Bigger Love, Episode 41: The Hormones
Saturday, November 8, 2008 at 11:25AM Mrs. G. Last February, Mrs. G. watched a marathon session of HBO's Big Love and wondered if the premise of this show would work if the roles were reversed. Mrs. G. wondered if viewers and critics would respond as enthusiastically to a show about one woman with three husbands. A show, for instance, called...
Bigger Love. So she wrote a pilot and the response was overwhelming.
The world seemed ready for a show about Mrs. G, the three hot husbands who serve her every need...
and the sexy stranger she picks up meets at the DMV. And while most women with families and jobs and appropriate levels of maturity would have moved on from this good and silly apparition, Mrs. G. just can't let it go. She thinks about it all the time. HBO, call her.
Like last week when she went in for her Well Woman Checkup. After a routine exam, Mrs. G. brought up a few health issues that have been bothering her: fatigue, irregular cycles, cruel and heartless PMS, night sweats, satanic mood swings. Her doctor asked her many questions, drew some blood and told Mrs. G. she was likely dealing with the symptoms of perimenopause, symptoms that could last anywhere from a few months to ten years. Really, nothing to worry about.
Mrs. G. acted cool and collected and unruffled by this news. Huh, Mrs. G. said, I'll be darned. Thanks for that information...all the while thinking: I will see you and your white coated ass in the parking lot where I will run over you for, say, a few months to ten years.
Reader, the irritability is fierce.
But Mrs. G. remained calm and left her doctor's office with some vitamins and herbal supplements to try. She sat in her car for a while and reassured herself that change is good, change is natural, change is nourishing. And when that didn't help, she turned to what usually gets her through anxiety and tension: manful hallucinations.
She dug her little red moleskin notebook out of her purse and starting writing notes for an episode of Bigger Love dealing with life transitions and hormonal shifts which she entitled Life Transitions and Hormonal Shifts.
In this episode, George , Matt and Brad try to talk Mrs. G. down from the ledge of a Victoria's Secret fourteenth floor window. She has had it up to here with the store's cock-and-bull lies, its flagrant, unblushing misrepresentation of the term XL. Her husbands remind her of all she has to live for and how they can't live without her, but she refuses to budge until they swear allegiance to her hormonally imbalanced ass. In song. While wearing hotpants. They do.
George eagerly declares himself captain of Mrs. G's Wellness Team.
Things are tense around the house. Mrs. G. stays in bed all day watching the Lifetime Channel.
The guys spare no effort in bringing serenity and repose to Mrs. G's troubled waters. They take turns rubbing Mrs. G's feet and reading Christin Northrup's Wisdom of Menopause out loud to her.
They struggle to keep Mrs. G. out of the craft stores.
Brad, George and Matt all support her efforts in exploring meaningful hobbies like rug hooking and welding.
Johnny does his part with the emotive stares and late night, soulful conversations. He assures Mrs. G. that the hot flashes only make her hotter. That she is so full of woman that a little less estrogen and progesterone won't take any whack off her smack.
But Mrs. G's melancholy ultimately wears him down and he moves to Paris.
George, Matt and Brad hit the bricks and try to figure out how to ease the blow of Johnny's departure. They weren't crazy about the bedraggled interloper, but he amused and distracted Mrs. G. and helped take care of the nine children Brad brought into the marriage. The husbands put their heads together and decide there was only one solution:
Hire a manny! They find a nice Australian wag with excellent references.
He's good with kids...
and such.
The unexpected infusion of virile Aussie testosterone sets off a hormonal convergence of her eastern, western and central nervous system, and Mrs. G. emerges as steady as a hot rock.
And they all live happily ever after for the new few months to ten years.
Bigger Love, Ficciones, Mancake, Pop Culture
Reader Comments (145)
I think this was my favorite to The Manor so far! Spot on Mrs. G. Three wives is so yesterday. I will definitely be on the lookout for Bigger Love in future issues of Entertainment Weekly's What To Watch.
And such. And such....And...*sigh*
I believe I'm going through same. I need to start implementing your technique.
Thanks for being supportive of my guest bloggers this week.
You are too damn funny! :)
Nothing I can say is as funny as this, so I had to link to your post on my blog today.
I completely agree with your three manly choices, but I'm not crazy about the Depp. Might have to go with Firth instead.
Hands down one of your best posts! I'm in the house alone, laughing so hard I'm crying. Or maybe that's just one of my perimenopausal mood swings.
Seriously, the "Perry who?" caption sent me.
You're hilarious, but quit trying to steal my boyfriends. George, especially, is already smitten over ME.
I think I can play Mrs. G for the pilot episode.
Okay okay, I guess you would be playing yourself but I can be your stunt double ... you know for when the hot scenes are just too HOT!
I think this could work. I really do.
Mrs. G, you are a genius.
And apropos of nothing, doesn't it strike you that Monsieur Le Clooney looks a LOT like Sean Connery in that laughing picture.
(Not to cast aspersions on your choices, but I would have to replace Matt with Viggo and Brad with that lovely bit of Aussie there at the end. Because I don't do blonde.)
I must be a dork but other-than-my-mancake doesn't do anything for me....weeeelllllll, except for Ryan G.
BUT the good news is your post made me go do some research and Big Love season 3 will be coming in January '09!
YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!
Great episode Mrs. G! Love your wit!! :)
Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, what a wonderful, fabulous show that would be!
I'd totally buy the boxed set on DVD.
My darling, you made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh!!! Hubby wanted to know why I was rolling on the floor clutching my gut in a fit of giggles, and I said, "Mrs. G." "Who's Mrs. G?"
To which I replied, "Only the funniest blogger in the universe!"
I'd like to say I'm a woman of my word, but I'm totally going against my "resolve" to not blog until I get my photos done...
I knew this post was waiting for me. I knew it would be good. I'd been waiting for 5 days to have a few good moments to myself to read it uninterrupted. So screw my photos piling up - I had to make a stop over at Derfwad Manor.
It was totally worth the wait. You made me laugh, you made me cry (cry laughing, that is).
Five Stars darling. Thank you for making my afternoon! :)
p.s. I was just reading through the other comments. HUH? What's up with the longest comment ever? SPAM? Lame.
Honey, they're not hot flahes, they're POWER SURGES
Tootsie was right...that IS the funniest post ever. I'm kind of devastated that I didn't come up with it. But I do have the EXACT SAME picture of Johnny that's at the top of your blog posted in my cubicle at work! Also, when Bigger Love is shooting, can I be your stand-in? Thanks!
Court this AM w/the hus, needed a smile before getting ready and you totally provided it.
Mrs. G, PW was right. You are hysterical. I'm dealing with hot flashes right now (I'm 48) and so are many of my friends. I'm going to forward this to them all!
I will be back.
I don't have a blog, but I'm leaning towards it.
And another thing, you have good taste in men!!!!!
And one more thing, can I be your platonic secret girfriend?
Oh how I love you Mrs. G. You make me happy when skies are gray....like today in NYC. And for 1000 other perimenopausal reasons...
That's IT!! I fucking LOVE you.
I loved it the first time and this time, too. You are a gem, Mrs. G.
Awesome!
I think the manny could really help with that peri-menopausal crap. (it's goin' on over here too!) Hugh to the rescue, sounds really good to me :)
I'm falling off the couch laughing. This is great stuff! You should submit this as a screenplay. I won't need cable now.
I'm not sure if this would be classified 'high drama' or 'comedy gold'. I love it.
I think I need the help of that trio at my house too! Is 35 too young to have night sweats?
Just as funny the second time around. I was laughing out loud!
I also love thinking about the role reversal aspect of a show like Big Love. I think there is more subtle sexism in pop culture than we even realize.
You have laid me flat out. I can't breathe! Tears are streaming and I've disturbed the sleeping family with my hysterical laughter. THE BEST blog entry of all time!! I've proclamed it and that's all I have to say.
Oh, baby! Look out for Mrs. G! She's hot! Peri menopausal, hot!
Even better the second time around!
Love this! Omgosh the number of beefcakes that could infiltrate the Bigger Love community! Can't wait to read more!
BTW, when I started having perimenapause symptoms at 39, it turned out I was pg!
Okay, I was going to suggest some beefcakes - one in particular. My friends think I'm crazy for loving this particular beefcake, but - after reading your Woman's Colony post - I realize you have a thing for him too! Could Anthony Bordain be the in house chef? And, make sure he has to cook without his shirt on. Yum!
I am fairly new to your blog and this story just cracked me up. You and I must be about the same age and are going through the same "hormonal" cr*p right now. Ugh! This made my day. Hope you'll add more chapters soon!
hummna hummna... I'm swooning again.
That was friggin amazing! You sure pulled me out of my crappy piss poor night! Bravo!
You are too funny.
Do two kids qualify me for a manny?
oh good grief that is funny!
Just....so.....funny!
Every time I read this I get another laugh from it. This reading I really connected with the line about Victoria's Secret and their XL size - I SOOOOO agree with you.
It absolutely hilarious & satisfying the second time even.
You rock.
OMG!
I am LOVING your blog. You are Spot On!
All my favorite men. Especially the Aussie.
So glad P-Dub sent us your way.
Ah, this will placate my need to read, for the next few months to ten years! Thanks Mrs. G!
Bravo. A tour de force!
Love, Love, Love this and you!!