Derf Assist List > need a push

So, having fought the tide against depression (which for me is mostly due to feeling overwhelmed with my life's responsibilities), I sat down and searched out a counselor to help me weed through things. The first meeting was everything I needed. I was surprised at the validation given, the tears and comments flowed freely and it was a blessing to start unraveling how I look at my life.

My second appointment was cancelled due to a family emergency on the doc's part.
I was disappointed, but told myself I could hang on another week and I did. The next appointment was solid and I felt myself getting comfortable in saying things out loud.

She told me things that I had already thought, but hadn't given myself permission to feel.

I left work with great anticipation for my third appointment, and had done my homework - she said she would help me connect the dots, and in one instance where I had wanted to act, she told me to hold on and not do anything until we had met again.

When I got to the office, her sign was gone, and a new one in its place. The waiting room furniture was different. Now, she had told me that there was some office sharing and office moving going to be occurring, so it didn't startle me to much, but I felt uneasy (like questioning if I was really in the right place?). I waited 15 minutes after my appointment and no one appeared (they do not have a receptionist). I left the office and called her service - getting voicemail. I explained that I was unsure of whether I had confused date/location, etc., and said I was in the main building lobby, and thought I should just leave. No one entered or exited the office door. So I left. Horribly confused, let-down and on the verge of tears.

I kept waiting for my phone to ring. I wanted some sort of confirmation that it was just a mistake.

I finally called the service again a few hours later, and was told that she would find out what the situation was and would call me back in the morning.

After 12:30 in the afternoon, I did receive a phone call back from the service, and they told me that her previous appointment had gone over about 15 minutes and that I shouldn't have left. I was also told that my counselor was in her car on her way out of town for another family emergency, and wouldn't return for 2 weeks, so my next two appointments needed to be rescheduled. She also told me that she had confided to the Dr. that "it appeared that I really needed to see her", and so the Dr. offered to have a free session with me while she was driving. I was at a loss for words - this appointment - the framework that had been set about "this is your safe place, where you come with no judgment, no one to hear you, you can speak freely" - well, it just didn't make sense that she would offer this. I stammered my reply that I didn't think this would work, and that I would need to look elsewhere.

Guys, this has knocked me for a loop. I spent a considerable amount of time researching different places, reading bio's, trying to match their specialty to my (perceived) needs. I had reached out to several offices, and because of insurance (some not taking mine), ended up with her. But I felt good about it.

Now, I just feel overwhelmed at starting over. I am hurt. I am angry. I am questioning if this is about me and my low self esteem, or if she is just a moron. My own counselor can't be there for me. What value does she place on me? It is a vicious circle in my head.

So, while it isn't the end of the world, I needed to vent it out. And say this: if you are in the business of counseling people, you have an obligation to be there consistently. If you can't, then have the courtesy of reaching out yourself and offering a referral. You have some insight into me, you know the names of the people in my life and who is what to who. I get to start over with my miserable story again, just when I thought I was on my way to starting to fix me. And dammit - this is hard.

April 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnon today

It is hard - very, very hard. But don't give up. It seems to have put your on the road to feeling better and is worth the effort of starting over. But I would start over. I don't think I would have the same trust again, and I think that it was handled very poorly on the counselor's part.

Don't give up. You are worth the effort.

April 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

This is absolutely ridiculous. What a way to establish trust with a new, vulnerable client. You do not want this woman as your therapist. She could have at least stuck her head outside her door and explained she was running over.

I went to four therapists very short-term before I found the one who really helped me. I still go once a month for a tune up -- I'm lucky my insurance covers it. One thing I did that helped me find the right therapist is to come up with a list of questions and interview them on the phone. It saves time and money. I asked them what THEY would ask a therapist to explore a potential good fit.

Don't give up. Jamie is right. You are worth it and unburdening things that are holding you back and learning to set boundaries can set you free. xoxox

April 17, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G.

Thank you! AND excellent suggestion Mrs. G on the list of questions. I AM going to work on that this weekend and see if I can come up with some things that will make me feel worth investing my time!

April 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnon today

Update....still trying to get my courage to call a new counselor (have gotten a referral, but need to see if she is accepting new patients )I. I know I need to go but am overwhelmed at the process.

April 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranon