Friday
Jan182008

Mrs. G's Life In Hair

Some people measure out their lives in dollars and cents. Others measure out their lives in wins and losses. T.S. Eliot's J. Alfred Prufrock measured out his life in coffee spoons. But Mrs. G? She measures her life out in hairstyles and, reader, she has had so very many.

It all started in 1969, when Mrs. G. finally grew some hair. For the first eighteen months of her life, she had none. You know how most mothers can spend hours discussing the beauty and adorableness of their children? Well, Mrs. G's mother has confessed that she had reservations about Mrs. G's overall appearance from the get-go. Oh we loved you dearly, Mrs. G's mother has said the last forty Thanksgivings on more than one occasion, but you were short and bald. We just put you in pretty dresses and, on special occasions, Scotch taped pink ribbon to your head.

And then Mrs. G. grew a full head of sunny blonde hair and was fully admired and appreciated. No more Scotch Tape. For the next few years, Mrs. G's life was all about dog-ears and pigtails.


Through most of her adolescence, Mrs. G's hair was in inspired by this popular television show. Her hairdo changed with each season of the show.

And then this Family came along and captured her heart. Mrs. G. had a terrible crush on the kindest and most understanding brother in the whole world, Willy, but she spent the majority of the show's run waiting for him to come out of the closet. It was the teenage daughter, Buddy, who Mrs. G. really loved, so...

she totally stole Buddy's feathered look. Please take a moment to admire Mrs. G's youthful glow and natty tube top. She thought she was super fine as she sipped her Coca Cola in a fancy glass. Actually, in retrospect, she was super fine.

In 1983, Geraldine Ferraro was a candidate for Vice President, and Mrs. G. was a big fan.

Which led to this. Here is Mrs. G. with her beloved high school speech teacher who, frankly, had her own fashion issues.

And in 1987, this movie took Mrs. G. down the lonely road...

of the perm. Her gargantuan glasses and shoulder pads completed the look.

Reader, there are no words to describe what is going on here.

After the children arrived, Mrs. G. had to learn to pinch pennies and cut her own bangs.

And, no, this is absolutely not a mullet. It's a shag, people.

Welcome to the 21st century. Normal sized Better glasses and a few highlights. Mr. G. hates this photo. This became clear the day he said I hate this photo. But Mrs. G. likes it. She thinks her hair looks good.
 

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Reader Comments (101)

You rock a natty tube top and self-cut bangs like no other. I'm just wondering if you noticed that you and your son had the same bangs for a period of time there? Because that's a really clever way of bonding. I hadn't thought of that one yet, but I may have to force Miss C to try out the English teacher do. She'll love it, I'm sure.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary Ann

*Snort*
I think I lost control at the perm, gargantuan glasses and shoulder pads.
Seriously amusing Mrs G, and yep, your Mom was a super-fine red-headed hottie.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhippyhappyhay

I love your hair in the last picture (and in the picture on the side bar).

But I love you EVEN MORE for posting the hairdo with accompanying shoulder pads.

Heidi

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFamily Adventure

"I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty,
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, streaming, gleaming, flaxen, waxen,
Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided,
Powdered, flowered and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied."

What? No "long and gray"?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

You are hawt in the tuber. And the glow? It must come from the coke in a fancy glass.

And I can't write any more now because I'm laughing so hard.

(Thx for the all too generous intro yesterday. Really. I'm speechless. For once.)

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAaryn

Okay...first of all....you've lost some weight, haven't you?!?! The last picture you posted VS the picture on your sidebar...honey!! Don't know what you're doing, but you're looking thin!!
2) Willie AAmes?!?! He's mine!! And has been since I was a 7th grader!! And yes, the original McHottie!! (from a 12 yr.old point of view)
3) You had Geraldine F. I had Dorothy Hamill. 'nuf said.
4) Ever had "shoulder pad build-up"? Not pretty....and I'm thinking you have had it...
5) Oh my Gawd!! The perm...'cept mine was pretty much shaved on one side, long on the other...*sigh*...
and finally....put some glasses on Little Mrs. G....you really haven't changed that much!!
Thanks for the "hair walk" down memory lane!!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdkuroiwa

You were hawt at all ages, but you're hawtest now. Damn. Now I have to go dig up some poodle perm pictures from 1988-1992, one of the more spiral and vertical parts of my life...

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbipolarlawyercook

Check out the resemblance between Mrs. G as a baby and Mrs. G's daughter as a baby. Like, whoa.

As always, you slay me. I am slayed.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShe's A Rebel

sadly, I too have fallen victim to hair fashions.. as well as other fashions.. I did wear hot pants shudder.. the tube top shot is priceless. I do think the FDA should ban all perms as just plain bad as they all result in just God awful hair. How did you keep those giant glasses up on your small nose? Mine used to slid down and I sounded like Lily Tomlin doing her operator bit
Your hair looks great so go strut your stuff... have a good weekend.

Whew...you're back. Am I the only person a trifle discomfited by what I found here yesterday? Just not what I expect at Derfwad Manor....like going home to visit my parents and finding them engrossed in a hot game of strip poker.

Aaack - now I have to get that picture out of my mind.

I'm with dkuroiwa - I was Dorothy Hamill. But I couldn't skate. "Short and Sassy" - anyone else remember that stuff?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent

I've had most of those haircuts (Lord, I apologize) but ALL of those styles of glasses. Oh fashion is a cruel, cruel mistress.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKizz

SuburbanCorrespondent said...
"Am I the only person a trifle discomfited by what I found here yesterday?"

I was undiscomfitted. Totally comfitted. Loved the way Aaryn's family spiced up Slow Cook Thursday.

Ahh, the Power of Cheese ...

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I too was as bald as a billiard ball for the first year of my life - and then, like you, went through some insane hair/fashion moments. (Altho I never cut my own bangs.)
However, unlike you, I do not possess the courage to post those pictures.
You look fabulous in the most recent one!
(I also loved the show "Family" - in fact, loved all "family" shows. Why is that???)

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Mrs G. That was brilliant and may I say...a little frightening, because if we did a hair time line I think our styles would match much of the time...although my feathered look was inspired by Princess Diana.


A hair time line of more than one blooger...hummmm...that would be really funny...how would we do that?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary Alice

I think you look rather like Princess Diana in that there white tube top picture.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMagpie

Ah, but it was Buddy who came out of the closet. And the shaggy 8 is Enough brother went on to become known as Bible Man, super hero of the Christian circuit. What an odd world.

Your hair evolution is a wonderful cultural study. We could all probably do that same thing, but I'm afraid of my showing my down-to-the-butt Prell commercial stage. Yikes.

I think your current photo is magnificent.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterScout

I loved Eight Is Enough, and I secretly wanted to go hang out in the oldest bro's apartment when he moved out.
Very funny post. Your perm and your shag are my favorites.
Thoroughly enjoyed your guest column yesterday, but she made me feel so boring!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSandy Feet

Back in November (2007) I blogged a pic of me in all the splendour of my 1980s poodle perm (the 80s was a very bad hair decade wasn't it?). Keyboards all over Canada and America felt the spray of coffee, tea or soft drinks. Your perm, Mrs. G., was even more amazing. Loved this post.

P.S. Who won the jammies?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteralison

Eight is Enough and Family are both shows that I wanted to watch as a kid, but my (dysfunctional) mother wouldn't have it. Hmph.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterpaige

Dang, your feathered hair and the tube top look HOT! Your hair now looks nice too...And I give you respect for showing some of those more...irresponsible haircuts. Your color is fabulous, however, in each shot!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

AHHHH! I LOVED Eight Is Enough. And Buddy from Family. Oh, my favorite shows!
There's a plate of homemade cookies on the kitchen windowsill. And eight is enough to fill our lives with love.
Good. Times.
Thanks for the flashback!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLife As I Know It

Your hair does look good in that final shot. I really enjoying chortling my way through your brilliant hair narrative. I had a few flashbacks, the smelly straightener, the bangs - oh god, the bangs...

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Ah. Feathered bangs. I can hear Levon now playing on my 8-track . . . (I might be a bit older than Mrs. G.)

The 'do and glasses rock.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

This was hilarious, but I am laughing with you, not at you because I could (and I am sure many others) match you hair by hair.

Actually, you look hot in all the styles, well, 'cept maybe the perm one we could forget about.

I like Mary Alice's idea ... you should start a meme.

Thank you for a fun Friday read =)

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

You get the Bravest Blogger Award today; I don't know if I have the courage to revisit all of my hair dos (and don't-ever-agains).

But it has indeed ended well - you & your hair have grown up lovely :)

(I used to want to skateboard like Buddy, and I repeatedly wondered aloud to my parents why WE couldn't have 8 kids)

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstephanie

Oh how fun! This was great.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKeetha

Mrs. G, me thinks we could have been twins. I went from pig tails and buns, to a Dorothy Hammill, to a flat feathered look, to perms with really bad frost-jobs, to big bangs and teased out perms with really bad frost-jobs, to a subtle flip, to an obvious flip, to my current all one length - longer than ever - boring hair. I don't get hair cuts very often and highlights ever because we would have to give up something else in our budget - like eating since there's not much left we can control.
KEEP BELIEVING

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

My mom also confesses to having taped bows to my bald little head. Then when I finally had hair, they gave me a "pixie" haircut, which insured that everyone would still think I was a boy. ;P No wonder I only get a haircut once or twice a year now!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeanne

You're brave to show all those pictures. I've almost always had long straight hair. Except for an awful shag in 8th grade, and a couple perms in my 20s (so I could get that big 80s hair look).

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersmalltownmom

Could that '87 do be the infamous perm that was fluffed while dissing Ms. Kellerman? HMMMM?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sez..

Fashion issues? Camellia is asperger in relation to fashion. She was scarred by many happenings (cat glasses in the third grade, anyone?) and especially during the first Mod Squad era, which really dates her. Naturally curly in the time of Peggy Lipton straight hair. She threw in the white flag of fashion then, alas, and admires Mrs. G. in all her fashion endeavors.

And thanks for the guest appearances you have introduced on your blog. Great fun. Aaryn was electric, and I've got to get back to that soup pot from last week.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCamellia

What? No ratted up Big Hair? How did you miss that?

I'm scheduled for a haircut next week. I'm going to have to think about it now.

Darla

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersee you there!

Ah... you are a brave, brave woman, Mrs. G.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCircus Kelli

I, too, was a big fan (and emulator) of little Buddy on Family. Secretly, I still like the feathered look and can't wait for it to come around. Again. I hope those glasses don't come around again, though. I dig the rectangles.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShe She

Love the perm!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor J

I am totally stealing this and once I dig out the old photos, I'm running with it, too. MechanicalMan remembers the eras of his life by the autos that were in the family. Me? Same as you. The. Hair.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterstanding still

Well we like your photo. I suspect that no-one likes their own photos because we're all looking at them inside out so we never meet with our own expectations.
Cheers

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaddy

Guilty! Shudder. I had just about forgotten. I would pose like the photo in yesterday'spost before I would show you the bad hair pics.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVallen

You crack me up, Mrs. G!!! I also had the feathered do, I sported the very short perm look as well. I lived with the Dorothy Hamil for many, many years and in the 80's had the "hang my head upside down and use an entire bottle of hairspray" look. Classic. I may steal your idea!!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boddeker Blog

I think I need to get the scanner going again. My history in hair would make your's look normal. Actually, I think you look pretty normal for the times.

People who didn't live through the 70's and 80's can just never know what true hair experimentation was.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa V

Mrs. G you looked HOT in that tube top! What a babe.

We are definitely from the same generation.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZenmomma

I'm amazed by how much you and your daughter look alike in your baby photos! WOW!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

What a brilliant post! I love the time warp shizzz. And you rocked the Buddy and the tube top!

I also sported a couple of home perms. I was about 12 at the time and have to wonder why my mother would do that to a child?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTootsie Farklepants

Ugh...the perm. But of course, I couldn't leave it at just looking frizzed, so I went for the Michael Jackson wet-look, too, and moussed the crap out of my poor locks (I totally confused the elderly people at my church who thought my hair actually WAS wet, hee-hee!).

I think not being able to cut my hair (or watch television) until I was thirteen did something to me...I still can't leave my hair alone. I actually went through a Susan Powter "Stop The Insanity" buzzed, bleached hair phase. And I have BLACK hair. It was so punk. For about a week. Then I was a skunk.

I love these pictures, Mrs. G. Obviously, the shared experience of fashion gone wrong (although, who KNEW?!) is striking a chord in us all.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMoxy Jane

One word about you in the tube top:

HAWT.

Did you know that shoulder pads are coming back? I already look like a linebacker, I don't need the pads again!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Oh Mrs G! After yesterday's phenomenal guest post I thought you might take a holiday weekend, and here we are kindred spirits and all. Dorothy Hamill? Check. (Did your mom set you up for this one after 17,000 too many rats nests in the back of your hair?). Spiral perm? Check. (Did anyone else's get left on too long and actually BURN THE SIDES OF YOUR FACE OFF? I am not kidding. And no, I did not pay for that hair cut). Also? You may have skipped this as it seems like you were more mature than me in many ways, did you then cut the spiral perms off with your own scissors very very short and then bleach it out in a horrid punk cut? Then grow it out long, buzz cut (not as low maintenance as it sounds), grow it out long? I so need to have a hair re-evaluation but refuse to blow dry or use product at this stage of the game. Limiting. May bring photo of your cute 'do to the hairdresser. You rock! Now AND in tube top. Wowza!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaBird

How fun. I *love* Mom's glasses. I once had a terrible Carol Brady haircut. It was at the same time that I was at my highest weight, too. Good times.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

You look absolutely too-too in your tube top! You need to post that photo on National Tube Top Day!

I love all of your hairdos... will this inspire the rest of us to post our past misdeeds?

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSaucy

Who wouldn't love this life? We've been right there with you, shoulder pads and perms and all.

Somehow you managed to make it look good. Not sure how you pulled it off.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Milton

You look mahvelous, darling. I love the chronology. Oh my god: The Bradfords, weren't they? Eight is Enough -- LOVED that show. And Family! That seemed like such edgy stuff back then. . . ah. Your new look seems inspired by no one, just Hip Itself?

I chopped two feet of hair off my head today and now my locks are layered. I didn't stray far but now my hair actually has some vavoom to it. Oh yes, I'll put the old photo up but right now must retrieve my children from school so they don't die of hypothermia. It is COLD here.

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMinnesota Matron

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