otherwise, no.
And I swear to Gob, I do not watch Oprah. Once I did, to see her skewer James Frey, but that was years ago, and I'd already recycled my People magazine that week. So, it totally doesn't count.
My pet peeve (because I have not one bad habit, oh no): every time my husband leaves town, we have a major snow storm. I did not agree to be the family snow shoveler, hello!
Also, I can't stand it when women pee on public toilet seats. Put the seat up, use some paper or clean up after yourselves already! Geez!
Right now, my biggest pet peeves are WINTER and SNOW and the gray sky and the wet sloppy mess they make in the van and in my house and driving in all of that mess blows.
When it's 98 degrees in the shade in a few months, I shall hate summer.
I loved that show and I was an adult when my kids were watching it. I didn't make up any languages though. And despite your skepticism, I have never once watched Oprah. I don't turn on my TV in the daytime so don't see anything that is on before about 7 or 8PM. I have read People though, so I am not completely wierd.
Oh, my goodness, I have all of those same ones! (Except for the husband wise enough to abstain from participation in the listing of faults.) Also? I have never seen those chips before, but will go now post haste to search them out...
I had to laugh at Miss G.s ever so extensive list. There is no such honest love as a daughters!
I hate it when women say that twins run in their husband's families and then wonder if they will have twins because of it.
Look ladies - the man squirts out millions of sperm every single time - it is up to you ladies to release more than one egg or have an egg that splits....Hello? The dad is just the happy little sperm maker - you determine if you will have the twins.
That is right up there on my cringe factor along with the woman who insisted it was called the Biblical cord on the baby belly button.
Oh to have been Isis. It was one of my fondest dreams, right up there with kissing the boy from Shazaam. Or Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazard, either one.
If you need help in a crisis just call me. I'm freakishly calm in a crisis and able to hold it together indefinitely as long as I'm given a task. I can even silence the crazy without throwing anyone overboard.
Watching crap TV and too much TV is very high on my list of shameful habits.
My bad habit- I love to do laundry. I love putting the clothes in the washer, then the dryer. I just hate putting them away. My laundry room is a pit of clean, wrinkled clothes.
Also, I read People magazine every week. Every, single week.
Pet peeve- people who talk on their cell phone in public restrooms. I don't like the thought of some random person hearing me tinkle then flush.
Most of my pet peeves are driving related.
Please, put your turn signal on FIRST, *then* brake to make the turn. I can't read your mind and I have no idea why you are braking suddenly in front of me. Braking first and then (maybe) putting on your turn signal just annoys the people hoping not to run into your rear end.
Oh, and if I slow down or, if I'm in a real good charitable mood, even stop my car to let your car pull in front of me from another lane or driveway or side street, would it kill ya to give me a little wave of thanks? Would it? I don't think so. The rudeness of other drivers never ceases to amaze me. I always wave thanks.
Wow, I sound really cranky this morning. Bad habits, um, leaving my clothes on my bedroom floor. After getting after the girls not to leave clothes on their bedroom floors. I'm a slob AND a hypocrite. Sigh.
We'd be a good team for I am very good in a crisis but tend to fall apart afterwards.
Wow, you really made me think today! My pet peeves include people wearing shoes in the house, people who toss their cigarette butts out their car windows, and those "girlie" silhouette decals on mud flaps and rear windows--and Calvin peeing, too, for that matter.
Bad Habit: I bite my fingernails beyond the "quick".
Pet Peeve: Those moms who complain about their kids WHILE THEIR KIDS ARE STANDING RIGHT THERE. Same moms who joke about how glad they that summer break is over and the kids will be going back to school. Whiners and complainers in general, you know, the Peevish.
Laura@centerdownhome
Love this! People AND Oprah? Nirvana. And here's one up on the Michael's lament. Saturday, I pulled up to a full service gas pump because I was oh so low on gas I was afraid the car wouldn't make it a block to Holiday. Plus, my windows were so grimy I couldn't even see. THe guy comes out, takes my card and starts the gas and STANDS there, waiting. No windows. I get out of the car and start doing it myself. Wow. And I'm old, too.
Mrs. G,
The su-re-sa-ta-ka are at my house right now!!!!
We have just rented this for our little children to watch (behorrifiedby)
Now I see why I watched it, Will has that fabulous chest and nice tight brown cords,oooh..
Crack heads and bad drivers. yep.
Lisa
coastal nest
I want to stand up, applaud, and send your pet peeve about the CD cases to plastic manufacturing companies of the world.
Why are those cases harder to open than child-proof pill bottles?! Is it a matter of national security?
My current pet peeve is CSS! I'm learning it,of course, which is why it's peeve. and a pain, and any other negative p word that fits.
crackheads and bad drivers are my irritants, sorry..
Oh my, what a great morning. First, I made myself *work* during childnap (Bad Habit #1, reading addictive blogs instead of gainful employment), and THEN I get to read this! Sigh, happiness. Anyways, you AND your commenters as usual buoy my spirits. I so totes agree with Laura about pet peeve: people who complain about children (or husbands) RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. That also goes for people who complain about really ANYONE in front of their children. You think that kid isn't soaking that gossipy garbage up like a sponge? Not that I am immune to ranting gossip and venting, I just like to do it while my kids are asleep or out of my house. Another pet peeve? People who are constantly weighing themselves and checking calories and generally having some kind of perpetual life vortex about losing then gaining weight. Not that there aren't certain foods that should be banned from my house (see boxes of Girl Scout cookies given to me to 'thank' me for changing a friend's tire -- I am a Samoas addict, eat them by the row -- but hey, what's a couple days of 7 or 8 cookies at a gobble?).
I'll get back to you when I stop laughing about you and Cha-Ka. Hint: it won't be any time soon.
We were a Puf 'N' Stuff family - Witchipoo being the all-around favorite.
Pet Peeve? The use of the words "impact" and "gift" as verbs, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. I am a peevish woman.
Put 'er there Mrs. G! I also cut everyone's hair without a minute of training...including my own for 5 years now. I think there is a gene like the one that allows you to roll your tongue...
Mrs. G. I love your family's willingness to give you up so easily. You may want to run for the hills, though. Oh wait - you already do that in an emergency!
My pet peeves:
1)listening to people chew. I can barely stand to listen to a scene in a movie in which the actors are eating - YUCK!
2) traffic. I hate everything about it. I get antsy in it. If my poor husband is the driver when we are stuck in it, every car that passes us is his fault. Every lane that moves faster than ours is his fault. Hell, if there is an accident ahead causing the back up, it is HIS fault. Poor guy. I think it is becoming one of his pet peeves, too, but only if I am in the car at the time.
KEEP BELIEVING
ohmygosh I LOVED Land of the Lost.. I'm singing the theme song right now, "in the laaaaand... of the looooost..." Oh dear. I don't remember it nearly as clearly as you - but didn't they occasionally see their long-lost mom in a waterfall or something? That used to make me ache with yearning they'd get her back. And didn't they have to fight/avoid the scary sleestaks? In some sort of ruins? Why DID they keep going in there? I remember being captivated by that show - it was SO real! And then when i saw a clip years later, my face burned fire-engine-red when I saw how horribly pathetic it really was. That was a very sad day for me.
My my did this bring forth a whole rush of emotions.
Now, for my peeve? Chewing. ACK - quit chewing near me!!!!
My number 1 pet peeve?
Chomping of gum, or ice - hate the sound.
#2?
Employees chomping gum at Michael's, while actively ignoring me.
But Mrs. G did it for me!
Michaels--Ugh!
Cookie cutter gorgeous L&O ADA's--Ugh!
Bad food that follows you home from the grocery store--Ugh!
I will add:
People that bring babies to movie theaters. Movies = quiet; babies = noise. It's a simple equation people.
People that put on lipstick, brush their hair, initiate phone calls, etc. etc. in their car when you're waiting for their parking space. Not very thoughtful.
Must. Stop. Myself. I could go on all day--I'm pretty easily peeved.
I too loved the Land of the Lost! Fun memories...except for the nightmares (always had nightmares and the whif of a T-rex was all it took!)!! Vivid (and morbid?) imagination.
I'll go for the one of each listing too.
Bad habit: Does laziness count? Eating Valentine's Day chocolate for lunch? Bad posture at the computer?
Pet peeve: Nothing shall touch MY pillow except my own face/head. I have animals that try to snuggle up with it, and a husband who has been warned repeatedly for getting his feet "near" (or on...eewwwww!) it. Oh, and his face is not allowed either because he tends to be VERY relaxed when sleeping and..uh..well, he drools. EEEEWWWWW! Not on MY pillow by goodness!!!!!! (He thinks I'm insane about my pillow, but I ask you, is this REALLY surprising????????)
Mrs. G, you can't trust anyone, can you? Didn't you ask everyone not to mention Paragraph 1, ever?
Oh, and to Nicole's comment...I'm a freak about my pillow, too. No one gets to sleep on it. Maybe George Clooney, if he ever responds to all my phone messages and letters. But no one else.
Also, people who shop at Walmart in groups (grown ups...my issue isn't with parents with children...it rest completely with a cluster of 4-8 people spread out across the aisle, in the way of anyone else who is trying to shop at a speed of more than, oh, 20 feet per hour. Pick a delegate. Everyone else, go back out to the car and wait.)
People Magazine is my guilty pleasure. One year, I asked my mom to buy me a subscription for my birthday, and she kindly obliged. I spent endless hours moseying my way through each week's mag. On my following birthday, Mom offered to renew my subscription, and I had to decline her offer. It was eating up too much of my time, and I started to feel badly about it. I now try to limit myself to roadtrips and plane rides. Of course, if there is an important story on the cover... ;)
Can I change my pet peeve to how many people are named "Laura" here??
My pet peeves? I probably think about this much more than is healthy for me to do so. Here goes: hairy soap, foot shufflers, chewing with one's mouth open, wet toilet seats, and flossing teeth or cutting nails in public.
I LOVED Land of the Lost. I would pretend to be Will or Holly and fall down the waterfall -- aaaah! Okay, back to reality. (I loved Isis, too. God, the 70's were great.)